“Watch your tone,” I warned, noticing how Adam was beginning to grow restless in my arms.
He repeated himself, this time softer, “The door is wide open. You can leave at any time.”
“Not without my son.”
“Adam stays here,” Sebastian growled. “He is a Wyvernbank Prince. This is his home.”
“His home is with his mother,” I hissed through clenched teeth.
“Why are you being so difficult?”
“I’m not being difficult. You’re the one being impossible.”
Sebastian snorted in derision. “Yeah? How so?”
“You want your son near you, but he won’t fully be accepted into the royal family until you make his existence known. But if you do that, you’ll be face to face with a scandal of having an illegitimate heir. But when I say I want to keep Adam in Sunyata, you outright refuse to let him stay with me. You want a son, but you won’t accept all of the responsibility.”
“Enough!” he snapped, voice echoing loudly off the ornately decorated walls.
“You’re ashamed of us,” I accused. “No, you’re ashamed of me.”
“Alison, stop.”
“Do you regret it? Sleeping with me, do you regret it? If you’d just left me alone, none of this would be happening. You wouldn’t be facing the backlash from having a bastard child. That’s the reason you haven’t told anyone about Adam. You’re afraid. You’re more afraid of what your people will say about you than actually loving him.”
Sebastian closed his mouth and stared at me, a fiery rage burning behind his eyes. His nostrils were flared, and his fists were clenched. “What the hell do you want from me? I’m trying to protect the two of you.”
“No, you’re not. You’re trying to stifle us. I bet you think gifting us expensive toys and jewelry and allowing us to live in a fancy house is a blessing. It’s just a bribe, Sebastian. A bribe to say quiet and out of the way.” Anger boiled in my chest. “Sooner or later, news about Adam is going to get out. It’s up to you how that happens. I guarantee you that won’t be the last nosy reporter to show up at our doorstep.”
“What do you propose I do then?” he growled bitterly. “You seem to have all the answers.”
“No more playing house,” I demanded. “Either reveal Adam to the royal family and your country, or I’m taking Adam home where we can live normal lives.”
“You’d take him from me?”
“This is no way to live, Sebastian. Yes, I’d take him if it’d mean he got to grow up happy.”
We looked at one another in stunned silence. Nothing but anger and disappointment and heartbreak seeped from my very pores. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I knew I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was surprised all the same. They had a saying in Wyvernbank: this was the moment the hat dropped. I raked my eyes over Sebastian, trying to concentrate on his face, but failing entirely. I could hardly bring myself to look him in the eye because I was so distressed, choosing instead to glare at his feet. This moment had been long time coming—the moment we realized that having a baby together wasn’t enough to keep us together. I cared for Sebastian, more than I ever realized, but I knew that I was right. In fact, I was pretty sure Sebastian agreed with me, judging by the dark look in his eye. We’d run out of options, and continuing to play at being the perfect little family was not one of them.
“I can’t…” Sebastian hesitated. “I can’t live without you both. But what you’re asking of me… It’s impossible. It’s one thing to reveal to my people about Adam. But the fact that you’re his mother is another issue entirely.”
“Because I’m not Wyvernian?”
“Yes,” he croaked. “The press would vilify you, Alison. They’d come up with all sorts of nasty accusations to pin you as some sort of seductress. You’d never know a moment’s peace for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t care,” I said adamantly. “I can’t continue to live like a prisoner here.”
Sebastian set his jaw and became deadly silent. I felt like I was looking at a complete stranger. My heart twisted in my chest so painfully that I thought I’d be sick. When did everything go so terribly wrong? When did Sebastian start looking at me with so much distrust? When did he stop touching me sweetly, gingerly like I was precious? When did he stop whispering kind words in my ear and attempt to make me laugh at every opportunity? When did we fall so awfully out of love?
He opened his mouth as though to speak, but said nothing, setting his jaw once again. He was so tense that I could see the muscles in his face clench tight. Finally, he turned on his heel and left, leaving Adam to cry in my arms. The door slammed shut behind him, the sound echoing in my mind with a terrifying finality.
28
Sebastian
I returned to my room in a huff. My actual room, the one that had originally been prepared for me. Sitting in one of the armchairs next to the window, just in front of an ornate glass coffee table that was piled high with sweets and savory snacks, I crossed one leg over the other and stared off into the distance at nothing. There was too much going on inside my head to really focus. In my angered state, I was hyperaware of everything. I could hear my heart beating loudly in my chest, could feel the rush of blood through my veins, was agitated by the sound of chirping birds just outside my bedroom window. I thrummed my fingers upon the armrest, deliberately digging my nails into the wood of the chair.
Deep down, I knew that Alison was right. We couldn’t keep living in secret like this. But even though she was speaking the truth, her words stung. I wasn’t ashamed of her or Adam. I didn’t care that Adam was only half-Wyvernian. That fact didn’t subvert his claim to the throne. But I didn’t like that Alison had given me an ultimatum. Had it been anyone else, they would have been punished for speaking to a member of the royal family with such disrespect. It was only a matter of time before I told everyone about my son, I’d just been putting it off. I hated to admit it, but I was scared. I didn’t care about my reputation. It wasn’t that great to begin with. But Adam was innocent in all of this. My greatest fear was that he’d grow up with the world’s eyes on him, watching his every move and judging him for every little misstep as they had with me. Maybe Alison was right. Maybe I needed to reveal the truth sooner rather than later. At least I’d be able to control how the information got out, could frame the narrative in as favorable a light as possible.
But what was going to happen to Alison? She was a strong woman, but also frustratingly stubborn. I genuinely cared for her too much to bear the thought of the media tearing her apart. I’d seen it happen before. Every now and then, a Wyvernian politician would be carelessly caught with a mistress—sometimes even two—and the press would go absolutely insane. They’d investigate every little detail about the woman to try to figure out who they were. Their lives were placed under microscopes, and the public had front row seats to the dissection. From their educational background, to who they hung out with as children, to what their parents did for a living, to minor run-ins with the law.
Nothing was off-limits.
Reporters could get exceptionally creative with their headlines. I was worried that if I exposed Adam to the public, and by extension Alison, they’d paint her as some sort of gold digger or promiscuous social climber. Alison was anything but. She was kind, sweet, and intimidatingly intelligent. But this was how the world of status worked. Nothing we did ever went unanalyzed, nothing we ever said went unnoticed. It was true Alison had experience dealing with public opinion as a diplomat, but this was a whole other level of scrutiny. She wasn’t ready for the potential backlash. What upset me most was that she thought she was. I didn’t want to see her torn apart.
There was a soft knock at the door.
“What?” I snapped harshly.
“It’s me,” said Patrick. “I have news from the court.”
I groaned in frustration. I had too much on my plate right now to worry about anything else. But if Patrick was addressing me personally, i
t was probably too important to ignore.
“Come in,” I grumbled.
Patrick stepped inside and closed the door behind him, remaining where he was by the door frame. I could recognize the look of pity in his eyes. He’d been with me through thick and thin, seen me at my worst and at my best. I probably knew him as well as he knew me, so there was really no need to ask me how I was doing. He could tell I was upset just by looking at me. Since he always had his ear to the ground, there was no doubt in my mind he’d learned about my argument with Alison.
He cleared his throat and said, “Ambassador Clavets has been asking for you.”
“What does he want?”
“I think you know.”
“Is it this whole marriage nonsense thing again?”
Patrick nodded his head solemnly. “I’m afraid he’s rather insistent. He’s been approved for an appointment to speak to the King about the whole ordeal.”
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “There’s no way my father would entertain that idiot.”
“Well, apparently that’s not the case. You know he’s been rather insistent about meeting with King Regis and proposing the marriage arrangement. He’s pleaded for months. They’re set to discuss wedding arrangements later this afternoon.”
I slumped in my seat and tilted my head back, staring at the ceiling in dismay. Why was it that everything that could go wrong was going wrong? What had I done to deserve any of this? Why, despite my station, did I feel so damn powerless and small? I didn’t think my brain could handle Alison’s ultimatum and Clavets’ proposed arrangement at the same time. There were too many big decisions to make in too little time. I felt stuck.
I felt stuck because I wasn’t ready to give Alison up. I thought if I had more time with her, maybe we could have been something more. I thought her moving to Wyvernbank with me and Adam would have changed things, cleared up our perspectives. After our night together in the bathroom, I thought for sure she still had feelings for me. The burning desire I felt for her had rekindled, a new hope alight within me. But now it was fading quickly, once again leaving me in the darkness of uncertainty.
I didn’t want to give up on Alison, but she had made it quite apparent that she was ready to move on.
“This is a nightmare,” I grumbled. “How do you and Klaus do it?”
“Pardon me?”
“You and Klaus. Do you two ever fight?”
Patrick shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable. “Sometimes. Well, actually, a lot. Especially lately. It’s been tough. Though I believe our circumstances are quite different from yours. We don’t have titles and obligations to worry about.”
“What about long-distance?” I inquired. “Alison obviously isn’t happy here. If I sent her back to Sunyata, do you think we could still be together?”
My advisor rubbed his chin, appearing deep in thought. “Klaus and I… We’ve managed to make it work, but only because we have a mutual understanding that if we drift apart, we’d be okay with it.”
“Seriously?”
“Long-distance relationships take effort, Sebastian. It’s not easy. Klaus and I understand that if we don’t work out, there’s no hard feelings.”
“Don’t you care about him?”
“Of course, I do. If things between us ended, I’d be incredibly disappointed. But if they did end, I think we’d both understand that we tried our very best. And, you know, so far so good. It’s a lot of texting and emails and video calls. Given our work situations, it can be a little difficult to find the time for one another. We live to serve. But I believe you and Miss Smith have a completely different dynamic. It wouldn’t be that simple.”
“Do tell.”
“You have a child together, for one. The moment Adam was born, he became your number one priority. That changes things.”
“I still care for her deeply.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared she’s going to run away again and take Adam with her.”
Patrick pressed his lips into a thin line. “There are ways to ensure she can’t do that.”
I raised a curious eyebrow. “What do you mean?”
“I can speak with your team of legal advisors on your behalf to discuss some options. If you want Prince Adam to stay in Wyvernbank, then I will see to it that it happens.”
“But what about Alison? There’s no way she’d agree to that.”
“Who do you care more about, Sebastian? Adam or Alison?”
My heart wedged itself into my throat. I sat there in silence for what felt like hours. I didn’t have an answer. “If you were in my shoes,” I asked instead, “what would you do?”
Patrick sighed and shook his head. “You’re not going to like my answer.”
“As my advisor,” I clarified, “what would you have me do?”
He frowned, eyes glazing over as he appeared to fall deep into thought. “I would advise you to consult the legal team and discuss concrete custody options. Prince Adam is the second in line to the Wyvernbank throne. It’s vital to secure his claim to it, and to do so, he must remain in the country to avoid external factors influencing him. We’re not currently at war with Sunyata, but I believe there is always the chance that—should Alison decide to take him back with her—that they could use Prince Adam against us if they were to find out about his royal status.”
My stomach grumbled in protest, not out of hunger, but because I was definitely about to be sick. “And as my friend? What would you have me do?”
Patrick raised his chin and looked at me, eyes as cold and calculating as ever. “As your friend, I want you to have custody of your son. Alison is a lovely woman, but she’s changed.”
“Changed? How?”
“She thinks with her heart, not her head. She isn’t the same woman. She’s not thinking logically because all she wants is to protect her son. It’s only natural, but she’s not thinking in the long-term.”
I rubbed my hands over my face and groaned. “You’re right. I don’t like your answer.”
“You have to choose, Sebastian. I’m just sorry you have to deal with such a burden.”
29
Alison
I felt like I was walking on a tightrope, seconds away from falling. There was no safety net, no harness to keep me from plummeting to my death. After our fight, Sebastian had to return to the palace for business. At least, that was what the house attendants told me. He’d left in such a hurry that the explanation for his sudden departure was equally as rushed. I’d confined myself to my room, lying in bed. Adam slept directly next to me, sucking on his thumb as he drooled onto the pillow supporting his head. I watched the child sleep, the sound of his soft snoring the only thing providing me comfort in this trying time. I was just so exhausted. I didn’t have any fight left in me. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and hope that I wouldn’t have to wake up the next morning to this nightmare.
My stomach was full of butterflies, and my heart kept skipping a beat as I tried to predict what Sebastian was going to do next. I couldn’t get a read on him. He wasn’t letting me in, and that was what scared me the most. There was no telling what he was thinking. He probably hated me for putting him and Adam in this situation, but I needed to put my foot down. I was tired of hiding, tired of the potential of being caught. The whole incident with the reporter freaked me out more than I let on. If a member of the press could find us once, I was sure it could happen again. Adam, Sebastian, and I would never be safe from prying eyes if we tried to keep things a secret. In my head, we only had two options. Either Sebastian allowed me and Adam to return home to Sunyata where we could lead normal lives, thereby removing all risk of scandal, or we could stay here and wait to be caught.
I could understand if Sebastian needed more time. This was a big decision. Even I didn’t know what I would have chosen if I were in his shoes. But somebody had to force a choice, had to draw a line in the san
d. It hurt me to see Sebastian so conflicted. I didn’t want him to feel like this—
like he was trapped in a corner with nowhere to go. All I wanted for us was to be happy. If only he hadn’t been born a Prince, maybe things could have been a lot simpler. If only we hadn’t met at all, none of this would have happened.
Except I didn’t regret meeting him. In the brief time Sebastian and I had together, he’d made me the happiest woman alive. I’d never felt so free, so adored before I fell into his arms. And he’d given me the most precious piece of my life.
Even now, Sebastian had provided Adam and I with a roof over our heads, all the food we could possibly ever want, and all the luxuries I’d otherwise never been able to afford. Sebastian was the kindest, most loving man I knew, and I was ruining him. I was ruining and hurting him just by being near him, and I couldn’t take it any longer. There were only two ways for this to end between us: we could either be together, or we’d never see each other again. Had it not been for Adam, I would have left the second Sebastian walked out the door.
“Miss Smith?” someone called to me from the hallway. I recognized the voice as Patrick’s.
“Yes?”
“May I come in?”
“The door’s unlocked.”
Patrick entered with a thick yellow envelope in his hands. His brows were drawn together into a small frown, concern written all over his face. I sat up in bed, butterflies threatening to burst right out of my chest.
“What is it?” I asked softly. I didn’t want to wake Adam. Patrick handed me the envelope. It was surprisingly heavy. I ripped open the top and pulled out a stack of documents, all of them covered in tiny print. “Patrick? What’s… What is this?”
“Custody paperwork,” he said calmly. “And a non-disclosure agreement.”
I shook my head. “What… What for?”
He sighed and looked at me apologetically. “Prince Sebastian has decided to keep Adam here in Wyvernbank. You, however, are free to return to your country.”
Royally Loved Page 48
