Maybe if I’d known about magic, I would have been able to avoid it. Maybe if I’d known, I would have known just how dangerous Sam could be…
Riley reached over, placing her hand on my free arm. “I’m sorry, Liv. I should have just told you the truth before. Screw whether or not you ever got magic, I knew that you wouldn’t tell anyone.”
She then looked down at her hand and seemed to almost jump at the realisation that she was touching me, before pulling back.
Dana turned to her with a raised eyebrow. “You know that’s illegal almost everywhere, Riley. You would have been putting both of you in danger.”
“Maybe. But it’s not like people haven’t taken that risk before.”
Before I could ask what Dana meant by ‘illegal’, Noah made his way over to the table.
He hesitated for a moment, looking at me, and Viktor and Riley either side of me, but then he simply sat down on Viktor’s other side without commenting and I let out a small breath of relief.
And then turned to catch Dana examining me once more, though she swiftly turned away as Viktor asked Noah how his morning was, and we all settled into a comfortably friendly conversation.
Dana caught up to me as I headed off to class.
“Hey, Liv,” she said, “what the hell was that at lunch?”
“What was what?”
“You sitting next to Riley instead of Noah.”
I shrugged. “Noah wasn’t there yet and Riley’s my friend. I wanted to catch up with her.”
Dana frowned. “Are you sure that’s it?”
I sighed. “Yes, why?”
“I’m just… Are you sure that you want to be with Noah?”
“Yes. We’ve been over this, Dana. I’m cursed. Maybe I would want to go a little slower if that wasn’t the case, but it is, and Noah is nice. And he cares about me. And he’s been asking me if I want this every step of the way. I’m just being overly anxious and difficult with being touched. Like any Litcorde is.”
She frowned. “Are you sure it’s just that?”
I shrugged. “What else would it be? Like I said, Noah is nice. This isn’t like with Sam, Dana. I’m not ignoring the fact that he’s an asshole. Noah really is nice and we get along and there’s no reason for me not to like him. It’s just nerves and I’ll get over those soon enough.”
“All right. If you’re sure…”
Chapter Seven
I frowned the next morning as Viktor and I arrived at breakfast, only to see Noah and Dana already there, but Riley was nowhere to be seen.
I sat down next to Noah, with no excuse not to. And as my conversation with Dana the day before had reminded me, I did want to be with him. This was just anxiety, and if I didn’t just face it head on, I would never be able to break this curse.
I turned to Dana before even touching my food. “Where’s Riley?”
“She wanted to get a head-start on a project for one of her classes, so she’s having breakfast in the library. She’ll be there for lunch as well.”
“Oh… Well, maybe we could have lunch with her. So that she’s not alone.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Liv. She was pretty adamant that she wanted time to herself to focus on her work.”
I had meant to follow Dana’s advice and leave Riley to her work, I really had.
But the mention of homework had reminded me that I had stacked up a fair bit myself.
I wasn’t used to having friends who actually wanted to talk to me, never mind one who shared my room, so while I usually just did my homework after school every day, now I was far more likely to spend my time arguing with Viktor over Minecraft shaders.
It was something that I could do while playing Minecraft, or working on my knitting, but not while trying to concentrate on my homework.
So, my homework just wasn’t getting done.
So, one evening in the library was probably a good idea to get back on top of everything again. And if Riley just happened to be there, then I guess I could also say hi.
But just ‘hi’. Then I would definitely focus on my homework.
I headed to the library, and soon found Riley over at the same table we’d been at the other day.
“Hey,” I said softly when I arrived, not wanting to disturb anyone.
Riley jerked her head up with a frown. “Liv? What are you doing here?”
I shrugged, my stomach sinking at her cold response. “I had some homework to complete, so I thought I’d come here to do it. I spotted you and thought I’d say ‘hi’. I’ll leave you to your work now, though.”
Riley sighed, looking away. “It’s just… It’s for the best, Liv. If we don’t hang around much for the time being, I mean. If you want to break this curse of yours, you need to focus on spending time with Noah. Not me.”
I frowned. “What do you mean? I can have friends and a boyfriend, Riley. It’s not an ‘either/or’ situation.”
“I know, and I’m not saying that we can’t hang out forever. Just… For the moment, okay? Please. I want you to be safe and I… This is better for me too.”
I just stared at her, having no idea what was going on. “You’re not going to explain this properly, are you? Even knowing that I don’t understand, and knowing how awful I feel when I get left in the dark like this.”
She sighed, refusing to look up from the book on her desk in front of her. “I’m sorry, Liv. But it’s better this way. I know that maybe if you weren’t Litcorde you would be able to figure it out, but… I wouldn’t want you to.”
“Right,” I said, not sure what else there was to say.
I didn’t really know how to navigate that. Maybe anyone else would know what the problem was. But if Riley wanted her privacy, that didn’t mean that I was allowed to violate it.
I just turned on my heel and headed out of the room.
I didn’t need to do my homework that badly and alternating between frenzied spurts of knitting and Minecraft seemed like a much better way to spend my night after that chat.
Chapter Eight
I spent the next day barely able to concentrate, yet still trying in an attempt to keep my mind from Riley’s absence and the fact that my date with Noah was that night.
Time seemed to alternate between taking too long, leaving me trapped in a hell of perpetual stress, and moving too fast, leaving too little time before my date.
Eventually, I found myself walking almost zombie-like back to my room to get changed.
“So,” Viktor said through the bathroom door while I stood inside, changing out of my uniform and into my nice dress, “where are you two going on your date? Are you actually heading off campus?”
“No. Apparently there’s some kind of party tonight?”
I opened the door once I was finally changed, moving onto my make-up.
Viktor frowned as he went to lean against the doorframe. “Out in the forest? Yeah, it’s technically an alignment ritual for students with elemental magic, but… Well, I guess the school tradition is for it to get a little wild.”
“I’m surprised the teachers leave it alone.”
“I think they tried to chaperone it in the beginning, but they quickly realised that they were throwing off the elemental students enough to stop the ritual from really working. And it’s not as if alcohol really affects those of us with magic, so even with the elemental magic itself making everyone a little giddy, no one’s ever out of it enough for anyone to get hurt.”
“Well, I guess that’s good.”
“Yeah… The thing is, I assumed Noah would want to take you somewhere more private, and so did Dana. We’re both going as well.”
“Oh. Well, I’m sure that it’ll be fine.”
“Riley also said that she was going to go.”
My hand stilled at that, stopping my eyeliner halfway across my eye.
“Well, I’m sure that it will be easy enough for her to ignore me. There’s bound to be enough people.”
Viktor frowned. “Ignore
you? Is that why she’s not been with us at meals? I was wondering what project could have her so busy this early in the year…”
I sighed, finishing up my make-up before turning to him. “That’s what she said. And don’t ask me why because I don’t know. She just said that she didn’t want to distract me from breaking the curse. As if I can’t have friends and date at the same time.”
“Yeah, that’s really weird… Do you think that she was lying?”
I shrugged. “That would make the most sense, wouldn’t it? But why? What could the real reason actually be? I mean, we were getting on okay, weren’t we? And I don’t remember doing anything that might have made her dislike me. But… Maybe I just didn’t notice. Maybe I said something that made sense to me but came across as rude.”
Viktor didn’t respond, and it was pretty obvious why. The best thing to do here would be to reassure me that that wasn’t the case, that there was no way that that had happened.
But I think we both knew just how likely it was.
Eventually, Viktor turned to me with a small smile as he brushed a loose strand of hair from his face. “Well, even if that is what happened, there will be more than enough space at the ritual tonight for you two to avoid each other if that’s what you want.”
“Well, it’s not what I want, but clearly it’s what she wants, so… As long as it won’t be awkward, I guess that’s the most that I can ask for.”
Viktor led me downstairs and outside, through to the trees, where I could hear the distant sound of music and laughter.
Yeah, if the teachers actually cared about shutting this thing down, they wouldn’t have a hard time finding it…
“There’s Noah,” Viktor said, nodding across the crowd as we arrived. There was a large bonfire set up, and I could just barely make out Noah past it. “I guess I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, see you later.”
At that, he headed off, and I watched him go, rather than go to meet Noah, seeing him meet up with both Dana and Riley.
My heart panged at the sight of my old friend, and I hesitated for a moment, before steeling myself and turning away, before she could spot my staring.
The point of being here was to see Noah, not to fixate on the fact that Riley wasn’t speaking to me.
So, I made my way across to the other side of the bonfire.
As soon as Noah saw me approach, his face lit up.
“Liv!” he cried with a grin as I approached. “You came.”
“Of course I did. I said I would, didn’t I?”
“Well, yes, I guess you did.” He ran his hand through his hair and I got the impression that either I was missing some context, or his statement of surprise hadn’t been meant literally.
I usually wasn’t so bad for being literal-minded. Context usually told me when to keep my mouth shut if I didn’t understand the real meaning.
But with half of my thoughts on Riley, I supposed I wasn’t firing on all cylinders.
“Here,” Noah said. “Let’s get a drink. The ritual will be starting soon.”
I nodded, following him as he made his way over to a group of girls, all with pointed ears and a selection of wooden cups resting on a tree stump.
“Any chance for a couple of drinks?” Noah asked as we arrived.
The girl closest to us nodded before turning to me. “I don’t recognise you. Are you new here?”
I nodded.
She smiled. “Well, be careful. These cups are attuned to the magic of tonight. They’ll make the effects more potent if you drink from them. And they’ll also add a kick if you ask them for an alcoholic drink.”
I nodded, recognising the same runes on the cups as on the ones in the school dining hall, and assuming that they worked the same way.
“Thank you,” Noah said as she passed us the cups before looking at his and saying “cider.” The cup filled, just like the ones in the dining hall, and I followed his lead.
“Red wine,” I said before glancing around the bonfire as I took a sip. I was just looking around to see how many other students there were, but my gaze fell quickly on Riley.
And she was already looking at me.
She jumped as soon as our eyes met and then spun on her heel, turning and heading off into the woods.
I frowned but was pulled from thoughts of her by a sigh beside me.
I sheepishly turned back to Noah, realising that he’d seen me looking.
“You should go and talk to her.”
“Who?”
“Riley.”
I shook my head. “She said that she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Did she tell you why?”
“No, just some nonsense about not wanting to get in the way of me breaking my curse.”
Noah frowned. “Curse? What curse?”
I sighed. I hadn’t exactly wanted to tell him the details, but I also didn’t want to lie. So, I shrugged. “My ex cursed me. Either I find someone to love in the next year, or the curse tears me apart or something. But it’s fine, Ms Griffin is looking into it, so she should be able to find someone to lift the curse without me having to do that.”
Noah’s frown deepened. “What if she can’t?”
“Well… I mean, if we’re still together in a year…”
Noah shook his head. “Except I’m not even sure that you like me. Not really.”
“What? Why would I be here if I don’t like you?”
He sighed. “Well, I think you like me as a friend, and if the curse allows for love between friends, then maybe that’s okay. But intent matters when casting spells and I don’t think that was what your ex intended.”
I looked away. “But you don’t think that I like you romantically?”
“Do you? Liv, when I kissed you, you tensed up like you wanted to be anywhere else.”
“Yes, but I’m Litcorde. I just don’t like touching.”
“Really? Because you didn’t pull away that fast when it was Riley touching you.”
“That’s different!”
“Yeah, I know. That’s my point.” He sighed. “Look, Liv, let’s just agree to be friends, okay? If you develop feelings for me later, then we can give this a go, but I don’t want you to pressure yourself.”
I sighed, almost every muscle in my body unclenching. I hadn’t even realised how tense I’d been until the wave of relief at his words almost caused me to pass out.
I took a deep drink of my wine.
“Thank you,” I eventually said. “You really are a good friend.”
He smiled. “Of course, I am. Now, go and speak to Riley. I really think you need to.”
I stared at my drink, the tension returning. “And what if she doesn’t want to talk to me?”
“Then she doesn’t want to talk to you. But I think you have to try.”
I just nodded before heading off in the direction I’d seen Riley go.
She hadn’t gone far, just enough to be out of sight of the others as she downed her drink.
“I thought the drinks here were strong,” I said as I approached. “You don’t want to get sick.”
Riley spun on her heels to face me. “Liv? What are you doing here?”
“I just… I saw you leave and wanted to make sure that you were okay.”
She frowned. “Shouldn’t you be with Noah? And I’m fine, really. I’m only drinking lager, so even magically boosted, it’s no stronger than regular wine.”
I nodded. “Okay, just as long as you’re not drinking yourself silly. And Noah and I decided just to be friends. Ms Griffin can lift the curse on me, so it’s fine. And we can go back to talking again now.”
Riley shook her head. “No, Liv, you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t have broken up with him just to be friends with me again. I don’t… I don’t think that we can be friends anymore, even if the curse isn’t an issue.”
“Wait, why not? Why are you pushing me away?”
“Because I can’t do this again, Liv! I can’t go back to the way
things were. I know it’s not your fault, but you get so intense with your friendships and…”
She trailed off and my throat stung with tears.
So, that was what I’d been doing wrong. I’d practically been some creepy stalker without realising it and I’d driven her away…
“Oh, I… I’m sorry. If you’d said that I was being clingy, I would have backed off. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. But… I’ll go. It’s okay, I won’t bother you again.”
I turned to leave, but Riley shook her head.
“No, Liv, it’s not– I was just– I’m in love with you!”
I stopped dead, turning back to her, sure that I’d heard her wrong.
She looked away, her cheeks bright red. “It’s not that I found you clingy. I just… It was too much. And not in a bad way. In a good way. But that was the problem. You were always there for me, and you said that you always wanted to be there. And when we were talking about just giving up on the idea of husbands and staying together… I knew that you meant it like a friend, but I didn’t. I wanted that, but when I pictured it, it wasn’t just friends living as housemates. It was wives raising a family.
“I figured that you would eventually find someone else and all of our plans would disappear, so… I had to leave. I had to go before I got too invested in this imagined future with you that would never happen.”
I frowned. “You thought that I would leave you for some guy? But I made you a promise. You really think I would have broken that promise?”
“Even once you found out that your friend was bisexual?”
“Why would I care about that? And again, that would be an awful reason to break a promise.” I sighed with exasperation. How could she not get that I wasn’t some asshole who would go back on my word? Didn’t she know me at all?
She just stared at me for a moment before laughing, the sound a little wet from tears that were welling in her eyes. “I guess you do always keep your promises, don’t you? But Liv, that would have been worse. If you had given up on something you wanted just for me…”
Starlight & Shadows: A Limited Edition Academy Collection by Laura Greenwood, Arizona Tape, Juliana Haygert, Kat Parrish, Ashley McLeo, L.C. Mawson, Leigh Kelsey, Bre Lockhart, Zelda Knight Page 30
