by Aron Lewes
Lyric laid a finger over her lips. “One question at a time, please. You’re getting me all confused.” Lyric shot another glance in the direction of Noxor. “And he’s creeping me out, to be honest. Is he just going to stand there and watch us?”
“Well, I can’t exactly run him out of the room. This is his castle.”
“Umm... okay.” Lyric sat down on the steps, and Aurora joined him. “So, what was the first thing you wanted to know?”
“What happened after I left? You were on the balcony with Medea and Charmaine, and—”
“Medea fired some red sparks in my direction... I guess it was magic. The spell missed, but I fell to the ground and played dead. That seemed to work.”
“And Meg? What happened to Meg?”
“Ah. The little old woman, right?” Lyric looked down at his fidgeting hands and sighed.
His sad silence made Aurora anxious. “What? What? What happened to Meg? She isn’t dead, is she?”
“No... no, I don’t think so, but I can’t say for sure. I had my eyes closed at the time. I think she was taken prisoner.” Lyric shook his head, as if ashamed of himself. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”
“No! Don’t apologize!” Aurora exclaimed. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I left, remember? I fled... and I’m so ashamed of myself for doing that.”
“Don’t be ashamed. There was nothing you could have done.” Lyric took Aurora’s hand gave it a little squeeze. “By the way, I’m sorry to hear about your friend Molly. You must be terribly sad.”
“I am.”
“I‘m sorry,” Lyric repeated, after which he was quiet for several seconds. He wasn’t skilled at uttering words of consolation. “Anyway, after Medea left with Meg, there was still Charmaine to deal with.”
“Oh! Charmaine!” Aurora had all but forgotten about him.
“He thought I was dead, so he was going to fetch someone to clear my corpse. Well... as soon as he got up, I got up too. I grabbed Meg’s wand, pointed it at his face, and pretended like I knew how to use it.”
She didn’t feel the least bit sympathetic for Prince Charmaine.
“And I told him to strip.”
“What?!”
“I was wearing a dress, remember? I didn’t want to arrive at my next destination looking like a woman!”
“Oh...”
“I feel sorry for Cydney, though. When she woke up and saw him in his knickers, she fainted again. Poor girl. I nearly fainted at the sight myself! Such scrawny, hairy, chicken legs. I hope you don’t have to marry the fellow!”
“In light of everything that’s happened, something tells me I’m exempt from the whole betrothal thing,” Aurora suggested with a sigh.
“Oh, right. That makes sense. Anyway...” Lyric started rubbing his chin, which was now covered in stubble. “After I took his clothes, I went to find you.”
“Right. Which raises another question...”
“It does?”
“How in the world did you find me?”
“Oh... mmm-hmm... yeah... you would wonder that...” He kept rubbing his chin and shaking his head, as if he was nervous. “Well, it’s a little embarrassing to admit.”
“It is?”
“Well...” Lyric took a deep breath and crossed his arms. “Remember the magic urn? I sort of, uh... I used it to find you.”
“You what?!”
“I used it to find you,” Lyric repeated, even though she heard him clearly the first time.
“You used your wish to find me?”
He nodded.
“I thought you were going to use your wish to get back home?”
“Yeah, well... I was. But I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I was a little bit worried about you, so—”
“Awww, Lyric!” Aurora clapped her hands to her cheeks. “How sweet of you! I’m touched!”
Lyric leapt up so fast, he nearly toppled down the stairs. After he regained his balance, he stammered, “W-well... let’s not... let’s not make a big fuss over it. It’s really not that big of a deal, is it? So what?”
“It’s really sweet, though. I didn’t think you cared about me that much!”
Lyric raked a hand across his lips, muffling a nervous cough. “Well... y’know... like I said, I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time. I was rattled. If I had thought it through for a moment, I’m sure I would have done the logical thing.”
Aurora frowned. “Coming to find me wasn’t logical?”
“Okay! Change of subject!” Lyric declared. He offered Aurora a hand and helped her to her feet. “While I was in the process of pinpointing your location, I also did some reconnaissance.”
“Reconnaissance?”
“Not familiar with the word?”
“No, I’m familiar with it. I’m just not sure what you mean.” Aurora rolled her eyes. He was the same Lyric as ever. She wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or vexed.
“I asked around, and I found out some information about your town, Avalon.”
“You did?!”
He nodded. “Apparently, it’s about a hundred miles east of here, so I thought... if we traveled at least ten miles a day—maybe more—we could get there in about a week!”
“Oh...” Aurora sighed.
“What? You’re unhappy?”
“A hundred miles doesn’t sound like a LOT to you?”
“Yes. Of course it does. But Charmaine’s shoes are quite comfy!” Lyric said, pointing and flexing his toes as he spoke.
“Well, at least we have something to go on. Are you going to come with me?”
“No, actually. I used the lamp to find you because I thought it would be a clever waste of a wish.” Lyric rolled his eyes. “Of course I’m going with you! Why else do you think I’m here?”
“Okay! But you don’t have to be a smart ass!”
“I’m always a smart ass.” He winked at her. “And you love it.”
“No, I don’t!” Aurora grunted at Lyric and descended the staircase. She went over to Noxor, who was standing in the middle of the foyer, still puzzled by Lyric’s presence.
“That is... a friend of yours?” Noxor inquired.
“I guess you could say that.”
“A... boyfriend?”
Aurora sighed. “Why does everyone always think he’s my boyfriend? He’s not.”
Lyric bounded down the stairs and joined Aurora at the bottom. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and said, “No, she just wishes I was her boyfriend. She’s in constant denial of her lust for me because it’s so very unfamiliar to her.”
Aurora rammed her elbow against Lyric’s midsection. So much for a happy reunion!
“So...” When Lyric spoke again, he sounded slightly more serious. “So explain to me why we’re conversing so casually with one of your aunt’s, uh, minions.”
“Who, Noxor? He doesn’t work for my aunt.”
“Ohhh...” Lyric grimaced as he stared into the dark fissure of Noxor’s hood. “Um... okay.”
“In fact, I owe him a lot. He’s helped me a lot.” She didn’t think it would be polite to mention that his breakfast sausage made her stomach gurgle. “Thanks for everything, Noxor. I really appreciate it.”
“Are you... leaving?”
“I think so. At least now I have a destination.”
Noxor caught Lyric staring at the exposed part of his hand, so he tucked his arm behind his back. “May I come with you?”
“Oh!” Aurora exclaimed, taken aback by his request. “Of course! You really want to come?”
“I do.”
“Then the more the merrier!”
“Uhhh...” Lyric held up a finger. “Am I going to have a chance to protest?“
“Why would you protest?”
“When someone usually says the more the merrier, the company in question is usually a little, uh... merrier.”
“Don’t be prejudiced, Lyric!” Aurora admonished him. “You don’t know Noxor! Besides, you haven’t exactly been spewing tons
of merriment, and I don’t mind traveling with you!”
“Very well,” Lyric capsized with a sigh. “But if that thing kills you when you’re trying to sleep, don’t say I didn’t warn you!”
Chapter Seven
I
“DID CREEPY HAVE TO come with us?” Lyric jerked a thumb over his shoulder. Noxor was walking—or floating—several feet behind them. “I know you said you wanted him to come, but to be honest, he makes me a little uncomfortable.”
“Well, I couldn’t say no, could I? That would have been rude.”
“Of course you can say no! I say no to people all the time! It comes with the job. I can’t be an emperor and say yes all the time, can I? If I did, I’d have flies in my pockets, and heads would be rolling in the streets!”
“Anyway, he has a name.”
“Who, Creepy?”
“Yes!” Aurora sighed. “His name’s Noxor!”
“Well, he’ll always be Creepy to me. You know I’m terrible at remembering names...”
She sighed again. “Oh, Lyric... it’s so good to have you back.”
“Thank you. I’m happy to be back.”
“I was being sarcastic.”
They’d been traveling for almost an hour, her feet were aching, and Lyric had already gotten on her nerves at least a dozen times. As much as she missed him when he was gone, she wished he would close his mouth for a few minutes. A moment of silence would have been a blessing.
“Anyway,” Aurora spoke again, “I feel sorry for Noxor! I’m concerned about him, and I want to help him. I really don’t mind if he tags along.”
“Well... I mind! His presence is destroying our chemistry.”
“Oh?” Aurora chuckled. “How do you figure? Aren’t we bickering like we always do?’
“Concerned for him...” Lyric repeated with a snort. “You were never concerned for me! And you want to help him? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. When you were a little girl, I bet you rescued little birdies that fell from their nests, didn’t you?”
That was, in fact, true. She was always bringing home injured animals and tending to their wounds. But Aurora didn’t give him the satisfaction of an answer.
“I bet you’d be concerned for the troll, too,” Lyric grumbled.
“The troll?”
“Yes. The troll that took the clothes off of my back. How soon you forget.”
Aurora stopped walking, took off her shoe, and shook out a pebble. “Lyric, do you even know where we’re going? I don’t want to end up walking the in wrong direction for ten miles. I don’t think these shoes are going to hold up.” She pointed to a hole in the sole of her slipper.
“Umm... yes. Yes! Of course I know which way we’re going! This is east, and the west is behind us, and, uh...” He scratched his head. “Okay, let’s just say I’m about seventy percent sure.”
“That means there’s a thirty percent chance you’re wrong!”
He grabbed the slipper from her hand and got down on one knee, offering to slide it on her foot. “Well, it’s always a good idea to leave room for error. I don’t want you to blame me if I’m wrong!”
As she slipped her foot into the shoe, her ankle brushed against his fingers. The resulting giggle was poorly timed, but she couldn’t help it. She was very ticklish. Lyric was still kneeling in front of her when Aurora turned to Noxor. “Do you have any input on the direction we’re heading?”
“I think your friend might be right. I think we’re heading east.”
“Okay, well... that’s somewhat reassuring.” Aurora patted the top of Lyric’s head. “I guess I owe you an apology, Lyric. But I still think it’d be a good idea if we stopped to ask for directions.”
“Riiiight.” Lyric was rolling his eyes as he rose to his feet. “Because there are SO many people you can ask when you’re in the middle of the woods!”
Noxor spoke up again. “Actually, I think there’s a town in this general vicinity. If we keep heading east, we should eventually stumble upon it.”
“Really?” Aurora linked arms with Lyric as they continued their trek. “Well, that’s good to know.”
“However, you might be shocked by the appearance of its residents,” Noxor went on.
Lyric laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean? Do I detect some inbreeding? Do people have arms growing out of the tops of their heads? I can’t imagine they’d be more shocking than you, uh... Necksore.”
“Noxor,” Aurora corrected him. “And please don’t be rude! Noxor’s our guest!”
“I bet our guest wishes he could turn around and go home right about now. I’m sure he’s sick of our aimless voyage.”
Irritated, Aurora sucked in a sharp breath. “It’s only aimless because you didn’t ask for directions when you had a chance!”
“I did ask for directions, remember? I found out that Avalon was east of here! Forgive me if I’m not a human compass!”
Aurora could hear Noxor sighing behind them. He must have been getting tired of their bickering. “Well, you could have asked someone to point you in an easterly direction...”
“And who was I supposed to ask? Huh? The leader of the angry mob? Maybe he could’ve given us a care package for the road? A nice basket of fruits... a gift from his missus?” Lyric grumbled something under his breath. “Do you have to argue with me about everything?”
“You’re blaming this argument on me?”
“As a matter of fact... yes! You’re the one picking on me for not knowing what direction we’re going, and yet... I’m the one doing you a favor! I don’t have to be here!”
“You don’t want to be here?”
“Well...regardless of whether I want to be here or not, the fact remains: I’m still doing you a favor! I’m taking you back home, right? You could stand to be a bit nicer to me!”
Aurora grunted. “Ditto!” They were still linking arms, so she uncoiled her elbow from his. When it was freed, she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. “If you don’t want to be here... you can go. No one’s forcing you to stay.”
“What? Who said I wanted to go?!”
“I can just travel with Noxor. He’s quiet. I’m sure it would be a very peaceful trip.”
Had he bothered to look over at her, Lyric might have noticed the tears in her eyes. But he was too incensed to notice. “You WANT me to leave? I’ll go, if that’s what you want!” He started to walk off in the opposite direction, but Aurora grabbed his shirt and reeled him toward her.
“I don’t want you to go!”
“Oh, you don’t?” Lyric shrugged. “You could have fooled me! I’ll guess I’ll never understand the inner workings of a woman’s mind.” He glanced over his shoulder, directing his next question at Noxor. “What about you?”
Noxor breathily responded. “Me?”
“Do you know what makes a woman tick, or are you just as clueless as I am?”
“I... I, uh...” Noxor didn’t know how to answer the question, so he decided to distract Lyric with a new topic. “I think we’re here.”
“Oh, we are?” When Lyric turned around, he gasped. While he was looking over his shoulder, they’d wandered into a small village. There were about a dozen huts, varying in appearance, built around an giant tiki totem. There were grass huts, straw huts, stone huts—but they all had one thing in common. They were tiny. “Who could possibly live in houses that small?!”
Aurora tapped him on the shoulder. “Uh, Lyric?”
“What?”
Aurora pointed to one of the town’s “residents,” and they immediately understood why Noxor had forewarned them. They had just wandered into a town of well-dressed, bipedal, porcines.
“W-walking pigs.” Lyric’s voice squeaked when he spoke. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing, or have I gone mad?”
“Nope.” Aurora shook her head. “Those are definitely walking pigs.”
Lyric balled his fists and rubbed his eyes several times. When he stopped, the pigs were still there.
Walking. Talking. Wearing straw hats.
“Honestly...” he said with a sigh, “why can’t we stumble upon anything remotely normal for a change?!”
II
AURORA GRABBED LYRIC’S sleeve and proceeded to drag him into the town. “Well, we can’t dwell on it forever...”
“Can’t dwell on it?!” Lyric shrieked. “How can you act like this is normal? We just happened upon a town of walking pigs—walking pigs—and you don’t think I should dwell on it?”
“After everything we’ve been through, nothing surprises me.”
“Well.” Lyric nodded. “You have a point.”
“Stop.” It was Noxor’s voice that halted him.
Before they went any further, Aurora turned toward him. “What? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t go. I can’t follow you into town.”
Aurora’s brow was pinched. “Why not?”
“They won’t take kindly to someone who looks like me.”
Lyric laughed. “Are you serious? We’re talking about walking pigs, right? If I was doling out awards for off-putting appearances, you’d be in a dead heat with these guys!”
Aurora ignored Lyric and continued to address Noxor. “But it’s late. We’ve been walking all day. Don’t you think we should find someplace to rest?”
“I need neither rest nor refreshments. I will wait on the outskirts of town. When you’re finished with your business, depart from the east. I will come find you.”
“What? Wait!” Aurora’s protest didn’t mean anything to Noxor, who had already drifted away as soon as he was finished speaking. She quickly lost sight of his billowing black robes.
Lyric wrapped an arm around Aurora’s shoulders. “I guess it’s just you and me, huh? And that’s the way it should be, if you ask me.”
She shook him off. “Yeah. But I feel guilty. Noxor was our traveling companion, and—”
“Good riddance to creepy rubbish. Anyway...” He turned his attention back to the bustling town of swines. “I could really go for some bacon right about now. Or pork. Ham...”
Aurora gasped. “Lyric, don’t be a jerk! I’m going to ask someone if there’s a pub around here.”
“You’re going to ask a pig if there’s a pub? A pig pub? Do you think they sit around drinking ale? With hoof hands?! How do you think they do it?”
