by K. Webster
She giggles. “My very own swing set?”
“You might have to share with Sebban,” I say with a chuckle. “He’s a rowdy boy who loves to play outdoors too. But he likes to play with worms and chase ducks.”
Another giggle. It’s a balm to my soul.
“Can we go fishing?” she asks, pointing to the river.
“One day. My best friend Cal likes to fish and so does his dad. Maybe we can buy some supplies and they can teach us.” I grin at her. “Sebban can catch all the worms for us to use for bait.”
She’s all smiles as she plays on the sandy riverbank, digging with a stick as she searches for fishing worms. I spend every bit of that half hour Renee gave me watching my little girl. I’m in awe that she’s mine. When it’s time to leave, a deep ache forms in my chest. I want to keep her forever. Samantha assures me it’s all being processed properly. It just feels like it’s taking too long. Zella deserves to be here all the time with me. Safe. Happy. Loved.
“Want a piggyback ride?” I ask.
Zella squeals with laughter. “Yes!”
I scoop her up and place her tiny body on my shoulders. She gently holds on to my head unlike the way Sebban will try and claw your eyeballs out. I grip her legs to keep her from falling. We take our time making it back to Renee. When Renee sees us, she grins.
“Had fun?”
“Daddy is going to let me play outside all the time,” Zella tells Renee.
“All the time, huh?” Renee teases. “What about sleep?”
“We can sleep in a tent!” Zella exclaims.
We all laugh. I pull Zella off my shoulders, hugging her to me. She hugs me back, making my eyes tear up.
“It’s all gonna work out,” I murmur, hoping to assure her, but mostly assuring myself. “You have to trust me. Okay?”
I don’t want to let her go.
I have to.
With a quick kiss pressed to her forehead, I set her back down to her feet. “I’ll see you real soon. I promise.”
Her smile fades and the light in her eyes dims.
I take it upon myself to buckle her into her booster seat, saving Renee the trouble. Taking hold of Zella’s small hand, I give it a squeeze.
“Soon,” I vow.
“I don’t want to leave.” Her bottom lip wobbles as fat tears well in her eyes.
“I know. I don’t want you to either.” With emotion clogging my throat, I release her, trying hard not to watch that tear race down her cheek.
As soon as I close the door, Renee drives off. I wave at Zella and then a tear of my own leaks free. I’ve got to get her back.
We both need each other.
My body is trembling, even after I drop down onto my bed. I grab my phone and shoot Penny a text.
Me: I got to see her. She called me Daddy. Fuck. It sickens me to send her back to that motherfucker. Please call me. I fucking miss you.
Penny: I miss you too.
I almost can’t believe she’s responded to me.
Me: You can’t shut me out, baby. Come over.
Penny: Grounded. I have to help unload groceries. Later, Smash.
She’s still being short and distant, but this is a start. I’ve given her space, but I’m about to invade it once again. A world without Penny English feels too empty.
Penny
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Terrence texts me, calming me instantly.
Smash: This swing set has a fort and a rock climbing wall. Is it better than the one with the monkey bars?
Me: Fort for sure.
Smash: Thanks, babe.
Anxiety claws its way through me, poking holes in my resolve. I’ve been stressed as hell ever since waking up in Jack’s bed on Monday morning. I made it all the way until Friday without a text from him. Earlier, while in school, I received a request to sit for him again.
Dread consumes me.
I should come clean to Terrence or Dad. Let them know that man moved me into his bed. Has touched me and threatened me and scared the living shit out of me. It would save me the terror of seeing Jack again. They’d forbid me to ever go again and that would be it. I’d be safe.
But what about Zella?
She has no one.
I can’t leave her there with him.
Bitter tears sting my eyes. I want to go to Terrence’s like he’s been begging since Wednesday and crawl into his bed. I want him to hold me together. He fills me with such peace. Without spending time with him all week, I’ve felt anything but peaceful. I’m lost and drifting in a sinking ship, alone and afraid.
Swallowing down all my apprehension, I turn off my Jeep and climb out. Jack’s house seems to pulse with warning. My heart hammers in my chest and a cold sweat breaks out over me. A whine crawls up my throat, but I swallow it down.
I can do this.
I have to.
Lifting my chin, I march my way to the front door. Before I came over, I drank a ton of coffee. My nerves are jittery, but I’ll be damned if I fall asleep again in the monster’s lair. It takes everything in me to knock. Heavy footsteps thud closer. I almost turn on my heel and take off running.
Don’t.
You have to stay for her.
Jack answers the door dressed in a crisp dress shirt. He seems annoyed at my tardiness yet doesn’t breathe a word. “Dinner is in the oven. Comes out in a few. I have a date and I’m late.”
Who would ever willingly date this pot-bellied pervert is beyond me.
“When will you be home? I’ll need to tell my dad. He almost made me quit because of the other night,” I say, pinning him with my fiercest glare.
That didn’t happen, but I need him to think my dad knows where I come to babysit. I dread what Jack would do if he knew I was sneaking over here and no one knew my whereabouts.
“Around midnight,” he says coolly, ignoring my insinuation about what happened last time.
He grabs his keys and leaves without another word. Relief floods through me. The buzzer goes off in the kitchen. I pull out another frozen lasagna that looks disgusting.
“Hi, Penny,” Zella says, appearing in the kitchen.
“Hey, Princess Z.”
We both crinkle our noses to the food.
“Can we go on an adventure?” she asks.
“What sort of adventure?”
“To the park,” she suggests, her brown eyes wide with hope.
I toy with her curls. “How about we get food and find a place to play? Sound fun?”
“Yes!”
“Hurry. Go grab your shoes and coat.”
She scurries off. I go to dump the food in the trash but notice some mail in the bin. I snag the mail out before dropping the lasagna inside. Quickly, I leaf through the stack until I notice something addressed to Lacey that’s been forwarded. The address it was originally sent to matches where she sent Terrence letters from. Terrence told me the PI said new people have been renting the house since May, which was about the time Jack left, but he hasn’t been able to find out where Lacey and Vicki went. There’s still so much to discover.
I shove the envelope to Lacey in my pocket. Zella and I leave. I’m glad I keep a booster seat in my Jeep for when I babysit Sebban. Once I have her buckled in, I drive her through town to a chicken restaurant that has an indoor playground. She’s well-behaved and acts like this is the most exciting thing she’s ever done. I wish I could call Terrence to have him join us, but that would ruin everything.
Terrence would freak out.
Forbid me to come back.
As much as it pains me, I refrain from calling him. Instead, I grab us food and then we sit inside the play area. She eats quickly so she can go play. There are a few kids near her age and she happily joins them. I pull the envelope out and open it. It’s a personal check written from a Mary Stevens for a couple of hundred dollars. In the memo line, she says it’s for the mural painting in April. A letter is attached.
Lac
ey,
Hey, hon. You must have lost the last three checks I’ve sent for your work last spring. Larry thinks you’ve moved or something and to put a stop payment on this check too. I owe you for the work, though, and I know you’ve got a little girl to take care of. If you happen to get this, please cash this check or at least call me. If you’d rather have cash, we can work that out too. I’m worried about you. My friend Leah is also wanting some custom work done. I could refer you to her. Please come by the house or call. My number is at the bottom.
Mary
I take a picture of the check and letter before shoving them both inside the envelope and putting it inside my hoodie pocket. While Zella plays, I research on my phone. I don’t find any ads or anything regarding Lacey and her custom work. Everything is such a mystery and I hate it.
Zella comes back to drink her orange soda, her eyes filled with childish delight that looks good on her.
“Hey,” I say, patting the bench beside me. “Can I ask you a question?”
She plops down next to me and nods while sipping her drink.
“Where do you think your mommy went?”
Her smile fades and she breaks my stare, dropping her chin to her chest. She shrugs. “She’s lost.”
“Where could she have gone?” I probe. “Did she have any friends?”
“She said Grandma and I were her only friends.” She peers up at me, a troubled expression in her eyes.
“Did she ever say where she wanted to go?”
“Hood River,” she squeaks out.
“Do you think she’s here but lost?”
“Daddy says we’ll find her.” She chews on her bottom lip. “Will we?”
“Daddy Terrence?”
She nods.
“I hope so,” I utter. “I think she’s just scared. Your grandfather can be scary.” A shudder ripples through me.
“Can I go play?”
I stifle a sigh. “Sure.”
She plays for a good solid two hours. Eventually, as it creeps close to nine, I decide I need to get her back home. Jack will be home around midnight and I don’t want to cut it too close.
I check my texts to see if I’ve missed any from Dad. Thankfully, I haven’t. I lied to him that I was going to hang out with Charlotte tonight. Straight to his face. He’d been distracted by his dumb girlfriend Elise, so he nodded, not bothering to check out my answer. At least I don’t have to worry about that on top of everything else.
We dispose of our evidence, but I let her smuggle the toy from her kid’s meal in her pocket. The drive back to her house is filled with happy chatter. How she made friends and it was the best adventure ever. My heart his full until I pull into the driveway.
Fuck.
Jack’s car is on one side of the driveway and I have no idea how long it’s been there. He hasn’t texted me, which makes me nervous.
“Oh no,” I whisper. “Your, uh, grandfather is home.”
Zella sucks in a fearful breath, killing me in the process. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have left with her. Fuck.
I could turn around and go straight to Terrence’s…
But what if that messes up everything?
Could that be considered kidnapping?
If I ruined his chance at getting Zella, I’d never be able to live with myself.
“It’s okay,” I assure her as I hop out of the Jeep and rush to unbuckle her. “We just tell the truth. We didn’t do anything wrong.”
She’s quiet and clutches onto my hand too hard for someone so small. My heart shatters with every step toward the house. As soon as we reach the front door, it opens.
Wild.
Furious.
Manic.
It’s my gut instinct to stand between them. She cowers behind me as I face off with the dragon. He’s snarling and stinks of liquor.
“The lasagna didn’t turn out,” I say, keeping the quiver out of my voice. “We went to the chicken place to eat and play.”
“She’s not allowed to leave,” he seethes, his face turning purple with fury.
“That’s my fault.” I lift my chin as we walk inside. “I’m sorry.”
“Zella!” he booms, making me jump and her squeak. “You know better! There are rules and you fucking know better!”
Zella starts to whimper, which makes me panic.
“I said it’s my fault,” I bark at him. “I’m the one in charge when you’re gone and I needed to feed her. Take it out on me, not her. Cut my pay or fire me, but don’t take it out on her!”
“Go to your room,” he bellows. “I’ll deal with your ass later!”
Zella runs off crying, taking my heart with her. At least he’s not chasing after her. I can deal with him a million times better than she can.
“Please don’t punish her for my mistake,” I say, drawing his attention back on me. “She doesn’t deserve—”
With surprising quickness and force, he backhands me. I hit the coffee table hard with my head and black out.
I feel sick to my stomach when I come to. I’m in Jack’s arms as he carries me to the sofa. The room spins, making me want to vomit. He drops onto the sofa, holding me to him.
“Fuck, I just miss her,” he says, tears rolling down his cheeks.
His touch makes my nerves go haywire, but I’m afraid to move. And whenever he mentions Lacey, I feel like I need to endure so I can find information.
“W-Who?”
“My daughter. Lacey.” He sobs. “We were going to have a baby together.”
I shudder in his arms at his words. It was one thing reading it from Lacey’s letter, but hearing it is something else. He’s a disgusting pig. His fingers clumsily stroke through my hair in my ponytail. I’m a rabbit caught in a wolf’s mouth, his teeth nearly puncturing my flesh. One wrong move could turn badly for me.
“Where did she go?”
He continues to cry. “Now they’re going to take away Zella too. Why can’t I just have my family? I’ll be left all alone.”
I squirm in his grip, hating the throbbing inside of my head that he caused. “She’s hiding from you?”
“I did nothing but love her!” he yells, spittle showering over my face. “I don’t deserve this!”
“Maybe she’ll come back,” I lie. “If you were going to have a baby together. Plus, she loves Zella. She’ll want her back. Do you think she’s in Hood River?”
He shrugs, wiping at the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry I yelled. There’s money on the table. From Sunday night too.” His eyes lock onto mine. “You remind me of Lacey. I just wanted to hold her. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
I want to scream in his face that he’s done nothing but scare me since the day I met him. I bite my tongue.
“Go on,” he says, giving my thigh a squeeze. “I’ll text you next time I need you to watch her.”
I climb off his lap, thankful to be out of his arms, but nearly topple over from dizziness. After I collect the money, I rub at my head that now has a knot. “It wasn’t Zella’s fault. Please don’t punish her. Please.”
He rises to his feet, swaying slightly, his dick tenting his slacks. “I could be persuaded not to.”
I stumble backward, raising both hands in the air. “I’m a virgin!”
“Oh, Penelope.” He chuckles. “I’m not a bad man.”
Liar.
“Please,” I beg. “It’s not her fault.”
His fingers bite into my jaw and he presses a disgusting, sloppy kiss on my lips. I freeze, horrified. A rank tongue plunders into my mouth, making me gag. He pulls away and smiles as though he thinks I’m the prettiest thing he’s ever seen.
“Apology accepted,” he says. “Go on before I forget I’m not a bad man.”
I don’t need to be told twice.
Fleeing from his house, I choke back the sob claiming me. I’m lightheaded from being hit and disgusted from his kiss. I hate Jack Henderson with everything in me. He deserves to rot in prison.
The police.<
br />
I could go to them. Tell them all about his advances and abuse. Maybe then he’d be taken away in cuffs. Zella would be handed over to Terrence. Everyone would be happy.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I head to the police station. I’m not a huge fan of the cops because one of my sister’s rapists was one, but I have to hope that justice will prevail. I claim a parking spot up close and then make my way inside, fighting wooziness.
“I need to speak to a police officer,” I tell the elderly receptionist.
Her eyes sweep over me, lingering at my cheek and nods. “Of course, hon. I’ll find someone available.”
After an hour of waiting, I’m called back to an office. A man with a receding hairline and thick black mustache offers me a seat.
“I’m Officer Browne. What can I help you with today?”
“I want to file a report.”
“For?”
“Kidnapping and child abuse.” I lift my chin, daring him to argue.
He barks out a laugh. “These are strong allegations. Who is it you want to report?”
Unease slides through my veins. He studies me with mild interest and a hint of amusement. I want to rip his mustache off.
“The man I babysit for. He’s kidnapped the girl and—”
“His daughter,” he interrupts. “Go on.”
I grit my teeth, glaring at him. “Granddaughter.”
He doesn’t flinch. “So her grandfather kidnapped her?”
“Yes.”
“Where are her parents?”
“Her mother is missing and her father is trying to get custody.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Let me guess. You’re the girlfriend?”
I blink at him in shock. How in the hell could he have possibly known that? I’m stunned speechless.
“Listen here, kid,” Browne says. “I’ve been down this road more times than I can count. The dad is a piece of shit who isn’t allowed to see his kid. You’re dating said piece of shit. Probably knocks you around a bit based on the shiner forming on your cheek. You think you’ll somehow earn his love and affection if you help him win his kid back.” He shakes his head. “I can help you file a domestic violence report against the father, but I’m not going to put the child back in the hands of a monster.”
