“You have no need to continue trying to improve the situation,” he told himself, firmly, walking in the opposite direction from Miss Bavidge. “You did nothing wrong. There is no reason for your guilt.”
But, try as he might, such a feeling would not leave him. Even though he did not see Miss Bavidge for the rest of the evening, and even though he danced with many other young ladies, the feelings of guilt and regret continued to bury their way into his soul. Miss Bavidge had done nothing wrong and had committed no crime, and yet she bore the brunt of her father’s poor behavior. Lord Hawkridge stayed away from London whilst she attempted to navigate through society, clearly seeking a match for herself. A match that might never occur, given just how little aid she was being given by her chaperone, whoever that was to be. His heart twisted again as he recalled just how bitterly Miss Bavidge had spoken of her chaperone, telling him outright that they cared nothing for her now that they saw just how blackened her reputation was.
Perhaps you should do something more for the girl.
Nathaniel shook his head, rubbing at his forehead with the back of his hand. Now he was being foolish. He had no reason to involve himself with Miss Bavidge, particularly if there was the danger of her realizing who he was and what role he had played in her father’s downfall.
So why could he not remove her face from his mind?
Chapter Three
“My goodness, is that…?”
Emma came to a sudden stop at the sight of her quarry, whom she had been unable to catch the attention of over the last few days. Lady Smithton was walking alone through St James’ Park, her face tipped towards the sky without so much as a parasol in her hand to hide her face from the sunshine.
Much to Emma’s embarrassment, Lady Smithton halted in her walk and looked directly at Emma and her companion, Miss Westerly, whom Emma had become only recently acquainted with.
“Is there something you wish to say to me?” Lady Smithton asked, a sharpness to her tone that had Emma’s cheeks flaring hot. “I know that there is a rumor going around London about the passing of my husband, but I can assure you that such rumors do not influence me in the slightest. I am also aware that Lady Blakely has decided that I am rude and cold in my manner and so has been speaking of such things to anyone who will listen. Nothing has affected me as yet. Therefore, you are welcome to tell whomever you wish that you have seen me and even spoken to me, if you wish it, but pray, desist your gawping!” She arched a brow, now looking from Miss Westerly to Emma and back again. “Not only it is unspeakably rude, but it is also entirely unladylike for two young ladies such as yourselves.”
Utterly mortified that Lady Smithton had heard her whisper so loudly, Emma was about to apologize and, thereafter, turn on her heel and hurry away, only to recall just how desperate she was for any sort of aid. Whilst she had made a very poor first impression, she could not allow such an impression to stand, and nor could she allow this chance to pass without being open and honest with Lady Smithton about her hope that she might assist Emma with regaining her status somewhat within society.
“I must apologize profusely for my rudeness, Lady Smithton,” she began, stammering in a most embarrassing way. “I… I should not have been staring, nor whispering in such an improper manner, but it is only that I find myself rather in awe of you.”
She saw the look of surprise jump into Lady Smithton’s eyes and felt her hopes begin to rise. Perhaps Lady Smithton would not simply turn away from her now that her apology was given. Throwing a quick glance towards her companion, Emma saw that Miss Westerly had chosen to sit down on a bench some distance away, apparently making it quite clear that Emma had been the one to whisper so rudely about Lady Smithton. Turning back, Emma looked directly into Lady Smithton’s face, not wanting to give the impression that she was about to shirk from her improper behavior. Lady Smithton regarded her carefully, her expression a little quizzical.
“Might I inquire as to your name?” Lady Smithton asked, her tone a good deal less sharp than before. “We have not exactly been introduced, although you appear to be well acquainted with me.”
“Forgive me,” Emma said, hurriedly, passing a hand over her eyes for a moment as her embarrassment flared once again. “You are correct to state that I have not been introduced to you.” A sharp laugh escaped her. “I am again proving my impropriety and my failings, am I not?”
This lighthearted comment did not seem to win the smiles nor the attention of Lady Smithton, who merely frowned and waited for Emma to continue. Fearing that she was failing almost entirely with her explanations as to why she had sought out Lady Smithton in the first place, Emma tried to explain again.
“You attended Lord Churston’s ball last evening and were pointed out to me, Lady Smithton. I will admit, however, that I have heard the gossip and the whispers about you beforehand, but I have given them no consideration, I assure you.” Biting her lip, she saw the slight flickering of Lady Smithton’s eyes and felt as though she had made a mistake in even mentioning the rumors. Swallowing hard, her skin prickling with unease, she tried to find something more to say but felt her mouth go dry.
Lady Smithton cleared her throat. “Your name, if you please,” she said again, although the words were not harsh or angry.
“Oh, of course.” Emma scraped into a quick curtsy again, unable to remember if she had done so already. “Do excuse me, Lady Smithton. I am Miss Emma Bavidge, daughter to Viscount Hawkridge.”
“I see,” Lady Smithton said, no recognition in her expression. “I confess that I do not know your name nor that of your father, Miss Bavidge. Ought I? I was only in London some two years ago, but still, that name does not come to me.”
Heat climbed into Emma’s cheeks, and she dropped her head. Of course, Lady Smithton might not know about Lord Hawkridge’s disgrace, given that she would have been in the midst of her mourning at the time it had occurred. “You have not heard, I suppose,” she stated, as unequivocally as she could. “I am a little surprised, for it has been on the lips of almost everyone I know.”
Lady Smithton’s face gathered into a frown. “I have only been in London for a fortnight or so, Miss Bavidge. I have not heard a good deal other than my own name being mentioned!” She gave Emma a wry smile, which Emma returned at once, hoping that this would not be the end of their conversation. “Pray, do tell me.”
The awareness that she would now have to go into detail about what her father had done made Emma somewhat anxious. “Might we walk for a few minutes, Lady Smithton?” she asked, hoping that Lady Smithton would understand. “It can be a heavy burden, and walking does aid me somewhat.”
Thankfully, Lady Smithton agreed at once, gesturing to the path in front of them. “You need not fear that I will turn from you, Miss Bavidge,” she said, kindness in her voice and expression that brought a flare 0f hope to Emma’s heart. “Whatever it is that concerns you, it will not bring about my immediate judgment.”
“You are very kind, my lady,” Emma replied, truly grateful that Lady Smithton was able to give her such attention and glad that her risk of introducing herself to such a lady seemed to be working out “Not everyone is as kind as you, I fear. My father’s disgrace has become my own.”
All at once, Lady Smithton’s expression changed. Anger caught her eyes, her mouth pulling into a firm line that spoke of great displeasure. “If this is what has been troubling you, Miss Bavidge, then be assured that you may speak openly in the knowledge that I will not berate you nor think you shameful in any way. If your father’s disgrace is entirely his own doing, then I shall give you none of the blame nor consider your reputation stained beyond hope. Please.” She gestured towards Emma again. “Tell me all that has occurred.”
Setting her shoulders, Emma drew in a long breath and began to explain. There was a great deal of pain in talking about her father’s behavior, for it was truly shameful and had brought a good deal of sorrow to the family as a whole. And yet, as she spoke, Emma found herself beginning to f
ind each word easier and easier to speak, as though in doing so, she was unburdening her heart.
“My father, Viscount Hawkridge, has a penchant for gambling and the like,” she began, aware of just how regretful she sounded. “I will not go into details, but he was worried for his fortune due to his many debts and came across something that he thought he might use to aid him with this trouble.” Her breath hitched at this, knowing that she was about to reveal the horror of it to Lady Smithton. “In short, Lady Smithton, my father attempted to blackmail someone who held a greater position in society than he. This was discovered and revealed, and my father’s disgrace was made known.”
“And you, also, have been torn down with him,” Lady Smithton finished, as Emma looked at her, seeing the anger still lingering in Lady Smithton’s expression. “Even though you had nothing whatsoever to do with the matter. Is that not correct?”
Emma nodded, swallowing hard before she replied. “It is exactly as you say, Lady Smithton.”
Sighing heavily, Lady Smithton shook her head, clearly displeased. “That is, I’m afraid, the woman’s lot. We are often thrown together with our husbands, brothers, or fathers, to the point that their behavior and their rather foolish choices smear us with their disgrace. It seems quite unfair; do you not think?”
Emma looked up sharply, practically feeling the understanding growing between them. “Yes,” she said at once, nodding fervently. “Yes, indeed I do. I have one or two close friends, and they treat me very well, I am glad to say.”
This seemed to bring some sort of relief to Lady Smithton, for her shoulders settled back again, no longer rising high with tension. “Good,” the lady said, firmly, although thereafter, nothing more was said. Emma walked in silence for a few moments, her awkwardness growing steadily as she tried to find a way to express what she hoped to gain by furthering her acquaintance with Lady Smithton.
“Lady Smithton,” she began, her breath hitching as she struggled to speak clearly.
“Yes, Miss Bavidge?”
“Might I…” Emma trailed off, an expression of frustration rifling through her features. “Forgive me. What I ought to say is, if you are so willing, Lady Smithton, might I be permitted to call upon you one day soon? There is something more that I would like to discuss with you, if you would grant me a few minutes of your time.”
Emma saw the way Lady Smithton hesitated, clearly thinking through what Emma had asked. It was little wonder that the lady was confused, for Emma had not only behaved poorly by whispering so loudly but had then gone on to introduce herself and then had somehow managed to beg an audience with Lady Smithton without any explanation as to why she wished to do so. To ask to call upon someone in such a manner was not considered polite, she knew, but her desperation was growing with each passing day. If she did not have Lady Smithton’s help, then there would be very little hope for her to find a suitable husband. She would remain a spinster and have to spend her days with her father, who would, of course, continue to gamble whenever the opportunity was presented to him. Such a prospect was more than Emma could bear.
“Well, Miss Bavidge,” Lady Smithton said, suddenly, breaking the silence. “I can see that there is something weighing heavily on your mind, therefore, I would be glad for you to call upon me.” She smiled at Emma’s obvious and apparent delight, holding up one hand before Emma could speak again. “You will tell me then why you think me so admirable, I hope?” she asked, her eyes twinkling. “After all, you are the first lady I have heard whispering about me, who then promises that they are somehow ‘in awe’ of me, although I cannot possibly imagine why!”
Emma laughed, her face lighting up as her hands pressed together to contain her relief and delight. This was more wonderful than she had ever thought, and the kindness of Lady Smithton was greater than she had hoped. “I shall, of course,” she promised, eagerly. “I do speak the truth, Lady Smithton, I promise you.”
“Then I think I would be very glad if you would call upon me, so that I might understand fully,” Lady Smithton replied, her smile lingering. “Shall we say early next week?”
Emma nodded enthusiastically, wondering what Miss Crosby’s reaction would be once she discovered that Emma had been successful in her endeavors. “That would be wonderful, Lady Smithton. I cannot thank you enough.”
Lady Smithton nodded but gave her a small, wry smile. “I just hope that I am able to assist you with whatever it is you wish to discuss, Miss Bavidge.”
“Oh, I am quite certain that you will be able to, Lady Smithton,” Emma replied at once, brimming with confidence that Lady Smithton would be more than able to do so. “I must go. I can see that my friend is waiting for me.” Again, she dropped into a curtsy, feeling that she could never find the words to express her full gratitude. Tugging out her card from her reticule, she handed it to Lady Smithton with another small smile. “Here is my card, Lady Smithton. And thank you.”
“You are most welcome,” Lady Smithton replied, accepting the card and then turning away so that she might continue her walk in the park. Emma was breathless with joy as she returned to Miss Weatherly, who was looking at her agog, clearly desperate to know what it was Emily had been speaking to Lady Smithton about.
Emma, filled with relief and a sense of growing hope, grinned broadly at her friend as she rose to her feet to greet Emma again.
“I do not know what you thought you were doing, introducing yourself to Lady Smithton in such a fashion!” Miss Weatherly protested as Emma merely chuckled. “What was it that you spoke of? I could hardly believe it when you fell into step together for a short time, not after the awkwardness of our impropriety!”
Emma laughed softly and began to walk back towards the entrance of the park with Miss Weatherly walking alongside her. “I have had in mind that I wished to speak to Lady Smithton about a matter of particular importance but, having only seen her in person last evening, I have not had the opportunity to speak to her directly.”
“But to do so without being introduced!” Miss Weatherly exclaimed, somewhat overawed by Emma’s audacity. “That was rather bold, I must say.”
“It has worked out well, however,” Emma answered, thinking that the warm afternoon suddenly seemed a good deal brighter than before. “It seems that, in this case, taking a bold risk has paid off quite well.”
As they made their way to the entrance of the park, Emily considered the other risk she had taken only last evening, when Lord Morton had asked her to dance with him. She had fully expected him to laugh and mock her thereafter, as so many of the other gentlemen had done, but much to her surprise, he had proved himself to be entirely truthful in his promise not to do so. He had merely faded into the crowd, dancing with other young ladies and never once frequenting groups of gentlemen in order to make it known that he too had danced with Miss Bavidge. A small smile caught the corner of her mouth as Miss Weatherly climbed into the waiting carriage, leaving Emma to follow thereafter. Lord Morton had been one short, bright moment in an otherwise dark evening and now, knowing that Lady Smithton was at the very least, willing to speak to her and listen to what she had to say, Emma felt as though this season might not turn out so terribly after all.
Chapter Four
One week later
“And you think I could discover which gentlemen are suitable and then introduce you to them.” Lady Smithton’s eyes ran from Emma to her friend, Miss Crosby, and then back again. “I can see the hope that you have, Miss Bavidge, although I cannot be certain that I am the one who is best able to help you.”
Emma knew that she had to be honest, aware that her friend Sarah was already battling her desperation and tears. “We have no other, Lady Smithton. There is no one within our own family to aid us, and certainly, none within the ton would be willing to do so. With the rumors and gossip surrounding my father, you know how I have been and will be treated by the majority of gentlemen. If you could only guide me in how to rise above such whispers and lead me to those gentlemen who might have
a softer heart, then that would be the greatest of kindnesses. Yet, I will understand completely if you do not wish to pursue matters with us. We do not know you, and you do not know us. I would not have any guilt in your heart over our situation. Whatever you decide, I am truly grateful that you were willing to listen to us both.”
Her mouth went dry as Lady Smithton frowned and nodded, still looking from one to the next. Her hopes were either to crash to the ground or flare to the skies depending on what Lady Smithton decided. It felt like the most important moment of her life.
“Very well,” Lady Smithton, after a moment, “but I must do a little more thinking on the matter before I decide exactly what will take place.”
Emma could only nod, hearing Sarah gasp with astonishment and delight beside her, before pulling out her handkerchief to dab at her eyes. She did not know what to say; such was her gratitude as she began to battle tears. Lady Smithton was looking at them both with a small but gentle smile on her face, making Emma believe that they would soon become very dear friends.
“Thank you, Lady Smithton,” she managed to say, her voice hoarse and breaking with emotion. “With all of my heart, I thank you. You do not know what you have done for us.”
The Disgraced Bride: The Spinsters Guild (Book 2) Page 3
