My eyes were wide listening. "Your momma was not playing, she was going to give you the life you deserved or she wasn't going to give you life. Where I messed up was getting a job,"
I started to stop him and ask him how him getting a job could have been where he messed up when he just said that was one of my mom's top priorities in order for her to keep me. I didn't interrupt, I figured he would get to the explanation. I didn't have much to talk about so I preferred to just sit and listen.
"The job was far away, we lived here in New Jersey and the job was in Mississippi. The pay was great, so I told her I would go work this job, I would send her all my money every week, and I would just shack up with my family that lived out there. Everything seemed to be going well. I was sending her all my money, she would call me and tell me about all the things she was getting for you, and all the money she had saved and put aside for us to get our house when I came back, she was so excited. I was planning to come back about two weeks before your due date. About two months before you were due I got a promotion and a raise. That's when things got a little messier. I suggested that instead of me coming back to New Jersey, where I would have to find another job. I knew from experience that would be hard, I could give up making anywhere near what I was making down south. If I did find comparable pay, I knew that the cost of living would kill us and we would still be poor. Your mom refused to be poor. I told her I would marry her, I would give her the world, but family was very important to your mother and she just couldn't wrap her head around being away from her family for any reason. We argued about it a lot. Then one day she threatened to give you up for adoption if I did not come back to Jersey and marry her immediately. This was about a month before you were due to be born. I told her I would think about it. I didn't speak to her for two weeks. I finally caved in I never heard from her again. I tried calling but her numbers were disconnected. I tried sending her mail, but it came back return to sender. I even took time off of my job, came back to Jersey and I looked for her. None of the hospitals in the area would give me any information because I was not family and we were not married. I never met any of her family but I went to where they lived, the ones I knew about and they either wouldn't answer the door for me or they had moved. I came back on your due date. Now I know why she disappeared into thin air, because she was gone. I hated her for a while because I assumed she had given you up for adoption and went on about her life without me. No one told me, I never knew, all these years, I never knew."
I could see his eyes watering up again, he dropped his face and cradled it in his large hands, his shoulders shook as he sobbed at the table. I reached out apprehensively and placed a hand on his shoulder gently.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through that, and I'm sorry that this is how you had to find out what happened to the love of your life."
"She was the love of my life, I can't believe I spent all this time resenting her, vowing to never love another woman because of what she did to me and what I thought she did to you. I lost so many years with you all because I didn't listen and come back when she wanted me to. If I was there things would have gone differently. I can't believe that I wasn't there when you were born. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be sorry, you're here now. I called and you came, that's what fathers do."
He was crying again.
I tried to comfort him. I wasn't good at it, this was something he would have to learn about me. I wasn't an emotional person and didn't know how to deal with emotional people. I hadn't even cried when my fiancé proposed to me and I was more uncomfortable seeing him shed a single tear when I said yes than I was endeared by it.
"Now that I've found you and you have opened up a door for me to be back in your life, I don't want to ever leave you again."
"You don't have to."
He wiped his eyes, "So all these years, you've grown up without a father or a mother. I'm so sorry baby girl, I should have been here for you, it must have been tough."
"Sometimes it was, but my aunt raised me from the time I was born and she gave me the best life she could. She made sure I knew who my mother was, she showed me pictures, let me read her diaries from when they were growing up. I never felt like I missed my mother because my aunt made her a constant part of our life and the conversations in our household. My family talks about my mother all the time to the point that I sometimes felt like she is always here. You were the part I was missing, my father. I couldn't be happier that I found you, especially at this time in my life."
"I can't believe my baby girl is getting married in less than three months. I have to meet this man."
"Of course you will. Everyone is anxious to meet you, my aunt, my best friend, and my fiancé."
"I'm sure your aunt had some less than pleasing things to say about me over the years."
"How do you know my aunt?"
"Your mother talked about her so much that I feel like I know her personally, she practically raised your mother, she was her best friend in the world."
"Well, she never talked down about you to me, especially when I was a growing up. When I got older the most she would tell me was that she had no idea who you were, that you were just the man who knocked my mom up and skated off. I'm sure she will be interested in hearing the real story."
"According to what your mother told me about your aunt, she can be very unforgiving. I hope once she knows the truth she can find some forgiveness in her heart for me. I never meant to abandon you or your mother, the situation just ended up that way. Your mom never thought that I was good enough to meet her family. She didn't even tell them she was pregnant until I had already left for the south and I'll never know what she did tell them. If I go off what your aunt thinks about me, I can tell that it wasn't much of anything positive or truthful."
I winced at him basically calling my mother a liar to my face.
"Right now, let's not worry about what anyone else thinks of you, all I want to do is get to know you and form my own opinion. So far, that opinion is pretty positive."
"I appreciate that so much coming from you."
"Well, why don't we actually order some food before they kick us out of these seats, do you like Vegan food.'
"Never had it, but I do like Mexican food, and if you like it, I love it."
I smiled and handed him the menu.
Chapter 8
The rest of our lunch went kind of like an awkward first date. I asked about what he did. He had worked the same construction job he got when he moved away from Jersey up until his retirement. He had worked his way right on up to the owner of the company. He became really close with the original owner of the company and their family and since the owner of the company had no children he had left the company to the best qualified person, my father.
He hired someone to manage and operate the company and he basically just reaped the rewards and raked in the money. It was interesting to find out that my father was actually well off, in fact he was very wealthy. He had contracted his own construction team to build a home in Mississippi. He gave back to the community by building homes for those in need, like single mothers and fathers. Even though he had never married and had no other children outside of me he was well known and adored by the people in his community.
"My main goal all these years, when I'm giving back and doing charity is to keep families together, if one of my guys is struggling to pay his bills, not only will I give them a raise but I will also give them a house, completely paid off, so that his wife and kids don't end up in a shelter and he ends up in another shelter away from them. Family to me is the most important thing. I wasn't ever like that because my parents were never really good parents to me, my brother died when I was young and my sister hasn't spoken to me in years. It took me losing my family in the blink of an eye for me to really realize how important family is."
From the small things here and there, that I had heard about my father from my aunt I expected him to be some uneducated and poor man. But he had actuall
y gone back to college and gotten his Master's in Business Management.
"It took me about ten years to complete what should have only been six years of school but the owner of the company was always pushing me to finish. He let me take days off when I had exams. He let me study and do my classwork and reports on the job. Little did I know that if I hadn't finished he never would have given me the company. His wife told me that after he passed. She said that it really showed him how determined I was, because as much as I wanted to quit I never did, I just kept pushing. That is how he knew that no matter what I would never let his business go under, because now not only did I have the passion to do so, I also had the knowledge, and passion is as important as knowledge."
I told him about how I was going for my Master's in Engineering, and he told me I didn't look like the type of girl who was into engineering. I tried not to take offense to this, as I heard it a lot.
"I actually like it. I know a lot of people look at me and see this cute little girl and think I could never be smart enough or driven enough to be an engineer, but I like it."
"It has nothing to do with how you look. Do you love it?"
I laughed, "I wouldn't say all that."
"OK, well what do you love?"
I didn't have to think about this at all. "I love to dance."
"Then that's what you should do, simple as that. I worked in construction all my life because I love to build things, I always have. I been building things since I had good enough hand eye coordination to pick something up and put it down on something else. I think I love to build things because so many things in my life have been torn down. My family was torn down by my mother's addiction, my sister was torn down by my father's abuse, my brother was torn down by a bullet, my family was torn down by my bad decisions and lack of communication. When I got the job in Mississippi it was the first time I was ever able to be a part of building something up, the first job we finished made me feel so accomplished that I decided to go back and finish something else I had started. My education."
"I'm really proud of everything you accomplished."
"The point of me telling you that story wasn't so you can be proud of what I've accomplished, it's so that thirty or forty years down the line you can be proud of what you've accomplished. Do you understand that?"
"I do."
"Do you still dance?"
"Actually, I am going to be starting again very soon. My best friend Mya moved to New York, to be closer to me mainly." I laughed, "But also so she could attend the Dance Academy of New York. She tried out but wasn't accepted the first time." I decided to save the part about her now being a stripper for later. "We would always go to dance classes, recitals, and competitions together as kids. Growing up and she was very competitive and I always noticed that she danced the best when she was trying to dance better than me. We made a deal, she will audition for the Dance Academy one more time only if I audition with her, and I agreed."
"That's great, and then maybe you will get in too and then you can start focusing on what you really love."
"Yeah, my aunt is going to let me drop out of graduate school that easily. She wishes I wouldn't try out at all."
"You know, your mom had the same problem with your aunt growing up. From what I heard, your aunt is very pro-education, and that's great, but your mom was an amazing singer, she wrote songs, sang, played the piano, guitar, and saxophone. She always wanted to pursue a career in music but her big sister pushed her to enroll in college for a teaching degree. She soon let go of her dream and settled into the life that seemed more acceptable to your aunt."
"I do know that my mom loved to sing, and she played a few instruments but I thought that only went as far as singing in the church choir and the orchestra at school."
"Your mom was very talented, I see a lot of her in you, like she spit you out. You can hardly tell I helped make you at all, it's like she made you by herself."
"I hear that a lot. I don't see it myself."
"With you being so much like your mom, you're probably a people-pleaser." I hung my head in guilt, "Don't be, the only person you should be worried about pleasing is yourself. Do you hear me?"
"Yes." I said obediently.
"You don't have to make up your mind about whether or not you are going to take the spot if you are accepted, but she needs to know that you are thinking about it. Now let's eat. I love enchiladas."
I laughed, "Me too."
I WENT TO MEET MYA after I finished lunch with my dad, the lunch may have started off sad, and then turned awkward but by the end of it I was actually sad to leave him.
Mya, didn't ask me many questions about it, but she did listen quietly and patiently when I told her the same story he had told me about my mother's pregnancy and him moving down south. I could tell from her facial expression that she was not as touched by the story as I had been.
"You really believe all that?"
"Why would I not believe it, what reason does he have to lie to me?"
"I mean none I guess, at first I thought that he was just after money, but according to you he has a shitload of his own money."
"According to what he says, he has a lot of money and no family to spend it on, so he just gives out houses, cars, and jobs to people in his community who are in need."
"Modern day fucking black Santa Clause, huh?"
"Why would you think that he is after money from me when I have absolutely no money at all. I'm a 25-year-old intern, I mean, come on. I have about as much money as you do."
"That's where you are wrong, I have a lot more money that you sweetie."
"Yeah, I guess that is true now."
"I still love you, you always loved me and I've always been broke until now." She winked.
"OK, I get it Candy Rain, you're a stripper, you got money now."
"Anyway, even though you're broke, your aunt does have money."
"How would he even know that my aunt has money?"
"I don't have all the answers girl. I'm just telling you, be cautious, and tread lightly."
"Those two phrases mean the same thing."
"You know what I mean, take it slow."
"This is not a guy I'm dating Mya, this is my dad."
"He's also a stranger."
"That's not his fault."
"That's what he says."
"OK, whatever, you just don't like him because Auntie Yaya doesn't."
"Auntie Yaya has never steered us wrong before has she?"
"Only when she told me to go to school for engineering when I really wanted to go to Dance Academy."
"She also warned me not to focus on trying to get into the Dance Academy and get a real job and look at me know, first I was broke, and now I'm a stripper. As far as I'm concerned you're still better off."
"If you say so."
"Listen, Yely, if that's really what you want to do, dance, and go to the Dance Academy, this is your chance, just like it's my chance, if it's meant to be it will happen, if not, then we move on. You marry your already successful Engineer fiancé, and go on to finish your Master's degree, and I'll keep shaking my ass for old white men with a lot of money to blow. By the way, does your dad like to go to the strip club?"
"First of all, my dad may be rich but you're not about to make my Daddy into a trick."
"Well, he has to spend that money on something, he is basically begging to. Shit have his ass pay for the wedding."
"That's actually a good idea, maybe Auntie Yaya will like him a little more if he takes some of this financial responsibility for the wedding off of her and Omar's dad."
"Please, Yaya isn't going to ever like that man, just give it up."
"Whatever, come on, let's dance, so I can show you up like I used to back in the day."
"Not!"
AFTER SEEING MYA, I went to meet Omar for dinner. He forced me to go somewhere else besides the Vegan Mexican restaurant. I was not happy about it.
I sat at the fancy table, in my fancy dress
and fancy jewelry that he had bought and begged for me to wear, "I would much rather be eating vegan enchiladas right now."
"Haven't you had enough enchiladas for the rest of your life in the past few weeks. You really need to focus on not gaining any weight so you still fit your dress perfectly on our wedding day."
"Listen, I will walk down the aisle in a dirty enchilada sauce stained T-shirt, some old raggedy sweat pants, and flip flops and you will still marry me, OK?"
"I will." He smiled at me and gave me an air kiss from across the table.
The waiter came and poured us each a glass of wine, Omar thanked him, and turned his attention back to me as soon as he left the table.
"I still can't believe that he didn't know that the love of his life was dead all these years, and actually thought your mom had given you up for adoption."
"I know it's a crazy story and you don't have to believe it. It seems like I'm the only one crazy enough to believe it anyway."
"Baby, I don't think he is lying to you, it just really is a crazy story.''
"I know, I'm petrified to tell my aunt, I know for a fact she won't believe it and will definitely call me crazy."
"But, remember what I said, it doesn't matter what she thinks, this is about you. This is your journey to get to know your father so he can walk you down the aisle on your wedding day."
"It is our wedding day you know?"
"Please, the wedding day is on your birthday. Your aunt and my father have already made it clear that this is your big day. Every time I give them a suggestion they shoot it down. The only thing I had a say over was the ring and the proposal, and your aunt helped me out a lot with the ring."
Father of the Bride Page 7
