by NV Roez
"I heard that you had a few problems on winter break." His eyebrows scrunch together, along with his lips. I almost laugh at how shriveled he looks.
"Who told you that? I had a great winter break," I ask, feigning ignorance.
"Ms. Hawton, are you having trouble that I need to know about? My responsibility is to keep all our students safe, and that does include you."
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Can we just move to the part where you give me my assignment and I leave, or will you actually be lecturing me today as well?"
He softens his face, drooping his shoulders a bit. "If you're having trouble, I can be of help to you. I am the president of this university."
Not likely. Over the few months I've been here, it seems the Knights have more power and authority than he does.
There's an uncomfortable silence that passes between us before he finally gives up the savior role he was trying to play.
"Fine. Your assignment for this month will be for you to write a ten-page essay on a moment in your childhood that meant the most to you and why. Your only constraint is to make it relevant to the aspects of psychological development from adolescence to adulthood."
Great. Kill me now.
Why is everyone so damn interested in my past?
I nod my head, gather my things, and head for the door.
"Ms. Hawton, Evelyn, please do your best to stay away from trouble. But if you cannot, I am here to help you."
"Whatever you say, Dr. Weaver. See you in a month."
I walk out, so frustrated by the fact that I now have to figure out what the hell I'm going to write that I don't even notice Coach Metson and nearly run him over.
"Shit! Sorry, Ryan," I say, bending down to pick up my fallen notebook.
"Actually, don't be. I was on my way to go see you." He smiles, showing his perfect teeth and dimples. "It's been too long since I've seen you, and I was hoping you might be free for dinner."
I know that I don't owe him shit, but he's the only other friendly face other than Celeste and Taylor right now. And since they're both wrapped up in the Knights, I guess it can't hurt.
"Sure, we can do a friendly dinner."
His green eyes sparkle. "I'll come get you at six thirty."
I stiffen as he kisses my cheek and walks away.
From the corner of my eye, I see Elijah leaning against the wall as I come out of Stratham Hall. He's got his foot up like he's James Dean or a Greaser look-alike. We stare at each other longer than we should, and I'm the coward who looks away first to head to my room. Dinner off-campus sounds like heaven right about now.
Ryan treats me to Dulce, an upscale restaurant on the other side of town.
"I figured that you girls tend to go downtown, so I thought I'd give you a bit of a change for tonight," he says with a bashful smile. "I invited some friends from NHU to hang out for drinks before dinner, I hope you don't mind."
"It's cool, Ryan. We could have gone to a drive-thru and it would have been fine too. I'm just glad to be off-campus."
He straightens his shoulders and leads me into the restaurant like he just won a championship game.
When we find his friends, they're already at the bar. I'm introduced to Randall Smith-Walcott, Parker Barrington, and Benjamin Henderson—who insists I call him Benji. Apparently, they're in their junior year at NHU.
Why Ryan hangs out with the NHU crowd puzzles me, but I'm not dumb enough to ask that here.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Evelyn. It's a shame you're at Stratham instead of NHU. It's no wonder Ryan never wants to hang out with us anymore." Parker smiles, taking a seat next to me at the bar.
"Yeah, you're fucking gorgeous. Whenever you get tired of playing with boys, I'll gladly show you how a real man can treat you," Benjamin says, grinning like he's the cat that ate the canary and placing his head in between Parker and me.
I roll my eyes. I will never understand why guys talk like this and think it's cute. Like ooh, yes, please, sign me up. Not.
Randall and Ryan are having a hushed conversation on my left, words too low for me to hear, but it seems to be getting a bit heated. I touch the inside of Ryan's elbow.
"Hey, everything okay?"
He leans back and relaxes his shoulders. "Yeah, everything's fine. Randall here was telling me that some asshole blew up half of NHU's campus on Halloween and that due to priorities, the fraternity houses, gym, and stadium have been placed on the bottom of the list for repairs."
I still in my seat.
Fucking Micah!
"Oh. I hope no one got hurt." I genuinely mean it, so it's not lying, even though I know the asshole who did it.
I swear, I'm going to kill Micah.
"Nah." Parker nudges my shoulder. "No one was around except for some of our recruits. They got beat up pretty badly, but they'll live. What sucks is that none of our parents want to pay for the damn repairs, though, which means either we play our home games at a different school or we forfeit the season."
"At least it's not your senior year, so at least you guys have next year."
They look at me like I've lost the plot. Of course, it matters to them.
After the bartender brings them their checks, I ask the question that's been screaming in my head for the last few minutes.
"Any idea who blew up your school?"
I hear Parker growl low. "We know who fucking did it."
Of course they do. Patiently holding my breath, I wait for him to continue, but it's Benjamin who takes over.
"We know it was the Knights, that much is clear. We just have no way of proving it. They managed to hack into our security system and disable the alarms. And the guys they beat up can't actually identify who specifically was on our campus. But this much I know: when I find out who it is, I'm going to fucking kill him."
Benjamin is a beast of a man, all shoulders with a neck so thick it's almost indistinguishable. He looks like he'd fit right in the MMA circuit. If he wasn't so goofy when we were chatting earlier, I might have been scared of him. Micah better make sure this boy never finds out it was him.
Another waiter from the dining room comes to let us know that our table is ready and that we can be seated. Finally.
We say goodbye to Ryan's friends, despite Benji and Parker trying every which way to persuade Ryan to let them sit with us for dinner.
"Well, they're an interesting bunch." I laugh as they dramatically drag themselves out of the dining room.
"Yeah, they're good guys, though. I've known them since they were in diapers.”
He keeps talking, but I zone out. I can't help but think about the boys who stole my heart and haven't given it back.
Could we find our way back?
Why do you want them back, Evelyn? All they bring you is pain.
Because I'm a masochist.
Fucking great. Now I'm having full-fledged conversations in my head.
I turn off my inner rantings and do my best to enjoy dinner, and I have to say, it isn't so bad. Ryan is charismatic and funny. We talk sports and which exercise regimens we like best, and before we know it, it's time to go.
We head back to campus.Ryan has tried a few times to hold my hand, but I've managed to keep him at bay. I've already learned from Taylor that some guys are a little too clingy, and since he's still Stratham U faculty, it's better to play this one safe.
I see Elijah across campus, leaving Emily Hall with a few other Knights I don't know.
I text Celeste to let her know I'm on my way home, just in case she and Justin are in our room tonight.
Me: Hey Cele. I’m on my way home.
Hope u and Justin are decent.
Celeste: Not home. Staying at Justin’s. Where were u?
Me: Had dinner at Dulce.
Celeste: Oh fancy bitch. Thanks for the invite.
Me: It was a last minute thing.
Ryan took me.
Celeste: Coach Metson?
Me: U know another Ryan?
> Celeste: Are u okay? Is he still with u?
Me: Yea. Y wouldn’t I be?
Celeste: Nevermind. Text me when ur home. Love ya.
I say good night to Ryan and sidestep his attempt for an end-of-date kiss, because this was not a date, just a dinner between friends.
I go to my room to grab my pjs for a shower when I notice that my room door is open.
I creep forward, slowly scoping, searching for an intruder, and let out a breath when I'm satisfied that there is no one else in this room.
Looking through my things, nothing seems to have been taken, thank God for the small things.
I'm about to relax when I realize that there are pictures on my dresser.
I pick up the first one and stare at the skinny, flat-chested, blue-eyed girl staring back at me in a cursed light blue dress with white ruffles.
I glance at the rest of them. Some are of my parents holding hands with my sister and me when we were like seven, but most of them are pictures of the devils, that room, and that fucking blue dress.
The last is a photograph of all my different faces over the years, including my mugshot.
What the fuck?
Anger pulses through me as I quickly shove every last photograph—except for the ones with my family—into a leftover paper bag from our takeout dinner the other night.
I put those precious family photos in a small box that I keep in my closet.
I take the paper bag, place it in a waste basket, and light it on fire. I sit on the window ledge watching the fire burn and spark up a joint.
I need something to cope and help calm my nerves. Despite what my therapist said back at Ventura, my breathing exercises aren't a cure for my anxieties.
Someone was in my room. Someone knows my secrets. Fuck.
I rub on my ivy tattoo, absently glancing out my window, trying to figure out what my next steps are here, when I notice Elijah standing in the dark.
He’s staring at the back of someone I can't quite make out across the quad. His face, carved from stone, looks angry as he grabs his smart phone and makes a call.
I stealthily open my window, hoping that he's not too far below and away for me to catch some part of his conversation.
Turns out, I had nothing to worry about.
While I can only hear his side of the conversation, he's yelling so loud that I doubt he'd notice me, even if I were standing right in front of him.
"What do you think he was doing here, Caleb?... No, I didn't. I wasn't exactly trying to broadcast that I was even here too, asshole... I don't know what to think."
He walks away, yelling into his smartphone, leaving me even more confused.
He couldn't be responsible for the pictures that were in my room, could he? How would he even have those pictures? Even if it was him, what would the purpose be? I watch his back as he disappears into the cover of night, wondering what the hell his end game is.
21
Taylor walks Celeste and I back to our dorm. More like we stumble back after a full day at The Brewery in our own little bubble. I needed the escape after yet another sleepless night.
We get to the main entrance of Emily Hall, and as soon as the doors open, I literally trip into Professor Wessex coming out of the girls’ dorm.
"So, this is your true form, Ms. Hawton? On a Sunday afternoon, no less. How classy," Professor Wessex says with haughty disgust.
I give him my cheesiest smile. "Why, yes, professor. As this is also your true form, coming out of the girls’ dorm on a Sunday. Making house calls for grades, are we?" I giggle and wiggle my eyebrows at him, because I couldn’t give two shits what he thinks and I'm happily intoxicated.
"That's a disgusting implication that I won't even humor with a response. You are nothing but trash, and I have no earthly idea why Dr. Weaver even let you into this prestigious establishment. Your kind belongs in the gutter, no doubt removing their clothes for money, as that would be the only contribution you could possibly provide society."
I laugh even harder at his words—like true ab workout laughs—because he is that insignificant.
"Professor!" Taylor says with shock. "Have you lost your mind? As a Knight, I will be reporting you to the council. Regardless of what you may think, you can't talk to students that way."
Professor Wessex has the decency to look embarrassed and excuses himself. Whatever. He's only embarrassed because he didn't notice Taylor, not for speaking to me like I'm gutter trash. He and I both know he's got something against me, even though I have no idea what.
Join the club, buddy.
"What is it with you and the people at this school, Evie? It's like you've pissed off every person here." Taylor chuckles as Celeste fumbles our keys for the third time.
"Hey! Mr. Big Bad Knight, that's not true. I haven't pissed you or Cele off, and Coach Metson is sweet on me." I drunkenly pout. "There are tons of people here that don't even know I exist. I bet I haven't pissed any of them off. Oh, and there's Dr. Lewis, I'm pretty sure I'm still on her good side, and..."
Celeste snorts. "I give up. I can't open the door. I can't see the dang keyhole."
Taylor manages to get our room door open while Celeste and I giggle our asses off. I love being this drunk, just enough to find the humor in everything, but not enough to be sick. The perfect balance, the perfect escape. I really should do this more often.
Why don't I do this more often?
I hold on to the wall, trying to get my bedroom door open, but it's locked. When did I do that?
After a few attempts, I shout out to Taylor to help me open my door. My body starts to sober up with a cold chill riding my spine.
When he's finally able to get the door open, I'm completely sober and sliding my knife out of my back pocket.
"Holy shit, Evie. I never would have pegged you as a messy person," Taylor says surveying my room.
I'm not messy.
I move him aside and see my room. It’s completely trashed. My dresser drawers are open, clothes strewn everywhere, books and ripped paper littering the floor, everything upended, opened, or shredded.
I run towards the one box that matters to me, which had been inside my closet, but now sits on my bed.
As soon as I open it, my heart sinks. It's completely empty. The only pictures I had left of my parents and my sister are gone. The only real happiness in my life, the childhood memories not tainted, even the friendship bracelet that Ivy made for me, calling it a sister bracelet in the third grade—gone.
I close my eyes, breathing in deep slow breaths.
How much more is the universe going to take? I don't have anything else left. I send a silent prayer to the universe.
You win already. What more do you want from me?
"Evie, you alright?"
I look up at Taylor, my chest cavity squeezing painfully. "I didn't do this. Someone broke into my room."
Again.
22
Celeste and I walk into the dining hall to grab some lunch and in desperate need of caffeine before our next classes. Winter term has been brutal, but I'm managing to maintain a decent grade point average.
Since I'm still doing my workouts at five in the morning, I haven't actually slept since yesterday. I contemplated not working out, but since someone has broken into my room twice, I couldn't get my anxious mind to agree to skip the gym today.
Thankfully, I only have one class left, so the torture from the lack of sleep is almost over.
We carry our trays towards an empty table when the Ariana Grande wannabe voice from hell finds me. Celeste and I both slowly turn to see Genna, her bitch squad, and the Knights at the table to our right and she's shoving her hand in London's face with a glowing smile.
"Isn't it beautiful?" she wiggles her fingers in excitement. "Caleb got me a promise ring for Valentine's day. I just got it back from being resized."
Jesus, gag me.
"When do I get mine, Elijah?" Alexis asks, batting her eyelashes.
"Please
, baby. You know I only have eyes for you. The only ring you need on your pretty little finger is your wedding ring." Elijah replies smoothly and something in me starts to break.
"Good luck with that," I snort out, not realizing that my internal monologue wasn't so internal.
"Oh, look, ladies, the tramp trash is tainting us with her presence," Genna singsongs and Celeste tenses beside me.
I know I should just walk away—blame the lack of sleep or the emotional drain I've been experiencing—but I don't.
"Fuck off, Genna. I hate to disappoint you, but Caleb isn't capable of keeping promises. In his world, promises are just empty words. And Alexis, don't hold your breath. Elijah isn't capable of feelings. I'm pretty sure he's allergic to commitment, and I know for a fact that he sold his soul to the devil a long time ago."
"Maybe you weren't worth the promise," Elijah bites back, cold, gray eyes boring into me, effectively burying my heart and pushing me further into the inferno. "It's not like you're worth wasting feelings on. You're as valuable as a limp dick."
I put my tray down as a slow smile creeps across my face, all feelings except rage momentarily shut down, and I start clapping my hands.
"Look at you, big tough Knight, soon to be King of the assholes, thinking that I give a shit about what you think. Pity you're too much of a coward to face me. Instead, you and your little toy soldiers deem it necessary to continue to harass me. When are you going to stop with your petty shit? Did you really think that trashing my room would break me? Come on, Elijah, I thought you were better than that. Oh, and I want my bracelet back, along with my family's pictures."
"We didn't take anything from you. We haven't wasted a single moment thinking about you, Evelyn, let alone messing with your stuff," Caleb jumps in.
I flail my arms above my head for added drama, "See! The lies just flow out of your mouth like carbon dioxide. I know damn well you've wasted hours thinking about me, Caleb. I can see it in your eyes."
