He jogged to his truck, knowing he was already late to meet his students at the gas station for their weekend insect-hunting trip to Nogales. He wasn’t ready to give up on Tessa yet, but he didn’t know if she’d ever let go of all the expectations she had for herself and be happy.
And if not, he didn’t know where that left him.
Chapter 42
Tessa pulled up in front of her parents' house, bracing her hands on the wheel like she was careening toward a major collision. Ever since Henry’s confession, she felt like her life was spinning around like an out-of-control car. What do you want, Tessa?
She wanted to regain control of her life one piece at a time. First up, telling her parents she wasn’t going to med school after all. She’d imagined all the ways her news could be received, ranging from her mom sobbing while her dad rent his shirt Old Testament style, to them checking her into the psych ward at their hospital until she came to her senses. No matter how she pictured it, it didn’t go well.
At least Jenkins wouldn’t be here with his gloaty eyes and smug grins, but eventually he’d find out—if she couldn’t convince her parents to cooperate with a fabricated version of her life for him.
How stupid was it that she was more afraid to tell her brother her plans than her parents? But after having such a tumultuous week: the accident, the changes to her degree and career, breaking up with Logan, the awful dress rehearsal, watching Chelsea and Henry kiss, she couldn't stand to have any more of her embarrassments paraded around like banners of disgrace for their family.
I need help, she prayed. Please soften their hearts and help me know the right words to say.
Henry’s words came unbidden into her mind again: I’m the guy who loves you in a million new ways every day. And more than the words, the way he had looked at her sent tingles across her skin. It had been intense and heated, almost as strong as a touch.
Then why did you kiss Chelsea?
She dropped her head on the steering wheel, accidentally hitting the horn.
When Tessa told Layla and Addison about it, they tried to convince her that their kiss must have been a product of Chelsea’s scheming. But they hadn’t seen the kiss, the kind of kiss that only came with lots of practice. They had history together. They even looked perfect together.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
She popped her head up from the steering wheel to see her concerned parents standing outside her car. Her dad opened the door and lifted her lids, checking out her pupils. “Are you okay? We heard the horn go off and came out to find you slumped over the steering wheel.”
"I was praying and I bumped it."
The edges of her dad's mouth straightened with a suppressed smile. "Oh. Well. I'm glad you were praying."
"Me too.” She got out of the car and closed her door, taking a moment to steel up her courage before turning to them. “Thanks for letting me come over without warning.”
“You’re welcome here any time,” her mom said with a side hug, followed by her dad. She followed them into the house, past the front room where her niece was sleeping in a porta crib.
"I didn't know you guys were watching Katie."
"Jenkins had a last minute dinner with one of his mentees and Cami’s on call tonight," her mom said quietly. They went into the kitchen where Tessa's mom had already set out some lemonade and a plate of Tessa's favorite sugar cookies.
"Did you make these for me?" Tessa took a bite of the airy, buttery cookie. Her mom used to make them on her days off, and she'd sit with Tessa and talk about anything Tessa wanted. She didn't know if she loved the cookies so much as what they used to represent: time with her family.
"I know they're your favorite."
"We've missed having you come around," her dad added.
Her mom and dad sat on either side of her, having a conversation with their eyes, before her mom took Tessa's hand. "I need to apologize for how I acted at your road show practice. I was unkind and out of line."
Tears stung Tessa’s eyes. She swallowed the cookie in her mouth and took a drink of lemonade to wash it down. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
Her dad placed a hand on her shoulder. "We're worried about you. Your mom and I are busy, but we never stop thinking about you and praying for you."
Tessa knew this was her opening. Instead of stuffing the cookie in her mouth to stall longer, she took the opportunity to be an adult and claim ownership of her own life. "I don't want to be a doctor."
Both of her parents blinked like this was the last thing in the world they expected her to say. But no one was crying or ripping their clothes in agony. Yet.
"Why not?" her mom asked carefully.
"I don't think I'm cut out to be a doctor."
"Of course you are.” Her dad leaned forward, bringing his hands together on the table.
"I'm failing two of my classes. I think I have the bones memorized or understand what a molecule looks like, but then I get into the tests, and it's like it's all in a foreign language." Saying it out loud to her parents--admitting it--made her feel like the weight of years of expectations was lifted from her shoulders. And though part of that weight was from her parent's expectations, she knew most of it was from the pressure she'd put on herself to do the best and be the best.
Her mom took her hand. "We can get you a tutor. A lot of people struggle in their undergrad studies."
"That's not the only thing." Tessa let out a breath, and along with it, the secret she'd kept hidden for so long, the thing that made her the freak of her family. "I can't stand the sight of blood. Or bones. Or even mucus. It all makes me dizzy or anxious."
"Maybe you’ve been ill," her mom said.
"I threw up in anatomy class when they made us watch a birthing movie." It had been horrible. She thought she could hold it in, but it came out before she could stop it, and to top it all off, she’d cried. Everyone assumed she’d had the flu, and she'd let them believe it.
"Well..." her dad covered his mouth, and then to her surprise he began to laugh. He laughed so hard he snorted, and then her mom joined in as well.
Her parents having a mental breakdown had not been on the list of things Tessa thought could happen when she delivered this news. She'd broken her parents. Of course she'd be the one to do it. Not perfect Jenkins with his perfect skills and perfect ability to do exactly what Mom and Dad wanted him to do.
Dad let out a long sigh that ended his laugh, but he still had tears in his eyes from laughing so hard. "Sorry." He cleared his throat. "I'm picturing it. Why in the world didn't you tell us you can't stand blood before doing all the prerequisites for medical school?"
"I thought I'd grow out of it," she said, but then decided to tell the whole truth. She'd been keeping so many secrets from her family for so long, it was like she'd never let them know the real her, just the version of her she thought they wanted her to be. "And I didn't want to let you down."
Mom wrapped her arm around Tessa's shoulders. "Oh, Tess."
The front door banged against the house, followed by Jenkins' loud and annoying laughter. He walked into the kitchen with Logan, who took in the sight of all of them sitting around the table and hung back in the entryway.
"What's going on?" Jenkins asked. Tessa willed her dad not to say anything to him, but of course, things didn't go her way.
"Tessa was telling us she's leaving the premed program."
Jenkins gave Tessa an infuriating smirk. "That’s probably for the best.”
"What is that supposed to mean?" Tessa asked, despite her better judgment, but she was sick of his snide remarks and his superiority complex.
"Not everyone’s cut out for med school. And it’s better to quit now than later.” He snagged a cookie off her plate and took a bite before she could steal it back. “And you’re no stranger to quitting.”
She bristled at the implication that she couldn’t hack it. "I'm not a quitter."
"Let's see. You quit the violin, volunteering at the hospital, drama
class, half a closet of craft projects, your relationship with Logan—"
"That's none of your business." She threw a glare at Logan who held up both of his hands in a surrender pose.
"The honor society, at least two classes I know of—"
Her dad cut in this time, his voice firm. "Enough."
Jenkins shrugged. "Someone’s got to tell her.”
Every word he said hit her like a dagger in the stomach. Maybe she was a quitter, maybe she was everything Jenkins said. She stood up from the table, humiliated that Logan had to witness her brother tear her down again. Had he ever believed she was capable or had potential for success? Would anything she said or did convince him otherwise?
And did she really care enough about his opinion anymore to try?
"Tell me what? All my failings? And you think you’re that person?" Tessa asked.
"I'm stating truths. If they're so hard to face, then maybe you need to change."
"Jenkins," her mom said, softly.
"No. You guys have always coddled her, and look where it's led." He waved his hands at Tessa, and she was transformed into the girl in junior high who stopped playing the violin because Jenkins covered his ears and groaned every time she practiced, or the girl in high school who quit drama when Jenkins and his friends showed up at dress rehearsal and mocked her from the back. Every time she'd shown interest in anything Jenkins didn't deem worthy, he pushed her down and belittled her until she believed that what she loved was stupid. And maybe that meant she was stupid, too.
But more and more, she was starting to realize that maybe the stupidest thing she did was ever let Jenkins' reactions dictate her actions. And she was done.
Her dad's face had gone red in anger, but Tessa spoke before he could. And she did the one thing she knew would drive Jenkins crazier than anything. She hid how deep his words had struck her.
"Mom, Dad. Thank you for the cookies."
"So you're going to walk away?" Jenkins said.
"Yes, I am," she said without looking at him. She grabbed her purse from the floor and saw a road show flier poking out of the top of it. On an impulse, she pulled it from her bag and handed it to her mom. They'd never been able to come to her performances in high school because of their crazy work schedules, but that hadn't stopped her from inviting them then, and it wouldn't stop her now. "It's tomorrow, so I understand if you can't come. But if you want to see what I've been working on for the last three months, all the information is on here. It should be a really great show."
She walked away then, but Jenkins couldn't resist one last parting shot. "Yeah, if you don't quit it like everything else."
She swiveled on her heel and ripped the flier out of Jenkins' hands. "You are not invited. Go save a life or something, but do us all a favor and stay out of mine." The room was silent while she walked past a stunned Logan and out of the front door. Someone tapped her arm before she could get into the car, and she turned, expecting her mom or dad, but was surprised to find Logan.
He ran his hand through his hair, uncomfortable in a way she’d never seen him before. "Jenkins was out of line in there."
She let out a tired sigh, all of the fight gone from her. "It was nothing I haven’t already heard."
“Why does he act that way?”
Tessa shrugged. She’d thought about this a lot, but could never completely understand. “He was like another parent to me, with our mom and dad gone so much. Maybe he resents how much time he had to spend at my practices and other activities so he could walk me home. Or he got so used to telling me what to do that he can’t turn that off. He’ll always see me as a kid.”
"He’s wrong about you.”
"Why are you here, Logan?" she said wearily, already regretting that she’d bared her soul to him. The emotions of the day had spilled over and landed on Logan, the last person in the world she thought would be there to catch it.
"To apologize. For the way I handled things on the phone." He rocked on his heels, and when she stopped to really take a look at him, she realized that he'd let his facial hair grow out and his clothes were more wrinkled than usual.
"Are you okay?" she asked, her heart softening. She may have broken up with him, but they'd spent a good part of the last three months together, and though he could be arrogant and fixated on looks, there was a part of him, too deep for her to regularly reach, that was real and raw and more than what he let to the surface.
"Things have been a little messed up lately back home, but..." he paused and she thought he might tell her, but instead he gave her a wink. “Nothing I can't handle. Don't be a stranger, okay? And I don't know what you see in him, but good luck with Henry anyway."
"Henry's with Chelsea now."
Logan chuckled. "I can guarantee you that he's not."
"But she said—" Tessa paused and tried to pinpoint exactly what Chelsea said. It was more what she'd implied. And that kiss. But her mind whirled through the last couple of weeks, all the times Tessa and Henry had been together, what he’d said to her. What if she was letting her insecurities get in the way of something that could be amazing if she'd be brave enough to reach out and grab what she wanted for once?
"I have to go," she said.
Logan pulled her into a tight hug. "Take care," he said into her hair before she raced back to her apartment to enlist Layla and Addison into helping her snag Henry once and for all.
Chapter 43
Henry closed his eyes and inhaled the fresh desert air. He loved being out here, away from people and traffic and women. Except for the one female student in his group, but seeing as how they hadn't been engaged or kissed or he hadn't impulsively confessed he was falling in love with her, she lacked the dramatic ties of the other women in his life.
He’d told Tessa he was falling for her, and got zero in response in the few hours before he’d lost reception in the desert. Maybe that was an answer in itself. Still there was something about her that drew him to her, in the way this insect they'd come out here to find was drawn to the base of agave plants. So far they'd managed to find three live specimens to observe and had received permission to extract them and take them back to the lab for more research.
He crouched down and set the insect he'd been holding on the limb of an agave plant. "What do you think?" he asked it. "Do I have a chance with a girl like her?"
A hand dropped onto his shoulder and he turned to find Kent Graves, his academic advisor. "You know, talking to bugs is the first sign that you're losing it."
Henry stood, brushing the dirt off of his hands. "If there’s something to lose, then I will invariably lose it." Though, hopefully that wouldn't hold true regarding Tessa. He'd never had her yet, and he didn't want to lose her before he even got the chance.
Kent chuckled. "Did you ever find your phone?"
"Unfortunately, no. I think it's gone for good." After checking it obsessively while waiting for a response from Tessa, he'd stashed the phone in his back pack once they hit the desert and he'd lost coverage. When they drove into Nogales the night before to eat at a restaurant, he'd realized that his phone must have fallen out of his backpack at some point.
"I'm going to get you one of those GPS coin-trackers for your stuff."
"I'll need about a hundred of them."
"That'll be your graduation gift."
Graduation. After being in school for so long, it was hard to believe he only had one more semester before he'd be out here working on the border. The university had offered him a part time position as an associate professor so Kent could take a research sabbatical, which would get Henry's foot in the door for getting into academia, which he’d learned he loved.
Henry followed Kent to the truck where the students were loading their camping gear. It had been a great couple of days, but he was ready to get back home and make things right with Tessa before it was too late. "Hey, what time is it?" he asked one of his students who threw an overstuffed duffel bag into the back of the truck.
"It's
four-thirty."
Henry knew he was cutting it close, but he was still okay. It was about an hour back to the school to drop the students off, another fifteen minutes to his apartment, then he'd have to haul his stuff up and shower, but he'd be at the church for the road show by six forty-five at the latest. He helped the rest of the students load their things. The sooner it was done, the sooner they could get on the road toward home.
"Ready to head out?" he called to Kent, who had signed out one of the school vans to take the rest of the students. Henry had an additional three students in his truck with him.
"Whenever you are," he replied.
Henry's truck engine roared to life and he slowly drove on the dirt road away from their campsite. The truck pitched and bounced, and the students' voices fell to the background while he pictured how he would approach Tessa. He glanced at the dash clock. If he sped, he'd have time to stop at the grocery store and grab a dozen roses to give to her after the road show. Girls always liked that kind of thing.
A blip of lights and a siren from a vehicle blocking the road brought his mind back to the present. A man in a tan uniform stepped out of his white and green border patrol SUV and held up his hand. Henry slowed to a stop and rolled down his window. The man’s radio crackled in his belt when he got close.
"There's been some illegal activity about a mile up this road so we've had to block it off until everything is clear."
Henry shook his head. "We have to get back. Is there another route?"
"You can head back the way you came and go toward Mount Graham. But if you’re heading north, it will add another couple of hours to your drive, at least."
"Do you know when you can open this road back up?"
The man shrugged. "It's hard to say. But usually we can have it back open within an hour."
One Little Kiss (Christian Romance) Page 22
