by Karen Lynch
“Why did it have to be him?” I wailed against her chest.
She heaved a sigh. “It was always going to be him.”
I went still. “What do you mean?”
“Maybe if I’d ever bonded, I would have seen the signs. Looking back now, it’s so obvious. There was a special connection between you and Chris from the moment he brought you home. You were already attached to him, and he went out of his way to help you settle in here.”
“He saved my life, and I was traumatized,” I said, sniffling.
“It was more than that, and I can’t believe I didn’t see it. Chris has always been overly protective of you, and he couldn’t stand to see you upset. Any time he thought he might be late coming home, he called me to give me a heads-up just in case. Beatrice used to joke about how Chris could never remember birthdays, but not once did he forget yours.
“You were happiest when he was around, and I wasn’t surprised when you developed a crush on him. I thought it would pass, and it wasn’t until after he left that I saw you were in love with him. No one is that devastated from a crush. I think your Mori was mourning, too, because it already knew Chris was your mate.”
I lifted my head to give her a disbelieving look. “You think Chris knew all along?”
“No, but I think his Mori might have.”
“Then why did he leave?” I asked angrily. “Why did he hurt me like that if he cared so much for me?”
“He wasn’t trying to hurt you. He was doing what he always did – protecting you.”
I let out a harsh laugh. “Protecting me from what?”
“Look at it through his eyes. You were sixteen and still a child compared to him. He couldn’t return your feelings, and he felt his presence would cause you more pain than his absence.”
“He told you that?”
“No, but I talked to him before he left, and he was beating himself up for making you cry. He called me every week for the first few months to see how you were.”
Shock rippled through me. “He called?”
“Yes. He was waiting for you to get over your crush before he came home again.”
I wasn’t sure what to make of the things Rachel was telling me. I knew she’d gone to see Chris that day, but not once had she mentioned being in contact with him afterward. All this time, I’d thought he’d left and forgotten me.
“But he didn’t come back,” I argued. “He never even called me.”
“I don’t know why he stayed away and didn’t call you. Those are questions only he can answer. But I do know he cared about you very much.”
I wiped the wetness from my cheeks. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Doesn’t it? You love him.”
I didn’t deny it. In San Francisco, I’d felt something shift inside me when he’d kissed me on the boat and again when I’d woken up in his arms the next day. I’d started to wonder if there really could be something between us. It was why I’d agreed to go to dinner with him, and why I’d felt so comfortable dancing with him at the club.
When I couldn’t break the bond, I’d thought it was because I was weak. But as the hours passed during my ride here, the growing ache in my heart told me the real reason we were still bonded. I was in love with him.
“Sometimes, love isn’t enough,” I said hoarsely.
Rachel squeezed my hand. “And sometimes, all you need is a little time and space to put things into better perspective. And your mother.”
I rested my head against her shoulder. “I’ll always need you.”
We sat like that for a while before Rachel stood and smiled down at me.
“I’m going to make dinner, and then we’ll have a nice quiet evening, just the two of us.”
“I’d like that.”
I carried my bag into my old bedroom to shower and change after the long day on the road. Standing in the door to my bathroom, toweling my hair dry, I couldn’t help but think about all the laughter and tears this room had seen. The best years of my life had been spent here, and every picture and object held a memory for me.
I tossed the towel in the hamper and opened the closet door. At the back of my closet were three large plastic storage containers that held almost every gift Chris had given me over the years. I hadn’t opened these containers in years, except to add the things he’d sent me after he left. I didn’t know if seeing what was in the containers would help or hinder me, but I felt a sudden urge to look in them now.
Grabbing the top container, I carried it over and set it on the floor by the bed. I sat on the rug, pried off the lid, and immediately lost myself in the past.
This box was from my younger years, so it was full of mostly toys and plush animals. Among the contents, I found a delicate china doll, a ragged stuffed bear I’d slept with for years, a tiny bow and a quiver of arrows, and a wooden sword with a real leather sheath.
A small smile curved my mouth as I remembered how excited I’d been to get the sword on my ninth birthday and how Chris had spent hours engaging in mock duels with me. I’d practiced every day for a month so I could show him how good I was on his next visit. Rachel had finally ordered me to take the sword outside and to stop hitting the furniture. It was a good thing the blade was dull, or I would have sliced up everything in sight.
At the bottom of the box, I found a thick photo album, and I hesitated before I lifted it out. I knew it was full of pictures of Chris and me. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have ended up in this container.
I opened the album to the first page, and I was filled with memories of my first Christmas at Longstone, six months after Chris had found me. The first few photos were of me opening gifts, my face flushed with excitement. Turning the page, I saw a picture of Chris and me in front of the tree. My head barely reached his waist, and I had my little arms wrapped around his leg as I grinned up at him. He was smiling back, and it was easy to see the affection we’d had for each other.
Could Rachel be right? Had Chris and I been drawn to each other because our Mori somehow knew we were mates? Was it even possible for a young Mori to sense a potential mate?
With those questions at the front of my mind, I flipped through the whole album, reliving the memories associated with each photo. One thing I couldn’t dispute was that whatever his reason for leaving, Chris had loved me once. The proof was in every picture of the two of us together. But was that enough to forgive him and let go of all the hurt I’d carried with me for years?
I lay back on the floor, hugging the photo album to my chest. My heart still felt like it was in a vise, but I had no tears left to cry, at least for today.
I was still there when Rachel appeared in the doorway thirty minutes later. She took in the photo album in my hands and the things spread out around me and gave me a small smile.
“I made chicken fajitas. Do you want me to bring you some?”
“No. I want us to eat together.”
I sat up and laid the photo album on the bed. I hadn’t come all this way to hide in my room.
She held out a hand to me. I took it, and she pulled me to my feet.
“Come on.” Still holding my hand, she led me from the room. “You know my fajitas always make you feel better.”
“I think it’s going to take more than that this time.”
“What if I told you I have your favorite dessert in the fridge?”
“Cheesecake?” I asked hopefully.
“Call it mother’s intuition, but I had the sudden urge to make New York-style cheesecake this morning.”
I pulled my hand from hers so I could give her a hug. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Now let’s go eat a cheesecake.”
I laughed for the first time in what felt like days and followed her to the kitchen.
Chris
The vampire grinned, showing off his snakelike fangs, as we circled each other in the lobby of the abandoned apartment building. Off to one side, two more of his brethren cheered him on like boys at a street fig
ht. Fools had no clue they were taking their last breaths.
I struck, and the vampire darted away, alive but sporting a nasty gash across his chest. He shrieked and spun back to me, his smile gone.
“When I’m through with –”
His threat ended abruptly as my sword sliced through his neck. Before his head hit the floor, I was on the next one, thrusting my blade through his heart. The third one ran, but I took him down with a knife to the back. He was writhing on the dirty carpet when I strode over to finish him off.
I surveyed the room as I wiped my blades clean on their clothes. Usually, killing three vampires in less than two minutes would fill me with satisfaction, but it would take a lot more than that to lighten my mood.
It had been three days since Beth left, and with each hour that passed, it was getting harder to not get on my bike and go after her. I knew she was at Longstone and that the worst move I could make was to follow her, but being away from her like this was tearing me apart inside.
All I could see when I closed my eyes was the pain on her face when she’d asked me to leave the other night. I didn’t know what had stopped her from breaking the bond, and I was afraid she would be able to do it after she spent time away from me. Every time I thought of that possibility, it felt like a knife was twisting in my chest. I’d spent most of the last three days working and doing anything I could to keep me from thinking about it.
“Took out two. All clear up here.”
Nikolas’s voice came through my comm, pulling me from my thoughts and reminding me I was supposed to be sweeping the bottom floor. I was the one who had suggested he and I be the ones to clean out the abandoned apartment building after we’d gotten word some vampires were squatting here. Normally, we’d send a team for a job like this, but I’d needed the distraction.
The barest whisper of a shoe against carpet alerted me to the fact I was not alone. I spun to the left and felt the sharp sting of claws across the back of my neck.
The vampire flew past and whirled to face me, her face contorted with rage as she looked down at the bodies around us. She was faster than the three I’d killed, and she’d almost gotten the drop on me. I couldn’t remember the last time a vampire had been able to sneak up on me like that. This thing with Beth wasn’t just driving me insane. It was making me sloppy.
“Friends of yours?” I taunted.
Two things I’d learned about vampires was that they had short tempers and tended to act rashly when they were angry.
“Bastard,” she screeched and lunged at me.
I was in no mood to play around. I hit fast, slicing deep across her thigh. My second strike went straight through her chest. She let out a strangled gasp as her body sank to the floor.
“Chris?” Nikolas said through the comm.
“Four down. Continuing my sweep.”
By the time I finished checking the four apartments on this floor, Nikolas was in the lobby, calling for a cleanup team.
“Not a bad night’s work,” he said as I walked up to him.
“No. Though part of me wishes these were Incubi instead of vampires.”
There had been no sign of the Lilin or his sons since the attack on Adele’s nightclub, and the lack of activity worried me. A Lilin didn’t give up on his quest to procreate.
If one good thing had come from Beth leaving, it was that she was at Longstone and far from the Lilin. I’d suffer her absence if it meant she stayed safe while we hunted the demon.
Nikolas and I walked outside to wait for the cleanup team. His phone buzzed with a text, and his smile told me it was from Sara. She hadn’t been happy we’d left her behind tonight. She understood it had nothing to do with her abilities, but she still didn’t like it.
“She still angry texting?”
He chuckled. “She said she’s going to zap us both if either of us gets hurt.”
I laughed, but my good humor was fleeting. My thoughts went to Beth for the hundredth time today, and I wondered if she and I would ever have what Nikolas and Sara had. Or had I hurt her too much to move past all of this?
“How are you holding up?” Nikolas asked.
“I don’t know what’s harder – being away from her or not knowing what she’s going to do.”
“Still no word from her?”
“No.” I leaned wearily against the side of the building. “She’s been in touch with Mason, but no word on when she’s coming back.”
He nodded sympathetically. If anyone knew what it was like to be separated from their mate, it was him.
“I know this is not what you want to hear, but give her time.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to hear it.”
I’d give Beth all the time in the world. I just couldn’t bear this silence and not being able to feel her nearby.
A white van and an SUV pulled up outside the building. We gave them a rundown on what they’d find inside before we walked to our bikes, which we’d parked down the street.
“You heading back to the house?” I asked Nikolas as he picked up his helmet.
“You’re not?”
I straddled my bike. “It’s still early. I think I’ll patrol for a few hours.”
Nikolas didn’t hesitate as he pulled out his phone and sent off a text. I gave him a questioning look, and he smiled.
“I told Sara we were patrolling together so she doesn’t wait up.”
“Okay then. Let’s ride.”
Chapter 15
Beth
MY BODY BUZZED with equal parts anxiety and anticipation as I turned into the driveway of the command center. It had been four days since I’d taken off for Oregon, and I wasn’t sure what kind of reception I’d get upon my return.
I was worried about what my friends thought of me for running out on Chris, but more than that, I wasn’t proud of myself for what I’d put him through. Yes, he’d hurt me, but what I’d done was almost as bad. I’d left him just hours after trying to break our bond, and I hadn’t spoken to him once since then. Separation was hard on bonded couples, but doubly so for the male. I’d known that, and I’d done it anyway. I hadn’t meant to be cruel to him, and this wasn’t some form of payback. I’d been so wrapped up in my own pain I’d selfishly ignored his.
The first thing that struck me when I neared the house was that I couldn’t sense Chris inside. The longer I’d stayed in my self-imposed exile, the more I’d missed feeling him nearby, until I was as jittery as a drug addict in withdrawal. My stomach clenched in disappointment, even as I felt a small measure of relief that I didn’t have to face him yet.
I parked my Harley in my usual spot and groaned as I stretched my aching muscles. I loved riding, but I’d been on the road since early this morning, after a short rest at the safe house in Sacramento. My butt was sore from sitting for so long.
I dropped my bag off at the empty guesthouse and went to the main house to see who was around. I found Raoul, Will, and Sara in the control room.
“You’re back.” Sara hugged me tightly, and her smile was wide when she let me go. “Did you just get here?”
“A few minutes ago. Where is everyone?”
“Nikolas and Chris are out checking on some properties David found. Mason and Brock went with them. I don’t know where everyone else is.”
Guilt pricked me again. While I’d been hiding out at home, everyone else had been dealing with the situation here and trying to find the missing girls.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not much anyone can do until we get a solid lead,” Raoul said. “But it’s good to have you back.”
I rubbed the stiff muscles of my neck. “Good to be back.”
“You okay?” Sara asked.
“Too long on the bike. I’ll be fine after I move around a bit.”
“Let’s go for a hike. We haven’t done that in a week, and it’ll help you work out the kinks. I could use some nature time, too.”
A vigorous hike sounded pretty good, and it wo
uld keep me occupied. Otherwise, I’d spend the day moping around here, waiting for Chris to come back. I had no idea what I was going to say to him, but he and I needed to talk. If I sat around thinking about it, I’d be a mess by the time I saw him.
“That sounds great.”
* * *
“Is this a hike or an expedition?”
I grinned at Sara, who was several yards behind me on the narrow ridge. “We’re almost there. Come on. The view is worth the trek.”
We continued along the ridge for a few more minutes, and I let out a deep breath when we reached the summit of Mount Baden-Powell. I loved coming up here, where all you could see were mountains and desert and sky.
Sara came to stand beside me. “Wow. Is that the Mojave Desert over there?”
“Yes. You like it?”
“I love it.” She took a long pull from her water bottle as she scanned the area. “I bet there are trolls in those hills.”
I jerked my head in her direction. “Trolls?”
She nodded. “Yeah. They love mountains and cliffs. Not that we’d ever find one of their caves. We could be standing on top of a troll clan right now and never know it.”
A laugh burst from me, and my whole body suddenly felt lighter. “I bet you’re the first person to stand up here and wonder where the trolls are.”
Sara chuckled. “Probably so.”
We sat on the rock, neither of us saying anything for several minutes as we enjoyed the view. One of the things I loved about Sara was that she never needed to fill the silence with conversation. If I’d brought Mason up here, he would have talked my ear off by the time we hit the summit.
“How is he?” I asked before I could stop myself.
Sara let out a breath. “Honestly? I’ve never seen him like this. Chris is usually the easygoing one, the one who makes others smile. I don’t think he’s smiled in days.”
I drew up my legs and rested my forehead on my knees. “You must think I’m a terrible person for leaving the way I did.”
