by Raven Steele
This was the side of her mom Claire hated the most. Whenever her mother felt she couldn’t deal with something, she shut down. Claire came up behind her and reached around to shut off the water. “Why don’t you get something to eat and then go back to bed? You look tired.”
“Maybe. But,” her mother looked around the room as if searching for words, “don’t you need something?”
“I’m okay. Really, I am. You just rest.” Claire guided her back to her bedroom.
Her mother stopped suddenly. “The money. Smith said to bring the money in today.”
Then she started walking again.
The money. Claire bolted for her room. How could she have slept knowing the work of Gage's hands lie only inches below her?
She dropped to her knees and looked under the bed. The shoebox she had stashed the money in was still there. She exhaled and took off the lid. And then panicked. "Mom!"
"What is it?" her mother called from her bedroom.
"The money. It's gone!" She ran her fingers on the inside of the box as if to make sure the box was really empty.
Her mother appeared in the doorway. "Are you sure that's where you left it?"
"Positive." Claire’s mind turned over like a jumped battery. She looked up at her mom. "Did you take it?"
Her mother paused, scanned the room, seeming to think, but Claire was pretty sure she wasn’t thinking about the money. Her stare was empty.
“I didn’t know anything about it," her mother finally said. “But who did?”
Claire quickly flipped through faces in her memory and removed one of them. She knew exactly who took the money. "Can I borrow the car?"
Her mother nodded.
Claire slipped by her, leaving her staring after her. She hoped her mom would go back to bed. Sleep always helped her.
She snatched the keys off the counter and sprinted out the door, still in her pajamas. Ten minutes later Claire stood on Kate’s front porch, pounding on her front door.
Gratefully Kate was the one to answer instead of her mom or sister. Claire would’ve felt bad if someone else had to see her wrath.
"What are you doing here?" Kate asked.
"Tell me you still have the money.”
Kate stuck out her chin and glanced away. "I don't. Not all of it anyway."
"What did you do with it?"
Kate’s eyes met hers. "I drove to Portland yesterday and paid the entrance fee."
"That wasn't your money!"
Kate stepped outside onto the porch and shut the door behind her. "Well it wasn't yours either. Not entirely. You read the note and it was pretty clear what it was supposed to be used for. I only did what you wouldn't."
"But I told you I was waiting!"
"Waiting for what? This is our band’s dream, Claire. It’s what we’ve talked about for years and someone finally gave us a chance." Kate moved into a defensive position as if she were afraid Claire was going to attack her.
Instead, Claire shook her head and sat down on the step, saying nothing. Normally she wouldn’t have let something like this go so easily, but she just couldn’t bring herself to argue with her best friend. Not when there was a real fight waiting for her.
After a moment, Kate joined her. "What's going on?"
Claire inhaled deeply and on an exhale that seemed to last forever told her what happened. "So I need that money back, Kate. I don't want that freak thinking I owe him anything. Ever."
Kate twisted a finger through a hole in her jeans. "I guess I could try to get a refund."
"Really?"
Kate looked doubtful. "What about turning this whole situation into a positive?"
"There's nothing positive about it!"
Kate stood up and moved in front of her. "That's what I'm saying! What happened to you was horrible. But, like you said, the money was paid back and probably by Gage. I mean, who else would do it? So if we keep the money and then win the competition, something good will have come out of all of this."
She shook her head, but Kate persisted.
"Come on! The contest is in two weeks and you know how great we've been sounding. We have a real chance at winning this thing." Kate knelt in front of her. "We can do this, Claire. I feel it in my bones."
“I don’t know.”
"As for the money, there's still about $300 left with what we raised. And if we win the competition, we can use the prize money to pay back the rest.” Kate frowned. “Even though I'm not really sure who we pay back as the gas station already got their money. Donate it to charity?"
Claire sighed, caving in. This was the chance of a lifetime after all. And what were the odds she’d see Gage again? He probably saw the cops and was long gone. She nodded slowly. "Okay. But we better win."
Kate threw her arms around her. "You won't regret this!"
"I hope not," Claire said, but the words tasted bitter.
Chapter 14
Albert kept his distance in a corner booth, eyeing Claire with her friends while they ate lunch at Eddy’s. He watched her often now, made sure she was always safe. There wasn't a lot he could do to make up for what Gage had done to her, but he could at least make sure she was happy.
Claire shoved Steph playfully and laughed. She seemed better today, he thought. Over a week had passed since Gage had attacked her and every day she grew stronger.
He smiled, thinking of the last week. He'd spent as much time as possible with her, trying to be exactly what she needed, when she wasn’t with Him of course—the other man in her life. But Albert didn’t complain. Even he could see His presence was good for her so he said nothing and refused to think about how she might feel about Him.
It was difficult getting away from his parents. After he'd been caught sneaking out of his room, they had grounded him for a month, but the strange thing was they didn’t bother locking his window. They simply locked the door from the outside like they always did, and said they’d come for him in the morning.
Their actions made Albert suspicious, but he didn’t question them. He was glad they left him alone at night because this gave him a chance to still see Claire whenever she was available. But even when he didn’t see her, he stayed awake.
Sleep eluded him, no matter what he tried. He assumed it was a side effect of the drug, which he had proudly avoided, despite the fact that vials still remained holed up beneath the floorboards like a hibernating bear. For now they were as trapped as Gage.
But Albert could still hear him. When the night was quiet and heavy fog smothered the world around him, he heard Gage's words. They had been loud at first, demanding to be released, but now all he heard was a sort of hissing. A swearing of revenge.
Gage was trapped, and that was all he cared about. But for how long was what worried him. It was taking all his mental strength to contain Gage, yet Albert felt the cage was too fragile: glass where there should be bars. He was afraid any disruption to his emotional state would shatter the mental prison and release a monster that might never be contained again.
Claire laughed again, and Albert looked up. She was so beautiful. He vowed, for the millionth time, that no matter what he would keep her safe.
Chapter 15
Claire passed a basket of fries to Steph. She followed it up with a bottle of ketchup.
"Thanks," Steph said. Next to her, Kate fluffed salad with her fork, seemingly in another world.
"Did you guys look over the lyrics I wrote?" Audrey shouted from the end of the table.
Steph held her hand up to her ear. "Huh? We can't hear you."
They all laughed, and even Kate snickered.
Audrey scowled. "Did you guys read them or not?"
Claire swallowed the bite of pizza in her mouth. "They rocked. Seriously, Audrey. Especially the third one. What was it called? Death's song?"
"Death's Sonnet," Audrey corrected.
Claire tried not to flinch from the sound of her voice.
"I liked them too," Steph said. "We are going to do awesome at
The Fire and Ice Concert."
Kate set her fork down and stared at Claire. "Not if we don't get our head in the game.”
"What's that supposed to mean?" Claire asked. She noticed Steph and Audrey had stopped eating and were listening intently.
Kate rested her elbows on the table. "You've just been distracted lately and you've missed two practices."
Claire rolled her eyes and said, holding up her finger, “One, I have not been distracted, and B, one of those missed practices was for a dentist appointment."
Steph and Audrey stifled a laugh, but Kate was having none of it. "Why did you miss the other one?"
"I was hanging out with Ethan. You knew that."
"Doing what?" she demanded, leaning over the table even further.
Steph placed a hand on Kate's arm. "Lay off, Kate. It was only two practices."
Kate brushed her hand away. "But we should be spending all of our time practicing. And it's not just the missed practices. You guys can see she's been a love-zombie for the past few weeks. Ethan is all she thinks about, but we need her thinking about the band.” Kate leaned back and folded her arms to her chest. “Even Logan has managed to show up for all of our practices and he’s not even in the band anymore!"
Claire pushed her food away and began to gather her books. "Whatever. I'm out of here." But deep down she knew Kate was right. She and Ethan had become inseparable, and when they weren't together she found herself thinking only of him. His voice. His touch. His scent. But who was Kate to tell her it was too much? She moved to stand up, but felt warm palms on her shoulders.
"What's going on?" Ethan asked.
Her whole body seemed to sigh, and she relaxed into him. He couldn't have picked a better time to show up.
"Kate's giving her a hard time for missing practice," Steph said. Kate tossed her a dirty look, but Steph mirrored one back.
"Sorry, guys,” Ethan said, dropping his hands from her shoulders. “That was my fault. If I'd known it was going to cause problems, I would never have asked."
"There's no problem," Audrey said, smiling. Ethan grimaced from the sound of her loud voice.
"Actually there is," Kate said. "Without Claire's voice our band sucks. She's like the chocolate chips in our cookie so when she's gone, both mentally and physically, we’re just a boring cookie, a good one, but still plain. If we want to win, we really need to get her focused on the band again."
Claire turned to her. "Would you back off, Kate? Everything’s going to be fine."
Ethan put his arm around her. It wasn’t that long ago that she would’ve pulled away if he’d tried this, but not so much anymore.
"Kate's right,” he said, surprising her. “This is an awesome opportunity for you, and I don't want anything to screw it up, including me."
"You won't," Claire said.
"But just in case, maybe we should lay low for awhile."
"Are you guys breaking up?" Logan said, seeming to appear out of nowhere. He was grinning and everyone laughed, but Claire saw the truth hidden in his eyes.
She took hold of Ethan's hand. "Of course not."
"Good. Cause that would blow," Logan said and winked at her.
"You know, Kate,” Steph said as she readjusted her ponytail, “if you want to throw in an extra practice, we can play at The Hole in Roseburg. My uncle called last night and said one of their bands cancelled."
Kate looked at Steph, her eyes huge. "Serious? Why didn't you say something sooner?"
"I like it when you get mad," Steph said and pressed a fry into her mouth.
Kate turned to the rest of them. "Can you guys do it?"
"I can," Audrey belted.
"I’m in," Steph said.
They all looked at Claire, and she looked at Ethan. He smiled. "Go. You need this. We can hang out later."
"I'm going, too," Logan said. "I was a member of the band after all, and I want to make sure you guys don't screw up what I helped create."
Steph dipped another fry into ketchup. "If anything, we're making it better." She looked at Ethan. "If Logan's going, you might as well come too. But I'll have to see if my aunt will let us all stay the night."
"I won't be able to stay," Logan said, and Claire noticed his body tensing from across the table.
"Me either,” Ethan said.
"And I’ve got a curfew," Claire added.
Kate scrunched her nose. "Since when do you have a curfew?"
"Since my mystery date at the beach. Smith insists on it."
"Smith? What about your mom?" Kate asked.
Claire stiffened, but Ethan squeezed her hand. Always supportive. "You know my mom. I don’t think she understands what actually happened, or maybe doesn’t want to. I’m just glad Smith’s around.”
Steph stood up. "So it's settled. We'll ride with Audrey—”
"I'm driving?" Audrey blurted.
"And Ethan and Claire can ride with Logan," Steph finished.
Logan's eyes briefly met Claire’s. "Perfect," he said. "Meet me in front of the grocery store at 5:00. Of course that might be too early for you, Ethan.” He sounded hopeful.
Ethan smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
Chapter 16
On Friday, Ethan came over to Claire’s house to hang out before they met Logan at the store. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips and a jar of salsa. "So your parents are cool with you going tonight?"
Ethan shrugged. "They’re okay. You want some help?"
"No. I got it." She set the food on the coffee table in front of him. "Do you get along with them?"
"So-so." He stood up and motioned for her to sit down. "I'll get the drinks." He walked to the fridge and pulled out two sodas. "Do you get along with your mom?"
"Depends."
"On what?" He opened a can and handed it to her.
"How hard she's working. But that's what sucks. When she works all the time, she's cranky, but when she takes time off, like she did last week, then she starts thinking too much and goes all catatonic."
"Sounds rough.”
"I guess it could be worse. My dad could be out of prison." She froze as if the words had cut her tongue. How could she have slipped up like that? She hadn’t mentioned her father out loud in years.
She quickly stood up, blood rushing from her head, and moved toward the kitchen. She stumbled but caught herself on the kitchen counter. Think of something else, she thought over and over, trying to expel the image of her father from her mind.
On the counter was a small paring knife; her image reflected in its blade. She picked it up and squeezed, not enough to draw blood, but enough to force her mind to think of something else: biting pain.
“Claire?” Ethan stood up.
“So are you excited about tonight?” she said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. She turned her body slightly to the side where Ethan wouldn’t see the knife. Dad’s gone, she reminded herself. And he’s not coming back. With her free hand she touched her raven necklace.
When Ethan took a step toward her, she snuck the knife back onto the counter.
“You want to go outside?” she asked and moved past him to open the door, but Ethan stopped her and brought her to his chest. He didn’t say anything. Just held her.
She choked on a sob and tried to keep from shaking by reminding herself how much she’s grown since then. Gotten stronger. After a few minutes, air moved freely into her lungs and her heartbeat slowed to match Ethan’s.
He smoothed the back of her head, then reached out to open the front door. “Do you want to ride a little before we go?”
Relaxed and fully calm, she said, “But you don’t have your bike.”
“I know, but you can ride. Maybe show me some more of your sweet moves.”
Claire laughed and walked outside. Everything was okay. Ethan was there. Her father wasn’t. She sat down on the porch steps, letting the sun warm her skin. Ethan sat down next to her.
"Are you cool having Logan come with
us tonight?" she asked.
Ethan was silent for a few seconds before he said, "I know he likes you. More than a friend, but he hasn't pressed the issue, which is good."
"Why's that?"
"I'd hate to have to knock him out."
"You'd fight him?"
"If he hit on you? Hell yes. He knows we're together."
Claire nudged his shoulder. "You don't have to worry, you know, about me and him."
"I would understand if you had feelings for him. How could you not? He’s been your best friend for a long time and has been there for you through everything. But,” he glanced away, “if you ever feel like you need to act on those feelings, do me a favor and end things with me. And then give me time to get out of town."
Claire studied him for a minute as he stared into the distance. Right now he didn’t look strong, despite how he always made her feel. Maybe he was more fragile than she thought. She reached up and turned his face toward hers. "You’re not going anywhere."
She dropped her gaze to his full lips.
Ethan noticed and did the same to hers. He raised his hand and gently touched her cheek, his thumb brushing across her parted lips. But he didn’t try to kiss her, which made Claire want him even more. She pressed her mouth to his, taking him off guard.
He kissed her back, moving his lips slowly, letting Claire decide the pace and intensity, which only grew. Her nerve endings became alive and she moaned. So this is what it was like to let go, to not think about anything but a single moment. She had never felt more free.
Just then her phone rang. She pulled away and smiled, staring into Ethan’s eyes.
He grinned back. “Are you going to answer that?”
Still smiling, she took her phone out of her pocket. "It's Logan,” she said and answered it. "Hey. How's it going?"
"Good. Just want to make sure you guys are still coming." Logan’s voice sounded strained.
"Of course we'll be there, but it’s still early. You okay?"
The line was quiet for several seconds. Finally, he said, “I’m good. See you soon."
