MBA - Moron$ Ba$ and A$$

Home > Other > MBA - Moron$ Ba$ and A$$ > Page 1
MBA - Moron$ Ba$ and A$$ Page 1

by Jeff Blackwell




  M.B.A.

  Moron$ Ba$tard$ and A$$hole$

  By Jeff Blackwell

  @copyright 2013

  For my great friend, Charles Giardina, who left us way too soon. I know your humor has the angels roaring and your big heart has their wings a’soaring. We miss you each and every day.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue - Beginnings

  Chapter 1 - Yesterday

  Chapter 2 - Eighteen

  Chapter 3 - Rock’n Me

  Chapter 4 - Somebody to Love

  Chapter 5 - Show Me the Way

  Chapter 6 - Going Mobile

  Chapter 7 - I Want You to Want Me

  Chapter 8 - Stairway to Heaven

  Chapter 9 - Learning to Fly

  Chapter 10 - Love Hurts

  Chapter 11 - What’s Your Name?

  Chapter 12 - Whole Lotta Love

  Chapter 13 - Free Ride

  Chapter 14 - I Fought the Law

  Chapter 15 - Changes

  Chapter 16 - New Kid In Town

  Chapter 17 - Communication Breakdown

  Chapter 18 - Don’t Ask Me No Questions

  Chapter 19 - Miracles

  Chapter 20 - Take it to the Limit

  Chapter 21 - Ready for Love

  Chapter 22 - Fire

  Chapter 23 - Highway to Hell

  Chapter 24 - Won’t Get Fooled Again

  Chapter 25 - Maybe I’m Amazed

  Chapter 26 - You Really Got Me

  Chapter 27 - Who are You?

  Chapter 28 - Double Vision

  Chapter 29 - Love the One You’re With

  Chapter 30 - Bad to the Bone

  Chapter 31 - You’re My Best Friend

  Chapter 32 - Fortunate Son

  Chapter 33 - Jumpin’ Jack Flash

  Chapter 34 - He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother

  Chapter 35 - Now You’re Messin’ With A Son of a Bitch

  Chapter 36 - Killer Queen

  Chapter 37 - Uptown Girl

  Chapter 38 - The Logical Song

  Chapter 39 - Over the Hills and Far Away

  Chapter 40 - More Than a Feeling

  Chapter 41 - Back Door Man

  Chapter 42 - Cat Scratch Fever

  Chapter 43 - Sultans of Swing

  Chapter 44 - After Midnight

  Chapter 45 - I’m Free

  Chapter 46 - Blinded by the Light

  Chapter 47 - Sledgehammer

  Chapter 48 - Can’t Get Enough

  Chapter 49 - Born to Run

  Chapter 50 - Who’s Crying Now?

  Chapter 51 - Midnight Confessions

  Chapter 52 - Walk of Life

  Epilogue - The End

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Prologue

  Beginnings

  Did you ever have one of those mornings when all seemed so right with the world? You’re still mostly asleep but just starting to dip a toe into the pool of reality. Your pillow is snuggled in a perfect cocoon around your ears and the blankets are at that just right toasty temperature. Your feet are comfy and happy as warmth flows all the way up your body to the ends of your ears. A hint of fresh brewed coffee wafts around your head and gently creeps into all your senses. Your wife has slid back under the covers and fits perfectly against your soft downy filled backside. You want to go back to sleep, yet you want to stay awake, just a bit, to continue to experience this wondrous state of being.

  As the dawn of consciousness begins to break across your synapses, your heart rate speeds up and your eyelids, oh, so slowly, begin to part. Your brain starts to boot up and warm thoughts of the wonders of the coming day help you maintain that perfect state of bliss.

  The first sign that maybe this is not one of those mornings is that nagging voice in the back recesses of your cotton filled mind that goes from a soft caressing whisper to a head splitting shout. “Mick, when in your fucking life have your have you EVER used the word ‘waft?’ And what the hell is a ‘soft downy filled backside?’ Next thing you know, you’ll be seeing thinking about sugar plum fairies flying out of your ass.” My nagging voice is very profane.

  Ah, man. My gummy eyes ease open and I hazily gaze through a sticky goo impairing my vision. However, I can tell that this is not a Walton Mountain morning and Grandpa has definitely left the building. I’m alert enough to take a fuzzy read on the situation. I realize that the cocoon shaped around my head is my sweat soaked Panthers Super Bowl XXXVIII T-shirt. The warmth I seem to be embracing is the breath stealing oppressive North Carolina summer heat. The smell “wafting” around me is more like burnt forty-weight Pennzoil, not a tall mocha with a vanilla shot. And when the hell did I walk down the aisle? You’d think I’d remember something like that. The pleasant thought that it’s the perfect woman of my dreams spooning against me is shattered by her hot smelly breath on the back of my neck followed by a rough tonguing behind my left ear. She also seems to be in desperate need of an industrial strength depilatory.

  I try to flip over on my back to check out the size, state of cleanliness and relative temperament of my unknown snoring companion. This proves problematic as I am trussed up like the proverbial goose. My hands are bound with duct tape. Damn, so are my ankles. There is more duct tape connecting the two behind my back. Was it buy one get one free day at the duct tape store? My brain is just clear enough to guess that I probably did not do this to myself. Not much else is penetrating my cranial cumulus. C’mon, it’s time to kick start the mental engine and try to remember who I am, where I am, and how the hell I got here. I think I’ll close my eyes again for just a minute as I go tripping down memory lane. Would you care to join me for the journey?

 

‹ Prev