by Emily Bex
Mica smiled at him. "I can be your lifetime, young warrior. I see your heart, your true heart. For all that bluster and bravado, I see the fragility inside. Save the fighting for your master, but save your heart for me. Is that too much to ask?"
Raven's heart went into overdrive, his breathing ragged. This couldn’t be happening. This was what he’d wanted. If he could only open himself to Mica, trust him not to use him. Once Medici, Raven had become the user. It was a means of self-preservation and protecting his heart. There were older vampires who preyed on the younger, stupid ones with less experience. He knew that all too well. He’d lived it. Rolling over, Raven rested his head on Mica’s chest.
"Mica, don’t play with me. Just tell me you mean it because I’m tired of playing games."
Mica looked down at the vulnerable young warrior. "I’m not a player, Raven. I'm afraid I’m a romantic at heart. I’ve never jumped from bed to bed. I find my attraction to you quite surprising, and you, no doubt, are struggling as well. And yet, here we are. An unlikely match, but fate has brought us together. You’re a warrior, and you live on the other side of the country. I know you must feed, and feed often. I accept the realities of that. So, think long and hard before you answer my next request. Can you stay out of the clubs? Can you avoid the temptation of male flesh and seek out only the feeders? Are you ready to commit to me, young warrior? Or am I moving too fast for you?"
Raven took a deep breath. “I can avoid a lot of things, for you. Commitment goes...both ways. So, can you promise me the same in return? I want that. I can do this because I want what we have together."
Sitting up, he heard Marcello in his head, telling him to get his ass back to Bel Rosso immediately. They had escalated to red alert. Shade had left and they thought he was in Paris and the queen had left to search for him. What the fuck? Battle is about to be waged on Bel Rosso and their master goes to Paris? Something is not adding up here. Jumping from bed, he rushed to get dressed, his mind already shifting into battle mode and on getting where he needed to be.
"I have to go back to Bel Rosso."
Mica sat up in the bed. "What's wrong?"
"We’re on red alert. That means battle is about to start or something has happened to escalate the situation. I’m a bit confused at the moment. Marcello said Shade was in Paris. He said the queen went after him. Something doesn’t add up, but it makes no difference, I need to go. We could be attacked. Here as well, you know the drill, so you need to really keep your ears and eyes open. Anything looks strange, the warriors will respond, and fast."
He slid on his leathers, pulled his hair up in a bun, knotting it like a pro, and pulled on his boots. He propped his foot on the bed and laced each boot with speed.
"Where the hell is my fucking sword?" Raven saw the sword propped in the corner and was working to strap it across his back.
Mica was filled with concern. He was no warrior, but he’d lived long enough to see masters battle, and it was always a brutal bloodbath. "I remember everything you’ve instructed. And Reynaldo says he’s been with your master through many battles, so he knows the drill. But you...you be careful, my young warrior. I’ve just found you. I don't want to lose you over some stupid battle for land."
Raven stopped and looked at him. "Mica, this is not some stupid battle. This isn’t about land. This is about Medici, and the coven; this is about all of us. This is my life. If we don’t fight with all we have, we have nothing. I pledged my life to Medici. I’ll fight to my death if it means saving Medici. He saved me, I’ll save him. And don’t worry, I’m small, but I’m like a speeding bullet.”
Mica slid to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over the side as he slid his hand between Raven's legs. "Not so small, warrior. And I admire your loyalty because I know your master reciprocates. But you’re not invincible. So be careful. I’d like the chance to save you too, in my own way. I don't want to scare you away, but I'm afraid I love you already."
Raven dropped the sword and heard it clatter on the floor. No one had ever said those words to him. He hung his head, caught off guard by the declaration of love. He was warrior, he didn’t show weakness. Suddenly, his emotions overwhelmed him.
"I...I need to go."
Mica reached out and took his hand. “Have I said too much? Am I moving too fast for you? Tell me what you need, Raven. Don't leave with words unspoken."
Raven wasn’t sure what to say. Those words had never left his mouth before. Not those words. They meant commitment, and always forever. One blood tear slid down his face and he swiped it away quickly.
"I can take care of me, that’s easy enough. But I have no idea when I’ll see you again, how long this might take. Things will be chaos for a while, even after we kick their asses back to bum-fuck Thailand. Just tell me you’ll still be here, waiting for me. I need to know before I go, because I never had anyone waiting for me, I never had someone to come back to, someone I wanted so much."
Mica stood and embraced him, stroking his hair. "Young warrior, I'm going nowhere, and I’ll wait many lifetimes for you. Now just do me a favor and fight as hard to come back to me as you fight for your master's honor."
Raven nestled into his neck, taking in his scent, letting it give him courage to leave him behind. "I fight for us both. I’m good at what I do, taught by the best. And nothing will keep me from you. No warrior has that much power."
Raven kissed his neck softly, missing him already, whispering softly, "I love you."
Mica hugged him tightly to his chest, knowing, somehow, it was the first time those words had passed his lips. He’d love this fragile warrior, strong of body, but with the damaged, broken soul.
Raven felt his heart beat strong as his head lay on Mica's chest. He’d come back. He’d show Mica he was a true warrior and true to his word. Pulling back, he smiled. "I really have to go.”
Yanking his hair from its loose bun and taking a strand in his hand, he picked the sword off the floor and sliced off several inches of his hair. Taking Mica's hand, he opened it, kissed his palm, and laid the thick strands of silky black hair into his palm and closed it. He secured the sword into the strap on his back.
"Don’t forget about me."
Without another word, he disappeared, teleporting straight for Bel Rosso. He suddenly understood what boss-man had meant when he’d said there were more things to fight for than land and home. He understood now, he was fighting for love.
126
Luca clung to Kate as he teleported over Bel Rosso and Kate looked down over the estate. Every light was on in the house, the stables, and the camp. The warriors were everywhere. Shade's sudden absence had sparked the response to put all the warriors on high alert.
Luca landed with her back where he started, in the hallway outside of Shade's office. As soon as they touched down, Kate was limp in his arms, sobs racking her body. How could he not return with her? Through her tears, she saw Theresa and Marco emerge from the stairs that lead down to the wine cellar and the bunker.
Theresa was holding Lorenzo as he cried louder than Kate. Kate knew Marco must have insisted on taking Lorenzo to the bunker after both of them left. Shannon came running from Luca's suite, heading straight for her friend. She grabbed Kate, as Kate slowly sank to the floor.
"Kate. Are you all right?"
Kate looked up at Shannon and shook her head. "He wouldn't even talk. I couldn't get him to talk to me."
Shannon exchanged a glance with Luca, and he shook his head, mouthing to her they’d talk later. He’d had no time to explain things to her before he’d teleported out.
Luca knelt beside her. "Kate, give him time. He just needs time."
Kate looked at him and the pain in her eyes broke his heart. He knew both his master and his queen were broken, and he had no idea how to fix this one.
"How much time? I can't bear this, Luca. He’s blocking me. I can't feel him. He’s shut me out. He was ready to walk into the sun. How do I know he won't still?"
On hea
ring her words, Theresa gasped, and Marco dropped his head as Lorenzo kicked and screamed, feeling the emotional pain of both his mother and his father.
Luca shook his head. "Because the beast will take over, Kate. The beast works on instinct alone."
Kate spoke in anger. "The beast. The beast has already betrayed me. Who’s to say what the beast will do?"
Marco approached. "My lady. The beast can only be what he is, a beast. He responds to our most base needs: to feed, to fight, to survive. The beast can't stop being what he is any more than you can stop your hunger for blood now. The beast will want to live even when a vampire is at his darkest. The beast will drag him from the sun."
Kate sat on the floor, her body exhausted from the tears, as she let herself go numb. "What if he doesn't come back to me?"
Marco and Luca locked eyes. They knew the beast would keep Shade alive, but the beast couldn’t heal the pain. They both knew their master well and if he thought her life will be easier without him, he’d choose to stay away. Shade would know his warriors would protect Lorenzo, and her, as they had pledged. He had produced the heir to the Medici dynasty, secured the future of the coven, and if he thought he brought her less pain in his absence, then they both knew they might never see him again. He could choose to permanently block her and lock himself in his pain.
Luca soothed her. "He'll be back, Kate." He looked again at Marco.
Marco closed his eyes and tried to feel the one man he called brother, but he felt nothing. Marco shook his head.
Somewhere in the fog of her heartbreak, the wails of her son broke through and Kate called out, "Lorenzo!"
She lifted her arms to him, and Theresa moved to place him safely in her grasp. She held their son to her breasts, stroked his hair, fine as silk, and shushed his cries. Gradually, the baby quieted as he nuzzled into her neck, seeking comfort. Luca helped her up and Kate started up the stairs.
Shannon called after her, "Can I do anything? Tell me how to help you!"
Kate paused on the stairs and look backed at all of them. "Please, just leave me alone for a while."
She retreated to their bedroom where Emma had already pulled back the blankets on the bed. Kate kicked off her shoes and climbed fully clothed into their bed, holding Lorenzo close. The blinds were closed to the daylight as Kate turned out the bedside lamp, leaving the room pitch black.
She pulled the blankets over her, whispering to her son, "We must find him, Lorenzo. It's only us now." The emotional exhaustion took its toll on both mother and child as they slipped into a dark and unsettled sleep.
127
Shade slept like the dead. He felt dead, inside and out. His body was nourished from the feeder, but his soul felt hollow. His death slumber was long, an escape from reality. He could stay suspended here, in the black nothingness, feeling nothing, hearing nothing, seeing nothing. He’d shut out the world, all of it, including her. It was the only way he could survive right now.
He knew the betrayal belonged to his beast, and the beast had no care for the moral or emotional consequences of his actions. The behavior of the beast had never concerned him before. In his world of vampires, they all dealt with their beast. Shade knew the beast loved Kate, had even sought her out for him, helped him to identify her as his eternal mate, and yet, the beast had still inflicted this pain on them both.
How could she trust him now? She’d already had such insecurities before. How could he ever get her back? She’d sought him out, and his beast had held her. She’d said she still loved him, but Shade wondered if it was enough. He wondered if they could ever repair the damage that had been done. He wondered if it would ever be the same again.
He heard the blinds open in the Paris house, and he slowly woke, groaning with the pain in his aching head. He sat up, his face in his hands. What had happened? Max had set him up by throwing him into a situation he knew the beast could never refuse, no matter how hard he fought it.
He shook his head to rid his mind of the images of sexual abandon with the feeders, to have them replaced with something else; images of her, his bel. He was slammed with the pain of the betrayal and his heart was broken. He stood and walks aimlessly around the third floor of the house. He finally took a long, hot shower, trying to clear his head. Pulling on a pair of jeans from the dresser, he searched through the house, finding the bar stocked with Midnight. He drank straight from the bottle, cleansing his pallet of the taste of the feeders. He didn’t kid himself, he couldn’t go long without feeding, and he couldn’t betray her further by feeding again from someone else. She’d also need to feed, and he knew she’d only feed from him. How long would she deny herself before she’d finally give in to the demands of her immortal body?
He grabbed a stool and dragged it to the balcony, opening the doors wide, and filling the room with cool refreshing night air. He sat there looking out, not seeing much of the Paris skyline, and oblivious to the noise rising up from the streets. His mind was consumed with all he’d lost and wasn’t sure he’d ever regain again.
His body ached for her touch, her kiss, her hair on his chest when she slept. He missed his son. A small, tiny reflection of himself that he could never have imagined would change his life so drastically. He’d left them all behind, left everything behind to try to make himself whole again. Was that even possible? He grunted in agony, his mind tortured.
He had pledged to be the one who fixed everything for her, made it right. He’d turn the world upside down for her, and now, he had no idea how to fix this. She was in pain, he knew that. But so was he, more than she could ever imagine. But she was strong. She was a queen now and he knew his family would never let harm come to her or Lorenzo. She was better off without him. She’d find love again, love that she deserved and earned. He’d failed in the simplest thing. It was all she’d asked of him, and yet, he couldn’t even give her that.
He drank throughout the night, his body becoming slack and his mind numb. The bottles lay empty around him. Trying to get off the stool, he fell over and onto the balcony floor in agony. He was drunk out of his head, and he couldn’t remember the last time he drank like this.
His beast forced him back inside and he crawled slowly back into the room, kicking the door closed behind him. He emptied another bottle of Midnight down his throat as he slow crawled to the bed, but he never made it. He lay sprawled across the thick rug as the blinds closed and he felt his slumber pulling at him, the beast once again saving him from self-destruction. His last thought before plunging into the darkness was of her, his lily white, his walking sin. He called out her name in a voice wracked in pain and willed a rose to her bed. When she awakened, she’d know he missed her. He was still alive. But he wasn’t ready to return.
128
Kate was losing track of time. She knew the electronic blinds had gone down twice, or was it three times? She’d not left the bedroom, or their bed. She felt Lorenzo wake and nuzzle into her neck and she let him feed. She vaguely remembered Theresa entering several times, trying to coax her from the room, but Kate would slip back into the oblivion of sleep. It was the only way to blunt the pain, and her growing hunger. She woke now to the sound of the blinds opening as she pulled the blanket over her head, blocking out the light, blocking out her life.
Lorenzo kicked at the blanket, his hands battling, and Kate lowered the blankets to look at him. His blue eyes stared back at her. He’d lain quietly with her, sleeping when she slept, for however long they’d been locked away in this room. She stroked his face, her love for this child healing her heart. She knew Lorenzo could heal Shade as well, if only he’d come home.
Kate rolled over to the side of the bed usually occupied by Shade and found a red rose on the pillow. She sat bolt upright in their bed. “Shade!"
She looked around the room, sliding out of the bed. "Lover? Where are you?"
She grabbed up Lorenzo and ran into the bathroom, but he wasn’t there. She ran back in the bedroom and was about to run downstairs when she caught a ref
lection of herself in the mirror. Her hair was dirty and disheveled. Her face was still red and puffy. She was wearing the same clothes she’d climbed into bed wearing however many days ago it had been. If Shade was home, this wasn’t how she wanted him to see her.
She called for Theresa, who responded so quickly Kate thought she must have been standing outside her door. "Take Lorenzo please. Bathe him and get him dressed in clean clothes. Hurry!"
Theresa was confused, but glad to see Kate up and moving, regardless of what sparked the change. She took Lorenzo and scurried away to the nursery. Kate returned to the bathroom, turning on the shower, and stepping beneath the steaming hot water. She washed her hair and scrubbed her body clean. Stepping from the shower, she dried her hair, brushing it to a high sheen, and spritzed on her rose scent. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a soft cashmere sweater in a soft shade of blush. She tore out of the room and down the stairs.
"Shade?"
Marco stepped from the study and Kate skidded to a stop. "Where is he?"
Luca heard her in the hallway as he left his suite, Shannon on his heels. Kate looked from one to the other. "Where is he?"
Marco responded, "Please, my lady, have you seen something? Heard from him? If you have, you must tell us everything so we can help you. We’ve heard nothing. He’s still in Paris, we presume."
Kate looked at them all. "No! He's here. He's home! He left a rose in our bed. He must be here."
Marco took a deep breath and looked at Luca. Luca stepped forward to give Kate some comfort and hopefully explain. He recognized her fragile state and didn’t want to send her back into hiding in their bedroom. "Kate, he wouldn’t have to be here to leave you the rose."
She looked at him blankly. "What?”
Luca locked eyes with her, trying to keep her focused on the here and now. "He can will the rose from anywhere. Think hard. Did he send you a message?"
