Indelible Love - Emily's Story

by DW Cee

  Chapter 8

  Road Trip

  Within minutes I was home, showered, and packed in time for my friends to arrive. Though I didn’t want to be away from Jake, I looked forward to seeing my friends again.

  Ding Dong! Ding Dong! 6:30a.m. Right on time. I was looking forward to spending some time with Sarah and getting her caught up on all the craziness of the last five days. She would be able to help me focus and sort out my feelings. I opened the door and to my surprise, it was Jake.

  “Good morning, my love.” Jake planted a kiss on my lips. “I wanted to stop by and see your face before you left.”

  “Didn’t you just see my face? Didn’t we see each other the whole night?”

  “Love, I’ve never slept as well as I did last night. We’re going to have to have more slumber parties.” He grinned at me. “Here, I brought you your favorite breakfast.” He handed me an almond croissant and a latte. My stomach growling, I was grateful for the food. “How did you sleep last night? You claim you don’t sleep too well outside of your own bed.” He obviously doubted my original claim.

  This was a tough question to answer. In all honesty, last night was the best night’s sleep—ever! It felt so right to be with him in his bed, to be held by the man who adored me. But, if I admitted this to him, he would want to sleep together every night, and I didn’t think I could resist the temptation. I had fallen once only to be rescued by Jake of all people. Next time he would not be such a Good Samaritan.

  “Well? How did you sleep?”

  “I’m going to plead the fifth on your question.”

  “Why? Could it be because you enjoyed it as much as I did?” His lips slowly widened to a grin.

  “No comment,” I answered with a grin of my own. “Don’t you need to get to the hospital early and prep or something?”

  “No. The rest of the surgical team does that. I walk in whenever they’re done and perform the operation. Today’s a routine heart surgery. Nothing too complicated.”

  Of course it wasn’t too complicated for him. He would probably be the one to take over for the chief if he were to step down. Chief Reid had filled me in on Jake’s important role at the hospital. Before last night, I wasn’t quite aware of what a coveted doctor I was dating. His modesty made me appreciate him even more.

  “Hey, Emi? Guess what?”

  “What?” I asked.

  “The chief just called me with some good news.”

  “Oh?”

  “Well, there’s this heart association conference in Paris he wants me to attend. He was going to go himself but has a conflict now with some important hospital board meeting. He called to see if I was available.”

  “That’s wonderful. I’m sure it will be a great experience for you. Though, I’ll miss you while you’re gone.” I hoped I didn’t sound too sad at the thought of him leaving me. I didn’t want him to miss anything on my account.

  “Emily. I’m not going to Paris without you. How could you think I could be apart from you for that long? The chief is quite smitten with you and told me to take you along. He’s transferred his ticket and hotel room over to my name. I’ll just buy you a ticket. What shall we do about the one room? Can we stay together in the same room?” His eyes were hopeful.

  “Jake, I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I can get a whole week off from work. Besides, it sounds kind of dangerous, the two of us in Paris,” I teased. “Who knows what kind of concessions I’ll make in such a romantic city, especially if we only have one room?” I flirted with his hope.

  “I like the sound of that,” he said, hugging me. “Let’s go to Paris, then we can go visit Gram in London. She really liked you. Dad told me she called early this morning to tell him how wonderful she thought you were. My whole family loved you.”

  “Oh, I’m relieved to know I passed the test. I do want to meet Gram. I’ll work on getting that week off. I’ll let you know as soon as school starts.”

  “So, I have a question that wasn’t answered yesterday while you had us broken up in your own mind.” He shook his head, looking at me as though I were crazy.

  I shrugged my shoulders and raised my eyebrows as a combined apology and what else was I to think, response.

  “When did you know you loved me, and why didn’t you tell me this monumental information before?”

  “I’ve known for a while, but couldn’t admit it to myself till the night before we left for Hawaii. At the sushi restaurant when you were asking me about my family, I appreciated how much you cared for me and how you empathized with my every joy and heartache. I, too, wanted to be there for every part of your life. I knew that I would laugh when you laughed, and cry when you cried. That’s when I finally admitted that I had fallen in love with you.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Well, I kind of waited for you to say it first so I could reciprocate, but you never told me you loved me in Hawaii.” I shrugged my shoulders again. “I felt a bit self-conscious bringing it up out of nowhere.”

  Jake gave me another disapproving look and came over to hug me. “Please don’t ever doubt my love for you, OK?”

  “OK,” I answered but nudged him away. “I think it’s time for you to leave, Dr. Reid.”

  “All right. Don’t forget about getting the second week of February off, OK? If your principal says no, then let me talk to her.” As I walked Jake out to his car, he held my hand and noticed the eternity band on my finger. Joy radiated from his eyes.

  “You’re wearing the ring…on your finger?”

  “Oh…you noticed finally? It was so heavy around my neck I was getting a neck cramp,” I kidded. “I thought I’d try it on the finger and see if it’s any better here. Of course as luck would have it, it only fits on my ring finger.” I stretched out my ring finger to show him the perfect fit. “Unless of course you think it looks better on my neck, then I’ll put it back on as a necklace.” I pretended to take the ring off and Jake immediately stopped me.

  I confessed my heart to him. “I am committed to you as your loving girlfriend. When I see us heading toward that last step, you’ll be the first to know.”

  Cars started pulling up in front of the house as we continued saying good-bye. Max was one of the first to get out of the car. He stared at me with a hurt expression. As much as I hated seeing Max upset, I wanted to finish saying good-bye. “I love you, Dr. Reid. Now go. Save lives.”

  Jake wouldn’t let go of me, but I gently nudged him away.

  “Hi, Jake,” Sarah called out. “Did you have a good Christmas? How was Hawaii?”

  “It was fantastic. How was your Christmas? You went up to Oxnard?”

  “Yeah. It was great. What did you get for Emily for Christmas?”

  “You’ll have to ask her. I tried to give it to her, but she wouldn’t take it. Though, I got an unbelievable present from Emily last night.”

  “Oh? What did you get?” Jake had piqued Sarah’s curiosity. Once she got curious, there was no stopping her.

  “You’ll have to ask your best friend.” His vainglorious face had I slept with Emily last night written all over it. Now everyone wanted to know.

  “What did you get him? Why’s he so happy?” Charlie asked.

  “Go to work, Dr. Reid,” I admonished.

  “My girlfriend is telling me I have to leave. Have a great trip and take care of her for me, OK?”

  “Jake, why don’t you come with us?”

  “No, Sarah. Jake needs to get back to work. He’s going to be jobless if he takes any more time off.” I gave Jake a disapproving look while he shrugged his shoulders at Sarah. “Bye. I’ll call when I get there” was the last thing I said before we started our road trip.

  The ten of us took two cars into Vegas. We crammed all our junk into the cars and hopped in uncomfortably for the next four hours. I felt like I was back in college. This was no first class to Hawaii—back to my reality. Max, Peter, Sarah, Charlie, and I squished into Peter’s Honda Accord. I sat in the
back with Sarah and Charlie and felt distressed after Max and I had such an awkward ending at lunch the other day.

  Sarah and Charlie tried to make eye contact with me but I avoided them. Peter went off babbling about the hotel that he booked for all of us. I vaguely heard him say something about a suite but didn’t pay much attention. I could tell Max was concentrating hard not to look back at me too often. I stared out the window at the sights and sounds of the busy freeway.

  Haphazardly, I started thinking about Max and our times together in college. We had gotten into horrible fights all the time. Max was always so stubborn and hated admitting to any wrongdoing. Chuckling to myself, I remembered how he was supposed to pick me up from the library at 4:00 one rainy afternoon but didn’t show up till 5:00. I was wet and late for my study group, but rather than apologizing and making sure I was OK, he fought with me the whole time, arguing that I had told him the incorrect time. Explaining how improbable his reasoning was since I had a 4:30 study group didn’t end the discussion. We didn’t speak to each other for almost a week. Ugh! He was always so obstinate. Looking back, we were passionate about everything. Maybe that was how collegians were—eager to jump feetfirst into any situation. We loved passionately and fought just as passionately. We made it through one day at a time.

  “Emily, how was Hawaii?” Peter woke me from my memory.

  “It was wonderful.” I tried not to sound too mushy.

  “Details, Emily!” Sarah commanded.

  “Well, I met Jake’s parents and his brother, Nick, for the first time at the airport, and we instantly bonded like family. They were so warm and loving toward me.” My face broke into a deep smile. “We arrived in Maui and met Jane there. Then we did so many activities I couldn’t even begin to explain all of them. I probably lost five pounds in the four days we were there because of how active we were.”

  “What were the sleeping arrangements like?” Charlie asked, guffawing like a teenage boy.

  “Charlie.” I slapped his arm. “The parents were in one room, Jake and Nick had another room, and Jane and I roomed together.” I smiled, remembering how Jake had wormed his way into my bed the first night.

  “Activities?” Peter kept pressing for more information.

  “The day we landed, we had an early lunch, took a helicopter ride, hiked five miles, snorkeled, I had a scuba diving lesson, did yoga, and went to a luau!” I felt exhausted just remembering all the activities.

  “How on earth did you do so much in one day?” Sarah sounded amazed.

  “I don’t know. The Reids are all active people. I was so exhausted after the scuba lesson, I wanted to collapse. But, I kept up with them somehow and finished the day. The next day brought on more scuba and surfing lessons, and I had to drudge through a basketball game. That was a long two hours pretending to cheer for their team.”

  “Did you get to relax at all?” Sarah asked.

  “Yeah. On Wednesday, his parents had to go to a meeting, so Jane and I relaxed at the spa for half a day. We wanted to go the whole day, but Jake wouldn’t have it, so we compromised on a half day. We also hung out in the cabana a couple of afternoons. That was a nice respite from all the activities.”

  “Was it nice being away with Jake?” Sarah continued to press. It was almost like the two of us were having our own private conversation even though everyone else was listening. I knew Max heard every detail, and I felt bad, but I reveled in the fun I’d had in Hawaii.

  “I’ll fill you in on all the details later, Sarah. I have so much to tell you,” I whispered.

  Just then my phone buzzed. It was a text from Jake. Reading it made me blush.

  Last night was even more amazing than our first night in Hawaii. Miss you. Love you.

  Charlie saw my red cheeks and stole the phone from my hand and he read the text aloud. “Emily! Did you have sex with Jake?”

  “Charlie!” Sarah and I both yelled at him. I kept quiet till we got to lunch.

  Vegas was no different from the last time I’d come—big buildings filled with lights and giant advertisements of half-naked women. I supposed that could be exciting for some, but the in-your-face advertisement was quite a turnoff for me. We pulled into the Venetian Palazzo Hotel and Peter checked in for us.

  Peter, being Peter, got one giant suite for all of us to share. It had three bedrooms and three bathrooms and was luxurious. Sarah and I took one room; Peter, Charlie, James, and Max took the other; and Will, Scott, Dave, and John took the third room. We all unpacked and relaxed. Some of the guys went out to gamble and some stayed to watch an MMA fight on TV. Sarah and I didn’t leave our room. Charlie knocked on our door to make sure we were OK as I started to fill Sarah in on all the details of Hawaii.

  Sarah began by asking about the text. “OK, so what happened? What’s with the Christmas present and the text? Did you actually sleep with Jake? He could not have lured you into bed with him already when Max wasn’t able to the entire four years.”

  “Well…” I had a guilty look.

  “Emily!” Sarah begged. “The suspense is killing me!”

  “You know how the first day we got to Maui we took the five-mile hike, had scuba lessons, did yoga, and went to a luau, right? So I was really tired! Jake walked me back to my room and he too was tired because he went surfing with Nick while I was at yoga. He fell asleep on my bed while I was showering. I tried to send him away, but he pulled me down on the bed and wouldn’t let go of me. Eventually, I was too tired to fight him off. I fell asleep in his arms but nothing happened. We just slept,” I confessed.

  “Anything else happen?” Sarah pressed.

  “Well, I kind of fell asleep on him up in San Francisco as well. I don’t know why I keep doing this with Jake. My guard is down and I feel very safe.”

  “You didn’t tell me about this before. What else are you keeping from me?” Sarah eyes squinted. She knew this story was nowhere near being over.

  “Well…” I had that same guilty tone.

  “You didn’t! Does this have something to do with last night?”

  “Let me explain yesterday morning first. On the way home from LAX, Jake suddenly pulled out another Christmas present and I about had a heart attack. There was a diamond engagement ring in the box and he proposed to me in the car on the side of the road.”

  “No!” Sarah gasped. “So what did you say?”

  “I told him it was way too early. Sarah, we’ve only been together for two months.”

  “Emily, you’ve been awfully intimate for someone who’s been dating such a short time. You’ve been emotionally, mentally, and physically bewitched.”

  “I know. But, it’s still too early. He is too perfect and I’m scared, Sarah. After four years, Max realized one day he didn’t love me anymore. What if Jake thinks the same way a few months down the road?”

  This was my a-ha moment. I had told myself and Jake it was too soon and that I wasn’t ready for a lifelong commitment with him. In actuality, I would marry him in a heartbeat if I trusted he would love me the rest of my life, like he loves me now. I was scared to let this happen to me again—too scared to be hurt by the man I trusted. Jake was right. I did doubt his love for me.

  “But, Emily, you can’t fear today because of what happened yesterday. Jake is not Max. If you live your life wondering if every man you love will wake up and leave you one day you’ll never be happy. If all that’s stopping you from accepting Jake’s proposal is your paranoid past, you need to rethink your answer.” Sarah was right on all accounts. Maybe during this time away from Jake I would carefully rethink us.

  “So what did Jake say when you said no?”

  “He accused me of doubting his love and asked me if my answer had anything to do with Max. He was mad because I turned him down without even considering his proposal. I thought he was going to break up with me. Sarah, the thought of letting go of Jake was so difficult. It killed me to think it was over. I do really love him, don’t I?”

  “Honestly, Charlie
and I thought you were a goner from the first weekend we saw you together with him. We have never ever seen you so enamored with anyone—not even Max.”

  I sighed. Perhaps I had made the wrong choice.

  “How did you resolve this mess?”

  “When I asked him if he was breaking up with me he thought I was crazy. He patiently listened to me, and answered all my questions. He then reassured me that he loved me and that we were not breaking up. Then, I told him that I, too, loved him and we ended our crazy morning.”

  “So what happened last night?” Sarah wondered.

  After an explanation of last night Sarah’s face never looked more surprised.

  “I don’t know whether to be more shocked by your concession or by Jake’s self-control. What a Christmas you two had.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  Everyone started coming back to the suite, and I noticed that our door had been open the entire time. I didn’t know if Max might have heard anything, as he was sitting on a chair near our room. We walked out of our room and I searched Max’s face but couldn’t read his expression.

  We drove to the UNLV stadium to watch our football team. During the ride, my phone went off and my heart raced. It was Jake.

  “Hi, Jake. We’re on our way to the stadium. Are you done with work already? How did morning surgery go?”

  Jake sounded tired. He had ended up assisting with two more surgeries. We weren’t at the stadium yet so we continued to talk.

  “Where are you off to?”

  “My house in the Valley. I’m moving my stuff out tonight.”

  “You’re moving already?”

  “When will you be back? I miss you.” The feeling was mutual.

  “We’re here till Monday. I’ll be home by the afternoon. Come over after work. I’ll make you dinner.” I could tell he wasn’t thrilled with me being with Max. He really wanted to come join me. I encouraged him to rest and said good-bye.

  “What was that all about?” Sarah was always the curious one. “Where is Jake moving tonight?”

  “Jake is leasing out his house in the Valley and moving back into his mom’s house. He wants to be closer to work and to me, I suppose. She lives about five minutes from me. His room at his mom’s is amazing. I don’t know why anyone would want to live elsewhere. His room has to be about a thousand square feet, and it has everything.”

  When we got to the stadium we weren’t surprised to discover that Peter got ten tickets all separate from one another. We were separated into groups of three, three, two, and two. Before I could say a word, Peter gave tickets to each of us, and “coincidentally” Max and I got the two seats together quite far from everyone else. I tried to switch seats with Peter, but he ran off with Jeff and Dan before I could finish my sentence. I silently waved good-bye to Sarah and Charlie.

  “Em, I guess it’s you and me. Let’s go,” Max said.

  I hesitantly followed. What else could I do? On our way to our seats, we stopped by the concession stand and picked up dinner. Fans started packing into the stadium, and Max and I almost lost each other in the rush. He had the tickets so I would’ve been in big trouble if Max hadn’t backtracked and found me. He grabbed me by the hand and pulled me along toward our seats.

  Once the game started, we cheered for our team, but couldn’t get a conversation going. I could feel the uncomfortable current between us and tried to replace it with excitement for the football team, but it didn’t work. About twenty minutes into the game, I attempted to have a normal conversation but my first question didn’t come out as casually as expected.

  “Hey, Max? Sarah tells me that you and Jennifer broke up. What happened? Was it a mutual parting?” I tried to sound nonchalant. Nonchalant, it wasn’t.

  Max appeared uncomfortable and stayed silent for a few minutes. I waited patiently for an answer.

  “Jennifer wanted more out of the relationship than I was willing to give her. She wanted to get married and I didn’t. We both thought it would be best if we went our separate ways,” he finally explained.

  “Oh,” was all I could say. I felt an odd sense of empathy for Jennifer.

  Max stared at me. “What? Why are you making that face? You’re making me feel very defensive.”

  “What face?”

  “That sad look you have. It’s making me feel like I’m the bad guy.”

  I shook my head and chuckled a bit. “I’m empathizing from one ex-girlfriend to another ex-girlfriend.”

  This made him mad. “What do you mean, Em?”

  Uh-oh. I was in trouble now. I knew he would badger me till I gave him an answer.

  “Max, forget I said anything. I’m sorry. Let’s get back to the game.” I tried to divert his anger.

  “No, I think we need to talk. Em, I need you to explain yourself to me,” he demanded.

  I sighed, regretting having said anything. “OK, I’ll explain myself, but can we do it after the game? I don’t want to bother anyone else around us.”

  “You promise? After the game?” Three hours coupled with an exciting football game would hopefully get his mind off this topic.

  When we got back to the hotel, Max immediately forced me to go with him to nearest coffee shop for an explanation. His face turned a bright hue like it always did before he exploded. I decided to start talking without any coercion.

  “Max, when did you become so sensitive?” Laughing at him didn’t lighten the situation. “I only said what I said because I know how Jennifer is feeling right now.”

  “What do you mean?” he asked so innocently.

  “What do I mean? Have you forgotten that you dumped me a year and a half ago?”

  He lamely defended himself. “We didn’t break up because you wanted to get married and I didn’t!”

  “Really?” I asked, dumbfounded. “Then why did we break up? Didn’t you give me some lame excuse about not wanting to be tied down and needing your freedom?” I accused. It felt good to hash out our breakup.

  “You never mentioned wanting to get married,” he retorted.

  “Max, are you blind or stupid?” It was me who started with the tirade. “You were the only boy I ever loved. After four years of dating, did you think there’d be any other boy I wanted to marry but you? Of course I thought we were getting married. After graduation…never mind…”

  Emotions overwhelmed us both at the memory of graduation night. Tears glistened in our eyes, but I quickly laughed them off and poked fun at myself instead.

  “Boy, was I ever wrong—so much for woman’s intuition. I went from being married in my head to being single in reality.” Max looked away so I wouldn’t notice the pain in his eyes…though I did.

  “Max, it’s late and I’m tired. Let’s go to sleep.” He obliged and we went up to our room and got ready for bed.

  It was 5:00 a.m. when the phone buzzed with an early greeting from Jake. In agony, I weighed the wisdom of calling him and needing to hear his comforting voice versus having to explain why I was up at this hour and why I felt so down. Against my better judgment, the phone call was placed.

  “Hi, Jake. Are you off to work already?” I asked.

  “Emi. Why are you up so early? Are you all right?”

  “I’m all right.” I lied, hoping he wouldn’t catch the sadness in my voice. “My back was hurting on this couch so I couldn’t get a good night’s sleep.”

  “Why are you sleeping on a couch?” I probably shouldn’t have explained that one either. I knew what he would say.

  “Peter got a gigantic suite and I was supposed to room with Sarah, but Charlie stayed in our room so I ended up on the couch.” Of course, Jake immediately insisted on getting me a separate room. “Jake, no. I don’t want you to get me my own room. That’s not cool. We came as a group. I need to do everything with them. Please, don’t do that.”

  “All right. Emi? Are you sure you’re OK? You sound sad. Did something happen with Max again? Do you want me to fly in today?”

  “I’m fi
ne.” The flat tone in my voice was an unconvincing reassurance. “I think I miss being in my own bed. Between Hawaii and Vegas, a different bed has greeted me each night—yours having been the most pleasant one. I miss being with you as well.” My voice cracked a bit and I knew I needed to get off the phone right away.

  “Emily, I’m coming to see you right now! I don’t like the way you sound.”

  “Jake, I’ll see you tomorrow. You cannot abandon your work to come get me. I’m fine. Go to the hospital and focus on your patients. I don’t want to be a distraction for you.”

  While I was saying this, Max stepped into the living room, and I quickly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.

  “Jake, I gotta go. I’m sorry. Have a wonderful day. I love you. Bye.”

  Max had a worried look on his face. He stared at me with his boyish good looks that reminded me of our better days in college.

  “Em, are you OK?” I wiped away a final tear and turned my back toward him.

  “I’m fine,” I lied.

  He sat on the couch and turned me around to face him. He comforted me with a hug and to Max’s surprise, I didn’t push him away. The love and tenderness we once shared for so many years spoke through our embrace. I stayed in his arms for a while, silently, eventually pulling away. Max let go, unwillingly.

  “Thanks. I really needed that. It was hard holding back the tears during our phone call. He would come here immediately if he thought there was something wrong with me.”

  “He’s quite protective of you. Jake seems to love you very much.” Max didn’t like admitting this.

  “Yeah, I feel loved when I’m with him, like there’s no one else on earth but me. Maybe it’s his age or maybe it’s just him. He takes care of me without hovering over me. It’s been wonderful.”

  “Then why are you so weepy this morning if everything is so perfect with him? Why’d you call him this early if you didn’t want him to see you like this?” Max’s expression hardened.

  “Jake actually texted me before leaving for the hospital, and I should have just let it go, but I missed him and wanted to talk to him.”

  “Is that why you’re crying, because you miss him? I’m going to be really mad if I was your shoulder to cry on because you missed your boyfriend.” I couldn’t tell whether Max was joking or serious. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

  I laughed. “No. That’s not why I’m crying. I’m just a bit frustrated at the ironies of life.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “After our conversation last night, I realized all throughout undergrad, I wanted nothing more than to marry you, but you never asked. Obviously, that wasn’t in your plans. I finally meet a man who wants to marry me, and I don’t have that same assurance. Maybe it’s just too early. We’ve known each other for such a brief period, and yet Jake is so sure I’m the one. I believe I feel the same way, but I’m not positive.”

  Max’s nervous expression worried me. To my surprise, he pulled me off the couch and told me to get dressed. “Let’s go have breakfast, Em.”