I sigh and rest my head on Nic’s shoulder.
“Thank you for being such a great friend. I love you, Nic. And thank you for not texting Marc back something embarrassing. I promise I’ll give him a chance and I’ll try not to compare him to some impossible ideal guy.”
She grins again and nods approvingly.
“Good girl. Let’s have some fun tonight, huh? Since Marc’s texts woke me up, I might have texted Nate a photo of me in my sleeping clothes.”
“Sleeping clothes?” I bite out in disbelief. “But you always sleep in just your panties and a super skimpy t-shirt that leaves very little to the imagination. You been sexting him?”
She winks at me and giggles mischievously and not for the first time in my life, I envy Nic’s confidence and her happy go lucky attitude.
She’s free with her sexuality and she doesn’t make a mystery of it. She doesn’t sleep around per se, but she won’t turn down a fun fling if she finds someone she really likes. The difference between us is that she won’t build things up in her head and make everything so damn complicated.
So I take a page out of her book and text Marc back.
Kaya: You never bother me. I legit forgot my phone on my nightstand. I can’t wait to see you at the party.
Kaya
NIC AND I JOIN THE party when it’s obvious that most of the high school and college kids in the area are somewhere around our house or backyard and private beach.
There are people everywhere and the music gets louder with every passing minute.
I’m glad that the mansions on this side of the hill are sprinkled quite sparsely along the long stretch of private land that includes the green, soft sloping hills that overlook Star Cove and miles and miles of untouched golden sandy beaches.
Our parents didn’t forbid us having parties or anything like that, but I’m pretty sure that Mom and Dustin wouldn’t be impressed if they had to deal with noise complaints from the neighbors.
But we can’t even see our next door neighbor’s property, so I’m pretty sure that they can’t hear the loud music, the cheering and chanting that accompanies a variety of drinking games, and the shrill screams of the people playing volleyball in the Olympic size swimming pool in our backyard.
Marc and Nate texted that they’re just parking their car at the end of our road, as the driveway is already full of cars and trucks.
We tell them to meet us in the kitchen, so that we can all get a drink and then find somewhere to hang.
“Wow, your brothers really don’t mess around when they party, huh? There’s literally any type of drink you could ever think of.”
Nic mixes herself a vodka cranberry and then hands me a wine cooler. We’re soon joined by Marc and Nate who both help themselves to beers.
“Holy shit, this party is lit!”
Nate grins as we walk through the living room where my stepbrothers are having a videogame tournament and a group of girls is hanging around them like their own personal fan club.
My eyes land on Chase who’s sitting on the couch waiting for his turn with two girls on his lap. Both girls are locals and they’re well known for sleeping around a lot and while I know of them, I’ve never really talked to them, especially because I know that Nic hates them. Something to do with old rivalries when they were all in grade school.
It hurts to see Chase with someone else, even if he’s never really been mine, even when I thought that we were getting close. It hurts and I feel stupid to even feel that way because my stepbrother is one of the best looking guys I’ve ever seen, he could be a model or a Hollywood actor with his perfect body and the looks of a fairy tale prince, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he’s popular with the girls. I can only imagine how college is for him, since he’s in a fraternity and he’s the quarterback of his school’s football team.
I avert my gaze, determined not to let Chase’s hookups ruin my summer and that’s when my eyes land on Reid.
He’s sitting on a recliner by Chase’s side with a girl on his lap and if that fact alone would make my heart squeeze with a painful clench, who it is somehow hurts even more.
I’m not the only one who notices, Nic shakes her head and whispers in my ear, “Wow, I understand being wild and getting laid, but I thought your brothers had better taste. Jasmine Wheeler? Seriously?”
I sigh, quickening my steps to leave the room in a bid to put as much distance as possible between me and my stepbrothers.
Jasmine was the talk of Star Cove last summer: she married her high school sweetheart at eighteen, right after graduation to then famously cheat on him with some out of town rich guy.
The affair was one of the most scandalous bits of gossip to ever hit Star Cove. Jasmine moved out of her in-laws home and into an apartment rented by her ‘boyfriend’ but at the end of the summer, the guy disappeared on her leaving her with a broken marriage, a shattered reputation and rent she couldn’t afford.
People called her all sorts of unsavory names, siding with her ex-husband, who’s very popular in town, his family owning one of the best Italian restaurants in the area.
I don’t know Jasmine that well, I mostly keep to myself, but Nic told me how her family had disowned her after the affair. Her parents were already disappointed by her choice to skip college to get married straight out of high school and the affair was the last straw.
Rumor has it that to support herself, Jasmine works as a cam girl for one of those websites where users can follow the girls and give them tips to wear certain things and perform certain actions, like taking a bubble bath on camera or shave their legs ... on paper nothing weird goes on but certain less reputable websites offer VIP subscriptions to access special events, where lines are crossed.
So everyone started saying that Jasmine works in the porn industry and the constant stream of men seen coming in and out of her apartment didn’t help quash the rumors.
If I had any hope that my relationship with Reid could ever improve, I guess this is the last nail in the coffin of our friendship. I don’t know Jasmine that well and I don’t know what kind of involvement her and Reid might have, especially since the guys have literally just got here, but the possessive look in her eyes tells me all I need to know.
Obviously she intends to sleep with Reid and I know he isn’t mine, fuck we aren’t even friends, but if he’s going to spend his summer hooking up with one girl after the other, I really can’t bear to watch.
It hurts way too much.
So when Marc puts a supportive hand on the small of my back, I instinctively lean into him, glad to be taken away from a sight that confirms what I already knew: not only do my stepbrothers not care about me, I’m not even a blip in their thoughts.
7.
It’s not you, it’s me
Kaya
I FEEL RELIEVED AS soon as we leave the room and Chase and Reid are out of sight.
I inhale the fresh night breeze, fragrant with the smell of the ocean and the scent of the jasmines that bloom everywhere on the property and open their blossoms at night.
Jasmines ... right. I think bitterly with the image of the olive skinned brunette in Reid’s arms still burned into my memory.
I hate how much it hurts and what I hate even more is how I’d rather take the scowl in Chase’s dark blue eyes than the cold indifference in Reid’s ice blue ones. Reid has barely even looked at me since the brothers arrived yesterday morning.
And I know I shouldn’t let it affect me this much, our short-lived friendship was three summers ago and it’s obvious how I’m the only one who hasn’t moved on.
And Reid? Out of the two, he was the sweetest one.
Chase has always been a force of nature, with his constant energy and endless drive and appetite for life. But Reid’s calmer, quieter nature was full of a sweetness, an attentiveness that drew me to him from the very first time I saw him, when I bumped into him during a walk on the beach. He was always so thoughtful, he never forgot the little things he learne
d about me: my favorite ice cream, my favorite song, he made every moment we spent together a special one.
“Hey Kaya, where were you? You seem miles away. I was asking you if you wanted to go together to the Star Cove State Fair next weekend.”
I see the hurt in Marc’s gaze and I feel terrible for being so distracted, so lost in my thoughts.
We’ve been walking on the beach, past a bonfire where I faintly recall seeing Bryce roasting marshmallows and Parker drinking a beer and talking to a group of girls.
Well at least none of them was sitting on his lap.
Shut up Kaya! I think immediately, wondering whatever the fuck is the matter with me today.
Not only am I jealous of my stepbrothers and their conquests, do I need to add their best friends to the mix too? I spent a fun afternoon with them, but I’m pretty sure that they were just being nice to their besties’ little sister.
Marc doesn’t deserve his date to be constantly distracted.
“Where did Nic and Nate go?”
I ask not spotting our friends but I was sure that they were right behind us when we came outside.
Marc has a knowing little smile on his face as he points to a spot near the limits of our property, where a cluster of rocks creates a secluded alcove.
“I guess they wanted some alone time. And to be honest, I don’t really blame them. I’ve been looking forward to spending some alone time with you too.”
He takes my hand in his and my knee jerk reaction is to take my hand away from his but I don’t.
I promised myself and Nic that I’d quit living in the past and I’d give Marc a fair chance.
Come on Kaya, stop thinking about two boys who take notice of you just to let you know how much they dislike you.
So I smile at Marc and tell him that going to the Star Cove State Fair sounds really fun.
“Afterward, would you be my date at my parents’ Fourth of July weekend BBQ? It’s our family tradition, they invite all their friends and I’d love to show off my beautiful date. I’ve been telling my mom how much I like you all winter.”
“Uhm ...”
I don’t know what to answer, I think it’s a little soon to meet the parents but maybe he doesn’t mean for it to be this huge event?
After all, I told my own mom about Marc and how we wrote and called each other all winter.
Marc must take my silence as consent, because he keeps talking, squeezing my hand in his.
“My senior year at the military academy was really tough. There was barely any free time. They prepare us for West Point, my teachers said that if I thought that was hard, I haven’t seen anything. But my dad is really proud of me for getting in. He and my grandpa and my grandpa’s grandpa went to West Point, so I had to work really hard not to disappoint them. But do you know what made those early morning ten miles runs and those assault courses and the endless classes bearable? The thought of seeing you and of having the whole summer together.”
I open my mouth to say something, at this point I’m not even sure what, but Marc’s lips meet mine before I can give him any kind of response.
This kiss is very different than the barely there peck I got yesterday, this kiss is ... the most dreadful kiss I’ve ever received in my entire life.
His tongue immediately invades my mouth and there’s so fucking much of it. It’s like his whole tongue is in my mouth and it feels slimy as it moves really slowly in a sloppy, overly wet kiss. It’s like having a giant, fat slug in my mouth. I immediately try to pull away from him, feeling a wave of revulsion but he’s holding me tight and the only thing I can do is try to breathe through my nose and hope that this will be over soon.
When he finally breaks the kiss, I can’t fight the need to wipe at my mouth and the feeling of slight dizziness that overcomes me makes me me take a step back from him.
You know how I’ve been comparing every kiss to my first kiss with my mysterious guy and how so far that has been the best kiss I’ve ever had? I can certainly say that this is the worst kiss I’ve ever experienced.
Just the idea of kissing Marc again makes me want to puke but my physical reaction to his kiss is the least of my problems right now. He wants to go out with me again and take me to meet his parents. After the present he gave me last night and the stuff he said to me right before he kissed me, I know that I have to end this.
I like Marc, I really do, he’s handsome and smart and so kind but this kiss just showed me that there’s no chemistry between us.
I feel incredibly guilty and I hate myself for the way I feel and for causing him disappointment but I know that I have to tell him how I feel, because the longer I let this continue, the worse the disappointment I’ll eventually cause him.
I take another step back and before I say anything, Marc asks me, “Kaya, I like you so much. Do you want to be my girlfriend?”
I take a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that threaten to spill at the thought of hurting him.
For a second, I look for any possible excuse and the best reason I can come out with is pretty lame, but I hope it’ll let him down as gently as possible.
“I’m sorry, Marc. I can’t be your girlfriend.”
I immediately see the hurt in his eyes and I almost take it all back but I force myself to hold his gaze, because I know that he’s gonna want to kiss me again if I don’t put an end to this.
“Why? Did I do anything wrong? I thought we were good friends and that you liked me too.”
I try to soften the blow as much as possible.
“We are and I do, Marc. But I can’t.”
He shakes his head and says that he doesn’t understand.
“It’s not you Marc, it’s me. I know it sounds cliché but it’s the truth. I’m sorry if I led you on, I didn’t mean to. The reality is that I’m not ready for a boyfriend. I have to focus on my studies and with us going to college at opposite ends of the country ... what’s even the point? We’ll never see each other and I think that we should just concentrate on school for now, you know?”
He sighs but the emotion I see in his eyes isn’t resignation as he prepares to argue his case.
“Look Kaya, I know that we’ll have to go long distance and that West Point is gonna be really tough and require most of my energy but we can try to see each other on winter break and spring break and—”
“Marc, I’m sorry. I can’t really do long distance and it wouldn’t be fair on either of us. We both will have very demanding course loads and I think staying friends is the right thing to do. I’d rather have a great friendship than a difficult relationship. Please try to understand.”
His eyes darken and his lips tighten in a thin line, his gaze now fixed on the sand.
“Is there someone else?” He asks the question without looking at me and that makes lying to him a lot easier.
“No, of course not. I promise that there isn’t anyone else. I simply have no time and—”
“But the summer,” he interrupts me and I charge on, determined not to allow him to push the matter any further.
“Marc, it just doesn’t make sense to just date for the summer if we know that we don’t want to have a long distance thing. How can you date someone knowing that there’s an expiration date?”
“But maybe by the end of the summer your feelings for me will have grown and you’ll see things differently. You can’t know how you’ll feel in two months unless you give me a chance.”
I can’t breathe. I hate myself for hurting him but at the same time, I hate the fact that he won’t take no for an answer.
It’s like last night with that present he gave me. He made things so awkward that I took it but I won’t let him guilt me into being his girlfriend. Not when just the idea of kissing him again makes my stomach churn like after eating bad seafood.
My emotions after kissing any other guy after my mystery guy ranged from indifferent to slightly put off if the guy wasn’t a good kisser, but this?
I’ve never felt t
his kind of revulsion kissing someone. So while Nic’s idea of a good summer fling to help me forget the past could be a valid one, I know that Marc isn’t the right person to have that fling with. Both because he clearly wants more than just a fling and because I simply can’t kiss him again.
So I tell him that I just want to be friends. “Please Marc, don’t hate me. Try to understand. I’d love to be friends with you but that’s all I can offer.”
He looks at me again and I hope it’s the dim light on the beach and that what I see in his eyes aren’t barely contained tears.
“Are you sure that there isn’t anyone else?”
His tone is slightly accusatory and makes me react by immediately denying that there might be someone else. I feel guilty for lying to him but what else could I say?
Yes, I’m in love with my stepbrothers. Both of them. I’ve been in love with Chase and Reid since I met them. And I also have a crush on another guy who kissed me at a party three years ago, but I have no clue who he is or what he even looks like.
Yeah, that would be even less believable than any excuse I could ever come up with, so I keep denying it.
He tries to convince me to be more than friends one last time but I stand my ground, keeping in mind that kiss and how I never want it to happen again. In the end, Marc walks away in search of Nate. His fists are clenched and his voice is shaky when he tells me he’s fine and that if the only thing I can offer him is friendship, he’ll take it.
Forbidden (Perfect for them Book 1) Page 6
