Symmetry

by T M Caruana

  “Anyway, it’s nice to meet you and we have much to thank you for. I know you have sacrificed a lot to help us,” Hunter said, and at the same time rebuked Tarus with a sharp look.

  I never normally embraced Vic as he always used to keep himself aloof with me, but now all my overwhelming instincts couldn’t resist.

  “I thought I would never see you again,” I whispered near his ear.

  Relieved that he was on the good side, I hugged him hard, so that my arms stretched all the way around and I could feel my fingertips touching behind his lower back.

  “And I never thought I’d see you again after I had let you out of my sight for the first time in twenty-nine years. But it had been time for you to escape.”

  His words hit my consciousness with the truth. Obviously, he had given me the stone with the key and said goodbye. He knew me inside and out. He knew it would make me run away, run away into the arms of Tarus and the only person I was so physically attracted to that I couldn’t resist going with him.

  Why did Vic have a hidden identity, the Chameleon? It must have been to hide from Eutychia.

  “Good that you are who you are; for now you can take us into the department without being seen and you can distract Isaac and Benjamin,” I cheered when I realised that everything had fallen into place.

  The reason that he had taken the job at the research institute was because he would have access to all the keys and all the information to help us. He was as much a hero as Leo. Or had it been the other way around? He worked there and then he met me and had decided to help us? How did he come into contact with Hunter? How did he even know we existed? And why were we whispering to each other and hiding behind the corner of the building’s entrance.

  “What are we waiting for?” I asked. “You can take me inside with ease,” I told Vic.

  His body tensed and I noticed he had stopped breathing as he stared me and then at Gabriel. It appeared as if he didn’t know how to answer me.

  “It isn’t that simple Susy. It’s better if we’re not seen.”

  We both let go of the hug and Vic turned to peek out from behind the corner to see if there was anyone there. I stood close behind him. So, there were still many secrets left that I didn’t know. I thought back to what he had told me.

  “What do you mean, that you first had lost sight of me? You didn’t visit me that often. You were always busy with the research.” I admonished not forgetting all the times I had wished and prayed at my bedside that he would stick his beautiful head around the doorway to keep me company.

  “Susy…” he whispered holding me close in an embrace with his strong arms around my body and laid his cheek on my head, making Tarus grunt.

  “I never left you. I was always there with you in the white chair in the corner. From there, I watched over you day and night.”

  His voice was soft and he almost spoke to me like to someone he had been in love with forever. His sentence had no logic. If he had been sitting in the chair I would have seen him, of course.

  “Enough Villhelm. And you were never meant to show yourself. Your feelings for each other are making things increasingly difficult for both of you now.” The telling off came abruptly from Gabriel and was directed toward Villhelm who, according to Gabriel had forgotten to focus on his final task.

  Vic…or Villhelm looked shamefully down at the ground and scraped at the gravel.

  “I know. Forgive me father.”

  I gasped and we were all now looking at Gabriel, all equally surprised and sceptical about what we had just heard. Is Villhelm Gabriel’s son? How was it possible? How come I couldn’t feel it or see the likeliness? I couldn’t perceive any of Villhelm’s emotions or intentions.

  “My mother was from Sabi and, with the power stone in my presence, I could keep myself invisible. I only left you when I had to see what Isaac and Ben had found out in their research on your blood and also to poke my head from the right side of the door so that you wouldn’t imagine otherwise. And father…” Villhelm turned frustrated toward Gabriel, “I had to show myself, I saw how sad and lonely Susy was and it was hard to endure.”

  He gabbled the words so as not to be interrupted, even when he could see that Gabriel wasn’t happy with his decision. So it was Gabriel who had actually stolen the yellow power stone to give to Villhelm and it meant that his poem’s clues weren’t random.

  I tried to think about how the whole situation was related and how embarrassing it was that Villhelm would have heard every word I had said for twenty-nine years and watched every movement I had made and every tear I had shed. I could feel Gabriel lecturing Villhelm with only the exchange of his feelings, but I couldn’t sense Villhelm’s response. I couldn’t read him at all. In their strained faces, faces close to one another, I could now clearly see their similarities. It was no wonder Villhelm had comforted me; his smell, his charisma and his beautiful eyes had been more familiar than I had realised. Villhelm was almost a carbon copy of Gabriel, but younger. They had the same long legs, the same stubborn stance; both with their hands on their waist when they became irritated, the same broad shoulders, hair colour and jaw line.

  So did this mean that Isaac and Ben had never seen him? They had no idea who he was or that he existed? Had I never seen them talk to each other, be in the same room or been aware of any other traces of his existence in the clinic? When we had baked gingerbread…no, that time the nurses had left early. No one had ever come into my room at the same time as he. I had not seen a hook for his jacket, a nametag on his clothes, or a mug with his name on in the kitchen. Had I never talked about him to Isaac, mentioned his name or asked after him? No. Not that I could remember. My thoughts moved back to the charm I had around my neck. The smile on my lips couldn’t be avoided when I thought about it – Villhelm wasn’t included on the photo with me because just as angels don’t sleep; they don’t get caught on camera.

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  Our, now criminal, intrusion was a success and we found ourselves in the room behind the glass window with all the buttons and dials inside Isaac’s office, without being discovered by any guards, nurses or scientists. Everyone ran frantically back and forth in the room to build an experimental table with tubes that led to another room that had a triangle sign on the door warning of dangerous electricity. I admitted to myself that I had minimal experience with these scientific experiments even though I knew everything about particles. I assumed that the tubes were connected to The Hadron Collider. This miraculous machine could combine my four forces into a microscopic explosion that would form an energy substance that, together with the power stones and my blood, could provide enough energy for the worlds. Everything sounded bizarre, but I had to trust Leo. He hadn’t been wrong so far, and anyway, it was my grandson’s words that I was putting my trust in.

  Villhelm stood crouching over the instrument panel alone on the outside of the room, and I took the opportunity to speak with him privately. The steps were so easy that I almost felt like I was creeping up on him. But who can sneak up on an angel? His magical amber eyes enchanted me in a comfortable way next to his magnificent body, before he rose up and, of course, he was much taller than I, by at least three heads. The charms’ long chain made it easy to pull it over my head before I carefully placed it in Villhelm’s big hand.

  “Your charm,” I whispered, somewhat ashamed of my theft.

  He opened it to look at the picture, stroked his thumb carefully over the photo and then closed it again.

  “Here…” he coughed to get the sound out and swallowed. “Keep it, so you can always remember me, wherever you are in the Universe.”

  I was too disoriented to move so he put it over my neck himself and leaned closer to my body in a last sad embrace. He hesitated to let go, but finally he moved away and continued to adjust the instrument buttons and dials without looking back at me.

  Whilst everyone, for once, was working in collaboration, I dared to visit my old room. The code was still U235 and the sight of the
ugly wallpaper and the narrow hospital bed made my stomach cramp. The large seventeenth century mirror now had an explanation for its grandiose nature and random placement. My room contained the only furniture that Isaac had managed to save from his first institute, the building behind the King’s baker’s house before ‘The Great Fire’ in 1666 in London. He had been packing up all their material in readiness for our departure for Pixi, when Merlin had rushed towards us with a fireball. The fire had taken hold in the interior and then devastated large parts of London.

  My eyes were drawn towards the white chair and I remembered that it always seemed to be a little different each time I saw it, although I had never guessed why. I had just blamed the cleaners. Angels never slept, I thought to myself. He was really watching over me day and night and it wasn’t surprising that he had always visited me when I had felt most depressed.

  I lay in my bed and thought about how I would actually die here, as I had assumed before I had decided to run away. I was back in the same room, with the same wallpaper and was probably looking at the same robin on the branch outside the window. It was almost as if I had imagined the whole thing, all the people, all the adventures, all the feelings. They weren’t real, just a game in my imagination and Vic would peer round the door at any second. This time however, it was Tarus’s face that was reflected in the mirror.

  “They’re ready for you,” he said softly, not wanting to disturb my nostalgia.

  “Are they already finished?” I asked, surprised that it hadn’t taken as long as I had expected, or perhaps even hoped for.

  Hakon had been right again; hope just makes me disappointed. I wasn’t ready to go back to the small room to meet their distraught eyes and say a final farewell to everyone. I wasn’t ready to leave the worlds and all I held dear, my newly discovered grandson included. Also, I would never know if the experiment had really helped to save the worlds – maybe I would die needlessly.

  “How is everyone keeping up out there?” I persisted.

  I didn’t really want to know, but maybe it would be easier to handle if I knew? Maybe I could remain calm if I was prepared for what I could expect?

  “You know…I don’t need to read emotions in order to see that Kora is heartbroken beyond the limit of what angels are allowed to feel for the person they protect. She has been with you a long time. Even her professionalism has broken down a bit. Gabriel doesn’t stop hyperventilating as he runs around avoiding all eye contact and I noticed that he fumbled a lot and his hands were shaking when he adjusted the tubes. Tailja and Luke are trying to calm them now. Michael and Hunter are pretty quiet because of the low adrenaline caused by their broken hearts. Hunter paces nervously back and forth as usual, after having broken every chair he has tried to sit on. Vic…I probably wouldn’t read his feelings if I were you. He looks like he has already lost his soul. But I can assure you that they will all have calmed down and are ready by the time you arrive.”

  Tarus had never been good at lying to me and I could see through his façade. Although he had painted a picture of sorrow, it would mean that the situation actually was several thousand times worse. Moreover, he had forgotten to mention one person.

  “And you? Are you ready to let me go?” I asked and knew what my response would have been if I were to be deprived of him.

  “I will never be ready for that. I will miss you Susu.”

  I had almost forgotten his affectionate nickname for me because I had always hated my name SUSY when referred to me as an energy rather than a personality. It had brought grief and hence the nickname rang as angelically beautiful as church bells at a wedding in my ears. In the loving words I remembered the last verse of his poem to me.

  I will not think ‘what if? And ‘why?’

  I know I will love you until I die,

  No future time spent will be spent apart,

  You live within me and ache in my heart.

  I murmured the worlds loud enough for him to hear them. I had to show I realised that Tarus had already known my fate. Had he and Leo talked about my death before they saved me from CERN? The poem depicted a sad farewell though it was possible that it wasn’t directed at such an early death, but perhaps one that he had hoped would be postponed further into the future, much later in the future.

  “But this isn’t the end, not our end,” he sniffed, looking pointedly at me with troubled eyes. He managed to hold back his tears and abruptly stomped off back to the others.

  Before I followed him, I went to the bathroom, rubbed toothpaste over my teeth and combed through my long blonde hair with my fingers. In the kitchen I caught a glimpse of the scientifically sophisticated weather station that not only told the weather, but also the moon’s position, the humidity, date and time. It was December 20, and the time was 23:50. It was the time that had captured my attention as it almost looked like the code to the door, U235. Surely it would be ironic if I were to die on the day that the Mayans had predicted to be the end of the world. I couldn’t imagine that the process would take less than ten minutes and my death would thus become the 21stDecember 2012. Hopefully, it was just my destruction, and not that of the rest of the Universe. Maybe it was my life that the Mayans had used metaphorically as the ‘world’, and thus they were more correct in their statement than the sceptical people from Teli could understand.

  The white dress together with my long blonde hair and bright blue-purple eyes made me appeared angelic as I lay with pride on my deathbed that had been prepared for me.

  “Everything turns out as it should in the end,” I murmured quietly to myself.

  Villhelm stood over me to check that all the tubes were in order. He held the key that he had once said he wanted back and placed a glass of water with the pink flower on the table next to me.

  “It will probably be the last flower…” he began, but didn’t finish his sentence when he noticed that his voice faltered and continued to fiddle with the tubes though they were all in order already.

  He looked down at me again after having calmed down and whispered gently. “It has been an honour.”

  Then he bowed and went to the office behind the window. After giving a thumbs-up, the others came in to say their last goodbyes, which made the process even more unbearable. When they had all bowed, curtsied and vanished from my sight, Tarus came and sat down on a chair at the edge of my bed. I turned my head to look down at him. His hand was cooler than the last time I had felt it, as it embraced mine. His wrinkled face showed neither acceptance nor indifference. There was only reluctance. Actually, it wasn’t meant that anyone should have personal feelings for me. I was a life force, not a person. The moment of my termination should thus have been brief and impersonal. It was strange that Villhelm had violated the rule, but Tarus had always been his own person and didn’t take any notice of social protocol.

  “Are you scared?” he asked, his anxious eyes were looking for a sign to make me hesitate, maybe even make me want to stop the suicide…sacrifice.

  “My fate was already decided long ago. I should have realised this when I saw myself walking in the train of the Oracle’s souls. Death was just waiting to catch up with time,” I spoke in a rehearsed way, not wanting to give him any indication that I was scared. “No, I’m not afraid,” I said quickly with conviction after reading Tarus’s feelings and he spun his eyes inside their sockets due to my intrusion into his feelings.

  But he didn’t buy my explanation. He couldn’t read my feelings, but knew me well enough to know when I withheld the truth.

  “Everyone has a purpose in life and I will have completed mine. Everyone’s opinion is different, it depends on what choices you choose and I’m not afraid to die because I have never regretted my choices. They led me to you. In addition, I die happy if I die an honourable death, one in which my action will help so many other people.”

  This time it was me who had to lift his chin up. I felt more in control than I had felt in a long time. I had developed into an even stronger woman than I had b
een before I was kidnapped. I knew I would be all right, but would he? It appeared that he didn’t like to say his goodbyes whilst Villhelm stood silently in the doorway, watching and waiting to press the button that would start the process. Villhelm had already prepared the medallions with one of each of the coloured power stones, covered with the golden liquid that would be covered by a glass casing, after transporting symmetry energy and the four forces to the fluid. His face looked as worried as Tarus’s. Through the glass, I could see all the others’ worried faces and it reminded me of the end of the prophecy.

  Men’s hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. The time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be Increased.

  I unfolded the taped together map that Samuel had given me during his farewell at Giza. After many years of wear it didn’t have to be protected anymore. It was almost amusing to feel how relieved he had been when the piece of paper had been pulled from his fingertips. I wanted to read the prophecy again to see if it would show what would happen to me after death, if there was something that was in the text that I hadn’t noticed before. My eyes quickly scanned it and I noticed one distinguished feature. The prophecy was signed. Under the text and a drawn line, I could distinguish his name: ‘Walk in peace, Hakon’. Had they started the process, as my heart burned when my eyes fell upon his name? It was my grandson. He had known all along. It was he who had written the prophecies. Leo had known all along. It must have been he who wrote down Hamlet’s poem on the opposite side, and Villhelm’s poem was probably written down at a later stage.

  I folded the map a final time and gave it to Tarus who sat and rocked the glass bottle, spinning the gold-like liquid while he waited for my sign. When I was prepared to drink the liquid Villhelm would press the button. When I looked up at him again, Tarus took my hand harder than before, almost too hard for the tender moment. I hadn’t much time to convince him that he was going to do fine without me. That’s when it hit me. His poem exploiting his soul and his hand cradling mine hard, was pointing something out. He wanted nothing more than to ask me something that was strictly forbidden. I couldn’t come up with any other solution that could possibly convince him that our paths wouldn’t be separated forever. This must have been his last hope. Would I defy all life and all the laws in the worlds? My motto ‘Love conquers all’ was gnawing at my conscience. One of the seven forbidden spells could ensure our future together, even if this future wouldn’t follow immediately. But it would give us the best odds of finding each other again, in Heaven. It would also give rest to the panicky feeling that I had in my stomach about having to leave him.