by Kai Juniper
"Why the hell not? It's the easiest thing he's asked us to do. Just sit with someone at lunch. Big deal."
"And ruin my reputation? Fuck that!"
I stare at him. "Seriously? You'd rather go to jail than sit with someone you look down on at school?"
He shrugs. "Maybe. Depends on who it is."
Our phones ding. I look at mine and see a text from Finn. The fucker sent me another text. Did you get it?
"You going over there?" I ask Parker.
"To Finn's? Yeah. Why?"
"I'll meet you there." I leave and go out to my car.
We get to Finn's house just after seven. I don't want to be here, but it's better than being at home and risking running into my father. If I could, I'd move out of that house today, but I have nowhere to go, and I need to play along with the obedient son act until I graduate and get my car.
"What the hell you doing here?" Finn asks as I walk in the house with Parker. Finn's got a joint in one hand and a drink in the other.
"He's gonna try to talk us into sitting with some loser at lunch," Parker says, taking the joint from Finn.
"Hey!" Finn yells. "Get your own!"
"Where is it?" Parker asks.
"Forget the fucking weed," I say, going past Finn. "We need to talk. Let's go out back."
"Can't," Finn says, finishing his drink. "My brother's out there fucking some girl in the pool."
I sigh. "Then where can we go that's private?"
"Game room," he says, heading down there.
Parker and I follow him. Finn's house is huge, even bigger than mine. It has a home theater, a game room, a gym, and at least eight bedrooms, maybe more.
"Why's your brother here?" Parker asks Finn as we go in the game room.
"His place is getting painted," Finn says, flipping on the light. He goes to the bar and refills his drink. "What do you want?"
"Jack, straight up," Parker says.
Finn pours the whiskey in a glass. "Briggs?"
"I'm good," I say, but then I think about my day and all the shit going on and say, "Give me whatever's left in the bottle."
Finn holds up the bottle of whiskey, which is almost half full. "No shit?"
"Just fill up the glass," I tell him.
He pours me my drink and brings it over. "Where's your girlfriend?"
"What the hell you talking about?" I take a swig of the whiskey. "You know Aubrey and I broke up."
"He's talking about Ella," Parker says, getting his drink from the bar.
"She's not my fucking girlfriend," I say, finishing my drink. I return to the bar to fill my glass. Talking about Ella is making me want to drink. I hate that I hurt her. I hated seeing her face when I told her that sex with her meant nothing to me. It wasn't true. It wasn't just sex. It was so much more than that—something I can't even put into words.
When I held her today, I didn't want to let go. There's something that feels so damn right when she's in my arms. Nothing in my life ever feels right, except when I'm with Ella. I don't know what it is about her, but whatever it is, it's addictive, like a drug that both excites me and calms me. Why does she do this to me? Why does the one person I need to destroy make me feel this way?
"Something happen between you two?" Parker asks, taking a seat on the leather couch.
"No," I say, sitting on the chair across from him.
"Then why isn't she here?" Finn asks, playing with the pinball machine that's along the wall. It's an x-rated pinball machine, covered with drawings of naked women. His dad had it custom made.
"She doesn't need to be," I say. "She's not getting the texts."
"That hasn't stopped her from being here before," Parker says.
"We're not talking about Ella," I say. "We're talking about the text we got. Finn, get your ass over here."
He remains at the pinball machine. "I'm not having lunch with some fucking nerd, so don't even waste your time."
"So you'd rather go to jail? That's what you're saying?"
"Fuck yeah," he says, walking to the bar. "Being seen with some tech geek would ruin me for the rest of the year." He grabs a bottle of vodka and brings it over to the couch, taking the cap off as he sits down.
"You guys are fucking idiots," I say, my eyes going between them. "Having lunch with a tech geek isn't going to change anything. People will think we're doing it as some kind of prank. If anything, it'll make us look like even bigger assholes, not like we're trying to be nice to the geeks. And it doesn't have to be one of the tech nerds. Pick someone else."
"Like who?" Parker asks, before swigging his drink.
"Charlotte, or one of the other shy girls."
"And have everyone thinking I'm interested in her?" Parker shakes his head. "Not happening."
"Are YOU doing it?" Finn asks me.
"Yeah. This is easy. A lot easier than giving away ten grand."
"You'll lose your power if you do this," Parker says. "People will lose respect for you."
"They'll think what I want them to think," I say, looking him in the eye. "I determine what people think of me, not the other way around."
He looks away. "Whatever. I'm still not doing it."
"Me either," Finn says, gulping down his vodka.
"I still think Ella's the one doing this," Parker says.
"It's not fucking Ella," I say, hearing the anger in my tone. "She was with us that night. If she turns us in, she'll be going to jail too."
"Not if you protect her." Parker moves to the edge of the couch, setting his drink on the table. "Deny it all you want, but Finn and I know you're fucking her. I don't know what she's done to you but you're not the Briggs you were a few weeks ago. Ella changed you."
"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're whipped," Finn says. "You do whatever she tells you."
"That's bullshit and you know it," I huff. "Ella's scared shitless of me. You should've seen her today."
"Why?" Parker asks. "What'd you do?"
"Took her behind the bleachers. Reminded her to keep her mouth shut."
"Did you touch her?" Finn asks, smiling.
"Just enough to scare her," I say. "Trust me, Ella won't be a problem. I've got her under control."
"If it's not Ella sending the texts," Parker says, "then who is it?"
"Someone at school," Finn says.
Parker rolls his eyes. "Obviously, but who?"
We're all silent a moment as we think.
"A teacher," I say. "It's gotta be. Either that or someone else who works at the school. Some do-gooder who doesn't like seeing people being bullied."
"Like that old lady bitch in the cafeteria," Finn says. "She's always yelling at me for cutting in line."
"She wouldn't know how to text us," I say. "She's too fucking old."
"I could see a teacher doing it," Parker says. "But which one?"
"I don't know." I rub my jaw. "I need to think about it."
"Are we done?" Finn puts his feet up on the table. "I want to get wasted."
"Go ahead." I get up. "I'm leaving."
"You just got here," Parker says.
"Yeah, and now I'm leaving. I have to study. My dad's getting on my case about being valedictorian."
"I thought Ella was valedictorian," Parker says.
"It's not for sure. I could still beat her."
Parker laughs. "She'd be so fucking pissed. She's probably been working her whole life for this, sitting home studying every Friday night while the rest of us are out partying."
That's exactly what she did. She's worked her ass off for this and now I have to take it from her. I wish things could be different, but they're not, and Ella's just going to have to deal with it.
I walk to the door, then stop and turn back. "Parker, I wasn't joking about the game on Friday. You need to get your shit together or we're gonna lose."
"I'm not worried about it," he says, taking a joint from Finn.
I decide to let it go. Parker's not going to li
sten to me when he's drunk and high. He's been doing that shit almost every night since the accident, which means he's more worried about it than he's letting on. He used to only get like this on the weekends, but now it's all the time. I'd probably be the same way if I wasn't under all this pressure to get perfect grades and win us the game on Friday.
When I get home, I race up to my room and lock the door. My dad's car wasn't in the garage, but I'm not taking any chances. He could be home any minute now and start banging on my door to give me one of his many lectures or throw something at me. I hate him so damn much, to the point I almost fought back the last time he hit me. But fighting back could mean losing the car. He could also take away all the money I saved. So for now, I'll put up with it. I'll take his punches and force myself not to fight back, knowing I'll be out of here soon.
I get out my laptop and attempt to study. Last week I got a C on a quiz that I should've got an A on. It wasn't worth much of my grade, but it made me realize how much I'm falling behind. At this rate, instead of being second in class, I'll be third, or maybe even lower. My father would kill me if that happened.
After three attempts to read through my Chem notes, I still have no idea what they mean. I'm too damn tired, and too distracted by thoughts of Ella. I want to talk to her, but I can't. I need to stay away from her. And I need to stay awake if I'm going to get any studying done.
I go down to the kitchen and grab an energy drink from the fridge. I gulp it down, then grab another.
The door to the kitchen swings open and my father walks in. He stops when he sees me. "Briggs. You startled me."
"I was just getting a drink. I have a lot of studying to do. I'll be up in my room."
He comes around the center island, standing in front of me. "Your mother called."
Shit. He's drunk. I can tell by his drooping eyes and slouched posture. And he's got a glass of scotch in his hand that's nearly full.
"When did you get home?" I ask, wanting to change the topic away from my mom. Talking about her makes him angry, even when he's not drunk.
"About ten minutes ago. Howard dropped me off."
Howard is one of his friends from the country club, an old guy and retired judge. He was close friends with my grandfather. Howard took it upon himself to watch over my dad when my grandfather died. By watch over, I mean keep my dad out of trouble. My father would never admit that, but it's true. Howard always drives him home when he's drunk, knowing my dad would drive himself if he didn't. He also gets him out of situations where he might embarrass himself, like when my father drinks too much at a party and starts saying things he shouldn't, or doing other inappropriate things that could damage his reputation. If I did those things, my father would slap me or punch me or throw something at me, and yet he doesn't seem to realize when it's him doing those things.
"How's Howard?" I ask. "I haven't seen him for a while."
"He has a brain tumor." My father takes a drink of his scotch.
"Howard has cancer?" I ask, wondering if that's why my dad's drinking. He pretends Howard is just a casual friend, but I know he sees him more like a father.
"They found it last week," my father says, swirling his scotch in the glass. "He'll be fine. He's a tough old bastard." His gaze goes from his glass up to me. "He's planning to be at your graduation. He offered to help you with your valedictorian speech."
I keep quiet, not wanting to talk about that, knowing it'll just end in a fight.
"Did you hear me?" my father snaps. "Howard's willing to help you with your speech."
"I appreciate the offer, but I can handle it."
He nods, then takes a drink. "How was school?"
"Fine." I wish I'd stayed in my room. If I'd known he was home, I would've locked myself in there until morning.
"Did you get a new partner?"
"For what?"
"That class you're taking. The one with the Quinn girl."
"I can't change partners. It's too late in the semester."
"It's never too late. Give me your instructor's name. I'll call and take care of it."
"Dad, it's not worth it. We only have a few more assignments and we're doing them separately. She'll do this week's and I'll do the next one."
His brows rise. "You're trusting her with your grade? That doesn't seem wise."
"She'll send it to me before we turn it in. I can make changes if I need to."
"I'm surprised she's even taking such a high level class. She can't possibly be very bright. Her father mows lawns for a living. Is she even going to college?"
"I don't know. I haven't asked her."
He has no idea how smart Ella is, which is good. It means he'll never guess she's number one in our class. The only way he'll find out is if Ms. Whittaker tells him, but I can't see her doing that. She's strict about student confidentiality.
"May I be excused?" I ask. "I really need to study."
"We're not done yet. I didn't finish telling you about your mother."
"What about her?"
"She called to say she'd like you to visit her."
"In India?"
"No. At her home in Italy. She'll be going back there in a few weeks to get some of her things. She wants you to spend the week with her."
"I can't miss that much school. I'm already—" I stop before telling him I'm falling behind.
"You're what?"
"Nothing. I'm just saying I have a lot going on with school and rugby season starting." I pause. "And honestly, I don't want to see her."
He gives me a smug smile. "I thought you might say that. In fact, I told her so."
"And what did she say?"
"She said I was being cruel and that you'd be thrilled by her offer. But I know my son. You're like me. You don't reward disrespect. You punish it. Your mother disrespected you by refusing to attend your graduation. And she's embarrassing our family." He pats my shoulder. "I knew you'd side with me on this. I taught you everything you know. Your mother chooses not to believe that, as if you'd somehow take after her. She was never even around when you were growing up, and now where is she? Off at some camp for hippies instead of supporting her son!" he huffs. "And to think I chose her as a partner. I rarely admit my mistakes, but just between you and me, marrying your mother was the biggest mistake I ever made." He finishes his drink and sets the glass down. "That was all. You can go to your room now."
Relieved to be done with this conversation, I go around him, heading to the door.
"Oh, about this Saturday," he says.
I turn back. "What about it?"
"You won't be going to the office with me. I'll be meeting with the accountant all day to resolve some tax issues."
"What about Sunday?"
"I'll need to catch up on some things. I won't have time to deal with you."
"Okay," I casually say, trying to hide how fucking happy I am at finding out I have the whole weekend to myself.
Back in my room, I'm able to breathe again. As soon as I saw my father, and saw that he was drunk, I prepared myself for the worst. I went into survival mode, my muscles tight, my breathing shallow. I never know what he's going to do. I have to be prepared for anything.
Just a few more months. I keep telling myself I can do this, but each day is a struggle. And now that I don't have Ella to talk to, it's even harder. Ella was keeping me going, helping me see the light.
Now all I see is darkness. I feel trapped, knowing I need that valedictorian title but not sure how to get it. Maybe it won't even matter. If the cops find out about the hit-and-run, I'll be spending graduation in jail. I won't have to worry about the future because I won't have one.
Chapter Three
Briggs
It's Thursday, the day I'm supposed to have lunch with someone I'd normally pick on. Since getting that text, I've been looking around school, trying to decide who to choose. I'm not worried this will ruin my reputation, but people will question why I'm doing it. I need someone who will cause the smallest reaction
, meaning people will question why I'm sitting with this person, but not be shocked by it. I just haven't figured out who that person would be.
If I picked someone like Ella, it would shock people. Everyone knows I bullied her and tried to destroy her so there wouldn't be any logical reason people could come up with for why I would sit with her at lunch. I thought of sitting with Charlotte, but I bullied her too, not as much as Ella, but it was bad enough that it'd be a shock if I sat with her.
I've seen Charlotte in the hall a few times this week and watched as she completely ignored Ella as she went past her. I'm surprised Charlotte's acting like this. I know she had a crush on me, and maybe she still does, but it's not worth ending a friendship over. Charlotte doesn't have many friends and Ella only has one, or she did until Charlotte stopped talking to her. Now Ella has no one. I feel like I'm to blame for that, not just because I was the one who convinced Ella to have sex behind the bleachers the day Charlotte caught us, but also because I turned everyone against Ella sophomore year. I took away any chance of her making friends. Just being seen with her was social suicide, all because of me. At the time I didn't even know I had that much power, but I did, and I used it to go after Ella.
"Briggs." Parker comes up to me at my locker with Finn right behind him. "Are you doing this or not?"
I glance around to make sure no one's listening. "I'm doing it. I just need to pick someone. Did you guys decide?"
"Yeah, we're not doing it," Finn says.
"Just fucking do it," I say, lowering my voice. "It's easy and it'll buy us more time."
"More time for what?" Parker asks as a guy opens the locker next to mine. "It's not going to change anything."
"We can't talk here." I close my locker and head to the door.
"Where are you going?" Parker yells from behind me.
I go outside and wait for them to come out.
Parker shoves the door open and storms over to me, while Finn takes his time, walking slow, like he's high.
"We're not fucking dogs!" Parker yells. "We don't follow you wherever you go! Next time you want to talk, you ask us first."
Parker never used to challenge me like this. It started when he got the idea in his head that I formed some kind of alliance with Ella. Now he thinks he can overtake me, which means I need to be more forceful and put him in his place. I'm bigger than him, and can be a hell of a lot scarier, thanks to years of watching my father. I also have more power than him at school. Parker's popular, but he's not a leader. I am, and people do what I say.
