by Tara Grayce
Essie bit off her words. She’d promised Farrendel she wouldn’t tell her brothers the truth. She drew in a deep breath, trying to calm down. “The stone reminds him too much of being captured by the trolls. He was only the elf equivalent of sixteen, and they tortured him. I’ve seen his scars. What they did to him...”
Her voice broke. She was exhausted. All she wanted was a peaceful night’s sleep. Something neither she nor Farrendel had had in a week, except for the night on the train here. She was far too emotional and worn out for this conversation.
“You really do love him.” Edmund stepped closer, his posture relaxing.
“Yes.” The word held more depth of feeling than she’d intended, too tired to hold her heart back from her voice. “If I have been hiding anything, it’s been this. He’s been trying so hard to give me time to enjoy being back home, but it’s torturing him. And I don’t know what to do.”
She blinked back tears and tried to pull herself together. She wasn’t going to break down and cry in front of her brothers. That would just be embarrassing.
Julien sheathed his knife, the elven dagger Farrendel had given him, now that Essie got a good look at it. “All right. Then he can’t stay here. Family camping night. I’ll fetch the camping supplies.” After a pat to Essie’s shoulder, he headed for the door.
“I’ll get the firewood.” Edmund hurried out the door after Julien.
“I guess that leaves fetching the food for me.” Averett gave her a side hug. “We’ll figure out a better solution in the morning.”
Essie rested her head on her brother’s solid shoulder. He carried the weight of the kingdom, but he was still able to help her with her burdens as well. “Will you wake Paige and the boys?”
“I’ll let Paige know, but I think it would be best if we left the boys sleeping. They’ll just be crabby and grouchy if we haul them out into the woods in the middle of the night. You look like you need as much sleep as you can get.” Averett patted her back, then stepped away. “We’ll give you and Farrendel twenty minutes or so before we descend on the campsite.”
“Thanks. He should be ready for people again by then.” Hopefully. Essie turned and faced the door to her room, her stomach strangely tight. Had Farrendel calmed down? She hadn’t heard any more crashes, so Mother probably hadn’t startled Farrendel. With a deep breath, she pushed the door open.
She’d expected a lot of things, but the sight before her wasn’t one of them.
Mother sat on the floor next to Farrendel. Somehow, she’d broken through all of Farrendel’s elven personal space boundaries, quite the feat. Farrendel leaned his head on her shoulder with her arm around him. They were talking quietly.
At Essie’s footsteps, Farrendel and Mother looked up. Farrendel straightened, pushing his hair from his face.
Essie jabbed a finger over her shoulder. “We’re going to stay outdoors at the family camping spot for the rest of the night. Julien and Edmund are grabbing the equipment and Avie’s fetching the food.”
“I’ll see if Avie needs help.” Mother patted Farrendel’s back and stood. After a moment’s pause, she bent and kissed Farrendel’s forehead, as she’d done for Essie and her brothers when they’d been children. “Sleep tight.”
“Linshi, Mamasha.” Farrendel gazed up at Essie’s mother with such trusting, silver-blue eyes. Essie caught the glint of the little boy he’d once been, the one who had longed for the mother he’d never had.
Essie gave Mother a quick hug. “Thank you. Can you make sure Avie doesn’t forget the hot chocolate? I’ve been promising Farrendel a mug of hot chocolate for months now. Apparently, elves don’t have any.”
“I’ll see to it.” Mother nodded and strode from the room.
Leaving Essie facing Farrendel and wondering exactly what she was going to say to him after what had happened.
ESSIE REACHED for him. She needed to reassure him. “Farrendel...”
Farrendel pushed to his feet, stepping out of her reach. His gaze flicked over Essie, as if searching for injuries. “Are you all right? I did not...my magic...”
“I’m fine. I wasn’t hurt.” Essie tried not to think what could have happened. She had seen Farrendel’s magic incinerate bullets and kill with sizzling bolts of power.
How had she survived unscathed? She’d felt the crackle of his magic. Had it simply missed her? Had Farrendel been alert enough, even unconsciously, to keep his magic from hitting her? She would’ve thought the bolt underpowered, but it had shattered the lamp easily enough. It had been far stronger than the sparks Farrendel had shot into the air when playing with the nephews.
Was it possible that the heart bond had protected Essie? Could Farrendel’s magic have sensed not to hurt her?
The only way to test that was to stick her hand into a bolt of Farrendel’s magic, and that didn’t seem like a good idea. Not if she wanted to keep her hand.
Farrendel stepped closer and cradled Essie’s face in both of his hands. “My magic could have killed you. If I had hurt you...”
“You didn’t.” Essie wouldn’t let herself fear Farrendel. He hadn’t lashed out on purpose. He shouldn’t bear guilt for this. She took both of his hands and laced her fingers through his. “You’ve never lashed out before. It only happened this time because you’ve been pushing yourself to stay here beyond what you could handle.”
He hung his head, staring at the floor. “This is your home. I wanted to give you time here.”
“But staying here is hurting you.” She touched his cheek.
“I am sorry. I do not want to be this weak. I thought this was something I could sacrifice for you. You sacrificed so much for me.”
Was that what he thought? In some ways, she had sacrificed a lot to marry him. In the beginning, it hadn’t necessarily been for him, but for Escarland. But she’d given up her home here. Time with her family. Even her own culture.
Essie tipped Farrendel’s face up, but he still wouldn’t look at her. “Yes, love is sacrifice. But love doesn’t demand sacrifices that hurt you mentally or physically or emotionally. Not like this is doing. This isn’t healthy for you. I’m sorry I didn’t insist on changing our sleeping quarters sooner. I’m getting better at learning what you can and can’t handle, but I’m not going to be able to anticipate everything. I need you to be honest with me when you truly can’t handle something. That way we can figure out a compromise that works for both of us before you’re pushed to the breaking point like this.”
And before she was pushed to hers.
Farrendel nodded. Then, slowly, he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned her head against his shoulder, embracing him. A few hot tears burned their way down her cheeks. She didn’t want to cry. Not over this. No one had been hurt. Nothing broken but an easily replaced lamp.
But everything in her felt worn thin and faded. Broken and exhausted. In the week since the trolls’ attack, she hadn’t had a fully restful night.
Was this what Farrendel felt like all the time? No wonder he was so skittish when the slightest thing could send his careful balance tipping out of his control.
“Essie, I cannot risk hurting you.” Farrendel’s arms tightened around her, his head leaning against hers.
She felt him draw in a breath, and she hurried to speak before he suggested they go back to sleeping in separate rooms or something crazy like that. They’d only been sharing a room for a week—a week of little sleep—but even then, she didn’t want to go back to so much distance between them. “I know. And, you’re right. We need to be more cautious. I won’t shake you awake anymore or make a loud noise or anything to startle you awake. I’ll call your name or something. It may take longer to rouse you, but it’s probably wiser.”
“I do not need to be awakened from my nightmares. I will wake myself before they stretch too long. It is enough to know you will be there when I do wake,” Farrendel murmured, his mouth only a few inches from her ear.
“All right.” It ached inside her that she couldn’t do
anything to rescue him from his nightmares. But she had been too naïve to think that he would never lash out magically or otherwise when startled awake from nightmares of torture and death. She took a step back out of his embrace to meet his gaze. “But let’s also do our best to keep you from having nightmares in the first place. We won’t be able to stop them entirely, but avoiding things like sleeping in stone buildings, for example, will help.”
Farrendel’s mouth quirked at one corner, as if he was attempting—and failing—to smile. “Yes.”
As much as Essie would’ve loved to stand there in Farrendel’s arms, her brothers had only given her twenty minutes before they would descend on the campsite. And, even while they were standing there, the stones of Winstead Palace were pressing down on Farrendel, hurting him. The sooner she got him into the forest, the better.
She pulled away from him and strode to the foot of her bed. After pushing open the trunk there, she tugged out two wool blankets that still smelled faintly of smoke. She tossed the brown one to Farrendel, keeping the green one for herself. “That’s why we’re going to camp in the forest on the grounds. Well, I guess we call it a forest. You’re probably going to find the trees a bit underwhelming after what you’re used to. But it’ll be better than staying here.”
After lighting a lamp, Essie quickly packed a few items of clothing and other essentials she might want first thing in the morning, like a hairbrush, as did Farrendel. Then she wrapped her blanket over her shoulders, took Farrendel’s hand, and led the way from her room, down the hallway and stairs, and to the end of the family wing that opened onto a terraced patio overlooking the formal gardens. In the darkness, the forest loomed as a dark mass against the star-studded sky. The perfect night for camping outside.
As they stepped outside, Farrendel drew in a deep breath, some of the tension of his grip on her hand relaxing. More of his tensed muscles released as they stepped from the stone terrace onto the graveled paths through the formal garden.
Lamp in hand, Essie navigated through the carefully maintained flowerbeds to the far side where the woods had been allowed to grow wild and virtually untamed in the center of the acres of grounds the palace claimed. Only a few dirt trails crisscrossed the forest, trails Essie knew by heart after years of exploring them with her brothers and by herself.
This was a section of woods untouched by logging, filled with oaks, maples, and beech that she and Farrendel together couldn’t wrap their arms around, though they were still small compared to the giant trees found in the elven forests.
Still, Essie breathed deeply of the fresh, green scent of the forest, her own muscles relaxing. She hadn’t realized how used to living in the peace and quiet of a forest she had become until now.
In the middle of the woods, a small circle had been cleared of trees. A fire pit surrounded by stones was in the center. Large, split log benches surrounded the fire pit.
After setting the lamp onto one of the benches, Essie tugged her blanket tighter around her shoulders and took a seat on one of the benches that had plenty of room for two people. “What do you think? Is this better?”
Farrendel paced around the campsite for several moments before he joined her on the bench. “Yes.”
“My father used to take the family camping here. He couldn’t always get away to spend time at the summer palace, so this spot became the place he could spend time with the family even for a night. It’s secluded, but the palace staff could fetch him quickly if he was needed. And, inside the palace grounds as it is, it is safe for the royal family to camp without guards patrolling close by.” Essie stared at her hands, trying to piece together the hazy memories she had of back then.
This was a personal, vulnerable thing to share, but Farrendel needed to understand what this place meant to her family. What it meant that he was being included here. “I only have a few, hazy memories of camping with my father here before he went to war. I was too little to go more than a handful of times.”
“I am sorry.” Farrendel took her hand. The heart bond flared warmer inside her chest.
She leaned against him, thankful he didn’t flinch away. “You didn’t kill him.”
“My people did.”
“It was war. A war neither of our kingdoms wanted but felt was necessary for a variety of reasons.” Essie rubbed her thumb across the back of Farrendel’s hand, tracing the faint line of a scar. “After he died, Mother still took us camping here, even though staying out in the woods isn’t her favorite thing to do. She did it anyway because she didn’t want us to miss out on this. This is a special place for us. It’s a family rule only to bring family here.”
The extra loud stomping on the trail behind them gave plenty of warning before Edmund’s voice called out, “And that means you’re stuck with us.”
Farrendel flinched, as if he intended to pull away from her, but Essie kept her grip on his hand, though she raised her head from his shoulder.
It wasn’t as if they had been caught kissing, just a little handholding and sitting close. Edmund and Julien might complain, but Averett couldn’t. Not if he didn’t want her complaining right back about him and Paige. Which was extra strange, since Essie had watched her best friend and her brother get all snuggly with each other.
Essie glanced over her shoulder. All three of her brothers trooped up the path, arms laden. Julien and Edmund each had heaps of bedrolls and blankets in their arms and sacks of supplies hanging from their shoulders. Averett held a steaming kettle in each hand with a sack slung over his back.
Julien deposited his bundle onto one of the benches. “If he’s stuck with us, I guess we’d better give him the rite of initiation. What was it again?”
Edmund dropped his armload of supplies on the bench next to Julien’s and knelt by the fire pit. “I believe he needs to stand on his head, squawk like a chicken, and solemnly declare that what happens at camp, stays at camp.”
Beneath Essie’s hand, Farrendel tensed, like he was prepared to actually perform her brothers’ made-up initiation rite. “Don’t believe a word they say. There’s no such thing as an initiation to family camping. Not unless it’s them hiding in the forest making growling noises trying to scare their little sister.”
“Would we really do that?” Averett set down the kettles while giving Essie an expression far too wide-eyed as he attempted to look innocent.
“Yes, you would.” Essie glared at them with exaggerated anger.
“We paid for that one. She kept sending us under her bed to check for wolves.” Julien handed Edmund a wad of kindling.
Edmund tucked it into the center of the neat stack of firewood he’d built, lit a match, and worked to convince the kindling to light.
“If you got eaten, I’d know there were wolves under my bed. Besides, I had plenty of brothers if the wolves ate a few. It was very logical.” Essie glanced at Farrendel and had to suppress her grin. His gaze flicked between her and her brothers as if he wasn’t sure what to make of this easy banter after they had been about ready to beat him up earlier that night.
Perhaps she and Farrendel should help out instead of making her brothers do all the work. Keeping Farrendel’s hands busy might make him feel less awkward.
She tugged on his hand as she stood. “Come on. Let’s sort through all the bedrolls and move everything to the right spot.”
Since Farrendel didn’t know which bedroll belonged to each person or which spots around the campfire they normally picked, Essie sorted through the pile, handed whatever she’d extricated from the jumble on the bench to Farrendel, and pointed where it needed to go. Within a few minutes, Julien joined them, and between the three of them, they had the waterproof tarpaulins laid out on the ground, layered the blankets and bedrolls on top of them, then added another tarpaulin on top to keep off the dew.
By the time they finished, Edmund had the fire burning brightly, sparks snapping occasionally. He had a stack of firewood at his feet, ready to add more when needed.
Averett ha
d laid out the food on the bench, set up a tripod over one side of the fire, and was pouring hot chocolate and coffee in various mugs. He held up both kettles. “Farrendel, do you want coffee or hot chocolate?”
“Hot chocolate?” He glanced at Essie, as if checking that was the right answer.
“You haven’t had either, have you?” Averett shook his head. “Essie will try to convince you hot chocolate is better. She’s never become a coffee drinker. The rest of us love it. I’ll pour a little in a mug, and you can see what you think.”
Essie didn’t think Farrendel would like coffee, but she didn’t say it. He should try it out for himself, and, to be honest, she wanted to see the look on his face when he tasted it.
Averett poured a swish of coffee into a mug and held it out to Farrendel.
Farrendel took the mug, peering into it as if he expected the coffee was poisonous. After blowing on it and shifting beneath all of their stares, he sipped. His face twisted, as if he couldn’t figure out an elven expression strong enough to convey his level of disgust. He thrust the mug back at Averett, shaking his head.
“Not a coffee drinker either. It’s an acquired taste, I guess.” Averett tossed the remains of the coffee into the fire where it hissed briefly before being swallowed by the flames. With a glance at Essie, probably knowing her thoughts on hot chocolate in a mug tainted with coffee, he rinsed the mug with water from a canteen and wiped it dry with a rag before filling it about half full of hot chocolate. “Try this.”
While Farrendel cradled his mug and blew on the contents, Essie claimed her own mug of hot chocolate from Avie. She returned to her seat on the bench, pulled the blanket around her shoulders, and risked a sip of her hot chocolate. It still scalded too hot against her tongue, but the sweetness and warmth filled her down to her toes.
Farrendel sat next to her, still eying his hot chocolate as if he didn’t dare take a sip after the whole coffee-tasting debacle. With a glance in her direction, he sipped. Swallowed. Sipped again.
