by B. B. Hamel
Mia silently does my hair. Connie and Olivia are flitting around, making sure the flowers are perfect, making sure everything’s just right. They seem as nervous as I am, maybe even worse.
We wanted to do this yesterday. Really, we wanted to do it the second we got back from the hedge maze, but Ryan’s mother was insistent. She got one look at Joel and Wayne, listened to their whining, and simply told them to go clean themselves up.
“We want to do this now,” Ryan said to her.
“I understand that. But Father Anderle isn’t here yet.”
“Even still. Those two are going to try something again and I’m afraid it’ll get worse.”
I still remember the look on her face when he said that. I expected shock or outrage, but she just smiled and shrugged. “Can you blame them?” she asked. “With so much at stake.”
“Yes, I can,” Ryan said flatly. “Tomorrow then.”
“No. Day after.”
He frowned for a long moment then nodded his head. “Fine.”
Without another word, we left their chambers. I didn’t even catch a glimpse of his father, but I know the man was listening from the other room. I could practically feel him breathing.
So we stayed in our room the rest of that day and all the following, leaving only to exercise, and only together. Beth brought up food personally (“Safer this way,” she had said), and we spend most of the time lounging around on the couches… and stripped down naked in bed.
It wasn’t so bad. Actually, it was pretty great, if I’m honest. Spending a day and a half with Ryan, letting him lavish me with attention, getting me off over and over again… well, I deserved it, obviously, but it was pretty damn nice.
He felt horrible. Still feels horrible, really. And I let him make it up to me over and over again.
Now though, the day has arrived. Part of me never really thought we’d get here. I almost thought we’d just drift through our time at the house and the whole wedding thing would never happen.
I was wrong, of course.
Somehow, his mother got the whole staff to transform the ballroom, which I didn’t even realize existed, into a lavish party. There’s a space for the ceremony, with chairs enough for the whole family, including Joel and Wayne despite Ryan’s protests. There’s so much food I can barely understand it, and alcohol flowing like a river. Beth was up all night cooking and I apologized profusely to her when I ran into her this morning.
“Don’t worry, sweetie. Glad to do it for someone who actually deserves it.” She patted my cheek then screamed at her staff to get moving faster.
“You look really good.” Mia absently twirls some of my hair in her fingers. “Seriously, I’m kind of jealous. I hope I’m this hot when I get married.”
I blush a little bit. “You think so?”
“Seriously. You’re freaking hot, you know that, right? If I were a little bit gayer…” She trails off and winks at me.
I giggle. “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”
“And I mean every word.” She finishes braiding and starts pinning my hair. It’s this elaborate thing, twists and turns, creating a beautiful nested pattern.
“Where’d you learn this?” I ask.
“YouTube,” she says absently.
“Uncle Toby’s playing the piano,” Olivia says, looking out the door. “Everyone looks like they want to die. It’s amazing.”
I grin at her through the mirror. “Do you see Ryan?”
“Nah. Probably off puking somewhere.”
“Come on, he’s not that bad.”
She grins at me. “My brother is the quintessential bachelor. I don’t think you can begin to understand how big of a deal this marriage is.”
I shift a little bit nervously.
“Stay still,” Mia admonishes. “She’s just messing with you. Ryan’s a good guy. He wouldn’t… run away. Right?”
I stare at her in the mirror and I can’t help but notice the uncertainty in her expression.
“Nah,” Connie says. “He’s a dick. But he’s not a piece of shit.”
“Is there a difference?” I ask.
“Worlds,” Olivia says and Connie laughs.
“Seriously. It’ll be fine. I’m sure he’s just getting a talk on the birds and the bees from the uncles.”
“Oh, god, can you imagine?” Mia asks, giggling enough to yank my hair.
“Ouch,” I say.
“Sorry.” She giggles again. “I just can’t help but picture it.”
“I doubt he needs the blow-by-blow,” Connie says. “I hear he’s quite the—”
“Enough,” Olivia says. “Enough, enough, enough. That’s my brother.”
We all laugh. It feels good to joke around even though I’m basically terrified right now.
I keep thinking about standing up there in front of his family. Every single one of them staring at me, half of them hoping I’d drop dead on the spot. It’s not exactly a warm and welcoming thought.
I had always seen my wedding as a small, intimate thing with close family and people I love all there to support me and celebrate with me. Instead, I’m going to get married in the middle of hostile territory.
The idea scares the hell out of me. I’m scared of what Joel might try to do. I’m scared of what the family will let him get away with.
If Ryan hadn’t come when he did, I might’ve died. There’s no doubt in my mind that I might’ve died or gotten seriously hurt. There were a few spots where I nearly fell into a pit. It’s not easy to stay balanced with your hands tied in front of you at the wrists, especially when you’re trying not to tumble into a bunch of hidden traps. I was so scared, so goddamn scared, but seeing him again…
I just kept thinking about him and about my baby. About how badly I want to bring my baby into this world. About how badly I want my baby to know Ryan. It was the only thing that kept me going.
And then he appeared. He came for me, saved me, almost fell into a pit himself, but he saved me. I knew right in that moment that I need to tell him about this baby, I just don’t know how yet.
But I will. I know I will, sooner or later. I have to figure out when and how, but I will.
For now, I need to survive this.
“Done.” Mia sits back and gives me an appraising look. “Yep, I’d hit it.”
I giggle and stand up. I look at myself in the mirror. The dress is unbelievable, tailored to fit me perfectly. I don’t know how Ryan’s mother pulled that off, but it’s impeccable, all lace and silk and satin, smooth and beautiful and traditional.
“Really, you look amazing,” Connie says, sipping a glass of wine.
“Where’d you get that?” Olivia asks her.
“Don’t take it away. It’s a wedding.”
“No, I want one.”
Connie laughs and reaches under the couch she’s sitting on. She pulls out a bottle and waves it around. “Wine time!”
Olivia gets glasses and we have a toast. I bring the glass to my lips but I don’t drink. I can feel my nerves going wild and I wish I could get drunk right now, but I need to think about more than just myself.
“How long do we have?” I ask.
“Not long,” Olivia says.
“I just realized that I don’t have any bridesmaids.”
The girls look at each other. “Well…” Olivia says.
“Will you three do it?” I ask.
“Of course, you idiot,” Mia says. “Why the hell do you think we’re back here with you?”
“I don’t know,” I say, relieved I won’t be up there alone. “I just thought…”
“Don’t worry, honey.” Olivia comes over and hugs me. “I know you feel alone in this, but you’ll be okay. I promise.”
“Thank you.” I blink back a tear. “Do you guys think I can… I can have a second alone?”
They exchange glances and shrug. “We’ll be back in a few minutes,” Olivia says, ushering Mia and Connie out the side door. “Leave the wine,” she sn
aps and Connie rolls her eyes, placing the bottle on a table before winking at me and running out.
I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself for a long moment. I can feel my heart beating fast in my chest. My palms are sweating and god, I feel like I might have a panic attack.
This isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t what I pictured. I’m pregnant, in a strange house with strange people, and three total strangers are going to be my bridesmaids. They’re nice girls and mean well, but they’re still total strangers.
I want to cry. I want to sob and break down and scream and run. This is so much and I suddenly feel dizzy and overwhelmed. I put my hand on my stomach when I realize that it’s not passing.
I run over to a trash can and throw up. There’s not much to throw up. I didn’t take a sip of my wine, just pretended. I get it all out and groan a little. There’s a bottle of water on a table, which I grab and down half of it. I get the bad taste from my mouth and lean my head against the mirror for a second, breathing deep, trying not to break out into a cold sweat.
“I’m fine,” I whisper to myself. “I’m fine, it’ll pass, you’re okay.”
I do start to feel better. I can’t tell if it’s the mantra or what. The door opens on the other side of the room and I pick my head up to tell Olivia that it’s okay, but Ryan steps inside.
He shuts the door behind him. “Hey,” he says. “You okay?”
“You shouldn’t be in here,” I say, eyes going wide. “This is bad luck.”
He laughs. “Come on. That’s not a real thing.”
“Ryan! It’s totally real.”
“Too late.” He walks closer. “Wow, Casey.”
I blush a little. “Yeah?”
“Seriously. Wow. You look fantastic. I knew you would, but just looking at you…” He trails off and shakes his head, a huge smile on his face. “You’re beautiful. Seriously, you really are.”
I smile at him. “Thanks.”
“Come here.”
I walk over and he hugs me. He hugs me tight, holding me against him.
“I’m sure this isn’t what you had in mind when you pictured getting married,” he says softly. “I’m sorry about that. I really am.”
“I know, it’s okay. It really is.”
And as I say the words, I realize that I mean it. Suddenly all those bad thoughts, that panic, that fear, that nausea, it’s all gone. He’s holding me in his arms and looking at me like I’m the most incredible thing he’s ever seen… and all those bad thoughts are gone.
This must be it. This must be the reason women get married. I never really knew until this moment.
It’s that look in his eyes. It’s him coming to save me, it’s him doing whatever he needs to do to make me happy.
It’s him, that’s what it is.
“I’m glad I came in. I was really nervous, but now…” He trails off and shrugs. “Now, I don’t care about any of that.”
“Really?” I laugh a little. “I was nervous too.”
“Nothing to be nervous about now. It’s just you.”
“Yeah. It’s just you.”
“We’re getting married. We’re doing it for real. And man, it’s nice to have a hot wife.”
I grin at him. “Okay, get out of here. I have to finish getting ready.”
“Fine. Are you sure we don’t have time for a quick little—”
“Ryan,” I warn.
“Okay, okay.” He backs off, hands up. “Whatever you say, beautiful.”
“Go do whatever men do before they get married. I’m sure it involves strippers and alcohol or whatever.”
“No strippers on the island, unfortunately, unless you’re offering.”
“Maybe tonight.”
He grins. “I’ll hold you to that.” He turns and leaves, waving as he does. Once he’s gone, the girls come back in.
“You okay?” Olivia asks me quietly while Mia and Connie pour more wine.
“Honestly? I wasn’t. But I think I am now.”
“Good.” She smiles at me. “You really like him, don’t you?”
“I’m going to marry him. So I better.”
She laughs. “Well, okay then. I guess we’ll be sisters soon.”
“I think I’ll like that.”
“Yeah. I think I will too.”
She squeezes my hand then goes and yells at Mia and Connie for spilling all over the place.
I smile at the three girls. They’re strangers, yeah, but they’re good people. They’re funny people. They’re going to be my family.
Even if this isn’t how I pictured my wedding day, this isn’t so bad. Maybe it’s pretty good.
I’m doing it. I’m really going through with it.
For me and for my baby. And maybe for Ryan, too.
I smile at myself in the mirror as Olivia puts a small bouquet of flowers in my hand. “Perfect,” she says.
Yeah, maybe she’s right.
18
Ryan
We stand up in front of my whole family and Father Anderle does the damn thing.
He’s an older man with graying hair and fancy priest robes. He reads from a bible, does a little speech, that whole deal.
I’m not really listening. I’m too busy staring at Casey, at my beautiful, perfect wife.
I know this isn’t real. I have to keep reminding myself of that. This isn’t reality, this is just to get the company from my father. Once that’s done, we’re going to divorce, she’s going to get her one percent, and we’ll all move on.
This isn’t our forever future. I have to keep telling myself that.
Because there’s a big part of me that wants it to be.
But I need to be realistic. Casey and I, we’re getting along right now, but that isn’t going to last forever. Things are good but she’s in this for the money. I can’t let myself forget it.
Damn though. She looks so beautiful, smiling at me while Father Anderle talks. I catch Mia roll her eyes at something and Olivia nudge her, but I only barely notice.
I can only see her, my Casey.
“Do you, Ryan, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I sure do,” I say.
“And do you, Casey, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“Absolutely.”
The crowd laughs a little. Father Anderle barely cracks a smile.
“By the power invested in me by the State of Alaska, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Finally. The moment I’ve been waiting for. I sweep her into my arms and I kiss her while the family claps and cheers.
I hold her tight and let the kiss linger. We break apart and she’s blushing a little bit.
“Ready?” I whisper.
“Yeah.”
We turn together and face the crowd. I lift her arms up and everyone cheers. Uncle Toby plays the piano as we walk down the aisle, getting pelted with rice as we go.
The ceremony gets broken down as quickly as it was set up. The staff swoops in as I squeeze Casey’s hand. We’re crowded by the family, all the aunts and uncles and cousins congratulating us. Mother wheels Father up.
“That was lovely,” he says.
“Thanks.” I extend my hand toward him while the room looks on. Conversation flows like normal around us, but I know everyone was waiting for this moment.
My father doesn’t take my hand. For a second, he stares at me. I feel Casey go stiff by my side.
But slowly, he struggles against the wheelchair.
“Alexander,” my mother says. “What are you—”
“Hold the damn thing still,” he says.
She grabs the chair and puts on the brake. He struggles more, pushing himself up, until he finally reaches his feet. She comes around quickly and helps him straighten up, but he waves her off. He looks at me, eyes hard.
And finally reaches out to shake my hand.
“I’m happy for you, son,” he says. “Congratulations. You needed this.
”
“Thanks, Dad,” I say. I glance at Casey and she just looks stunned.
The whole room is silent. My father hasn’t gotten out of his wheelchair in at least a couple of years. My mother quickly helps him back down and he lets out a sigh of relief once he’s seated again.
He nods at me and she wheels him away. Sheila Boulton looks just as shocked as anyone else in the room.
“Well, come on now,” I say loudly. “It’s a fucking party, right?”
A champagne bottle pops. “Wooo!”
Everyone looks over and watches Connie shake and spray the thing.
Her brothers laugh and run over, grabbing their own bottles, and soon they’re spraying champagne all over the place.
I grab Casey’s hand and we get out of there as the three assholes go wild. Their parents start yelling but they don’t seem to care.
I steer her away from the madness. She laughs and looks up into my eyes, expression shining. “That was amazing,” she says.
“I know, right? I’m a great kisser.”
“No, your dad standing up. The kiss was fine.”
“That kiss changed your life.”
“Well. That’s actually sort of true.”
I grin at her and hold her hand. I want to kiss her again but something’s holding me back.
Her face slowly drops though. She’s looking over my shoulder. I follow her gaze and watch as Wayne comes over, both eyes black, nose slightly crooked. He tries to smile but just looks like a dog that got into the trash again.
“Congrats, bro,” he says.
“Yeah.” I frown at him a little bit. “Where’s Joel?”
“Ran off as soon as the ceremony as over, so he missed Dad’s little performance.”
“Shame. He would’ve loved that.”
“I bet.” Wayne grins at me then looks at Casey. His smile disappears. “Listen, I’m really sorry about what happened. That was… that was really fucked up. I didn’t know how far he was going to take it and… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
I look at Casey. She watches him carefully, her expression neutral. “Okay,” she says.
He nods a little. “And sorry to you too, Ryan. I never should’ve listened to Joel. I just let… I let it get to me, you know.”
