For now, I'll hold it tightly, and pray it gets me through the darkest hours of the night.
* * *
Meredith
A sea of stars holds the sky together above my head.
I try to remember the last time I stopped long enough to notice the stars in the sky…I mean really notice them…and I’m disappointed to admit I can’t pinpoint a time or place where I stopped long enough to appreciate their simple beauty. I was always so busy planning my next move that I seldom set aside any time to think about the small things that, when stacked all together, made the world a softer place.
A safer place, where monsters only existed in stories.
I have a little time to study them now…just a tiny bit of time before my eyelids close and I drift off to a fitful sleep where nightmares and latent memories wait to claim me. A speck of light moves in a straight line among the stars; an orphaned satellite trying to complete its mission. I wonder if it knows there’s no one left to bring it out of orbit or review its data. I wonder if it will still be floating around and taking pictures a hundred years from now.
When I was a young girl, I believed good people were absorbed by the sky after they died…carried up, up, up so they could shine forever as stars. I never worried about where bad people went after they died. I didn’t think I needed to. But tonight, as I reflect on my life and all I’ve done wrong, I wish I would have given it a little thought.
It’d be nice to know where I’m headed after I breathe my last breath.
Chapter Fifteen
Allyson
Dinner #2 with my new roommates. I'm cradling a bowl of lukewarm beans in my hands. They were hot when I got them, but my appetite hasn't fully returned, so I've been eating small bites, very slowly. I gathered from a few remarks Chloe made earlier they've eaten their fair share of beans since the world ended. Everybody rolled their eyes...apparently, they've heard her complaints as many times as they've eaten beans.
Light chatter circles around the fire. It's comforting in a way...normal, almost. Erek and Wayne are trying to determine which nearby city might offer the best chances at finding a more permanent shelter. Chloe is trying to tease bits of conversation out of Kate and Jax. Kate responds to each question in single syllables, while Jax looks ahead, refusing to acknowledge her at all. Emily retired to her tent an hour ago. She ate her dinner alone. I don’t blame her for wanting a little privacy. It’s not easy having your personal business laid open like a Sunday newspaper.
Daniel takes a sip of his drink, then asks the question I've been dreading since I met them. "Who were you with before you found us?"
Almost immediately, my hands begin trembling. I hold the bowl tighter, nearly to the point of shattering the small piece of pottery. I clear my throat. "I was with a group. Then I wasn't," I say, trying to appear nonchalant.
"A group like ours?" he asks, oblivious to the quiver in my voice.
My heart thunders in my chest, but I manage to say, "No. Bigger."
Unfortunately, this answer sparks his interest.
"Really? How many people?" he asks.
I shake my head. "I don't know. Twenty?"
His eyes widen. "Twenty? That's basically a city these days."
"It's a large group," I agree. I feign boredom. I don't want to talk about the place or the people I left behind. I want to be rid of them. I want to forget they ever existed.
Daniel doesn't seem to mind talking about them, though. "Do they have facilities? Shelter? Water?" he asks in rapid succession. “What about power?”
Everyone is staring now, intrigued, waiting for my answer. I massage the back of my neck, trying to loosen the knot forming in my shoulders and at the base of my skull.
"Yes, they have facilities. And a generator," I answer slowly. I can't bring myself to elaborate further. Thinking about the horrors I endured at the farm makes me feel queasy and anxious...worried that if I think about the farm too long, Aiden will sense it and come looking for me.
If he's not already looking for me, that is.
Daniel refuses to let it go. "Where is this camp?"
I take a deep breath and release it slowly. I try a different tactic. "It would be difficult to get there. It's a five-day walk from here. Maybe more, because from this direction, it will be entirely uphill."
“We have the truck.”
“Does it have four-wheel drive?” I ask.
"It's on a mountain?"
"Nearly."
I cut my eyes to Wayne, begging for a lifeline. He's watching me intently, filtering the entire exchange through those sad, blue eyes. He seems so much more aware than the others in the group, much more observant. Even so, he doesn't speak…so I tread water a little longer, hoping I don't drown in the process.
"What kind of facilities?" Erek asks, drawing the conversation back to my earlier remark.
I suppose house-of-horrors might seem too macabre, and man-made torture chamber would seem like an exaggeration, so I settle for, "It’s just a farm."
I draw in another deep breath, trying to stifle the urge to vomit. My hands are shaking so badly now that the metal spoon begins clinking loudly against the side of the bowl. I don't answer his question, because I can't find the courage to push any words out of my mouth. Just thinking about the farm...and Aiden...is making me physically ill.
"Let's call it a night,” Wayne says. “Y'all can interrogate Allyson again tomorrow, okay?"
I close my eyes.
"We need to know about..."
"Not tonight," Wayne says. "Allyson ain't goin' nowhere, and neither is this farm."
"But..." Daniel persists.
"It'll keep till tomorrow, Dan," Wayne says firmly.
Daniel stands. "Whatever. I guess we'll just keep camping outdoors, praying a herd of Revs don't find their way to us."
I watch helplessly as he stomps off. I feel bad...this isn't how I wanted to start things off with the group, but I'll die before I return to that farm on my own authority.
* * *
Daniel
I don’t like secrets.
Allyson is keeping things from us...information that could help us survive the winter or connect with other survivors. I'm not happy about it. It has me wondering about her history, and why she's so determined to dodge our questions about the farm.
I hate liars.
Well, except for the liar I love...or maybe I hate her, too. I hate her for being a mystery. I hate her for leaving me. I pick up a smooth rock and skip it across the surface of the pond. It'll be dark soon, and for safety reasons, I’ll need to head back to the camp, but right now I have the place to myself.
It's nice.
I sit and stare at the water’s surface. It’s calm…so different than the war raging in my heart and mind. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m changing, and I don’t know how to slow it down. I’m angry. I’m bitter.
In the beginning, I blamed Meredith. After she left, and the hate began blooming in my heart like some dirty secret, I laid it all at her feet. I wanted to hold her accountable. I wanted to find her only so I could hold it up to her face and scream, “you did this!” over and over until she understood how much she hurt me. I thought if I could do that, it would ease the pressure. I believed I could be whole again.
Now, I’m not so sure. What if it isn’t all her fault? What if this angry, bitter person is the real Daniel? What if he’s been searching for a way in all these years and he just happened to find it in the door Meredith left cracked?
The sun slips farther down, drawing the light with it as it does. I don’t hear her approach. I’m too buried in my own worries to notice anything else. One minute I’m alone, watching the shadows color the pond gray, the next I hear a soft voice say, "Landon left me. That's what I couldn't say yesterday."
I look over my shoulder. Emily sits down and wraps her arms around her knees, pulling them close to her like a shield.
She sighs deeply. "At least he had the guts to tell me he was le
aving...but I couldn't admit it to any of you." She laughs bitterly. "I mean, what does that say about me? My husband would rather be with my dead sister than try to love me.” She wipes a tear from her cheek. “It's embarrassing."
I look at her. She’s beautiful, even though she’s broken. Maybe more broken than me…but I can’t find the sympathy I know she deserves. "You should have said something. No one would have judged you," I say.
She smiles sadly. "Said the man who's judging me right now."
"Well, I..."
"I know you don't like me," she says.
"I wouldn't say that. I just..."
"But I also know you're attracted to me,” she continues. “I see the way you look at me when you think no one's watching."
I laugh nervously. "I don’t know what…"
"Kiss me, Daniel."
"Whoa," I say, taken aback by the unexpected request. "Emily, I don't know..."
"I don't want your love, Daniel. I just don't want to be alone tonight." She holds her right palm in the air. "I promise...no strings attached."
Before I can respond, she leans forward and presses her cool lips against mine. She smells like an expensive perfume fancy department stores used to peddle before the Revs moved in and put everybody else out of business. It’s nice. I feel self-conscious, because I smell like handmade soap and some cheap deodorant that I found on the last supply run. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to mind.
I let her kiss me because I'm lonely, too. It feels awkward and a little forced until instinct takes over and I kiss her with a hunger that rivals her own. I wonder who she’s thinking of while she’s kissing me, and I hope she can’t tell I’m imagining a certain redhead while I’m kissing her. It seems wrong…like a cheap lie…but it’s a lie we’re forced to tell as we each try to douse a fire someone else left burning.
She pulls my shirt over my head and reaches for my belt.
"Are you sure?" I ask breathlessly.
She frees the leather strap from the metal buckle.
Soon, we’re moving in unison under the pale moonlight. Everything fades until there’s nothing left but the sound of nocturnal insects and her body shifting against mine. There's no heartache, no loneliness, and no girls with auburn hair who kidnap fragile hearts.
* * *
Chloe
I sit down beside Erek. He’s reclining in an old lawn chair beside the fire. He looks completely relaxed…like we decided to go camping because we wanted to rather than out of necessity.
I'm more than a little jealous.
"Why do you think Allyson is so reluctant to talk about the farm?" I ask him once it’s clear he’s not going to talk to me first.
"Do I look like a mind reader, Princess?"
"Aren't you a little curious?"
"Not really," he says. He lifts a cup to his mouth and takes a long drink…the biting aroma of homemade liquor drifts over to me on the cool night breeze.
Irritation runs its long nails across my skin. "Are you drinking moonshine?" I ask him.
He holds the cup in the air. "Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner, ladies and gents."
I roll my eyes. "Erek, you can't get drunk right now."
"I most certainly can, and I most certainly am."
"What if a Rev shows up?"
"Then I guess you better be ready to fight, Princess," he says and takes another drink. "Isn't that the big plan once you go off on your own?"
A noise comes from the direction of the pond. It sounds like a moan, followed by words I can't make out. "What was that?" My heart rate spikes. “Did you hear that?”
Erek laughs. "It’s nothing you need to worry about."
"It sounded like a Rev.” I look around the camp. “We need to find Daniel."
"Daniel sounds like he's doing just fine where he is, Princess."
"But..."
A furious blush creeps across my face as realization washes over me. "I wish I hadn't asked," I say, cringing. There are some things you never want to hear. Your brother in the throes of passion is one of them.
Erek laughs again. "Did curiosity finally kill the cat, Princess?"
I frown. "Yeah, something like that."
He takes another sip of moonshine. "Beautiful night tonight," he says, gazing up at the sky. "Full moon. Fireflies. You could almost fool yourself into believing life is normal."
I rest my chin on my knees. "I guess."
He finally looks at me. "Aw, come on, Princess. Even you can admit it's nice out tonight."
"It's nicer now that Kate and Jax are asleep,” I say with a shiver. “They're too quiet. It freaks me out."
"The boy's deaf."
I lift my head, surprised. "What?"
He laughs. "You really don't pay attention, do you, Princess?"
"Yeah, yeah...I get it. You think I suck.” I roll my eyes. “How do you know he's deaf?" I ask.
He leans closer to me. "Because while you've been walking around in Chloe’s world, population 1, I've been paying attention to the people around us. Kids included.” He leans back in his chair. “Kate signs to Jax when she thinks no one else is watching."
"Why would they try to hide it?" I ask, confused.
He shrugs. "Kids are wiser than we give them credit for. Kate and Jax don't know us, nor have we earned their trust. They might think we wouldn't let them hang around if we knew he was deaf."
"It wouldn't matter to us," I argue.
"They don't know that. They're hedging their bets."
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask him.
The fact he knew they were struggling with something and didn’t let anyone know irritates me. We could have comforted them…made them feel more secure. It’s typical Erek; being a jerk, even to a couple of scared kids.
“Sometimes people need to feel like their secrets are just that…secret. They’ll tell us when they want to tell us,” he says. “We have to respect that. They’re owed that much.”
I glance at the tent Erek gave Landon and Emily that first night. "I feel bad for avoiding them,” I say. “They're probably scared and lonely. Especially now, since Landon left."
He nods. "One day, you'll start paying attention, Princess. Maybe then you'll see what's been right there, staring you in the face."
* * *
Allyson
Wayne loiters beside my hammock, wearing the torn expression of someone who wants to say something but doesn't know how or where to begin. I roll over so he’s looking at my back.
"I don't feel like talking."
"I know," he says quietly. "I wasn't gonna make you."
I relax, but only a little.
"Thank you, Wayne."
"Better start thinkin' about the answers, Allyson. I can't hold them off forever."
I listen as his footsteps fade. An icy tear slips from my eye and rolls down my cheek. I don’t bother wiping it away. What’s the point? It isn’t fair. I don’t want to answer their questions. I don't want to relive the last few months of my life.
I left the farm so I could forget it.
All of it.
Suddenly, a new fear crawls into my mind. What if Aiden finds me? What if he shows up here, at this small camp, and demands my return? Would the others defend me? Would Wayne try to protect me? If they didn’t put up a fight, would it hurt me worse than I’ve already been hurt? What if they did try to fight Aiden and his followers? What would Aiden do to them? Would their deaths be the next thing weighing down my conscience at night?
Aiden won't let me disappear. I’ve no doubt he’s already assembled the search party.
I take a deep breath and hold it, trying to suffocate the sobs that so desperately need to break free. My heart aches. If I could see the future, I’m certain my insufferable and hopeless situation would be the only thing waiting there.
I can't outrun Aiden any more than I can outrun myself...or what I am.
* * *
Meredith
A star flickers in the sky.
It looks lonely, like me.
I wonder if Daniel is still at that small camp outside of Lowell, looking up at the same sorrowful star.
I wonder if he’s as lonely as I am.
I miss him.
Maybe one day we'll be together again.
Chapter Sixteen
Daniel
I blink the sleep from my eyes and look around.
I'm lying on my back; it’s a little uncomfortable but the sleeping pad cushions the ground, if only slightly. The inside of the tent is a muted red, like the sun baked it until it was only half as bright as it used to be. Or, maybe my heart is the thing that faded; so gradually that I didn't notice it slipping away. Maybe there's nothing good left in me.
I wouldn't be surprised.
Maybe everything I ever liked about myself disappeared one Autumn night, never to return.
I slept with Emily last night. I can’t believe I did it. I can’t believe I gave in to the overwhelming need to be close to someone. I can’t believe I still feel as empty as I did before.
Her long, blonde hair covers her bare shoulders, and half of my left arm. If I move, I'll wake her, and I'm not ready to have that conversation, so I just lay here, thinking. I can't believe I was so careless. And not just once, but twice.
Revenants Series (Book 2): Remnants Page 7
