Guilt flooded me. I shouldn’t have left him wondering where I was. Unintentionally cruel. No wonder he’d been so crazed. So furious.
Arún’s hand squeezed my shoulder as he laid the feather across my lap.
“All I have is this card,” Jason said, waving a small white rectangle. “Despite trying, I couldn’t recall anything else of use.”
Vic leaned forward. “Why would they murder Frank?”
I ran my hands along the soft, albino barbs and traced the circle of the eye. I placed it back on the coffee table.
Jason sort of folded in on himself, his shoulders hunched. “They wanted to frighten us… and they had a message.”
Arún’s voice was low. “They want Woe.”
I twisted to catch his gaze. This was about me? Everything couldn’t be about me. Arún didn’t look at me. Instead, he squeezed my shoulder again, encouraging me in his own way. Lev wouldn’t meet my eyes either.
“The Boss still wants a breeder,” Jason finally answered. His gaze bounced between the two of us, his face a wash of emotions.
He pressed his lips into a line, now staring at the Fae behind me. He tossed the bit of cardstock onto his desk. “Arún, they want your woman. And I’m supposed to call Joe when we’re ready to give her up.”
My breath quickened, and my blood throbbed in my ear. It was impossible.
I pressed my hands to my face, crossed then uncrossed my arms. I scooted to the edge of the settee, my foot already tapping the carpeted floor. “The Boss thinks I’m a breeder,” I said. “How many times do I have to tell people that I can’t have babies? Fallen angels are sterile.” I poked my chest. “I am sterile.”
It was ridiculous. Everybody expected me to have babies. Maybe I didn’t want babies.
A dark-haired, giggling five-year-old twirled in my thoughts.
Hannah.
Proof that I was a liar.
I wanted a child. I had wanted a child for hundreds of years. Anguish from her death followed, stabbing my heart until I bit down on the gasp. It was an ache that never ended.
Since Arún, the pain was better in some ways and so much worse in others. He knew about Hannah, and I wasn’t alone in the hurt anymore. Yet sometimes that made despair an ocean for drowning.
In the end, I had given up my wings for all the exploited lives, used up by ugly-hearted men. They’d all been lost to time, but not forgotten. I thought of them every day. I lived around the hole in my heart every day.
It was quiet. Nobody spoke. They all stared at me. I could even feel Arún staring at the back of my neck. I wiped a sweaty palm on my pant leg. “W-w-what?”
Jason cleared his throat, opened his mouth as though he was about to speak, and then clamped his mouth shut. Vic studied her bare fingernails. Jason paced in front of his desk. Lev made smoke rings. Arún stood still as a statue behind me.
The Librarian filed more digital folders. That habit and the mustache-tugging… I wondered if they were twitches programmed into him or if he was actually nervous.
Jason approached and crouched on the floor in front of me. “Woe,” he started, lightly touching my knee. “We took samples from your hairbrush, toothbrush, anything we could find after you stayed in my apartment.”
Arún’s hand settled back on my shoulder, possessive, comforting. I laid my hand on top of his, lacing my fingers through his. The tiniest thrill flared in my stomach, but I stomped it out with the truth I knew. And yet, it didn’t want to die.
Jason’s eyes flitted from my face to our clasped hands and back again. He rubbed the back of his neck and then continued, “We’ve been conducting tests on your cells, comparing them with other cells from other fallen angels and human cells. Both Vic and the Librarian have been studying the findings.”
Vic raised her eyebrows and tilted her head. She propped her elbows on her knees and her chin in her hand, waiting for Jason to continue.
The Librarian approached the table with a file folder in his hand. It looked odd, all lit up. He dropped it on the table and stepped backwards. The label was marked Woe.
Lev leaned forward, too, puffing faster on the cigar, his deep, unintelligible rumble reminded me of old newsreels I had seen of Winston Churchill. Lev was a sexy version of Winston Churchill, salted with whale song and seaweed. He had been here so long, seen so many things.
Still nobody spoke. I turned to Arún. He was grinning from ear to ear like he knew a wonderful secret that nobody else knew. I faced the priest who had nursed me back to health after my fall.
“What is it, Jason?” The thrill burned in the middle of the ocean of despair. I braced myself for his next words.
“There’s no easy way to say this.” He swallowed, his blue eyes intense. “In every sense of the meaning, Woe, you are a fallen angel, and you’re mortal.”
I just stared at him, my insides deflating. I did not understand why they were all so serious. This was ridiculous. “We knew that already.”
Jason studied the desk. When he looked up, he said, “Woe, you are also capable of bearing children.”
The room spun and moved across my vision until it was like I was staring at the Starry Night painting Arún had shown me through a portal after he told me the story of Romeo and Juliet. Hannah waved from the middle of a yellow swirl. I had always wanted her to be my child. Then everything went black.
A pungent smell stung my nose and cleared the muddle. Vic held a vial of smelling salts under my nostrils. I whispered, “What happened?”
She pressed her palm to my forehead. “You fainted.”
I was leaning back in the settee, face pointed toward the ceiling. From this angle, I could see Arún had his hands raised over his head like a victor. Jason, Vic, and Lev were huddled around me like the best sort of friends.
I stammered. “I can have children?” There hadn’t been any outward sign. I refused to let the blaze of hope come any closer. I couldn’t go through that. My stomach rolled.
“Yes, sweetie,” Vic soothed. “According to the changes in your hormones—” she sounded like the nurse, matter of fact, confident “—it’s possible. We think your cycle runs longer than a normal woman’s. Maybe once every six months, but we’re only guessing.” Vic’s ebony hand stroked my arm.
No small wonder. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
And then the dam broke. Every bit of the hope came flooding in. I trembled from head to toe. I could be a mother. Not just that. I could give Arún a child. I groped for his hand. And then he was there, pressing kisses to my ear, hugging me, whispering things in words I didn’t understand.
I sat up, and Arún’s hands fell away.
Jason paled while Vic spoke.
From behind, Arún leaned over me and wrapped his arm around me. He pulled me into him as his lips brushed my cheek.
He whispered, “Until I breathe my last, I will protect you.”
He released me but stood closer than before. At least he hadn’t said he told me so.
But Arún’s words didn’t settle the bile that churned in my stomach. I knew how babies were made. I pressed my hand to my abdomen. It was all a shock, but I wasn’t ready to have that conversation about it. Not with Jason. Not with Vic. I didn’t want to hear the advice, see the sour looks when I picked what I wanted over what they recommended.
I tucked my hands beneath my legs. Maybe the Fae doctors could examine me. I wouldn’t have to deal with sourpuss Jason then, lamenting the end of the world because a dreaded Fae and a fallen angel might make a baby together.
Jason returned to his desk chair. His movement brought everyone back to the meeting at hand. Everyone sat straighter in their respective seats and brought their attention back to Jason. The file had disappeared from the coffee table.
“Listen,” he said. “I didn’t call you here to go over Woe’s reproductive capabilities.”
Thank goodness. I had grown tired of discussing it already.
Jason picked up a pencil and rolled it across his fingers. “I want your help. I want
to find the woman who murdered Frank. There’s something strange about her.”
“There’s something strange about all of us,” I said, pointing at Jason. “The not-a-priest who can sniff out the paranormal and the supernatural.” I lifted an eyebrow, challenging him to argue. When he said nothing, I went on, “And runs a fake church front in New Haven City. Don’t tell the parishioners.”
I waved toward Vic. “I don’t know the three of you to know what to say about you, but I’m sure you’re a bit strange, too.”
Lev nodded at my words and smirked. Vic lifted an eyebrow. The Librarian almost tugged the mustache off his face.
I pointed to myself. “Fallen angel.”
Instead, I pointed to Arún. “Fae warrior king-to-be, vacationing outside of his realm,”
Arún chuckled. “She has you there, Jason.” The rest of the group snickered quietly.
Jason snapped the pencil he held. “Notwithstanding,” he countered, “I would like to ask for your help.”
I frowned. “You want my help to find somebody. A murderer? Not this time, Jason. These sorts of things never go my way.” I stood. “I’m going home to take a nap.” I stomped across the floor. When I got to the door, I spun around in another burst of anger. “No, actually I’m going to take a nap in Arún’s bed.”
Jason squawked. It didn’t matter if Arún wouldn’t be in the bed when I napped. The bluff served its purpose. My words shocked Jason. That’s what I wanted more than anything.
“And tomorrow?” I said. “Maybe I’ll start living at his house.”
Arún grinned like a fool, but he didn’t follow me out.
Fine. I would go home alone.
I slammed the door behind me.
31
Stand Off
Jason
The slam of the metal door acted like a guillotine to the conversation. When Woe made an exit, she pulled out all the stops. She had been magnificent. She had come into her own. Confidence made the best aphrodisiac around.
Arún nodded as though he heard my thoughts. “Yes, she was. She doesn’t think so, but she will make a magnificent Queen.”
Great. The Fae creep could read minds.
“I can read minds only sometimes,” he said. “On the weak-minded.” The corner of his mouth twitched.
Smug son-of-a-Fae.
I scowled. He let Woe leave, but he stayed behind. “You want to help?”
“I’ll do anything to keep Woe safe,” he said
Vic looked like she wanted to stand up and cheer. I would never understand how she could still be a romantic. She had a taste for out-of-the-ordinary boyfriends.
“Very well,” I said. “To what end?”
Arún began a slow walk along the wall, scanning the shelves. “I intend to find this woman who murdered your friend. Through her, I will find the Boss and end the hunt for Woe.”
This time Vic whooped. “You go, Fae.”
Lev laughed at Vic’s awkward words. The Librarian kept filing.
I massaged my temples. I held up my hands and asked, “Alright. How can you help?”
He halted and then raised an index finger. “First, in my world, I have something that might make it easier to capture the shifter. I will return to my world to retrieve them.”
Vic’s eyes widened. “What is it?”
“Handcuffs that inhibit powers.”
“What are they made of?”
“I do not know,” Arún said.
“What else?” I asked.
Arún moved around the perimeter of the room. “There’s a book here that one of your predecessors read often.”
“There are thousands of books here,” I said. I didn’t have time for this.
Situated between us, her back toward the Fae on the prowl, Vic mouthed the words “say thank you” at me over and over while she pointed to Arún.
Not happening.
Lev pulled another stogie from his jacket pocket along with a cigar cutter. He tucked the end in the hole and snipped it off. He put the stogie between his lips and lit it with a butane lighter he had stashed in his trouser pocket. He puffed on it, the cherry brightening with each inhale.
When he noticed me watching, he raised the cigar and said, “Continue.”
I couldn’t help but grin. Lev had been around since the List Keeper before me. Lev had been run out of the Pacific Ocean by whalers hunting for a giant white whale, stuffed in a wooden crate, and shipped to the church covered in stab wounds. My predecessor had worked hard to nurse Lev back to health and had turned Lev’s crate into the clothes donation box. Nothing troubled him and he had an unending tenderness toward wounded hearts.
Vic made faces at me, and Arún had progressed half way around the Atheneum.
“Any ideas about how or where to begin?” I asked.
“Ah ha!” Arún announced. He tugged a book from a shelf and brought it to my desk. He dropped it in front of me and opened it to an old page covered with pen drawing. He pointed to the image. “This. We should do this.”
When I saw the drawn image, my mouth fell open. “That, huh?”
Arún tapped the page. “This.”
Vic and Lev left their seats and leaned over the desk, trying to see around the over-sized Fae. We could only do that…
Like I thought.
Over my dead body.
32
Vacation Plan
Woe
It wasn’t that far to Arún’s uptown apartment. At the beginning, I kicked at rocks and trash cans until somebody cursed at me. I wanted to curse at Jason for his behavior.
Maybe I shouldn’t have taken it as far as I did, but he was better than that. I would never tell him to his face, but I needed him to be okay with my version of being okay. The closer I got to home, the less angry I was.
I asked Arún once how he afforded the astronomical rent. He said what counted as precious stones and jewels in our world were pretty common in his realm. They used them to line the roads. Anytime he needed a bit of cash, he popped home, picked up a piece of gravel, and sold it on the black market back here. It was a pretty nice set-up.
The doorman let me in. I took the stairs instead of the elevator. The exercise did me good. Over halfway up, on the tenth-floor landing, a thought halted me.
I pressed my hand to my abdomen, just below where my bellybutton might have been if I were human. I was mortal, but not human, and I didn’t have one. I’d started life as an angel.
But I could have Arún’s baby. If I wanted.
I trembled. That couldn’t be good. I let myself out of the stairwell onto the tenth-floor hallway. The elevators and the stairwell were right next to one another, so I didn’t have far to walk.
The circle around the arrow lit up in blue when I pressed it. The baby would have Arún’s ears and his magic. I loved everything about that Fae. I wanted our baby to have him as a father. Maybe her wings would look like mine did before they burned away. Big and beautiful and black. Opalescent in the moonlight. He would love flying as much as we both did.
And then I couldn’t keep the smile from breaking through the last bits of anger. I hoped he didn’t care whether it was a boy or girl. I didn’t care. I couldn’t care.
The Atheneum revelation was life-changing. I couldn’t wait to meet Arún’s family. I danced into the little metal box that used to terrify me and pressed the button for the penthouse. The security system dinged. I typed in Arún’s code and the lift started upward.
Someday, I might mother Arún’s child.
33
Brain Search
Jason
Arún wanted to rummage around in my brain. “Have you ever done it before?”
“I have had no reason to try it before,” he said.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I don’t know what that means.”
Vic, Lev, and the Librarian had gone on about their business. Vic made me promise to be nice and Lev asked if he could stay to watch the fight. I told them both no. The Librarian look
ed relieved and mentioned something about continuing his Internet search to see if he could find anything about the bird shifter or the Boss.
“But it’s been done before.” Arún tilted his head, and his shoulders lifted in a shrug. “It might help us figure out who she is and how to find her.”
He held out the book, and I studied the ink drawings in the journal. On one side of the page, a pointy-eared Fae held his hands around a bearded man’s head. The man was dressed in a cassock. “How did you know about this?”
“The Fae you see here was my uncle.” He tapped the page with a pale, manicured finger. “He drank too much grog topped with too much mead at a family banquet. He let it slip.”
“What do you hope to find out?”
“I might recognize her abilities. Together, we might identify clues that will lead us to the Boss.”
I stroked my beard, considering the options. “What if you scramble my brain?”
He tilted his head. “If we had a mind crystal, we could save your essence inside it for recovery.” He peered at me. “Do you have a mind crystal?”
“Nope. Fresh out. Any other options?”
“Do you have old trees here? Two or three hundred years old?”
I shook my head.
He gestured above us. “Perhaps wood from ancient and important trees?”
“Why?”
“If it does not go well, we can use the church doors to resuscitate you.”
“Resuscitate me?” Arún wasn’t helping his case.
He held the book out. “It says here that they used the doors of the church to build back his mind when it wearied.”
I shook my head again. “How hard would it be to get a mind crystal?”
“In my world, they are heavily guarded with access restricted to the royal family.”
I turned away. So much for that idea. “Then we’re at a dead end.”
The Librarian cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Jason?”
Woe for a Faerie Page 18
