“Arún,” Ishka interjected, her tone critical. She cleared her throat.
I turned to face her. “Yes?”
She sipped form her goblet carefully, still recovering from the earlier laughter-fit. “Are you well, brother?”
“Of course.” I bit out the words, squeezing Woe’s hand.
“Perhaps you should skip the final course.” She nodded toward Woe. “Your companion is tired.”
“Please,” Woe said. “Can we do that?”
She was hopeful. She had grown weary of the banquet, exhausted by not meeting expectations she didn’t understand.
No doubt, this close to us both, Ishka knew that something was going on. Something intimate and complicated, and she tried to help.
“Perhaps that would be best,” I said.
My father and mother bid us good evening, and I pushed back my chair. When I offered my elbow, Woe took it, clinging to my arm like a lifeline that kept her from drowning.
We hurried through the corridors, workmen and maids dropping in bows and curtsies as we moved by them. Woe didn’t look up once, and her thoughts rushed through her brain so fast that I couldn’t pick anything out.
“You did well, my love,” I whispered.
“Don’t lie.”
“I do not lie.” Not about most things, and certainly never important things.
“Take me home, Arún.” She squeezed my arm. “I don’t belong here.”
“Of course you do.” I let her into my quarters, and she swept past me.
Woe didn’t believe it, but she would become a forbidding queen someday. If she chose to return to my world and rule with me. But she could choose whatever she wanted.
Without meaning to, Woe had put my mother in her place, and I had cheered her on all throughout dinner. It didn’t matter to me that she lied about whether or not we had consummated our relationship.
I’m sure I would hear about it later, but the evening had only made me more certain that Woe should be mine.
“I am glad I brought you to my world,” I began. “And I wanted to ask you an important question.”
Her shoulders dropped. “Please don’t.”
I frowned but went on. “You are everything I had hoped you would be.”
“I’m only exciting because I’m different,” she said.
I dropped to my knee in front of her. “I offer you my pledge, Woe.”
Her eyes widened, and she beamed at me. She felt the same way I did. Then she scanned our surroundings and her face fell.
She pulled her shoulder back and straightened her spine, but she did not answer.
I waited for her answer, growing more and more unsettled by the moment. I expected an immediate yes. The silence turned my stomach.
I cleared my throat. “I want to consummate our soul’s bond, and I offer you my pledge.”
“I’m not sure what all that means.”
“I wish to be yours.” My knee had grown cold, pressed against the stone that made up the royal palace.
She took a giant step backwards. “No, Arún, I won’t let you ruin your future by choosing me.” Tears welled in her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip.
Before I could stop her, she ran from my quarters, her footfalls receding in the distance.
40
Surrender
Woe
Arún’s life doesn’t fit mine.
Like the borrowed hooker shoes. It pinched in ways I couldn’t make work, and I wasn’t about to live my life trying.
In the muted light, I ran away from his room, not really caring where my feet took me, going without purpose. Truth and hope warred with one another as my heart tore in two. Somehow, I had wanted it to work. The realization made me stumble, and I slammed into a tapestry, hanging from the corridor.
His parents hate me. Another lash from a whip. Hot tears splashing my cheeks. The look in his mother’s eyes was enough to confirm her distaste. His father had been indifferent.
The prophecy is superstition. That’s all it was. His grandmother had been mistaken.
There were a million reasons I couldn’t accept his proposal. Yet, even as the excuses came, I knew they didn’t matter. I turned him down because I couldn’t be the queen of anything. Not really.
Who am I?
I was a fool.
A fool that wanted to be Arún’s mate. That wanted to embrace every part of him. Even though I wasn’t established in my own mortal identity, and I was considering a permanent partnership. Not only considering it… Hoping to make it a reality.
A sob caught in the back of my throat, and I crumpled, tucking myself behind a tall piece of furniture. The sound of my broken heart echoed up and down the corridor.
I didn’t know how long I laid in the corridor, but I woke to gentle hands moving over me. I scrambled away, but they followed.
“Sssshhh, Woe.”
“Ishka?” I opened one eye, swollen from crying, and frantically wiped at the moisture that covered my face, distressed that I was such a mess.
“Stop. Your tears are not the first I’ve ever seen, and yours won’t be the last.” She grasped my elbows and pulled. “Let’s get you out of the hall.”
At her urging, I struggled to my feet. Thankful for the warmth of someone. Anyone.
“What has my brute of a brother done to you?”
“He proposed.”
“No wonder he’s beside himself with worry.” She threw her arms around me, and her laughter filled the hall.
I pushed her away. “I didn’t say yes.”
She moved aside but placed her hand on mine. “I know.”
“He told you?”
“He asked me to look for you. He didn’t think you would want to see him yet.”
“You aren’t mad at me for turning him down?”
“I am certain that it’s the best choice for you.”
I squinted at her, searching her face for a hint of dishonesty. “I don’t understand either of you.”
“Then I shall enlighten you.” She put her hands on her hips and beamed at me. “You’ve vexed my brother and my parents, and I haven’t laughed so much in all the years that came before, Woe. You are entirely at fault.”
“This mess pleases you?”
“Indeed.”
I didn’t have an answer, and the silence stretched between us.
Finally, she gestured toward a nearby door. “You must be hungry.”
“I think so.” It wasn’t true, but I probably needed to eat something.
Ishka glanced down the hall, and a maid appeared a moment later. Ishka stared at her intently for a moment. Then the woman curtsied and left.
She guided me into her quarters, so much like Arún’s. As I passed over the threshold, she said, “You’ve reminded me that there is life beyond the Fae castle, and your spark is catching. Who knows what trouble I might get into?”
“Don’t tell your mother that it’s my fault. She’ll despise me even more.”
“Mother hates everything that’s new and different. She’s not blind to the starlight sparkle in Arún’s eyes. Given enough time, I’m sure she’ll become your biggest supporter, my sister.”
My sister. She spoke as though it was true.
I crossed to her balcony—a duplicate of Arún’s but set lower than his. The whole of the capital stretched out beneath her feet. “Do you talk to Arún with your thoughts?”
“Mind-speak?”
I nodded.
“We do. We are careful of boundaries, but it’s a symptom of close relationships.”
“I hear him in my head sometimes.”
She smiled. “You will learn to reciprocate. I look forward to sharing mind-speak with you.”
“Should I marry him?” I blurted it out, the pressure behind it surprised me.
She shrugged. “Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know how to decide forever.”
Ishka scowled. Before she could answer, she glanced toward the door. “Co
me,” she called.
The maid appeared, carrying a tray filled with food. She darted in, placed it on the table in the middle of the room, and then darted back out.
“Where was I?” Ishka asked.
I considered the colorful fruits and took a handful of something that resembled strawberries. Uncertain that I wanted to continue the conversation, I shoved them in my mouth.
“Ah, yes, bonding.” She took a handful of cheese. “The nature of a Fae pairing is fluid. Each member expects the other to change and adjust accordingly. This is normal. The souls unite, but it’s not uncommon for each Fae union to have its own individual rules.”
“What does that mean?” My knowledge of marriage was what I had picked up from delivering missives to mortals in New Haven City.
“Your union can be whatever you define it.” She settled in an ornate seat at the table. “Some Fae partners live in separate homes. Some invite more than two into the bond. It’s flexible and resilient.”
“It’s not like human marriage?”
She studied her hand. “In some ways, it is. Yet, in essence, it is the uniting of souls. He will always be your supporter, and you will be his. He will protect you with his dying breath because that is the kind of Fae he is.”
Jason strolled through my thoughts. “What of jealousy?”
“It is uncommon here.” She grinned. “Good-natured competition is not as uncommon, and it is a favorite of Arún’s, but you will define your bonding together throughout time.”
I couldn’t find the down side to any of it, and I wanted him. I wanted him to love me, and I wanted to figure out who I was while being his. All at the same time.
Ishka turned toward the door. “My brother is on his way. Should I send him away?”
“No, it’s time to face the music.” Time to upset the balance a little more.
“Face the music?” She repeated the words slowly.
The doors flung open, and Arún filled the door way, his bare chest heaved as though he’d run a mile. Energy snapped in the air, and his eyes flashed like lightning storms on the moon. The muscles worked in his jaw. His gaze traveled my length. Once. Twice. Three times.
I wanted to preen. I liked it when he looked, and he was going to be looking a whole lot more.
“I was worried for your safety,” he said.
“I’m sorry.”
I focused on him and attempted to locate the thread of current that ran between us.
Can we go back to your quarters? I pushed the thought at him, adding images from his blue magic on the bench in New Haven City.
His mouth opened in a slight “oh,” and he tilted his head as he stared at me.
He heard me. I was sure of it. I tried not to look too smug.
He turned to Ishka. “Thank you for finding her.”
She nodded. “She didn’t eat much.”
“I’m good.” I swiped another handful of the berries and stuffed them in my mouth. It was probably the last I’d get to eat for a while. If I had anything to do with it. “Thank you for explaining things, Ishka.”
“Indeed,” she answered, her voice wrought with mirth.
I moved into the corridor, and Arún followed, his steps far less confident than when he arrived.
“May I escort you?” he asked.
“You’ll have to. I don’t know the way.”
He offered his arm, and I took it, relishing the tingle that coursed through me when my skin grazed his. He moved through the corridors, his hand over mine.
Once inside his room, I took a seat on the edge of his bed and removed my shoes. I stood and untucked my shirt. “What would happen if I change my mind about you? About this?”
“This?”
“This.” I gestured toward his Fae-prince-sized bed.
Arún froze in the middle of his quarters, watching me warily, but the corner of his mouth tipped up. “Then I will change with it.”
“Tell me why.” His gaze was glued to my fingers.
“I love you, Woe, and I am willing to love whatever version of you that you decide to be.” He licked his lips.
“You love me. Even though I don’t even know who I am.”
“I can see pieces of the love you hold for Hannah…” He gazed past me, out into the Realm beyond me. “You have an exquisite soul that my soul loves. Your independence and your need to matter, to change what is to what should be. Even if all things were burned away, I would still choose to sit beside you as we waited for the end to find us.”
He spoke without stopping to think. The words poured from him as easily as though he had been practicing them his whole life.
I untied my halter dress from around my neck, not letting it fall. “What if I don’t provide your world with an heir?”
He raised an eyebrow and moved nearer. “I’m far more interested in what comes before.”
I ducked out of his reach, keeping hold of the fabric of my dress. “Arún, please.”
“Go on,” he said, drawing an entirely different meaning out the words than I intended, still moving toward me. “I like please.”
My cheeks heated. “It’s a real question.”
He stopped. “That is your right to choose. I will force nothing upon you, and I will not begrudge your freedom.”
Loving him. Accepting him meant a kind of freedom that Jason could never give me. Even if he had offered. I let the dress fall.
He took a step backwards, muttering to himself. He dropped to one knee. “Woe, I bind my soul to yours for all of eternity. For all of time, I will be for you, never against you. Even after our bodies turn to dust, our union will remain. My heart found yours. Do you accept my pledge?”
“I accept your promise, and I offer my own.” I kneeled in front of him. “I am always for you. I am forever your cheerleader, my Scíath Sciathán. My winged warrior. Arúnsearc. You are my secret love. My sweet Arún. Our bond will last forever, in whatever form it may take.”
He stared at me as though he feared I might break, and then the world around us exploded in blue lightening. A million sensations poured into every cell of my body. There was only Arún.
He pressed me to him and then scooped me into his arms, the movement sent a thrill throughout my body.
He carried me as carefully, gently as the day he found me in the park. He laid me on his bed of silks, and a thousand stars danced across his ceiling. Worlds spun around us. It was as though he stretched the whole of the physical world to encompass the spiritual plane and drew me through it all.
After, we lay, panting.
He must have read the how-to romance book, too. When I bit my bottom lip, his gaze dropped to my mouth. His eyes glittered with desire, and he murmured my name.
And then I couldn’t wait anymore. I wanted him again. I drew him close and arched against him. A tremble moved through him and he buried his face in my neck with a groan. I pushed my hand into his hair and made a fist.
Soft as the silk we laid on, his love was beautiful.
A wave of guilt came in the morning, and it drove me from the warmth of the bed. I wrapped the length of dress fabric around me and crossed to the balcony, the light outside still dim.
I had loved Hannah so much.
First, she had filled a need in me for the connection of family. Eventually, I loved Hannah because she was Hannah, and I had avenged her death. My bottom lip quivered. I still mourned her, but I had avenged her death.
Even after the fall, that need had never gone away. Since the fall, a new world had opened to me. A world of desire.
I considered my snoring Fae mate, his legs twisted in his bed sheets, his muscles bulging in ways that made my heart flutter. Arún had the power to coerce me, but he never did. He respected me. He never made me feel less-than an equal.
Jason couldn’t get past that idea that I needed to be bossed. He didn’t give me the options and let me choose. Maybe Jason wouldn’t disown me, but it was time to get back to the real world.
I had so muc
h to tell Jason. I had to break it to him.
With that, we chose to be on the outside of Jason’s band of paranormal brothers, and he would have to make peace with it. Jason wouldn’t like it because he wasn’t my choice.
I frowned. Jason had never pursued me in the way a man pursues a woman. Every time anything happened, his reluctance shone through. I didn’t want to be his temptation. I wanted to be his mate, and Jason could never offer that. Not really.
I didn’t like the me that he morphed me into.
So I’d made my choice. To be with Arún. And it made me happy. Exquisitely happy. After stepping out of the spiritual and into the mortal, I figured I’d earned at least that much.
Arún’s eyes fluttered open, the pale irises turned brilliant in the night light of his world. “Woe, my love, come back to bed.”
He didn’t have to ask twice. The real world could wait.
41
Honeymoon
Jason
“Did they say when they would be back?” I asked Vic.
“It’s only been a few days,” she answered. Vic wore a green plastic visor and puffed on one of Lev’s cigars. She had whiskey on the rocks in the lowball glass to her right. She studied her cards and then shrugged. “And how would I know? It’s not like they left an itinerary.”
“You seem to know things.” Back in my cassock, the interior tumult lessened, but I had a crap hand. Lev snored in his favorite chair. That guy could sleep anywhere, if he had a mind to. He would probably say the same thing about me. He spent most nights sleepless.
“Because I pay attention more than you,” she said and threw a card down on the coffee table in front of her.
“I noticed that you changed your hair.” I threw one down. I had lost count of the trump suit.
“Last week.” She raised the ante.
The Librarian appeared in the corner. “I’m afraid we might have visitors.”
I stood up and bumped the table, sending chips flying across the table. “Visitors?”
Vic threw her cards on the table. “Is it Woe?”
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