by Rachel Hanna
"I was just doing some breathing. Lots of stress today. I don't think it really helps me anymore like it used to."
"Sorry to hear that."
"Is this how it's going to be? Me talking and you giving me short answers?"
"Janine, I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not exactly an expert in meditation or deep breathing."
Julie pulled frozen beans and a box of macaroni and cheese out of her supplies. She had purchased a small charcoal grill and a couple of pots. She dragged it all out onto the deck and started assembling what she needed to cook the beans and the macaroni and cheese. She had to get electricity in this house and pronto.
"Look, I know you don't know a whole lot about my life and what I've been doing all these years. I know you never really got into the whole yoga and meditation thing either. But I haven't done that in a couple of years because it just doesn't seem to fit me anymore."
Julie looked up at her as she worked on lighting the grill. "I'm surprised to hear that. You always loved stretching your body into those crazy positions.
“Yes, I did. But after I was attacked, it just seemed so trivial. The one thing that was a constant in my life for all those years just didn't seem to help me. The grief and the pain of that just overwhelmed me to the point that I couldn't even do yoga anymore. I lost the last job I had because I would burst into tears during class. Of course, nobody knew what had happened to me, so I can't really blame them for sending me on my way."
"Tomorrow I have to go into town to get more supplies. While I'm there, I'll do some asking around and see what resources they have for someone going through trauma."
"It's already enough that you're letting me stay here. I can't ask you to pay for counseling for me."
Julie stood and looked at her sister. "You didn’t ask me. I'm offering. As much as you're weird and quirky personality has irritated me in the past, I want you to feel better. Nobody should feel stuck like this.”
"Thank you. You'll never know how much I appreciate everything."
"If you want to show me your appreciation, help me figure out what the heck I'm doing wrong with this grill!"
Janine laughed as she bent down and began working on lighting the grill.
The next morning, Julie woke up later than usual. It had been a long night with her sister in the room. She had repeated nightmares that caused her to wake up screaming multiple times. Julie felt like she had a toddler again as she soothed her sister back to sleep over and over. One thing was for sure, she needed help. And Julie was pretty angry with her own mother for not doing something sooner. It was obvious that Janine needed professional assistance, and she couldn't understand why their mother hadn't gotten her some help.
She walked down the hall, the smell of coffee wafting into her nose. Dawson was standing in the kitchen, a full pot of coffee sitting on the counter behind him.
“Is this a mirage? Is that actual, real life coffee sitting there?"
He laughed. "You don't think that a contractor can work without coffee, do you?"
"But we don't have any electricity here. How did you manage this miraculous feat?"
"Well, that's the beauty of a generator. I've got one plugged in on the other side of this window. And don't worry, I have set you up to get electricity run sometime this week."
"Thank God. I never liked camping, And I think this might be worse."
"Cream and sugar?"
"Yes, please."
He made her cup of coffee and handed it to her. She had never been so happy to receive a drink in all her life. "Have you seen my sister this morning?"
"She was walking down the street when I pulled in."
Julie's eyes widened. "Walking down the street? And you didn't stop her?"
“Why would I stop her? The island is the safest place on earth."
"Not for my sister. She's going through a really difficult time right now. Plus there's alligators and I don't know what else lurks out in those swamp waters."
"First of all, it's a marsh, not a swamp. Big difference. Secondly, your sister is a grown woman. I'm sure she's just getting the lay of the land and maybe clearing her mind."
"Still, I better get out there and look for her," Julie said, setting her cup on the counter and heading for the front door.
"Wait, I'll come with you," he said, following behind her.
They walked out onto the front porch and Julie looked up and down the road. The island wasn't that big, so she was sure they’d be able to find her quickly.
"Janine! Janine!" she called. They walked around the house and then back to the front again. She was nowhere to be found.
"Now I'm getting worried. I can't believe she just walked off like this."
"I'm sure she'll be back. Why don't we give her a little time to herself. If she's not back in an hour, then we’ll hop in my truck and go looking for her."
“Okay. One hour. But if she's not back by then, we go searching."
"I promise," Dawson said.
They went back into the house, but Julie only made it about thirty minutes before she found herself looking out all of the windows again. Dawson continued working on whatever it was he was doing, but all she could think about was her sister. Hurt, lost, traumatized.
"I've got to go looking for her," Julie said.
"We've got thirty more minutes…"
"Look, my sister is going through some things. I'm not going to talk about it, but I'm worried about her mental health right now. I need to find her."
“Okay, I understand. Let me take you," Dawson said.
They jumped into his truck and started driving down the road. Julie was looking side to side, trying desperately to see if her sister was lost or hurt in some way. Visions of her being eaten by an alligator or pecked to death by one of those large birds she'd seen popped into her mind. She had always been a worry wart at heart.
"Why don't we drive over to the beach side. I have a feeling she might have gone that way," Dawson said.
Julie didn't answer and just kept looking out the window hoping that she would see her picking flowers or petting a dog or something simple like that.
They pulled up to the beach, an area that she hadn't been since moving there, and Dawson told her to follow him down a pathway. It was all white sand and flanked by large beach grass. When they stepped onto the actual beach, Julie stopped for a moment and stared. The beauty of the place was undeniable. Although she wished her house was on the beach side, she was excited to know it was so close. It hadn't crossed her mind that she had fulfilled her own dream of living at the beach by moving there. Everything had been so stressful so far, she hadn't taken a moment to be grateful for the fact that she was living at the beach. It was just a short drive down the road.
But right now all she could think about was her sister. What if she had come to the beach and somehow got sucked out by riptide and…
"Isn't that her over there?" Dawson said, pointing off in the distance. Sure enough, Janine was sitting atop a large rock outcropping that was partially submerged in water.
"Yes. What in the world is she doing?" Julie ranted as she walked quickly towards her sister. Dawson stayed back, obviously not wanting to get into the fray.
"Janine!" Julie called as she got closer. Janine was sitting there, her knees pulled to her chest, staring off into the water, her curly locks blowing in the breeze. She was wearing a long white skirt and a white tank top and looked angelic, but right now Julie wanted to wring her neck.
"What are you doing here?" Janine asked, like it was the most natural thing in the world that she had left home without telling Julie and had gone to sit on a rock in the ocean.
"What am I doing here? What are you doing here? You didn't even tell me you were leaving."
Janine cocked her head to the side. "I didn't know I needed permission, Mom."
"See? This is exactly what I'm talking about. You do things without any thought for how they affect other people!"
"Me walkin
g to the beach on a tiny island affected you? You were asleep. I didn't want to wake you up. I kept you up all night with my nightmares, and I was trying to let you get some rest. So, I got up this morning and decided to come out here and just enjoy the ocean breeze."
"You could've at least left a note."
"Oh yes, with all the stationary and pens you have in the house? Come on, Julie, this isn’t a big deal."
Julie shook her head. "Nothing is ever a big deal to you, Janine. Unless it involves you. But no, if it involves other people, you have no cares in the world."
Janine climbed down from the rock and stood in front of her sister. "You're not being fair. I took a walk. You live at the beach. I figured you could connect those dots without a problem."
"Don't be sarcastic."
"Look, Julie, I appreciate what you're doing for me. I truly do. But, I don't need you to be my mother hen.
"I'm worried about you. There, I said it. I'm worried."
"I'm not going to harm myself. And believe it or not, after traveling all over the world alone, I know how to take care of myself too. I can walk a quarter of a mile to the beach and sit on a rock without being murdered or eaten by a pack of wolves."
Julie chuckled. "Alligators. I wasn't worried about wolves."
Janine smiled. "I know we have a checkered past, but this feels like a new beginning for both of us, in more ways than one. Can we just agree to let some of that stuff go? Maybe try to give each other a break?"
"I am trying. I know you may not believe that, but I really am."
Chapter 8
Driving onto the mainland was like going to another country, even after just a couple of days on the island. Still, Julie much preferred the slower pace of island life as she watched the cars whizzing by on the street in front of her.
She was lost. Majorly lost. She had only gone to the store once before, to get her supplies. But that was an accidental finding, and now she had to get her bearings to figure out where she was all over again.
She pulled down a one way street and into a parking space so she could get out and look around. Surely, there was a big box store somewhere.
“You lost, hon?” She heard a woman say behind her. She turned to see a most unusual lady, Southern to her core, for sure.
She was wearing red pants with what appeared to be parrots all over them, a white tank top with a ruffled neckline and the biggest sun hat Julie had ever seen, complete with a large flower on the side of it. And her accent was right out of Gone With The Wind, thick with Southern gentility and a little rough around the edges at the same time.
“Actually, yes. I’m looking for a grocery store.”
“Oh, sugar, you’re about two miles in the wrong direction. You aren’t from around here, are ya?” Her voice was like a warm blanket from the past.
“No, ma’am, I’m not. Just moved over to Seabreeze Island this week.”
“I see. Beautiful, little island, but a bit wild.”
“I agree with that characterization,” Julie said, smiling.
“Pardon me for saying so, sweetie, but you look rode hard and put away wet.”
Julie stared at her. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what that means.”
“Are you from up north?”
“No. Atlanta.”
“Goodness, what has happened to Atlantans? Ya’ll don’t know all the good Southern sayings? We’ll have to remedy that,” she said with a chuckle. “Follow me.”
“I… uh…” Julie stammered as she looked between the woman and her car.
“Don’t worry. I own these parking spaces, so you won’t get towed. Plus, Billy at the towing company would come ask me first anyhow.”
She started walking away, and for some reason Julie felt obligated to follow her. She was still lost, and this woman seemed to be her only connection to this place at the moment.
“I’m Dixie, by the way,” she said as they walked, reaching her perfectly manicured hand over to Julie. She had big gaudy rings on just about every finger, and the veins in her hands were thick and ropy, much like she remembered of her own grandmother.
“Julie,” she said as they stopped in front of a small shop.
“This here is my bookstore. Come on inside and sit a spell,” she said, like she was right out of some Southern movie.
Julie followed her inside and her mouth dropped open. Never had she been inside of a more authentic bookstore than this one. Back in Atlanta, she’d only gone into chain bookstores, each one looking the same with high ceilings, bright fluorescent lights and the same books and displays.
But this place looked like one of a kind with walls of books, little space to walk and even a scruffy little dog laying in the front entrance, taking in the bits of sunlight gleaming through the plate glass window.
“Wow, this place is amazing. How long have you owned it?”
“I opened when my boys were knee high to a grasshopper, and that was a long time ago.”
Julie smiled. “I might need a Southern dictionary to talk to you, Miss Dixie.”
“Please just call me Dixie. I’m already older than dirt, no need to make me feel worse about it,” she said with a loud laugh. “And to answer your question, I opened this place over twenty years ago. My sons were in high school at the time, so maybe I fibbed a little about the grasshopper part.”
“Dixie!” A woman called out as she came into the store.
“Excuse me a second, hon. Feel free to browse around if ya like.”
Dixie got up and ran to hug the woman. They chatted for a while as Julie walked around the small store. The dog, whose tag said Rhett, followed her around, occasionally licking her ankles.
She could smell the books. You couldn’t really smell books in chain bookstores. They smelled more like coffee and high prices.
But this place was like something out of another time. Sitting between a barber shop and an antique store, it was nestled in safety from being gobbled up by big business.
There was a whole section of Gone With The Wind books and memorabilia, much like a shrine. She took it that Dixie was a fan, especially given that the resident dog was named Rhett.
“Sorry about that, darlin’. That was one of my regular customers.”
“No problem. I see you’re a fan of Gone With The Wind?”
Dixie laughed. “My late husband was, actually. This is kind of my shrine for him. But I have to admit, I do love me some Rhett Butler.”
“What is the name of this place?”
“Down Yonder Books,” she said, opening her arms like she was on stage.
“Of course it is,” Julie said with a giggle.
“Care for some sweet tea?”
“I don’t really drink sweet tea. Do you have unsweetened?”
“Sacrilege! Honey, we don’t serve anything here without sugar. That’s what sweetens up your life!”
Dixie walked toward the front and poured two large glasses of sweet tea, totally ignoring Julie’s comments. She sat down at one of the three bistro tables and pointed to the chair across from her.
“Come sit. Tell me all the good stuff about your life, Julie.”
“Okay, but then I really have to get going to the grocery store.”
Julie sat down. “Life is slower down in these parts, my dear. The grocery store can wait a bit, can’t it? Help an old lady not feel so lonely and tell me something about yourself.”
“I have a feeling you’re the least lonely person in this town,” Julie said with a chuckle.
“Just ‘cause people come around doesn’t mean I’m not lonely.”
“Sorry for the wrong assumption then. Let’s see, what can I tell you about myself?” Julie said before taking a sip of tea without thinking. She almost spit it right back out, the ropiness causing her tastebuds to rebel. Not wanting to offend, she swallowed it down anyway, feeling sure she could feel the grittiness of the sugar sliding down her throat. “I’m newly divorced.”
“Scoundrel of a husband?
”
Julie laughed. “How’d you know?”
“There’s three kinds of husbands, in my unbiased opinion. Good ones, scoundrels and dead ones.” She broke out in hysterical laughter and slapped Julie’s hand across the table.
“I think I agree with you on that one,” Julie said, taking another sip. Maybe she was becoming more Southern by the minute because this time it didn’t seem so bad.
“So what did this scoundrel do?”
“He cheated on me after over twenty years of marriage. And got her pregnant. And now they’re getting married.”
“Good Lord, he is a scoundrel! Well, she better remember that what they’ll do with you, they’ll do to you. Her time is coming.” Julie found it funny that Dixie said the same thing she’d said to Victoria’s face in the parking lot.
“Maybe so. We were supposed to buy a beach house now that our kids are grown and gone. Instead, I ended up on the island with a cottage on the marsh that is in complete shambles.”
“Oh, I bet I know the one. Has blue shutters?”
“Yes! How did you know?”
“My old friends lived there for a long time. You’ve met Dawson then?”
“This is spooky. How do you know Dawson?”
“Sugar, we all know each other around here! Dawson grew up with my sons. They all went to school together, and they sure got in trouble a few times too.”
“Oh yeah? Dawson seems so put together now.”
“Age does that to a person, I ‘spose. But I remember the time he snuck out in the middle of the night and got caught skinny dipping in the ocean with a Trina Cox. Man, she was something else. I think she dances on one of those poles somewhere in Alabama now.”
“In her forties?”
“I didn’t say she had a lot of business,” Dixie said, a deadpan look on her face. Julie laughed.
“You’re quite a character, Dixie. I’m glad you found me wandering around out there. I’ve felt a bit lost since moving here last week. Dawson is my one friend.”
“Well, he’s a good one.”
“Yes, he is. And he’s also my contractor.”
“Good choice. He’ll get you fixed up, for sure.”
