by Karen Klyne
Her mum tilted her head. “I’ve never seen you eat a sandwich like that. Normally you have a salad. You know, lettuce leaves and anything that won’t put an ounce of weight on you. It’s lovely to see you eating real food.”
“Maybe it’s the bang on the head. I’ve forgotten.” She laughed with them. There was no way she was going to try and survive on lettuce leaves. This was her life now, and she’d be the person she wanted to be.
When she’d finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She laughed and picked up a piece of kitchen roll. “Sorry about that. Forgot my manners.” Back home, Reece would have chastised her as a bad influence on the children. Here, she felt she could set a new standard. No kids to teach, and no wife to answer to. Well, she was certainly going to give it a whirl. This seemed like the start of something good.
“Right, Helen. Let’s get to work.” Laurel fetched her bag, applied some oil or something on her mum’s leg, and set to work.
Gemma excused herself and said she was going to relax in her room. She went upstairs and wandered around, marvelling at how organized and up-market everything was. Eventually, she found her office. It was stunningly tidy, unlike her old one. That’s the past; put it in a box and chuck it down the toilet. She couldn’t quite do that, not yet at least. She still had a lot of thinking to do. But that could wait. This was all so new and exciting.
She switched the pc on. It came to life, but of course it was password protected. Maybe her mum could throw some light on that later. She’d need all the passwords for absolutely everything, including the bank accounts. She could only hope that her predecessor used only one. By the sound of her, she very much doubted that.
The mobile rang, and she stared at it like it was an alien. It was Derrick calling. Who the hell is Derrick? This was where it could all go tits up. What if he was her boyfriend? She couldn’t deal with it right now, so she rejected the call and switched the phone off. That was stupid, because presumably that would have a passcode too. How dumb. She sighed deeply. Forethought was going to be important, and it wasn’t something she was particular good at.
Laurel shouted from downstairs. “I’m off now. Call you on Friday. Hope you’re okay by then.”
Gemma rushed to the top of the stairs. “Yeah. Sure, I’ll be fine. Will you be coming again this week?”
“No, your mum’s doing well so I’m knocking it down to once a week.”
“That’s great. Speak Friday.” She crossed her fingers. If she couldn’t find the passwords, she’d be right up the swanny.
No sooner had Laurel left that there was a tap on the front door.
“Come in,” her mum shouted.
That was very trusting. Or she knew who it was. Gemma went downstairs to check. A lady in a blue uniform was with her mum in the kitchen. “Hi,” Gemma said.
Her mum wheeled herself over to the woman. “This is my daughter, Alex. This is Carol, I don’t think you’ve met before. She used to look after me when I was at the bungalow.”
They said their hellos and then Carol set to work.
“Right then, Helen. Shall we get you something to eat, and then we’ll go upstairs and see if you can manage a shower.”
“I should be able to. They’ve been in and put up grab rails and a seat. It’s much easier to transfer from the chair now.” She looked at Gemma. “All this equipment wrecking your nice home. Not to mention the stairlift. I feel so guilty. Still, it won’t be for long. Soon I’ll go back to my bungalow and be out of your way.” She stared down at her hands, and her shoulders drooped.
Gemma rubbed her earlobe. It sounded like she didn’t want to go. It must be quite a lonely existence when you couldn’t get out and about without help. Thing was, right now, she didn’t know if she got along with her mum. For all she knew they might fight like cats and dogs. However, she’d always been used to company and couldn’t quite imagine living on her own. But she didn’t have to make any decisions just yet.
When her mum had eaten, Carol took her upstairs for a shower. Gemma followed but kept in the background. She wanted to know exactly how much or little her mum could do for herself. She did well and managed to dress herself too. When she was ready, they all went downstairs. It wasn’t long before Carol took her leave.
“See you later, Helen,” she said as she left.
Gemma raised her eyebrows. “Later? Does she come in again?”
“You know she does.” She put her hand to her mouth. “Sorry, Alex. You must have forgotten. She has a key, in case you’re out. All she does is check that I’m all right and helps me into bed if I need it. I usually go early unless there’s something good on the TV.”
What? No TV in her room? Perhaps she hadn’t been there long. She’d have to try and find out from Laurel at the weekend. Now to the crucial issue of passwords. Gemma rubbed her head. “Do you know, I’m such an idiot.”
“Why, what’s happened?”
“Well, I sat at my computer, switched it on…and do you know something…I can’t remember for the life of me what the password is. I don’t suppose you have any idea?”
Her mum smiled. “One of the first things you said to me when I came here was that you’d written all the passwords down and put them in your safe, just in case. I remember laughing, because it was exactly what your dad did. And before you ask, I do know the number for the safe, because it’s our old telephone number in the house you were born in.” Her mum wrote it on a piece of paper and handed it to her.
She was impressed. Her predecessor was so well organised, unlike her. Now all she had to do was find the safe. “Thanks, Mum. I can’t believe I’ve forgotten this stuff. I’m sure it will all come back soon.”
It could wait until the morning. There was nothing urgent, and there was a part of her that wanted to put it off. She was scared what she might find on the PC. What if she didn’t like her new life? What if she couldn’t hack it and didn’t have the skills to make it work? The witch said there was no turning back, but what about skipping out altogether? If she didn’t want this life, could she move on? Somehow, she doubted it. She’d made the decision, and it was too late to turn the clock back. She lay on the sofa and closed her eyes, and it wasn’t long before her eyelids became heavy.
When she woke, she went into panic mode. Got to tidy, pick the kids up, cook a meal. She shot up and saw a woman sitting in the chair opposite. Who was she? It took her a moment before she remembered. That woman was her new mum. It hadn’t been a dream. This was reality. Images of Callum and Mattie flashed through her mind.
Of course she was going to miss them. She’d given birth to them. But if she hadn’t left today, it would have happened sometime soon. She couldn’t cope. It was awful to admit, but she’d never bonded with either of them. She was just like a hired nanny, and she knew full well she was supposed to have feelings for them that she simply didn’t. They were like Reece, not her. She wouldn’t have taken them with her when they’d split up, and she had no doubt that hadn’t been far off. They never loved her in the way they loved Reece either. They were three peas in a pod. No, five peas in a pod counting Reece’s mum and dad, whom the children adored. This would be the answer to the outlaws’ dream. They’d never liked her. She’d never been good enough for their Reece, and she’d always felt like they were snobs who’d looked down on her. She couldn’t help being the person she was, even though she’d tried for years to be the kind of woman Reece wanted. She would miss Reece, but things were bad between them and had been for a long time. There was nothing to hold onto, apart from old memories. They needed to be filed away. It was time to make new memories. Now they could all live happily ever after.
She yawned and stretched her arms way above her head.
Her mum put her book down and smiled. “I think you needed that. Gosh, you didn’t half make some funny noises.”
Had she talked in her sleep? Had she said something odd? “I had some strange dreams. I seemed to re-live the walk on the beach and the fall, when
I banged my head.” That was all lies. She’d thought of nothing, but obviously her sleep had been disturbed.
“I’m not surprised. Nothing you said made sense. You were just rambling.”
Thank God. “What time is it?”
“Six forty. I let Jasper out and fed him.”
Hell’s teeth. She’d forgotten all about the dog. “Thanks, I really appreciate that. I’ll walk him later.”
“Don’t worry. He’ll cope without one tonight.”
“Yes. Maybe I’ll give it a miss, just this once. Give me a few minutes to come around, and I’ll start thinking about getting us some dinner.” Dinner? She had no idea what was in the fridge apart from things to shove in a sandwich. What did her mother want? Was she on a special diet? It was late, and all she wanted to do was order a takeaway.
“I think you already prepared dinner last night. You said it was a chicken casserole and told me to take as much I wanted. Anyway, at least we can eat together tonight for a change.”
Was that a bit of a dig? What sort of life did she lead? Did she eat out a lot or not eat at all? She yawned again and got up. “I’d better check it out.” She opened the fridge, and there it was. A large microwavable container full of goodies. She took the lid off and inhaled. Beautiful. She could smell the chicken, the wine, and the garlic. But there were no potatoes. She pulled out the drawer at the bottom and found a packet of four baking potatoes. There was also some broccoli and carrots. “What do you fancy with it…jacket or mashed?”
Her mum’s eyes lit up. “Ooh. Mashed would be lovely. I’m glad you’re not watching your carbs tonight.”
She’d never watch her carbs again, if she could help it. She set about peeling and boiling the potatoes and put the carrots and broccoli together in another pan. She put the television on in the background. They never did this at home. It was always about sitting, eating, and discussing their day in a civilised manner, but her day was always the same. What did she have to discuss? She began to smile. Maybe that would all change now.
“Alex?”
She turned around. “Yes?”
“Do you think I could watch Emmerdale? I’ve missed so many episodes.”
“Of course. Why not?” She passed the remote to her mum. She didn’t know what channel it was on. That wasn’t the sort of programme she got to watch with Reece and the kids. Bird Watch and Planet Earth…boring. This would make a nice change.
She heated up the casserole, and everything else was ready to go. She took the cutlery over and a couple of pieces of kitchen towel. She didn’t know where to look for serviettes. Her mum wheeled herself over to the table, and Gemma placed the plate in front of her mum and sat opposite.
“This looks lovely, Alex.”
She agreed. The woman who’d put this together certainly knew how to cook. She’d have to up her game in that department. Maybe she’d enjoy it more now with only two to cook for and nobody fussing about all the things they didn’t like. So far, nobody had mentioned her having a partner of any kind, and it didn’t look like there was a dad either. Helen had mentioned that her dad used to store his passwords the same way, which, given the past tense, suggested he was gone. Maybe there’d be something on the PC to give her more clues, or perhaps there’d be some photos knocking around. All in good time.
“That mashed potato is delicious. So buttery. Just how I like it.”
That’s how she liked it too. Too much butter clogs up the arteries, she could hear Reece saying. To hell with it. Why not live dangerously for once? She’d had a belly full of healthy meals.
After their dinner, they finished off with a bowl of strawberries and ice cream. She thought it was quite a banquet, and so did her newfound mum, who commented on how unlike her it was to eat so well, and after six at night, no less.
Later, Carol the care worker turned up, and she left them to it. Although she’d had a long nap in the afternoon, she was dead beat. When she got into bed, she instinctively went to the bedside drawer. Sadly, there were no sleeping pills. Then she remembered, she hadn’t had, or craved, an alcoholic drink. However, she’d never get to sleep. She needed them, relied on them. Tomorrow she’d order some online, or maybe that nice doctor would prescribe some. She lay there in her comfy bed thinking about the events of the day, and how this had all come about, and it wasn’t long before her eyelids grew heavy again.
Chapter Five
One thing was for sure. From this time on Alex would have to answer to the name Gemma. She hated the name, but nobody would call her by any other. However, in her mind she would always be Alex.
Thank God that woman, Reece, had gone. She was sure she meant well, but she was beginning to get on her tits with all her worry and trying to force feed her memories. Anyway, as for this pantomime she was in…it wasn’t remotely entertaining. It was a dark tragedy, and there didn’t seem to be anything she could do about it. She’d have to bide her time and wait for the right moment. Something would come up, although what it could be she couldn’t begin to imagine. The only thing that had come up so far was her lunch when she considered where she was and the way her life had suddenly careened out of control.
She got up and walked to the wardrobe. This Gemma woman might be a dead ringer for her, but she didn’t like her choice of clothes. Who wears tracksuits? Perhaps mums with two kids. Alex had sweatpants that she knocked around the house in or took the dog out in, but that was it. The jeans and sweatshirts were okay, but she was more of a trouser suit or dress person. Of course, she was always getting teased about this, particularly as she spent most of the time on something that resembled a building site. Mind you, at the click of her fingers she’d produce a pair of overalls and slip into them. She held onto those memories, unwilling to lose who she was and determined to get the hell out of this bloody awful nightmare. She chose clothing without really caring what she put on and then slumped back onto the bed.
The nurse she’d seen earlier knocked on the door. Her name was Erin or something. She looked about fifteen. It didn’t seem important, but she thought she ought to try and remember her name. “We’ve saved some dinner for you, Gemma. Everyone’s favourite night, curry night.”
Not hers. But she got up from the bed anyway. She supposed she’d better try and eat something. “Can I lock my door?”
“Sorry, no.” Erin pointed to the Kindle. “You’d better hide that or bring it with you. Don’t want it wandering off.”
As far as she was concerned, they could help themselves. She hated Kindles and much preferred the feel of a real book in her hands. Still, she might get desperate, so she slipped it underneath the mattress.
When she got to the so-called restaurant, Erin told her what the usual procedure was.
“You choose your meal and take it to a table. It’s empty now, because everyone’s already eaten, but usually it’s full, so you can join anyone you like.”
She doubted if she’d like. Things might be fuzzy, and her world might be upside down, but she wasn’t crazy.
Tonight, they’d put something aside for her, so she took her plate from Erin and sat at a table. Erin excused herself and said she’d be back shortly. She looked down at the meal and picked at it with her fork. She pushed it from side to side then scooped some of the substance up. The sauce tasted like paste, and the chicken was like cardboard. Still, she ate most of it. It was edible, if barely. She tried to stay away from carbs whenever she could and was dedicated to keeping fit. It didn’t look like those would be big priorities in here. Erin returned with a bowl of chocolate fudge and vanilla ice cream. It was good and tasted a bit like Ben and Jerry’s. Overall, it wasn’t a bad meal and now all she wanted to do was get back to her room and shut the door, but Erin seemed to have other ideas.
She tapped her on the shoulder. “We have a film on tonight. A Star Wars one. I think it’s called The Force Awakens. It’s brilliant.”
Alex rubbed her eyes. “Count me out. I’m absolutely shattered. I think I’ll take an early night.”<
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“Next time, eh?”
“Sure.” Star Wars? She had to be joking. Did she really look like a fan? In fact, she wasn’t a film or TV person. She never had the time for that kind of sitting around.
She felt grubby, and when they passed the shower room, she asked Erin if she could go take a shower.
Erin grimaced. “Sorry. We’re short-staffed, and there’s no one to go in with you. Residents usually take showers in the morning when there’s more staff on.”
Residents? She wouldn’t be here long enough to be called a resident, and the knowledge she couldn’t simply take a shower whenever she wanted to grated on her last nerve. She got back to her room and closed the door, but she was sure they’d come and check her every half hour. Perhaps they had CCTV? She hoped it made better watching than Star Wars.
She found the pyjamas Reece had left, put them on, and got into bed. Then she turned the light out and tried not to cry, but the tears came quickly and easily, and she couldn’t stop them. She wiped her eyes and blew her nose then tucked the duvet around herself and wrapped her arms around her body. She’d never been so scared and lonely in her life. Nothing had prepared her for a life where she wasn’t in control, where people didn’t listen to what she had to say. Tomorrow is another day. She repeated the words like a mantra, but it didn’t provide any comfort given where tomorrow would find her.
