by Mary Fan
I need to find him. Even if he turns away from me, at least I’ll know I gave us a chance. I won’t sleep tonight anyway until I let my heart tell its truth, so I leave the room and walk toward the hideout’s exit.
CHAPTER 39
“DÁMIUL?” I WALK DOWN THE underground passageway, hoping I don’t get lost. This is the furthest I’ve ventured from the hideout. The corridor directly before me and the ones branching to the left are dark—he wouldn’t have gone down one of those, would he? “Dámiul, are you there?”
“Iris?” Dámiul emerges from the blackness ahead, holding a small light before him. “What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.” I approach him, and my heart speeds up.
“You have good timing.” Dámiul approaches me with a smile. “I have something to show you. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but since you’re here, why not now?” He takes my hand, and I hope he doesn’t notice how slippery my palm has become.
I let him lead me down the corridor. Whatever troubled him before seems gone, and eagerness shines in his eyes.
“What were you doing out here?” I ask.
Dámiul’s eyes glint teasingly. “Looking for something. You’ll see it soon.” He turns into a staircase and walks down. “Hold on to the railing. These steps are hundreds of years old, so they’re a bit uneven.”
Curiosity displaces my nervousness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this before, so bright and enthusiastic. The sight makes me smile. I don’t want to say anything to ruin the moment, so I bite down the questions—and the confession I still plan to make.
“Where are we going?” I follow him around a bend in the staircase, my hand still in his.
“A place I discovered while exploring the underground as a child.” Dámiul leads me into another corridor. “I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to find it again.”
I look around. “How do you know your way around? These corridors all look the same to me.”
“I could ask you the same about Papilio.” Dámiul sweeps his light, then turns into another staircase. “Those streets all looked the same to me. That’s how I got lost the night I broke in, even though I made sure to memorize a map beforehand.”
I see what he means. There wasn’t much to distinguish one concrete-lined slab of pavement from another. “Papilio was my home. I knew every corner of it.”
Dámiul looks back at me. His azure eyes are startling in the darkness. “Do you miss it?”
I take a moment to consider my answer. A wave of nostalgia washes over me. Despite everything, I still believe in what we, the Papilians, stood for. The Arts are older than TalentCorp’s manipulations, and they’ll remain long after we’re gone. They’re the masters and mistresses that would have enslaved me with or without Papilio, and I never want them to break their hold over me.
“I miss what I thought Papilio was, before I realized what lay beneath the Arts I love so much.” I sigh. “I knew people were desperate for glory, but it wasn’t until the last Spectacle that I realized how the pressure could break a person. If we weren’t being tricked and sold, I think I would like living there still.” I imagine what Papilio might look like if we succeed, and the thought of all those empty stages fills me with sorrow. “I want the Abolition to win, but at the same time, it’ll be a pity to see Papilio shut down.”
“There must be some way we can abolish Ka’risil slavery without destroying the school.” Dámiul sounds contemplative. “Perhaps if the mechanisms used to control the students were destroyed, it could become what it was meant to be before Katarin Kaminski changed everything.”
I brighten at the thought. “Maybe.”
“But before we can worry about things like that, we need others to see everything that’s wrong with their system, even though they believe it’s worked well for decades. I’ve tried for three years, but they won’t listen.”
“We’ll make them hear us.” I follow him through a doorway on the stairs’ landing. “The spread of ideas can’t be stopped, but you can’t force them on people either. If there’s anything the history of the Arts taught me, it’s that change takes time.”
“That’s what Atikéa said, too. I think she worries that I’ll do something violent.” He lifts his mouth into a wry smile. “I promised her I wouldn’t. Our battle can’t be fought with weapons, or we’ll only succeed in confirming the world’s worst fears about us. I know what I have to do, though it won’t be easy.”
“I’ll be with you every step of the way.” I cross the corridor with him, biting my lip. Was that too much?
If Dámiul read anything in my tone, he doesn’t acknowledge it. He stops before a pair of doors, releases my hand, and presses a button beside them. They slide open, revealing an elevator lit by a flickering sheet of yellowish light. “Trust me, it’s safe.”
Trying not to let my uneasiness show, I step in after him and bite down the urge to ask him again where we’re going.
The elevator jolts, and I yelp in surprise.
Dámiul tilts his eyebrows in a sheepish expression. “Unfortunately, this is the only way to get to our destination.”
I feel his hand on my back and realize I’m clinging to his arm. Embarrassed, I let go. “How old is this elevator?”
“Older than you’d care to know.”
The elevator stops with a lurch, and I suppress another yelp. Dámiul takes my hand again and leads me out into another corridor. It must be shorter than the rest, since I can see the end of it.
“We’re almost there.” He leads me up a staircase.
I’ve lost all sense of direction and can only guess that we’re still somewhere underground. We reach the top of the steps, and I gasp. All of Nathril sparkles below, and the glittering night sky stretches above us.
Dámiul smiles. “You once took me to a roof to show me your home. Now, I’d like to return the favor.” Still holding my hand, he leads me toward the metal railing at the edge.
I’ve never been so high above anything in my life. Colored lights shine through the nightscape, and Adrye’s two moons adorn the sky. In the distance, the dark night fades to a pale shade of blue. The sun must be about to rise. “It’s beautiful.”
Dámiul points to a silver building, which I’ve only seen before in miniature holographic form. “That’s where my parents and Jaerin live.” He points at a tall black structure. “And that’s where you lived when you were with the Ydayas.”
I stare at the onyx tower. Except for a brief glance when I first arrived, I’ve never really had a chance to look at it from the outside. Each time I ventured out with Cara, I was too busy worrying about not getting caught to take in the sights around me. I walk along the railing, and I catch a glimpse of the Ka’risil quarters on the ground level. Milo and Cara might be returning there this very moment.
I feel Dámiul’s hand on my shoulder and look up at him. “I hope Milo and Cara made it back all right.”
“I’m sure they did.” Dámiul takes his hand off my shoulder, and a look I can’t interpret crosses his face. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be with them right now, safe with your friends instead of stuck underground.” His lips quirk into a half-smile. “And with only me for company, since Atikéa and the others come and go infrequently.”
“That’s not so bad.” I smile back. “Dámiul, I chose to be here.”
His eyes become distant. “You gave up everything.”
“It’s no less than you did when you were fighting for my kind. Some things are worth more than ‘everything.’ Like family for Jaerin. Or the Abolition for Cara.” I hesitate. “And for me… It’s you.” I hesitate again, more afraid than I’ve ever been before in my life. Just say it. “I love you, Dámiul.”
The drumming of my racing heart and the hum of my rushing blood fill me as I watch him, wondering how he’ll react.
For a moment, Dámiul just stares back. Then, he reaches toward me and puts his hand on my face. That breathtaking intensity returns to his gaze, but t
here’s none of the torment I’ve seen in the past. Now, there’s only light.
“I love you, too.” So much truth clings to his words, spoken in a voice that’s soft, yet powerful.
An overwhelming feeling of joy and relief rushes through me. I can scarcely breathe.
A smile brightens his face. I’ve seen him smile before, but a hint of sorrow always clung to him. Not anymore. This is the first time I’ve seen him truly happy, and the sight warms me to the core.
My heartbeat quickens as he draws closer. I put my arm around his neck, and my lips tingle with anticipation, longing for his.
In the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of gold light. Across the city, the sun breaks over the horizon, brightening the night with its flames.
I feel Dámiul’s breath on my face, and I lean in to meet his lips. My eyelids fall shut as he kisses me. I melt into his presence, and his heart beats against mine.
For so long, I’ve wondered what this moment would be like. Now that it’s here, I can say without hesitation: the Arts were right. Every soaring viola melody, every brilliant operatic aria, every intertwining dance. Imagine all the sweetness of a rare fruit on one eager mouth, all the warmth and comfort of sunlight in one strong body. This is my love.
I know it’s madness. He’s from another world, and there’s so much I still don’t know about him. That’s part of what fascinates me: the mysteries waiting to be unveiled. At the same time, I know who he is in the moment, no matter what his past. I’ve seen his how great his mind is, how fierce his heart, how pure his soul. Behind all the fight is someone willing to throw everything he worked for away to protect someone he loves.
Imagine all the stars in the galaxy in one pair of eyes, all the sureness of home in one pair of arms, all the heroics of a thousand epic tales in one noble heart.
This is my love.
BRIEF GLOSSARY OF ADRYIL TERMS
Note: The Adryil language does not use plurals or conjugations
Adbis [ad-bis] to begin or engage
Adrye [ah-drahy] the homeworld of the Adryil people and the fourth planet in order from the star Irinn
Adryil [ah-drahy-il] of or from Adrye, also used to refer to the people of Adrye
Aest [eyst] to leave
At’strat [aht-straht] an abbreviation of atka strat, or “string instrument” (e.g. violins, violas, cellos, guitars, etc.). Violas are referred to as at’strat illátet, or “medium string instrument.”
Ata [ah-tah] it
Ataroyil [ah-tah-roh-yil] them/belonging to them
Atayil [ah-tah-yil] its/belonging to it
Ati [ah-tee] she/her
Atiyil [ah-tee-yil] hers/belonging to her
Atka [aht-kah] string, rope, or cord
Ato [ah-toh] he/him
Atoyil [ah-toh-yil] his/belonging to him
Balnásin [bahl-nah-sin] information, facts, evidence
Bektát [bek-taht] must
Bor [bohr] on or in
Botsel [boht-sel] to forget
Cambr’endra Adryil [cahm-bren-drah ah-drahy-il] an abbreviation of Cambraïn Endra Adryil, or “Common Language of Adrye,” used to refer to the universal language spoken by all Adryil
Cambraïn [cahm-brah-een] language
Clogamo [cloh-gah-moh] to help, assist, or aid, also used to call for assistance
Contuk [kon-took] to copulate with, used as a vulgar swear word
Da [dah] added after verbs to indicate the action occurred in the past (e.g. ona larsal means “I study” while ona larsal da means “I studied”)
Dáven [dah-ven] brother
Deh [deyh] an interjection used as an exclamation of joy or satisfaction
Dira [dee-rah] to be and all its conjugations (am, are, etc.)
Dolare [doh-lahr-ey] mind, thoughts, brain
Dosketh [doh-sketh] to have, possess, or hold
Dratuttin [drah-too-tin] anything
Eládor [eh-lah-dohr] to love
En [en] you (singular)
Endra [en-drah] common
Enroyil [en-roh-yil] your (plural)/belonging to you (plural)
Enyil [en-yil] your (singular)/belonging to you (singular)
Esi [eh-see] here
Etrin [eh-trin] shelf, ledge, or mantle
Fac [fahk] to do or perform
Faro [fah-roh] to put or place
Fathrad [fahth-rahd] alarm, signal, or warning
Fenst [fenst] can, may, or has the ability to
Fith [fith] alongside, accompanying, with
Funihal [foo-nee-hal] to tamper, adjust, or change
Fuzettin [foo-tseh-tin] everything
Ganza [gahn-zah] in a high degree, very
Glan [glahn] why
Gorxit [gohrk-sit] worthless
Grámed [grah-med] to block, shield, or defend
Gren [gren] to remove, take out, or extract
Ibdis [ib-dis] to stop or cease
Idur [ih-door] to call, sound, or warn
-il [il] a suffix added to nouns to indicate belonging (usually meaning of, from, or belonging to the noun)
Illátet [ih-lah-tet] medium, midsized
Inyana [in-yah-nah] number or numeral
Irinn [ih-rin] the star around which Adrye orbits, a yellow dwarf similar to Earth’s sun
Jánen [jah-nen] sister
Jatoi [jah-toi] to regret, repent, or apologize, also used to mean “sorry”
Jotha [jawth-uh] to curse or wish misfortune upon someone, commonly used as profanity
Ka’ris [kah-rees] an abbreviation of Karovyil rees, or “Earthling arts,” used to refer to human music, dance, and other performing arts
Ka’risil [kahr-rees-il] an abbreviation of Karovyil reesil, or “of or from the Earthling arts,” used to refer to human performing artists
Kaenjel [keyn-jel] older
Kal [kahl] man/male
Kal meda [kahl meh-dah] male child, boy, son
Karovye [kahr-oh-vahy] the Adryil name for the planet Earth
Karovyil [kahr-oh-vahy-il] of or from Earth, also used to refer to the people of Earth
Kel [kel] day
Kinas [kee-nahs] to complete or finish
Krináth [krih-nahth] to allow
Lan [lahn] woman/female
Lan meda [lahn meh-dah] female child, girl, daughter
Larsal [lahr-suhl] to study, learn, or review
Lidara [lee-dah-rah] to release, free, or liberate
Lorst [lohrst] to talk, say, or verbalize
Luwell [loo-well] to search, explore, or seek
Mand [mahnd] again, more, or repeat
Meda [meh-dah] child
Mut [moot] from
Nateth [nah-teth] mother
Nathril [nah-thril] capital, seat of government
Navar [nuh-vahr] to run, escape, or flee
Nur [noor] used after words to negate them (e.g. navar nur means “does not escape”) or as a suffix to make a word its opposite (e.g. krináthnur means “will not allow” or “forbid”), also used to mean “do not”
Ona [oh-nah] I/me
Onaroyil [oh-nah-roh-yil] our/belonging to us
Onayil [oh-nah-yil] my/mine/belonging to me
Otás [oh-tahs] to wake, awaken, or rouse
Pari [pah-ree] how
Poate [poh-aht-ey] prison, detention center
Poatyil [poh-aht-yil] prisoner, detainee
Razan [rah-zahn] to walk, go, move, or come
Ris [rees] representations of objects or ideas, most often used to refer to art
Ro [roh] added to pronouns to make them plural (e.g. ona ro means “we/us”)
Screna [skreh-nuh] to make physical contact with, to touch
Selár [sel-ahr] beautiful
Shraïn [shrah-een] to beg or plead, also used to mean “please”
Sthanga [sthahn-gah] aberrant, deviant, or abnormal, always used in a negative manner
Stranone [strah-noh-ney] worthwhile, valuable, or satisfying
Strat [straht] instrument, device, or machine
Sui [soo-ee] used before verbs indicate future action (e.g. sui clogamo means “will help”)
Swar [swahr] what
Taen [teyn] correct, right, or appropriate
Talbat [tahl-baht] case, box, or container
Teris [tair-is] younger
Toká [toh-kah] an interjection used in praise, often meaning “well done”
Torna [tohr-nah] to need or require
Tortet [tohr-tet] to open, uncover, or expose
Tra’kel [trah-kel] an abbreviation of “traktan kel,” or “good day,” used as an expression of greeting
Traktan [trahk-tahn] good
Tsot [tsoht] this
Tsuvot [tsoo-voht] still
Tunka [toon-kuh] to apprehend, capture, or trap
Ut [oot] and
Vabeth [vah-beth] father
Velslote [vel-sloht-ey] to amplify or increase
Yaerid [yey-reed] should, ought to
Yarrek [yah-rek] black
Zaro [zah-roh] new
Zeth [zeth] name/named
Zexa [zehk-suh] connection, link, or communication
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Special thanks to Elizabeth Corrigan, Stephen Kozeniewski, and Nikki Thean for reading through early drafts of this book and helping me hammer it into shape. And an extra special thanks to Lana Popovic, whose insights sharpened the story and brought it all together. Thanks as well to Joanna Schnurman for letting me bounce ideas off her. And thanks to Lyssa Chiavari and Karissa Laurel for their encouragement, which really helped me cross the finish line.
Thanks to all the music teachers, directors, advisors, and conductors who’ve shown me the sublime—Dorothy Kitchen, Mia Wu, Robert Loughran, Fernando Raucci, Sarah Pelletier, Sarah Khatcherian, Martha Elliott, Penna Rose, Dan Trueman, Barbara White, and Susan Gaylord. For all you’ve taught me, I’m forever grateful.
Thanks to my sister, Angel Fan, for spending a whole day posing underwater in a ball gown to get that cover shot. And of course, thanks to my parents, Yonghua Wang and Jianqing Fan, for being my champions.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mary Fan is a sci-fi/fantasy writer hailing from New Jersey. Her books include the JANE COLT novels (space opera/cyberpunk, Red Adept Publishing), the FLYNN NIGHTSIDER series (young adult dystopia/fantasy, Glass House Press), and the FATED STARS series (young adult high fantasy, Glass House Press). She is also the co-editor of the BRAVE NEW GIRLS young adult sci-fi anthologies about tech-savvy girls, which aim to inspire more young women to enter science and technology careers and raise money for the Society of Women Engineers scholarship fund.
