by Geneva Lee
My first mistake was putting a hand on his shoulder. Alexander reacted with force, elbowing me in the gut and knocking the wind out of me. I lurched up and swung my feet over the edge and planted them on the floor. Trying to stand was my second mistake. I hit the ground with a crack and crumpled, still trying to catch my breath.
“Alexander, wake up!” I yelled once my breathing had returned to normal. I stood again, unsure what to do. Grabbing a pillow, I smacked him with it, unwilling to risk more accidental injury. I could already feel the soreness of a bruise forming on my stomach from his blow. It didn’t work, so I padded over to the wall and switched on the overhead light, contemplating if I should actually throw cold water on him or wait it out. Thankfully, his eyes opened as the room brightened.
His breathing was shallow and ragged, and as he panted, he turned to look at me with wide eyes.
“Clara?” My name was a plea on his lips. He blinked, disoriented from sleep.
I stood back, rubbing the injury he’d given me. It had been an accident, but I kept my distance. I wasn’t frightened of him exactly. I was more stunned at having been awoken in such a violent manner.
“Oh god,” he panted. “What did I do?”
He was on his feet instantly, starting toward me, but I backed away. Alexander paused, realization flashing across his eyes. “I hurt you,” he said flatly.
He didn’t wait for my confirmation. Instead he crossed the room and grabbed his pants. He pulled them roughly on and reached for his shoes. My mouth opened, looking for the words to ask him to stay but not finding them. He hadn’t meant to hurt me, but it had still happened.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a defeated voice. “I warned you. I’m so, so sorry.”
I drowned in the sadness reflecting in his eyes, and there I finally found my voice as he reached the door.
“What were you dreaming about?” I asked in a small voice.
Alexander spun toward me and shook his head. “I won’t ask you to carry my demons, Clara.”
“Maybe you could just let me hold them for a while.” I stepped toward him then, walking slowly as much to steady myself as to not frighten him away. His demons didn’t scare me. Not when the alternative was losing him.
“It’s too ugly for you. You’re beautiful, pure—”
“I’m far from pure,” I teased, but the air between us remained thick and we didn’t laugh.
Alexander’s hand wrapped around my throat softly, holding me in place as his eyes burned into mine. “You are my beautiful, Clara. That’s why I want to protect you from the world. That’s why I want to protect you from me.”
Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but as I blinked them away, they fell hot on my cheeks. “You told me once that you wanted to hear me beg.”
Alexander drew in a ragged breath and shook his head, letting go of my neck. “No. Not like that.”
“Please,” I whispered. “Please, X.”
“Do you want me to tell you that I dream about screeching metal and fire? That I wake up holding a pillow because I’m dreaming that I’m cradling my sister’s broken body?” he demanded. “And that every time I wake up, I’m no closer to knowing what the hell happened that night? I can’t tell you anything, because I don’t know anything!”
My thoughts spun out of control, trying to take in everything he was telling me. I knew about the accident, everyone did. But it had been years ago. “Have you spoken to anyone—”
“I’m not going to talk to a goddamned shrink. My sister would be alive if it weren’t for me. Period. End of story.”
“This isn’t your fault.” I dashed in front of the door, refusing to let him past. “It was an accident, everyone knows that.”
“Everyone knows what they were told. Don’t be stupid, Clara.”
The remark, coupled with the coolness in his eyes, stung like a slap across the face. I shook my head, grabbing hold of all the confidence I could muster and crossed my arms over my chest. “You are not the first person to have been in a car accident.”
“It was a little more than a car accident.” His words were spoken softly, but the hard edge under them pierced through me.
His admission shocked me. What did that even mean? Every time I thought we had moved forward, something pushed us right back. We were both dancing around our issues instead of moving on, and then I realized that it didn’t really matter. Alexander’s perception of that night, what actually happened—none of it mattered. He needed to move forward and I had to help him.
I held out a hand to him. “Come back to bed.”
Alexander’s eyes narrowed, and he shook his head. “You’re not safe around me.”
“I’m only safe around you,” I murmured.
“My life is dangerous,” he warned. His hands ran through his sleep-tousled hair. “I’m dangerous.”
I stepped closer to him, tipping my head up to meet his downcast eyes. “And I’m not going to break.”
Alexander took my hand and drew me against him, wrapping a hand around my neck once more. “You are fragile, Clara. Delicate. If my life doesn’t break you, the things I want to do to you might.”
I sucked in a breath but forced myself to hold his gaze. “I’m not scared of being with you, X. I’m only scared of being pushed away.”
A low growl vibrated as he collided into me with such force that I tasted iron as our tongues wrestled hungrily. His hands closed over my wrists, clamping them tightly and forcing them behind my back, showing his desire to dominate me. I folded into him, submitting to his overpowering will, and he swept me off my feet, carrying me back to bed.
Alexander moved between my legs, thrusting inside me without a word, and I gasped as his thick cock spread my sex roughly open. There was no tenderness to his touch. He’d been overtaken by something primal, and I responded instinctually, raking my nails across his covered back, clinging to him as he rode me. His hips ground savagely, pumping tirelessly like a piston inside my channel.
Holding his weight up with one arm as he rammed into me, his other hand grabbed my neck, forcing me to look at him.
“You are mine, Clara,” he snarled, his grip tightening over my throat. “I claim you. Do you understand?”
The ferocity of his body and the weight of his words settled in my chest, but I took both with a feeble nod as a tear spilled down my cheek. I was his. I knew that. Alexander owned me, and my tears were a curious mix of joy and sorrow and fear. The fire in his eyes blazed brighter as I wept and his hips rolled in wild, raw circles as he tormented my body and soul.
“I’m hurting you now,” he said gruffly, “like you wanted, Clara. Do you want me to stop?”
A “no” escaped my lips instead of a yes, and I groaned as he slammed his cock into me.
“You like it, but you think you don’t,” he grunted. “I expect you to come, Clara.”
“I can’t,” I moaned. I was nowhere near release. My sex stung from his powerful thrusts and the tension coiling through my body had nothing to do with arousal.
“Accept the pain,” he ordered. “Let go.”
He released my neck and dropped his mouth to my breast, sucking my nipple hard into his mouth and swirling his tongue over the furl. Then he bit down, catching it in his teeth and tugging it until I cried out. Alexander’s fingers plumped my breast as blood rushed to its sensitive flesh, and then he bit down again, dragging his teeth across the delicate tip. Something shifted inside me, and I relented to the torment, allowing it to overtake my shredded nerves, and in that moment, the pain transmuted to ecstasy.
I arched forward, weeping and screaming, as pleasure rocked through me, painting the world black. There was nothing but the stinging smack of his flesh against mine. The iron on my tongue and swollen lips. The sharp bite of his teeth on my breast. There was only him. He was my light in the darkness.
Collapsing with a sob onto the bed, I drew back, covering my face with my hands, as ashamed of the arousal I still felt as I was of the pleasure
I’d taken from the brutal exchange.
Alexander slowed his movements, continuing to circle gently against my throbbing cunt. His body enveloped mine as he slid his arms under me, cradling me to him as he pressed kisses along my tender, swollen breasts. Rolling to his side carefully so as to keep our bodies entwined, he stroked slowly in and out of me.
He pushed my hands away from my face and brought his mouth to mine. The kiss was warm and deep, and he took his time, parting my lips gradually until a sigh escaped me. There was no clash of tongues or nip of teeth, only a languid, deliberate kiss that melted through my tested body.
“Clara?” He said my name in a silky voice, calling me back to him.
I opened my tear-stained eyes and met his, discovering that the smoldering fire in them had cooled. There were no ghosts lurking there. We had chased his demons away, but it had almost broken me.
And yet, I felt alive. My skin sang with the memory of agony and bliss. The feelings overwhelmed me, and I brought my hands to his chest, holding my palm flat against his heart. It beat steadily, evenly, his primal urges finally sated, and I counted the beats until my pulse matched his.
Alexander’s hips rolled against me, still filling my sex, but the strain and torment were gone. Despite everything, he hadn’t come, and I searched his face, suddenly fearing I’d done something wrong.
“Your pleasure is mine,” he whispered. “I will push your body until it nearly breaks, but I will never hurt you.”
And he hadn’t. The pain of the encounter had ebbed from my body, leaving only a persistent, aching rapture in its place.
“And can I break you?” I murmured, stroking my hand down his face.
He sighed and shook his head. “I’m already broken.”
“Then maybe I can fix you.” My fingers trembled as I moved my hand lower until it found the hem of his shirt. Alexander’s eyes stayed focused on mine as I slipped under the fabric and softly brushed my fingertips across the taut stack of abs he kept hidden from me. His body stiffened, his cock still pulsing inside of me.
A ragged moan escaped his lips at the contact, but he didn’t turn away and he didn’t stop me. I pressed my hand cautiously to his stomach, relishing his firmness, and then allowed my hand to drift further.
Alexander sucked in a sharp breath. “Don’t.”
But there was no anger in his words, only fear, and something else that he kept concealed. I closed my eyes, breaking the heady contact of his gaze so that I could think clearly. And that’s when I saw what he was hiding.
Desire.
Opening my eyes, I stared at him, finally understanding, and spoke softly, “I claim this body. You are mine, Alexander. All of you.”
And as I spoke, my fingers strayed upward, running across his ribs to feel the scars that marred his beautiful body. I paused, lingering over the knotted skin, but I didn’t pull away, even as a shudder racked through Alexander’s body.
Slowly, I began to circle my hips against his shaft as I grew bolder, exploring the part of himself that he’d kept hidden for so long. His breaths came quickly and he buried his head against my breast, trapping my hands to his chest. He clutched my ass as I ground against him until his desire won out over his shame, and he thrust fervently into my raw entrance, his cock erupting and filling me with surge after surge of his seed. The sensation overwhelmed me, splintering and rushing through me in an intense deluge that electrified me even as I felt the cold salt of tears on my breasts.
Chapter Eighteen
As the first light of dawn stole through my bedroom window, I woke with a start. What had I forgotten? Then it hit me—Alexander was in my bed. He was still sleeping, breathing softly, his eyelids flickering slightly as he shifted and rolled onto his side. Biting my lip, I brushed a finger down his cheek. He’d taken off the mask he always wore last night and showed me the monster behind it, but all I had seen was him. Alexander was beautiful but broken. He was sexy but jagged. And although he’d revealed part of himself to me, I knew now that I’d only skimmed the surface of his darkness.
Before last night, I’d felt torn between unraveling his mystery and running as fast as I could from his brutal sensuality. Now I no longer had a choice. Not only because I’d seen past his facade, but because he’d forced me to see past my own. What he’d shown me should have terrified me, but it only made me crave him more.
I slipped from the bed, gliding across the floor in bare feet, so I wouldn’t wake him. He was at peace for the moment, and I knew his demons waited for him when he awoke.
Belle was in the kitchen, sporting pajama shorts, as she pushed eggs around a frying pan. Even with her hair piled messy on top of her head and no makeup, she looked gorgeous. After my decidedly rough night, I didn’t even want to look in a mirror.
“I was worried when you left the ball early,” she said, blowing me a kiss, “but when I got home, I realized you didn’t leave alone.”
My cheeks flamed and I reached into the cupboard for a glass. I’d been so caught up in Alexander last night that I hadn’t considered she might be home. This building had survived the Blitz, so I could only hope that meant it had sturdy and thick walls. Turning on the faucet, I filled the cup with water, hoping that the nonchalant gesture would hide my embarrassment.
“You want some birth control to go with that?” Belle asked. “’Cause judging from the sounds coming from you bedroom, you need it.”
“You’re hilarious,” I said, the rosy glow on my cheeks staining deeper.
“Don’t I know it? And I haven’t even started on all the puns I came up with when you kept me awake with your moaning last night.” She scooped some eggs out of the pan and onto a plate.
I groaned. “I can’t wait.”
“You’ll see, it’s going to be a real scream,” she said with a wink. “Oh wait, you already did all the screaming.”
“Make sure you get some of ‘your mama’ or ‘that’s what she said’ jabs in there when you’re coming up with this ground-breaking material,” I advised her.
“Pass me the beans,” she said.
I slid the bowl to her and she ladled some next to the eggs.
“Thanks,” I said, “I’m starving.”
Belle wagged a finger at me, her eyebrow arched suggestively. “I bet you are, but these aren’t for you. I’ll make you some next. Believe it or not, you weren’t the only one who got some action last night.”
I tugged at the hem of my thin tank top. “Is Philip here?”
“Yep, I left him in bed.”
“So maybe all that screaming you claim occurred wasn’t just me,” I teased.
“Philip’s not really a roller coaster ride,” Belle said, adding quickly, “not that I’m complaining.”
Now her cheeks were flushed, but I smiled at her. “Hey, no judgment.”
If every man were as amazing in the sack as Alexander, no one would ever leave bed. Society couldn’t handle that level of virility in the standard package.
“Crap, I forgot the sausages.” Belle threw some into a pan and flipped the hob back on. “So you couldn’t even find time to say goodnight last night before you had to rip his clothes off, huh?”
I hesitated, unsure of how much to tell Belle. On one hand, she was my best friend. On the other, explaining the complexities of my relationship with Alexander wasn’t exactly going to be easy. Still trying to hide what was really going on was by far the most unhealthy thing I could think of, and I needed a confidant. “Actually, I did leave alone.”
“I guessed,” Belle admitted. “Alexander found me when he was looking for you. He seemed worried, although it is hard to read that man. What happened?”
Tell me about it. I was only beginning to understand him myself. But last night’s sudden departure actually had very little to do with him. My stomach churned as I thought of how I’d been treated last night by his friends and family. “I don’t know. It all seems so silly now. Let’s just say I met his family and they aren’t very nice.”
“Imagine that,” Belle said dryly. “The Royal Family is a bunch of assholes.”
Despite feeling sick, this made me laugh. “I know, right? Someone alert the media.”
“I can’t believe you just made an alert the media joke after making fun of my jokes earlier,” Belle said, sticking her lower lip out in a well-practiced pout.
“I’ll admit it’s not my freshest material,” I said.
“And that blonde—what was her name again?” Belle asked.
I wished I could forget her name. If there was one thing I didn’t want to even think about, it was Pepper. How could someone so beautiful be so incredibly ugly? But I knew the answer to that. Pepper could have any man she wanted, but the trouble was that she wanted mine.
“Pepper Lockwood,” I said, releasing a pent-up sigh of frustration.
“She was the one in the tabloids, right?”
“The one and only.”
“Oh god. I suppose it doesn’t help that she’s even prettier in person,” Belle said, throwing an arm around my shoulder and leaning against me. “She looks like a bitch.”
“That’s not just a look.” I recounted to Belle that after Pepper’s fake friendly introduction, she’d revealed her true colors. Belle’s eyes narrowed a little with each new piece of information. They were slits by the time I finished.
“What a capital B,” Belle said.
“You totally knew it, too,” I said, referencing Belle’s warning look the night before.
She shrugged modestly. “I hoped I was wrong.”
“You were right,” I admitted. “And the worst part is that I can’t tell Alexander what she said or how she acted, but it’s clear she’s done a number on the entire family.”
“Someone has to be smart enough to see past her little act.”
“Morning!” Philip said he shuffled into the kitchen.
Belle and I startled apart, and she glared at her fiancé as though he was to blame for our skittishness. I knew exactly why we were on edge. It could just as easily had been Alexander walking through the door.
