by Geneva Lee
“I thought about him. I spent every night wishing he could be a different man,” I said quietly, hoping the shift in volume would change the dynamic between us. “But I realized I don’t want him to be different. I want him even with all the drama that comes with him. And he’s trying to give me what I need in return.”
“And what are you giving him?” she asked, lowering her voice to match mine.
“Everything,” I admitted. I didn’t need to go into details about our sex life, because she wouldn’t understand. How could anyone but Alexander and I?
“I don’t want to see him hurt you.”
“I can’t promise that I won’t get hurt, but beautiful things can come from pain.” My own hard-won liberation from my ex-boyfriend was proof of that. “I have to take the risk, because if I don’t, I’ll always regret it.”
Belle’s blue eyes grew as distant as the sky on a cloudy day. When she finally spoke, her words were hollow. “You’re right, of course. Regret isn’t something anyone should live with.”
Her words twisted into me like a knife. We all lived with regrets. The only thing we could do was follow our hearts and trust the people we loved. Both of us knew from experience that meant risking heartache. I couldn’t be certain if we were talking about Belle’s past or my own. Although it occurred to me that we might not be talking about either.
“Do you hate me?” I didn’t care what many people thought of me, but I did care about my relationship with Belle. She’d been my constant for the last four years. We’d seen each other through countless rough patches, and the thought of choosing between the two people I loved most in the world was unfathomable. I needed Alexander in my life, but I needed her, too.
Belle reached out and clasped my hand. “You’re my sister. At least as close as I’ve got. I might not always like the choices you make, but I will always love you.”
Tears pooled in my eyes and I did nothing to hold them back. They fell freely down my cheeks as I hugged my best friend. Within seconds, we’d both turned into a soggy mass of feelings in the middle of the kitchen. “Just because I won’t be here doesn’t mean I’m disappearing.”
“I know,” Belle whispered, but the sadness in her voice spoke another truth.
People changed when they fell in love. We both knew that. I just had to show her that I wouldn’t let love change everything.
My mother’s voice shrieked across the phone line. “You’re living with him and I had to hear about it on the television!”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath. I couldn’t exactly explain to her what had actually happened, especially now that I was actively moving in with him. Across my bedroom, Belle raised an eyebrow. There was no need to tell her who was on the phone.
“It just happened,” I assured her, wondering how far I could stretch the truth before it became an outright lie. “I barely even realized it was happening.”
Belle covered her mouth to smother a laugh. I couldn’t blame her. It was the understatement of the century.
“When your father gets the news…” she trailed away in an attempt to add gravitas to the threat.
I seriously doubted my father would care that I’d moved in with my boyfriend. He didn’t subscribe to my mother’s need to keep up appearances.
“Where is Dad?” I asked, trying to change the topic.
“He’s gone on business until Tuesday.” But she wasn’t so easily swayed. “Do you have a date set?”
“A date for what?” I asked, then realization dawned on me. “A housewarming party? Yes, it’s next week.”
Now that was a lie, and a not terribly well-thought out one. She’d expect an invitation. Of course, just mentioning it was invitation enough to my mother, which meant that I now actually had to throw a party. All my fantasies of enjoying privacy with Alexander shattered around me. I had to hand it to Madeline. She could finagle an invite to any event, even fake ones.
“Send over the details. We’ll be there,” she spoke in the clipped tone I recognized from childhood. It usually preceded her telling me I was being obstinate. “But I’m talking about the other date.”
“I really don’t—”
“Don’t be daft, Clara,” she cut me off. “For the wedding!”
“The…wedding?” I blinked several times trying to process the question. Finally I sat down. Belle had stopped helping me sort through my wardrobe entirely and was now shamelessly eavesdropping. “Whose wedding?”
But I knew exactly whose wedding she meant. Trust my mother to pull out the ultimate guilt trip. If Alexander was going to go around making bold announcements like the one that had gotten me into this mess, maybe he should be the one to handle my mother. In fact, he might be the only one who could.
“You can’t live with a man without a firm commitment, especially not a man like Alexander. The press will eat you alive.” Her tone sank to a conspiratorial whisper. “And you can’t sleep with him before the wedding! I think there’s laws against it.”
There probably had been at some point back in the Dark Ages, but I didn’t tell her that. “I assure you that there’s little to no sleeping going on.”
“Clara!”
“I’ll call you with the party details later this week.” I hung up the phone before she could get in another word. I’d expected her to be shocked but I hadn’t expected her to jump to this conclusion. Turning slowly to face Belle, I blew out a long-held breath. “I think my mother wants to go hat shopping for a wedding.”
“Can you blame her?” Belle asked. “The hats at your wedding will be spectacular.”
“We’re not getting married.” Heat flushed my cheeks. I’d barely had time to process being in a relationship with Alexander at all. Talk like this would only complicate things further. Not to mention that there was no way I was ready for marriage. Not because I wasn’t certain of my feelings for Alexander, but because I still wasn’t sure I wouldn’t crack under the continued pressure of being in the public eye.
Belle bit her lip and gave me her best so-you-say-now stare.
“We aren’t getting married!” I said more loudly.
“No,” said a voice behind me, “we aren’t.”
I pivoted to find Alexander standing in my doorway. Burying my head in my hands, I moaned, “Where’s a giant sinkhole when you need one?”
He immediately switched to business mode, as if bracing himself. Picking up the already packed bag on my bed like he hadn’t heard a thing, he swung it over his shoulder. “We are picking up your toothbrush though.”
“Yes,” I said weakly, “and we’re having a housewarming party next weekend.”
He accepted this with a great deal more aplomb than I expected. Probably owing to the fact that a housewarming party seemed inconsequential in comparison to the sacrament of marriage. I couldn’t blame him for that.
“Of course. Will you be much longer?” His voice was distant and my stomach flipped over. “My father called and would like to speak with me. No doubt, he also wishes to discuss the change in my circumstances.”
“You could…invite him to the party.” If I hadn’t already been dreading throwing together a party, the thought of Alexander’s father being there made it worse.
But my dedication to etiquette earned me a smile. “I’m afraid he’s not wild about parties.”
I refrained from openly celebrating this fact. “I have a few more things to track down. Half an hour?”
“I’ll have Norris return and take you home.” Then, as though to reassure me, he hooked his free arm around my waist and drew me against his lean, hard body. My breath caught and for a second I almost believed if I held it, I could make this moment last forever. His piercing blue eyes fixed on me. The comfortable weight of his arm around my waist. Slanting his lips over mine, he kissed me possessively. It was a sign of good things to come.
“I’ll see you at home,” he informed me before heading out.
Home. A few hours ago I’d thought of it as
my haven. Now I was inviting controversy and judgment on myself by opening it to others for a silly housewarming party. Try as I might, I couldn’t escape the fact that wedding or no, the honeymoon was over.
Chapter Twelve
I’d forgotten what it was like to look forward to going to work. Having spent the last few months working myself to exhaustion, the office had become my refuge. I was surprised on Monday morning to find I still enjoyed my job. Few people could say that. Of course, after the weekend I’d spent with Alexander, the whole world felt new and brimming with possibility. I breezed past a newsstand on the way into the building, resisting the urge to read the headlines. Alexander’s face greeted me from a few, making my pulse race.
I wasn’t certain I would ever be accustomed to seeing my lover’s face on the covers of magazines. I would never get used to seeing mine. But today I didn’t care about their speculations and insinuations. A weekend in Alexander’s bed had put things in perspective. Whatever sensational story they wanted to claim, we knew the truth. Not that the truth had been entirely easy to swallow. Alexander had revealed things to me that I was still trying to wrap my head around. I loved him regardless of his past, regardless of his darkness, but if I was being honest, his confession left me feeling curious. Who was this woman who had been his submissive? She had clearly been well-chosen because an Internet search had turned up no mention of Alexander’s darker proclivities. Part of me felt guilty for even looking. Part of me felt jealous. Whoever she was, she’d shared something with him that I hadn’t. I couldn’t help thinking she’d been braver than me. All I wanted was the pleasure. She’d carried his pain for him.
Strolling across the lobby’s marble floor, I quickened my pace to catch the lift just as the doors began to close. A petite hand shot out, prompting the doors to jerk back open.
“Thanks,” I said breathlessly, smiling to discover my savior was Tori.
“No problem.” She returned my grin, even as she pushed a folded tabloid into her bag. Her face was sheepish as she shrugged guiltily. “I promise I bought it to read about Isaac Blue.”
There was something so artless about her confession that all I could do was laugh. “He’s much more interesting than most of their other stories.”
“Definitely,” Tori agreed, a relieved look flashing across her face.
“We need to do lunch.” I’d been avoiding her invitations for months. I’d been avoiding most people actually. Now it was time to rebuild bridges.
“Oh yes.” She clapped her hands together. “This week. Wednesday? Thursday?”
“Either should be fine.” A contented sigh slipped past my lips. Things were falling into place again. Alexander and I were discovering and rediscovering. We were building and rebuilding. His past was exactly that—his past. Mine too. We had a future to focus on, and there was still plenty to deal with, including planning a last-minute housewarming party.
“Good weekend?” Tori guessed, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“Pretty spectacular,” I admitted. I couldn’t help but notice that Tori’s own glow rivaled my own. “It looks like you did as well.”
“Yeah.” She blushed deeply, shaking her head as if to clear her thoughts. “Isn’t it funny how life can surprise you?”
“You can say that again.” The lift doors slid open and Tori shot me one more giddy smile before she darted over to her cubicle.
My own desk was across the room, closer to my boss’s office. I deposited my bag at my desk and went to check in about the week ahead. Popping my head into Bennett’s office, I found him staring absent-mindedly at his computer. “Got a minute?”
He looked up, obviously startled that he was no longer alone. Waving me in, he turned his attention to the mess on his desk. “It’s only Monday and already I’m completely disorganized.”
“Did you have a nice weekend with the girls?” I no longer needed an explanation as to why my boss looked like he needed a holiday on Monday mornings. Keeping up with his twins was much more tiring than going to work every morning.
“They can’t stop talking about you. I’m fairly certain they think you hung the moon. Apparently, I’m not nearly as posh when it comes to tea party etiquette,” he said with a smile. Despite being obviously harried, his kind face seemed softer this morning, as if some of the edges it usually bore had been buffed away. “I can’t thank you enough. I don’t think I realized the healing power of a night out.”
“I was happy to do it. Maybe next time the girls can stay over at my house. We have spare rooms.” The invitation was out of my mouth before I’d considered what I was offering. Not that I wanted to take it back, but it was a bit surreal to remember how drastically my circumstances had changed over the course of a few days. I couldn’t be sure that Alexander would enjoy having two energetic seven-year-olds bouncing around the house, but I’d wager he’d like being without me for a night even less if I offered to babysit at their house.
“Madness. A whole night without them? I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” He leaned back in his chair, grinning like the Cheshire cat.
“Let me know,” I said encouragingly. Bennett was used to people worrying about him, but all that concern seemed pointless if no one actually did anything to help.
“I will,” he promised.
The conversation shifted to our new campaigns and where we needed to focus our energies this week. By the time I turned to leave, my to-do list had grown by several pages.
“Clara,” Bennett called, stopping me in my tracks. “It’s nice to see you happy again.”
“I suppose the wind changed this weekend,” I said, recalling a favorite childhood movie of mine.
“Word of advice. Don’t waste time waiting for the wind to change in the future.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that he benefitted from more than just a night out. “Sounds like it changed for both of us.”
“Okay, lecture over. Get to work already.”
I grinned at him. “Whatever you say, boss.”
Returning to my desk, I discovered a single red rose waiting for me. Snatching up the accompanying note, I ran my fingers over Alexander’s seal. Popping it open, I drew out the card and read:
Poppet,
A single rose. Elegance and pain twisted into something beautiful. It reminded me of us.
A day will come when your entire job is to stay in bed with me all day. Until then I want to make certain you know that I’m thinking of you—thinking of running my tongue along your cunt, imagining how snugly you envelope my cock, recalling your face as you spill over.
Tonight,
X
Desire tightened across my belly as my body recalled the exquisite torture I’d experienced at Alexander’s hands this weekend. He’d taken my request to explore into consideration, slowly introducing me to his more demanding tastes. It had only made me hungry for more. Now the memory of sucking him off with my hands bound behind my back resurfaced and an insistent throb began between my legs. I clamped them tightly shut. But even in my desire, I knew I wanted more than that. I wanted to lose myself to him. I’d glimpsed his darkness, lurking under his masculine dominance, and I craved it. Setting down the note, my fingers itched to delve under my skirt to seek relief. I restrained myself, but I was going to have to stop reading these at work or X was going to have to make himself available for lunch breaks.
I slid open my desk drawer where it would be safe from prying eyes. I’d barely opened this drawer in months, avoiding the other notes from him that I’d filed away before things had ended between us. Now I was delighted to add to the stack, except the notes weren’t there. Frowning, I rummaged through the drawers contents. I must have taken them home. It was better that way. We were starting fresh. I’d have plenty more notes to secret away soon.
An hour later, I’d worked through half my to-do list with Alexander’s note tucked safely in my desk. Every once in a while I’d open the drawer and run a finger over
the broken wax seal, fantasizing about what tonight held for me. It gave me an idea, and a quick Internet search proved you really could get anything in London. I stopped by Bennett’s office on my way out. “I’m going to run an errand and grab some lunch. Want anything?”
“Actually, I have plans.” Bennett ran a hand over his curly brown hair nervously. “Is my tie straight?”
I nodded, wondering what had my boss so anxious. I hadn’t asked much about his date when he’d returned home, but now I wondered if it had gone better than expected. Bennett wasn’t the kind of man to wear ties or take lunch breaks. He was a workaholic. That only made me more hopeful that his lunch plans included someone special. Of course when you were in love, you wanted everyone else to be as well, I mused as I made my way toward the lift.
“Wednesday?” I called to Tori as we passed in the hall.
“Perfect! No break for me today.” Her eyes darted to the pile of paperwork she was carrying to Bennett’s office.
“I can grab you something,” I offered.
She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”
As I stepped out of the Peters & Clarkwell building, a black Rolls Royce immediately pulled up to the curb. Norris appeared at the other side and opened the back passenger door. I wasn’t surprised to see him, but I wasn’t happy about it either. If Alexander thought our new living arrangement included following my every move, he had another thing coming.
“No, thank you.” I shook my head and pointed down the street. “I’m only going down the block to grab a few things.”
“Mr. Cambridge insists,” Norris said, crossing his arms over his chest. Physically, there was nothing particularly menacing about Alexander’s guard, but I suspected that was the point. Still I wasn’t afraid of him nor was I inclined to let Alexander’s possessiveness affect my work day.
“And I refuse,” I informed him. “You may tell him that.”
Norris didn’t press the matter. In fact, his face belied no reaction whatsoever. He simply returned to the driver’s side. No doubt he would follow me. I couldn’t blame him. He’d been given orders, which meant I’d have to deal with his employer directly if I didn’t want a constant shadow.
