by Keith Laumer
“Pick another game, strangers,” he said. “Kippy made a little mistake.”
“This is small-time stuff,” Retief said. “I’m interested in something big.”
The broad-shouldered man lit a perfumed dope stick. “What would you call big?” he said softly.
“What’s the biggest you’ve got?”
The man narrowed his eyes, smiling. “Maybe you’d like to try Slam.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Over here.” The crowd opened up, made a path. Retief and Magnan followed across the room to a brightly-lit glass-walled box.
There was an arm-sized opening at waist height. Inside was a hand grip. A two-foot plastic globe a quarter full of chips hung in the center. Apparatus was mounted at the top of the box.
“Slam pays good odds,” the man said. “You can go as high as you like. Chips cost you a hundred credits. You start it up by dropping a chip in here.” He indicated a slot.
“You take the hand grip. When you squeeze, it unlocks. The globe starts to turn. You can see, it’s full of chips. There’s a hole at the top. As long as you hold the grip, the bowl turns. The harder you squeeze, the faster it turns. Eventually it’ll turn over to where the hole is down, and chips fall out.
“On the other hand, there’s contact plates spotted around the bowl. When one of ’em lines up with a live contact, you get quite a little jolt—guaranteed nonlethal. All you’ve got to do is hold on long enough, and you’ll get the payoff.”
“How often does this random pattern put the hole down?”
“Anywhere from three minutes to fifteen, with the average run of players. Oh, by the way, one more thing. That lead block up there—” The man motioned with his head toward a one-foot cube suspended by a thick cable. “It’s rigged to drop every now and again. Averages five minutes. A warning light flashes first. You can take a chance; sometimes the light’s a bluff. You can set the clock back on it by dropping another chip—or you can let go the grip.”
Retief looked at the massive block of metal.
“That would mess up a man’s dealing hand, wouldn’t it?”
“The last two jokers who were too cheap to feed the machine had to have ’em off. Their arms, I mean. That lead’s heavy stuff.”
“I don’t suppose your machine has a habit of getting stuck, like Kippy’s?”
The broad-shouldered man frowned.
“You’re a stranger,” he said, “You don’t know any better.”
“It’s a fair game, Mister,” someone called.
“Where do I buy the chips?”
The man smiled. “I’ll fix you up. How many?”
“One.”
“A big spender, eh?” The man snickered, but handed over a large plastic chip.
IV
Retief stepped to the machine, dropped the coin.
“If you want to change your mind,” the man said, “you can back out now. All it’ll cost you is the chip you dropped.”
Retief reached through the hole, took the grip. It was leather padded hand-filling. He squeezed it. There was a click and bright lights sprang up. The crowd ah!-ed. The globe began to twirl lazily. The four-inch hole at its top was plainly visible.
“If ever the hole gets in position it will empty very quickly,” Magnan said, hopefully.
Suddenly, a brilliant white light flooded the glass cage. A sound went up from the spectators.
“Quick, drop a chip,” someone called.
“You’ve only got ten seconds….”
“Let go!” Magnan yelped.
Retief sat silent, holding the grip, frowning up at the weight. The globe twirled faster now. Then the bright white light winked off.
“A bluff!” Magnan gasped.
“That’s risky, stranger,” the gray-templed man said.
The globe was turning rapidly now, oscillating from side to side. The hole seemed to travel in a wavering loop, dipping lower, swinging up high, then down again.
“It has to move to the bottom soon,” Magnan said. “Slow it down.”
“The slower it goes, the longer it takes to get to the bottom,” someone said.
There was a crackle and Retief stiffened. Magnan heard a sharp intake of breath. The globe slowed, and Retief shook his head, blinking.
The broad-shouldered man glanced at a meter.
“You took pretty near a full jolt, that time,” he said.
The hole in the globe was tracing an oblique course now, swinging to the center, then below.
“A little longer,” Magnan said.
“That’s the best speed I ever seen on the Slam ball,” someone said. “How much longer can he hold it?”
Magnan looked at Retief’s knuckles. They showed white against the grip. The globe tilted farther, swung around, then down; two chips fell out, clattered down a chute and into a box.
“We’re ahead,” Magnan said. “Let’s quit.”
Retief shook his head. The globe rotated, dipped again; three chips fell.
“She’s ready,” someone called.
“It’s bound to hit soon,” another voice added excitedly. “Come on, Mister!”
“Slow down,” Magnan said. “So it won’t move past too quickly.”
“Speed it up, before that lead block gets you,” someone called.
The hole swung high, over the top, then down the side. Chips rained out of the hole, six, eight….
“Next pass,” a voice called.
The white light flooded the cage. The globe whirled; the hole slid over the top, down, down…. A chip fell, two more….
Retief half rose, clamped his jaw and crushed the grip. Sparks flew. The globe slowed, chips spewing. It stopped, swung back, weighted by the mass of chips at the bottom, and stopped again with the hole centered.
Chips cascaded down the chute, filled the box before Retief, spilled on the floor. The crowd yelled.
Retief released the grip and withdrew his arm at the same instant that the lead block slammed down.
“Good lord,” Magnan said. “I felt that through the floor.”
Retief turned to the broad-shouldered man.
“This game’s all right for beginners,” he said. “But I’d like to talk a really big gamble. Why don’t we go to your office, Mr. Zorn?”
* * * *
“Your proposition interests me,” Zorn said, grinding out the stump of his dope stick in a brass ashtray. “But there’s some angles to this I haven’t mentioned yet.”
“You’re a gambler, Zorn, not a suicide,” Retief said. “Take what I’ve offered. The other idea was fancier, I agree, but it won’t work.”
“How do I know you birds aren’t lying?” Zorn snarled. He stood up, strode up and down the room. “You walk in here and tell me I’ll have a task force on my neck, that the Corps won’t recognize my regime. Maybe you’re right. But I’ve got other contacts. They say different.” He whirled, stared at Retief.
“I have pretty good assurance that once I put it over, the Corps will have to recognize me as the legal government of Petreac. They won’t meddle in internal affairs.”
“Nonsense,” Magnan spoke up. “The Corps will never deal with a pack of criminals calling themselves—”
“Watch your language, you!” Zorn rasped.
“I’ll admit Mr. Magnan’s point is a little weak,” Retief said. “But you’re overlooking something. You plan to murder a dozen or so officers of the Corps Diplomatique Terrestrienne along with the local wheels. The corps won’t overlook that. It can’t.”
“Their tough luck they’re in the middle,” Zorn muttered.
“Our offer is extremely generous, Mr. Zorn,” Magnan said. “The post you’ll get will pay you very well indeed. As against the certain failure of your planned coup, the choice should be simple.”
Zorn eyed Magnan. “Offering me a job—it sounds phony as hell. I thought you birds were goody-goody diplomats.”
“It’s time you knew,” Retief said. “There’s no phonier business
in the Galaxy than diplomacy.”
“You’d better take it, Mr. Zorn,” Magnan said.
“Don’t push me, Junior!” Zorn said. “You two walk into my headquarters empty-handed and big-mouthed. I don’t know what I’m talking to you for. The answer is no. N-I-X, no!”
“Who are you afraid of?” Retief said softly.
Zorn glared at him.
“Where do you get that ‘afraid’ routine? I’m top man here!”
“Don’t kid around, Zorn. Somebody’s got you under their thumb. I can see you squirming from here.”
“What if I let your boys alone?” Zorn said suddenly. “The Corps won’t have anything to say then, huh?”
“The Corps has plans for Petreac, Zorn. You aren’t part of them. A revolution right now isn’t part of them. Having the Potentate and the whole Nenni caste slaughtered isn’t part of them. Do I make myself clear?”
“Listen,” Zorn said urgently, pulling a chair around. “I’ll tell you guys a few things. You ever heard of a world they call Rotune?”
“Certainly,” Magnan said. “It’s a near neighbor of yours. Another backward—that is, emergent—”
“Okay,” Zorn said. “You guys think I’m a piker, do you? Well, let me wise you up. The Federal Junta on Rotune is backing my play. I’ll be recognized by Rotune, and the Rotune fleet will stand by in case I need any help. I’ll present the CDT with what you call a fait accompli.”
“What does Rotune get out of this? I thought they were your traditional enemies.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got no use for Rotune; but our interests happen to coincide right now.”
“Do they?” Retief smiled grimly. “You can spot a sucker as soon as he comes through that door out there—but you go for a deal like this!”
“What do you mean?” Zorn looked angrily at Retief. “It’s fool-proof.”
“After you get in power, you’ll be fast friends with Rotune, is that it?”
“Friends, hell! Just give me time to get set, and I’ll square a few things with that—”
“Exactly. And what do you suppose they have in mind for you?”
“What are you getting at?”
“Why is Rotune interested in your take-over?”
Zorn studied Retief’s face. “I’ll tell you why,” he said. “It’s you birds. You and your trade agreement. You’re here to tie Petreac into some kind of trade combine. That cuts Rotune out. Well, we’re doing all right out here. We don’t need any commitments to a lot of fancy-pants on the other side of the Galaxy.”
“That’s what Rotune has sold you, eh?” Retief said, smiling.
“Sold, nothing!”
Zorn ground out his dope-stick, lit another. He snorted angrily.
“Okay; what’s your idea?” he asked after a moment.
“You know what Petreac is getting in the way of imports as a result of the agreement?”
“Sure. A lot of junk.”
“To be specific,” Retief said, “there’ll be 50,000 Tatone B-3 dry washers; 100,000 Glo-float motile lamps; 100,000 Earthworm Minor garden cultivators; 25,000 Veco space heaters; and 75,000 replacement elements for Ford Monomeg drives.”
“Like I said. A lot of junk.”
Retief leaned back, looking sardonically at Zorn, “Here’s the gimmick, Zorn,” he said. “The Corps is getting a little tired of Petreac and Rotune carrying on their two-penny war out here. Your privateers have a nasty habit of picking on innocent bystanders. After studying both sides, the Corps has decided Petreac would be a little easier to do business with. So this trade agreement was worked out. The Corps can’t openly sponsor an arms shipment to a belligerent. But personal appliances are another story.”
“So what do we do—plow ’em under with back-yard cultivators?” Zorn looked at Retief, puzzled. “What’s the point?”
“You take the sealed monitor unit from the washer, the repeller field generator from the lamp, the converter control from the cultivator, et cetera, et cetera. You fit these together according to some very simple instructions. Presto! You have one hundred thousand Standard-class Y hand blasters. Just the thing to turn the tide in a stalemated war fought with obsolete arms.”
“Good lord!” Magnan said. “Retief, are you—”
“I have to tell him,” Retief said. “He has to know what he’s putting his neck into.”
“Weapons, hey?” Zorn said. “And Rotune knows about it?”
“Sure they know about it. It’s not too hard to figure out. And there’s more. They want the CDT delegation included in the massacre for a reason. It will put Petreac out of the picture; the trade agreement will go to Rotune; and you and your new regime will find yourselves looking down the muzzles of your own blasters.”
Zorn threw his dope-stick to the floor with a snarl.
“I should have smelled something when that Rotune smoothie made his pitch.” Zorn looked at his watch.
“I’ve got two hundred armed men in the palace. We’ve got about forty minutes to get over there before the rocket goes up.”
V
“You’d better stay here on this terrace out of the way until I’ve spread the word,” Zorn said. “Just in case.”
“Let me caution you against any…ah…slip-ups, Mr. Zorn,” Magnan said. “The Nenni are not to be molested—”
Zorn looked at Retief.
“Your friend talks too much,” he said. “I’ll keep my end of it. He’d better keep his.”
“Nothing’s happened yet, you’re sure?” Magnan said.
“I’m sure,” Zorn said. “Ten minutes to go. Plenty of time.”
“I’ll just step into the salon to assure myself that all is well,” Magnan said.
“Suit yourself,” Zorn said. “Just stay clear of the kitchen, or you’ll get your throat cut.” He sniffed at his dope-stick. “What’s keeping Shoke?” he muttered.
Magnan stepped to a tall glass door, eased it open and poked his head through the heavy draperies. As he moved to draw back, a voice was faintly audible. Magnan paused, head still through the drapes.
“What’s going on there?” Zorn rasped. He and Retief stepped up behind Magnan.
“—breath of air, ha-ha,” Magnan was saying.
“Well, come along, Magnan!” Ambassador Crodfoller’s voice snapped.
Magnan shifted from one foot to the other then pushed through the drapes.
“Where’ve you been, Mr. Magnan?” The Ambassador’s voice was sharp.
“Oh…ah…a slight accident, Mr. Ambassador.”
“What’s happened to your shoes? Where are your insignia and decorations?”
“I—ah—spilled a drink on them. Sir. Ah—listen….”
The sound of an orchestra came up suddenly, blaring a fanfare.
Zorn shifted restlessly, ear against the glass.
“What’s your friend pulling?” he rasped. “I don’t like this.”
“Keep cool, Zorn,” Retief said. “Mr. Magnan is doing a little emergency salvage on his career.”
The music died away with a clatter.
“—My God,” Ambassador Crodfoller’s voice was faint. “Magnan, you’ll be knighted for this. Thank God you reached me. Thank God it’s not too late. I’ll find some excuse. I’ll get a gram off at once.”
“But you—”
“It’s all right, Magnan. You were in time. Another ten minutes and the agreement would have been signed and transmitted. The wheels would have been put in motion. My career ruined….”
Retief felt a prod at his back. He turned.
“Doublecrossed,” Zorn said softly. “So much for the word of a diplomat.”
Retief looked at the short-barreled needler in Zorn’s hand.
“I see you hedge your bets, Zorn,” he said.
“We’ll wait here,” Zorn said, “until the excitement’s over inside. I wouldn’t want to attract any attention right now.”
“Your politics are still lousy, Zorn. The picture hasn’t changed. Your coup
hasn’t got a chance.”
“Skip it. I’ll take up one problem at a time.”
“Magnan’s mouth has a habit of falling open at the wrong time—”
“That’s my good luck that I heard it. So there’ll be no agreement, no guns, no fat job for Tammany Zorn, hey? Well, I can still play it the other way, What have I got to lose?”
With a movement too quick to follow, Retief’s hand chopped down across Zorn’s wrist. The needler clattered as Zorn reeled, and then Retief’s hand clamped Zorn’s arm and whirled him around.
“In answer to your last question,” Retief said, “your neck.”
“You haven’t got a chance, doublecrosser,” Zorn gasped.
“Shoke will be here in a minute,” Retief said. “Tell him it’s all off.”
“Twist harder, Mister,” Zorn said. “Break it off at the shoulder. I’m telling him nothing!”
“The kidding’s over, Zorn,” Retief said. “Call it off or I’ll kill you.”
“I believe you,” Zorn said. “But you won’t have long to remember it.”
“All the killing will be for nothing,” Retief said. “You’ll be dead and the Rotunes will step into the power vacuum.”
“So what? When I die, the world ends.”
“Suppose I make you another offer, Zorn?”
“Why would it be any better than the last one, chiseler?”
Retief released Zorn’s arm, pushed him away, stooped and picked up the needler.
“I could kill you, Zorn. You know that.”
“Go ahead!”
Retief reversed the needler, held it out.
“I’m a gambler too, Zorn. I’m gambling you’ll listen to what I have to say.”
Zorn snatched the gun, stepped back. He looked at Retief.
“That wasn’t the smartest bet you ever made, Mister; but go ahead. You’ve got maybe ten seconds.”
“Nobody doublecrossed you, Zorn. Magnan put his foot in it. Too bad. Is that a reason to kill yourself and a lot of other people who’ve bet their lives on you?”
“They gambled and lost. Tough.”
“Maybe you haven’t lost yet—if you don’t quit.”
“Get to the point!”
Retief spoke earnestly for a minute and a half. Zorn stood, gun aimed, listening. Then both men turned as footsteps approached along the terrace. A fat man in a yellow sarong padded up to Zorn.
