“And she said she trusted Raven with her life,” Jackson tells me. “Said she was just curious about my opinion as an outsider.”
I look toward the door, wondering if Annalise meant it. Because if Raven’s vibes are weird, she shouldn’t be inserting anything inside Sydney’s head.
I sit up and turn to Jackson.
“Now tell me what you really think,” I say.
He watches me a moment before shrugging one shoulder. “I think she’s possessive of you,” he says. “All of you, really. Like it’s her tech or something. She definitely hates me, so, you know, take my opinion with a grain of salt.”
“Why do you think that is?” I ask, looking toward the door again. “Why doesn’t she like you?” He’s quiet for a moment.
“Because she thinks that you do,” he says. A soft smile pulls at my lips, and I look back at him. He doesn’t meet my eyes at first, but when he does, I lose myself a little in the deep darkness of them. “I’m sure she doesn’t know that you left me for dead, though,” he adds casually.
“Don’t forget the part where I tried to get your best friend mad at you so you’d stay away.”
“Ah …” He nods. “Yes, that was my favorite part.”
We watch each other before he reaches to take my hand, playing with my fingers as a way of fidgeting.
“Look, Mena,” he says. “I would never tell you what to do. But for the record, I’d rather you run for the rest of your life than take the chance that a hacker has your best interests at heart. Just saying. She could shut you down for good.”
“I’m not going to run,” I say. “Not forever. And I don’t believe she’ll shut me down. But I’m wondering what you think the girls and I should do tonight. You know, an outside opinion.”
“I don’t know,” he says. “I mean, there are so many layers to this. It’s hard to know which to focus on first.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I mean,” Jackson starts, “you can address the culture of Ridgeview and save the girls at that school. But at the same time, you might jeopardize your chance to convince an investor to turn against the corporation. Once he realizes he’s under investigation by the government, he might leave the country or something. Or you can focus on the investor and let Ridgeview sort itself out.”
I realize what he means. If the investor knows he’s going to be charged with money laundering, he could take off. There’s no guarantee it’ll end up bringing down the corporation. We might lose our chance entirely. It’s something to consider.
“And Mena,” Jackson adds. “Even if the paper does run the story about Ridgeview, it’ll mean the girls involved will eventually get named. That’s the nature of the internet. Are they okay with that?”
“I don’t know.” Adrian didn’t report the incident to Mrs. Reacher. Is it okay for me to report it for her? I look at Jackson again. “But what if I record the boys admitting to crimes?” I ask. “Would that be enough to get them in trouble without dragging other girls into it?”
Jackson’s voice is sorry when he replies, “I don’t think so.”
I close my eyes, knowing he’s right. We need proof. Our word isn’t enough. Eyewitness accounts aren’t enough. Even if we have video of them admitting it, they’ll spin it. They’ll hire PR firms to discredit the claims, provide alternative theories.
There’s no accountability.
“We need to do something,” I say. “The boys at that school are out of control. They’re dangerous.”
“More dangerous than Innovations Academy?” he asks. “Than the corporation?”
And I think about it. I really do. Although I know we need to take down the corporation … I can’t sit by and watch the injustice of it all. The boys at Ridgeview need to be stopped. Otherwise, they’ll grow up to be the terrible men of Innovations Academy. Unchecked, they’ll continue to abuse their power, abuse it to get them elected to high offices so they can continue to hurt others. I can’t let that happen.
Even if not a single human girl would stand up for me, I have no choice but to stand up for her.
“You’re going to help them, aren’t you?” Jackson asks softly. “The girls at Ridgeview?”
“Yes,” I say. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“Just because one feels more urgent doesn’t mean both causes aren’t right,” Jackson says, running his fingertips along my wrist. The tender movement is comforting. “Is there anything I can do?” he asks. “Want me to come to the party with you?”
I smile. “I think that might change the dynamic, but I appreciate the offer.”
“Just promise to call me if you need anything. I’ll be there in a second, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“And could you … Would you mind calling or texting me when you get home?” he asks. “Just so I know that you’re okay.”
I promise that I will, and then Jackson flexes his hand so that my fingers slip between his. The movement feels surprisingly intimate, and he licks his lips.
Are you attracted to him? Anton asked me once during impulse control therapy.
The analyst didn’t think I could feel attraction; he told me as much. Neither do Leandra or Winston Weeks. And yet … here I am. Madly attracted to this human boy who’s reckless and curses too much.
I lean toward Jackson, ready to kiss him. Wanting to touch him. My eyes close, but just before I reach him, he turns his head away. His other hand immediately rests on the side of my neck and I realize it’s to gently hold me back.
“Mena, uh … ,” he whispers, sounding pained. “We shouldn’t, uh …”
I open my eyes, feeling humiliated when he stares back at me. I flash a quick smile to diffuse the embarrassment, and I straighten. I completely misread the situation, but when I try to apologize, he shakes his head to stop me. He looks tortured, and it occurs to me that he doesn’t want to kiss me because I’m not human. And that’s the biggest sting of the rejection.
But I don’t resent him for it.
When it comes down to it, I know that I can count on Jackson. Trust him to show up for me. For all the girls.
And I also know that despite everything, despite it not being part of my programming, I might be a little bit in love with him.
“I should check on Sydney,” I whisper, getting up from the bed. My fingers slide from Jackson’s hand as I move toward the door. I’m shaking, but as I walk into the living room, I do my best to pretend nothing’s wrong.
On the couch, Sydney is stirring. Brynn waits beside her, holding a glass of water for her to drink.
“We’re all set,” Raven tells Sydney, clicking a button on the computer before showing it to her. Sydney seems a bit out of sorts, probably due to the sedatives, but she doesn’t seem to be in any pain.
“Your programming looked great,” Raven explains to her. “Firewall installed, and I didn’t see any problems. Other than that small signal I blocked, everything was in working order. And beautiful,” she adds warmly.
There really must not be a kill switch. It would have shown up when Raven was in there—she’s too smart to have missed it.
I glance around the room and find Annalise staring out the window again with that unnatural stillness. I call her name softly, but it takes her a long moment to look at me. I walk over to join her at the window.
“What’s going on?” I ask. “Did something happen with—?”
“I’m still having headaches, you know,” Annalise says calmly. “Nightmares. I’m in pain all the time.” She turns to me, and it’s like there’s a shadow over her. Something deep and dark and lonely. I physically sway, putting my hand on my heart.
“Annalise,” I start, “we should—”
“I’m not going to make it, Mena,” she whispers. “You need to be prepared for that.”
“Raven can fix you,” I say. “She can rebuild; we can—”
“Trust me,” she says. “I know my own body.”
“Then we’ll figure it out,” I say, confu
sed. “I’ll learn how and do it myself if I have to.”
“I know you’d try.”
Annalise smiles, but there is an indescribable sense of dread clawing at my throat. I would never be prepared to lose Annalise.
“Then what is it you want me to do?” I ask. She’s clearly thinking of something.
“I’m dying,” she whispers. I shake my head, but she takes me by the upper arms. “I’m dying,” she repeats.
I begin to crumple, but Annalise holds me up.
“But I need to make sure the girls at the academy are safe before I go,” she continues. “So while you’re at the party tonight, I’m going back there. I’m going to find our girls, and then I’m going to burn Innovations Academy to the ground. I’ll make sure they never come after us again.”
“What?” I ask loudly enough to make Raven look over. Annalise lowers her hands from my arms, but her eyes beg me not to say anything. I shift my position to block our faces from view.
“That’s … ridiculous,” I tell her. “How would you even get there?”
“I have a plan,” she says. “But I have to do it alone.”
“We do nothing alone,” I point out. And this time, I’m a little angry. “You don’t get to leave us,” I say. “We stay together, no matter what.”
“Not this time.”
Separating us was a form of punishment the academy would inflict. The idea that Annalise wants to do it willingly is even more painful.
“If you tell the others now,” Annalise says, “they’ll be too upset to go through with tonight. That means the Ridgeview boys will get away with everything. The corporation will continue creating and selling girls. I’m asking you to believe in me, Mena. I’m …” She pauses a moment. “I’m asking you to let me go do what needs to be done.”
“Then why even tell me?” I ask, my eyes welling up. “Why didn’t you just leave?”
Her eyes soften and she leans in to hug me, stopping me from completely falling apart.
“Because we’ve been together from the beginning,” she whispers. “And I needed you here at the end.”
I close my eyes, and tears slip down my cheeks. I hug her back fiercely. I want us all to stay together, but I don’t get to demand it. We’re individuals, we’re fighting for our right to exist. I have no doubt that Annalise is trying to help us. I can’t take that away.
But I’m also not giving up on her.
I straighten, quickly wiping my face. “You have to come back,” I say, and I clear my throat. “You do this, but then you come back. At least give me the chance to save you.”
She nods that she will.
When Raven calls my name, I wait a beat to calm myself before turning to her.
“I’m ready for you,” Raven says.
Brynn helps Sydney to her feet, and they go into the kitchen. Annalise follows behind them, announcing that she’ll make tea.
Raven pats the empty space on the couch, inviting me to sit.
Jackson appears in my doorway, leaning against the frame with his crutches in front of him. He looks wrecked, either from our earlier interaction or from his worry that I’m about to get wires pressed into my head; perhaps both. I debate what to do.
I’m terrified. I really am. I can still back out of this, back out of everything except for finding a way to get to the investor. We don’t need to save the girls from the predators at Ridgeview, but I can’t abandon them. I’m just not built that way.
I go over to the couch and lie back, my head on the pillow at the end. I’m shaking, and Raven reaches out to put her warm hand on my arm. I turn to her, holding her dark gaze.
“I won’t hurt you, Mena,” she says softly.
I close my eyes, giving her permission to get started. And yet … I’m still not entirely sure I believe her.
But to change the world, a girl occasionally has to put her trust in human beings.
24
I slowly stir, and my eyelids flutter open. At first, there is a sharp pain behind my left eye, and I hold up my hand to block the overhead light. There’s a strange feedback sound in my head. Static.
“How are you feeling?” Raven asks.
I look sideways at her, slightly disoriented. “Tired,” I say.
“It’ll wear off in a few minutes.”
I look toward the kitchen, and Sydney waves. She seems to be doing fine, and my worry dissipates. Raven watches me before turning her computer around.
“You’re fucking amazing,” she says. It takes a second for me to realize she’s talking about my programming. On her screen, there are patterns and waves—unmistakably me. I meet her eyes.
“Did you … Did you notice anything wrong?” I ask.
Raven turns the computer around, clicking into a different screen. “Not anything unexpected,” she says easily. “You’re perfect.”
I hate that word. But at the same time, I’m relieved. Jackson really must have misinterpreted the paperwork he gave us. I look around and find him sitting in the chair across the living room, gnawing on his fingernail. He nods hello.
“That was fucking intense,” he tells me. I sniff a laugh and rest my head back again.
“No one can hack you now,” Raven says. “You’re completely safe.”
Marcella walks out of her bedroom, zipping up her leather coat. When she sees I’m awake, she taps on her watch.
“It’s getting late,” she says. “Brynn and I need to head out soon. Scope out the place before we go inside.”
She’s enjoying the idea of breaking in far too much.
Marcella holds out her open palm, and Jackson tosses her the keys to his rental car.
“Do you even know how to drive?” he asks.
“Yes,” she replies. “I’ve seen it online.”
“Uh …” Jackson looks ready to argue, but Marcella thanks him and turns away before he gets the chance.
“By the way,” she tells me. “Lennon Rose called here looking for you.”
“She did?” I ask, sitting up, surprised. “Did she want me to call her back?”
“Didn’t say,” Marcella replies.
“Well,” Annalise mutters from the table. “I’m glad Lennon Rose is reaching out to someone other than Winston Weeks. You know, someone normal who isn’t trying to build an all-girl robot army.” Brynn snorts a laugh.
I watch Annalise, still thinking about our conversation, but she purposely avoids eye contact with me.
“We should start getting ready too,” Sydney announces, sounding impatient.
Although I know Sydney still loves Lennon Rose, she doesn’t trust her the same way she used to. We can’t even blame it all on Winston Weeks, either. Lennon Rose is also involved with Rosemarie, the mother of our programming, who writes violent poetry.
It’s like … we don’t know our friend anymore. And that would be fine if it weren’t for the fact that we don’t know who’s influencing her new behavior.
“Can I help you get ready?” Brynn asks, standing up from the table. “I really miss getting ready together. Do we have time?” she asks Marcella. Marcella smiles at her and nods.
“Thanks, Brynn,” I say. “I’d love that.” And I would. Although we never liked being told how to style ourselves, we did enjoy the ritual of getting ready. It was oddly comforting. It could have been more comforting with a caring teacher, I suppose. But we had Leandra. And she’s a psychopath, so I’m not sure she feels anything at all.
Brynn goes into my room, but before I follow her, I glance back at Jackson. “Are you going to stay here while we’re at the party?” I ask.
He checks on Raven, who is actively ignoring him.
“Naw,” he tells me. “I’ll take a cab to my place. I should let you get ready,” he adds. “Text me later?”
“Later,” I agree.
He smiles softly, a little sadly, and leaves the apartment. I wait a moment after he’s gone, wondering if his sadness is regret.
“Oh, Mena,” Brynn calls from my room.
“You should definitely wear this!” She pulls a sundress from my closet. It’s not really my style—I’d rather wear pants. But we picked it up at a thrift store when we first got to town after I saw a few girls walking around in something similar. The dress is pretty in a delicate sort of way.
“It’ll make you look really innocent,” Brynn says. She holds it against herself and studies her reflection in the mirror. “And boys will tell girls like that anything because they’re not threatened by them. They’ll think they have you manipulated. It’ll be their mistake.”
I stare at Brynn, wondering where exactly she heard that. She smiles. “I’ve been streaming a lot of reality TV while you’re at school,” she says. “I think I’m starting to understand human behavior better.” She holds up the dress again. “So what do you think?” she asks.
“I think you’re right,” I say, and take the dress from her hands. She exhales and walks over to start sorting through my jewelry.
* * *
Marcella and Brynn have already left when it’s time for Sydney and me to go. We check that my phone will stream directly to Raven’s computer. When we’re sure, I say goodbye to her, and Sydney and I head for the door.
“Wait,” Annalise calls. I take my time turning around, afraid I’ll fall apart. She comes to stand in front of me, her brilliant red hair cascading over her shoulder, her green and brown eyes twinkling with a layer of tears.
“Be careful,” she whispers like a wish. But I’m panicking.
What if I never see her again?
When do I tell the other girls?
How could she do this to me?
Annalise leans in to press a soft kiss to my lips. I close my eyes, holding back my tears, as she rests her forehead against mine.
“Love you,” she whispers. I murmur that I love her too.
Unable to hold it together, I turn away and walk to the door with Sydney. At the last second, I look back.
“Promise I’ll see you later,” I tell Annalise. I feel Sydney look sideways at me, confused.
Annalise smiles, holding her hand up in a wave.
“Bye, girls,” she says.
“Bye,” Sydney responds, and opens the door. We walk out without the promise of ever seeing Annalise again.
Girls with Razor Hearts Page 23
