by C. J.
As Humberto and Carl gazed upon row upon row of shotguns, Danny moved along the rows like a teacher, and recited the names: “Remington 870 Express Tactical, the 12 gauge holds 6+1, a Mossberg 930 SPX holds 7 +1, and the Kel-Tec KSG 12 gauge that holds 12 rounds and his brothers all have holographic sites. As a side note, this last one is Maggie’s and Melissa’s favorite as it weighs in at 6.9 pounds. There are only six of them, so keep in mind two are for the ladies. To continue, Beretta 1301 Tactical 12 gauge 5 +1 and, last but not least, several AT1 Benelli M4s which can fire off six rounds. We also have a non-lethal section. These include attention-getting bean- bag round shotguns and some of our own devices.”
Carl, who was peering at a row of weaponry, asked, “What the hell are these things? They look like ray guns or potato guns on steroids.”
“Yes, well, no one can say we lack in variety,” replied Kevin as he wandered up to where Carl was fondling what looked like a double barreled potato gun.
Danny was still reciting the inventory to Humberto and Carl. “Next to the shotguns are the flashbangs, which are pretty self-explanatory. You don’t want to be nearby when they go off.”
“I can see now why you don’t have any problems with the roaming bands of undesirable elements. Why do you need a control panel for this room, how complicated are these cabinets? What the hell is that? I know what that is, but I thought we were the only ones that brought one,” said Humberto, pointing at the far corner of the walk-in armory.
“Hey Kevin, Humberto and gang brought along a rocket launcher too.”
“Cool, what type?” asked Kevin as he walked over.
“Hey, I hate to interrupt, but I know you guys have a lot of weapons and all, but what I was trying to show Mr. Fuego is over here by the rocket launcher,” Carl now pointed to several strange looking weapons in the corner.
“Don’t you mean Mr. Fugue,” giggled Maggie as she walked over. “I’m not so sure of those things. Perhaps they will be as effective as they were in the 60’s.”
“Now, now, no negativity, my little negative ion. It’s a good thing I’m positive otherwise we would never have been attracted to each other,” said Danny as he pulled Maggie close.
“God, you are such a nerd, which is why I love you, but I still think those things should stay where they are.”
“I would’ve interjected sooner, but I was getting nauseated from Mr. Romance’s patter,” Kevin said. “Actually, Mr. Smooth and I took the base idea from the 60’s and did some tweaking. Now the yardage of the microjets has improved from 55 yards to 200, and they can shoot eight rounds instead of six. The calibers are still .49 or .51. They work, and the percentage is 100% which is really incredible given our efforts together or singly. But they’ll be used in an only choice, situation I swear,” said Kevin.
“Only choice, isn’t that an oxymoron?” asked Ashley from Humberto’s team, who apparently had doubled majored in being a pain in the ass grammar corrector.
“Don’t worry about it, we have many backup plans, well several, and just avoid the areas we told you to. Avoid getting killed, and everything will be fine,” Kevin explained while waving his hands about as if there were a swarm of bees in front of him.
“Wait a second, back up a minute. If you guys actually succeeded at something, why haven’t we heard about this before now? There should’ve been a huge whoop dee doo and a lot of in-your-face gloating about this” Maggie said.
“Well, Danny and I agreed that because they’re weapons, we didn’t want news of them to get out. We only worked on them as a concept and it seemed like a cool idea. We didn’t think we could make them work. When we did get the Gyro-jet to work, it was amazing, and we got so wrapped up in what we were doing, we forgot what these things were capable of doing. When we came to our senses after having our fun, we just hid them away with all these other things, to be used as a last resort, right, Danny?”
“Yup, couldn’t have said it any better myself,” replied Danny. “Now that our show and tell is done, what exactly have you brought to the party, Humberto?” Danny paused, looked at Humberto for a moment, and with a big grin on his face said, “Tom Hero Fugue, ha! I just got it! But before you show us what you have, you all need to know some other things about this house. Kevin, you are better at explanations than I am, so why don’t you show our guests the surprises in the house.”
But midway through Kevin’s lecture, and alarm started blaring.
“Hurry, Kev. Two SUVs just rolled up, and they do not look like Humberto’s actuarial majors,” Danny yelled.
Kevin finished outlining the plan with a map of the house and property, Melissa who was tracking the SUVs on the video system, made an announcement, “Looks like they are splitting up. Two are coming around to the patio in the back. I lost sight of two others. I’ve counted a total of six individuals so far. Okay does everyone have protection on? Shut up, morons,” she said, hearing giggles coming from Danny and Kevin who were loading up various weapons. “I know we all put on extra coats of the formula, but getting shot is not something any of us wants to experience,” Melissa continued. “Stick to the plan, herd the intruders, and stay out of the line of fire.” Mellissa checked to make sure her Glock 21 was loaded for at least the tenth time and slung a riot shotgun over her shoulder.
Melissa had been put in charge of the operation as she had the law enforcement experience and the rest of the group had zero experience. The majority of Humberto’s team was currently having simultaneous panic attacks and feelings of exhilaration. The initial rush of excitement turned to pants filling fear as an explosion ripped through the house. The kitchen wall that had been facing the patio disappeared, turning the area into a very “open” indoor/outdoor kitchen.
Since Melissa advised Humberto’s team to stay out of the line of fire, they immediately scattered throughout the house in small groups, clustering where they could get unobstructed views of the entrances yet be away from windows and doors. Humberto saw Carl and Anthony possibly having simultaneous seizures. In fact, they were trying attempting to fling their shotguns over their shoulder but failing and flailing because their straps had gotten caught on their holsters. They retreated to the second master bedroom next to the patio/kitchen, but appeared moments later in the hallway with shotguns at the ready as if they had been preparing for this moment their entire life.
Humberto saw Danny and Maggie gesturing at someone in the “Q” room, but couldn’t figure out if they were flashing the peace sign or the number two sign. Humberto wished he had watched more action movies and knew what SWAT signals meant. Whoever was in the “Q” room must’ve known what the gesture meant because, Melissa was now running toward him. “Wow, they sure aren’t fucking around, are they? Good thing that wasn’t a load-bearing wall” breathed Humberto. He was gasping for air, and he felt like he had just run a marathon.
“The question is, where are they? You just don’t blow up a wall and walk away. I just saw two running around the side of the house. So far, nothing. Doesn’t make sense,” said Cathy.
Kevin, who had an eye on the kitchen breakfast area from their “Q” room, noticed movement in the debris. “I’ve got movement!” he shouted louder than he intended, and mouthed “Sorry” to Danny and Maggie who shushed him from the family room area. Ashley and Joshua, who were with Ryan and Bernard in the master bedroom, came out when they heard Kevin yell. They joined up with Maggie and Danny.
“What’s he yelping about” asked Ryan
All eyes are on Kevin who then turned and pointed to several somethings that were overturning debris in the remodeled kitchen.
Danny saw the first object that surfaced and gasped, “It’s so tiny. I didn’t know they came so tiny. Oh my God, there are a lot of them too.”
At first look, the items appeared to be little, half dollar sized flimsy tinker toys. However, as one rolled closer, everyone got a better view of the device. Something that looked like an eyeball rotated in the center of its flat body that as it moved aro
und on chunky tires. Whatever they were made of, it wasn’t tinker toy material.
Kevin apparently knew what they were, because he jumped up and down until he saw Melissa giving him that look.
Danny and Kevin immediately knew what to do and took aim with their shotguns, and they both blew a dozen away with one shot each.
Danny explained after taking out his Glock and blowing one of the rolling, micromachines off a piece of the remaining kitchen wall. “Those are programmable micro-robots with cameras, and most likely sending the feed nearby, probably to those SUVs out there. In any other circumstance, they would be super cool, but right now they are sneaky video bugs,” he said while blasting three more that crept through the hole in the wall.
“If you see any of these things, shoot them. Use your pistol if you see just one or two. If they are in groups, shotgun the bastards,” he said. At that, a blast could be heard from the direction of the hallway leading to the second master bedroom where Carl and Anthony were positioned.
“Ah ha, got you motherfucker!” growled Carl.
“You the man, Carl. I didn’t know you had it in you,” said Anthony as he clapped Carl on the back.
“I can be a mean bitch when I want to,” replied Carl and blasted eight more crawling cameras.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
“RECONNOITER, YOU FUCK heads, reconnoiter and drop a couple of the bugs quietly into the house, then meet back at the SUV in five, ten minutes at the latest. Was that so fucking hard for you two shits? I don’t recall saying blow a fucking hole in the fucking wall and alerting everyone in the house to our arrival and then dumping all of our bugs into the house. What the fuck is the matter with you? Tell me why I shouldn’t shoot both of you right now?” Joe shouted as he alternately pointed his M9 Beretta between Ruckers and Ridgeway’s heads. “Go ahead, tell me. I’ll give your equipment to the fuck nerds in the SUV and have them take care of business. No problem. They can’t be any worse than you two. And I know since they are nerds, they’ve gotta be smarter than you two. It’d be a win, win situation. That’s it!” Rucker and Ridgeway stood unmoving, plastered against the SUV in hopes of somehow melting into the vehicle and disappearing either into it or possibly another dimension.
Rucker and Ridgeway, who were mercenaries like Joe, had never cowered from anything or anyone in their lives. In ten minutes of this simple recon mission, they had panicked and were now in fear of their lives in front of Joe who they sensed might literally rip their heads off with his bare hands. They had seen this same look before in other men, and it never ended well. What they didn’t know was, this was the longest speech Joe had ever given in his entire life.
Joe had no idea why he lost his temper. He never lost his temper. He was the one that always kept it together even when things went sideways. There had been countless times when things had been more fucked up than now, and he hadn’t lost his temper.
“Hey, you do know we can hear everything you’re saying, right?” asked Jeremy over the headsets.
“And your point is?” growled Joe.
“We would rather stay in the SUV. Also, we prefer geeks to”
“Shut it.”
Suzanne had been leaning out the window of the SUV with a rapt expression on her face. “Bravo Joe here, use my Taurus. She only has a hundred or so rounds through her, hardly broken in. She’s a .45 and makes lovelier holes than your .9mm. Boy, if we didn’t have a mission to fulfill I would be all over you like stink on a skunk.” She dangled the gun in her hand toward Joe in what she thought was a seductive manner.
“Booby traps, and they already knew we were here,” said Rucker all in a rush.
“Yes, weird booby traps and at first we didn’t know what it was. I thought I was seeing things and didn’t want to say anything, but Rucker already had the tannerite out and plastered it by the, uhh, booby trap. We then fired at the tannerite from a prudent distance to ignite it, and when the tannerite went off, we just flung the bugs in as we passed by the hole. We didn’t see the necessity of sticking around and got the hell out of there. Isn’t that right, Ridgeway?”
“Okay shitheads, that’s what reconnoiter means, look for surprises, like fucking booby-traps. You then report back to us so we can avoid the booby traps. You don’t go blowing up what sounded like half the house.”
“It was part of the back wall off the patio, the kitchen area, I think,” said Ridgeway.
“Isn’t that fucking fantastic. So much for our stealthy approach, and down the crapper goes the plan to make our targets look foolish and turn them into scapegoats!” Joe fumed.
“Wait, did we get the kitchen wall demolish with those robots on video or on your body cams?” asked Suzanne
“Ummm, both. Yes” came the faint reply from IT Alex.
“We might be able to salvage this after all, and turn the targets into terrorists. If we fiddle with the footage, we can make it look like they blew up the kitchen themselves, and we, of course, came prepared for any kind of scenario and had to defend ourselves. This can still work. We just have to be careful and make us look like a peacekeeping, information-gathering group, and make them look like crazed, off the grid nut jobs. They caused the entire formula-based, horrifying mess, and when confronted with the truth, self-destructed.”
“It sounded like they’ve already started self-destructing. I hear a lot of gunshots going on in there,” said Joe, lowering his gun and turning toward the house. As soon as he lowered his weapon, Rucker and Ridgeway dropped to the ground and rolled under the SUV to the other side.
There was a faint throat clearing. Then IT Alex, who had been chosen as the spokesperson after losing a heated rock, paper, scissors game-off, tentatively said, “Umm, they are shooting at and surprisingly hitting quite a few of the bugs let loose in the house.”
“What kind of firepower do they have, and how many are there?” asked Joe.
“Maybe eight or more people, at least eight, and they seem heavily armed with shotguns and handguns. They are using both on the bugs. Pretty effectively too.”
“Allred and Mims, you two are on the north side in the back, flashbangs at the ready. Don’t go in until I give the go ahead. Rucker and Ridgeway, since you two are allergic to the back, you are going right through the front door on the south. Suzanne can’t go to the front since they know her from Lexi. I’ll be on the northeast corner, and Suzanne will be on southeast corner to start. Rucker, change clothes with Cody in IT and make sure you have your body camera functional and filming when you approach. Ridgeway, you stay in the SUV until Rucker gives the signal, then you follow him in. Leave the chemist in the vehicle for now. We have enough fuck ups without adding another one to the mix. No matter who comes to the door, they are going to be heavily armed, which will look bad on their part. Wait, what was that part about the booby trap on the south side of the house? Did you guys disarm it at least before running away like little girls?”
“Well, we never saw, at least I never saw anything like it before, Boss, well not in real life. It flickered for an instant. It just appeared when we got within 25 feet of the patio. We decided to tannerite it. We just put some on the patio and on the wall, moved a prudent distance away and fired at it and, you know, tannerite...boom. We misjudged the amount, and the wall sorta went away...” Rucker trailed off at the end of this explanation. But in a happier tone said, “We got the booby trap, though. Blown to bits.”
“Good enough for us. Let’s go, Mims. This will be a piece of cake,” Allred said over his shoulder as he headed toward the house.
“Shouldn’t we hear what the booby trap was?” asked Mims
“No need. All blown up, like the man said. These are civilians and are most likely cowering in the house like little lambs. Easy peasy. Like I told you when we signed up for this job, this will be the easiest paycheck you will ever earn. Trust me.”
For Christ’s sake, just what did you morons see?” Suzanne hissed to Rucker and Ridgeway.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
> THE ALIEN FROM THE Alien movies is on our back patio?” Maggie asked incredulously as she looked into the back yard, as if she would see it relaxing on their chaise lounge, sipping lemonade.
“It’s actually called a Xenomorph. Kevin and I couldn’t decide between that and the Brundlefly from The Fly. It works like a motion detector light, but with a Xenomorph hologram,” explained Danny.”
“How come neither Melissa nor I have seen it? I’m sure she would’ve mentioned it.”
“Anytime you guys are out and about, we turn it off. We didn’t think you would find it as interesting as we do.”
“Actually, it’s brilliant. It probably keeps the coyotes away. However, I don’t think it will keep these guys away for too long, at least not the ones with IQs in the triple digits.”
Humberto had found Melissa in the living room looking at her smartphone, which was linked up to the house’s video system. “Okay, I see movement coming toward us. Kevin, good thing you got around their blocking system. We still have eyes out there. I see one walking directly to the front door. The rest are dressed in tactical gear. This guy coming to the front door is in khakis and a polo shirt. Two on the patio two and... oh fuck, that looks like Suzanne. I thought she was safely locked up. If that’s her, she’s on the southeast side and another is on the northeast. There may be more in that SUV that khaki and polo guy got out of, and there’s still another SUV a couple hundred yards to the west of us. We need someone who can think on their feet and won’t lose their cool. We need a super cool person who can talk in circles and herd polo guy or more of them to one of our modified rooms.”
Ashley, Joshua, Ryan, and Bernard all said, “Cathy and Carl” at the same time. Carl nominated Cathy, and Cathy nominated Carl. Humberto thought he was the super cool one of the group and had started stepping toward the front door when Melissa grabbed him.
