by William Bebb
CHAPTER 16
Cops & Doughnuts
In a circular stone fountain with a large statue of a Saguaro cactus in the center that squirted water out of its top, happily splashed a dirty unshaven man that smelled of sweat, extremely unpleasant body odor, whiskey, cigarettes, and farts. He was an older looking skinny man wearing a tattered and sun-bleached pair of blue cut off shorts soaked while walking around inside the fountain with his feet soaking in the cool water.
A lady dressed in fairly expensive looking clothes and pushing a baby stroller purposely avoided looking at the man as she veered away from the fountain and hurried by.
“You got some spare change? Just need some money to get some soup or maybe a taco,” he asked, as she walked quickly away. “You stuck up, bitch. Don't you act like I'm not standing right here. Fine! Take your little bastard son and go whore yourself out again!” He yelled after her.
Reaching into the bottom of the fountain, the man felt around and retrieved four pennies, a dime, and a nickel. He shoved the coins in his pocket and reached down again.
“Hey you, get out of the fountain,” Deputy Bo Autry said, as he quickly walked down the steps in front of the sheriff's department. He put on his toughest meanest look and continued marching down the sidewalk while holding his night stick at his side. “You heard me. Get out of there and I mean now.”
“It's a public fountain. And I can soak my feet if I wanna,” the dirty man said, turning to face the deputy and thrust out his sunken chest so the T-shirt he wore couldn't be missed. It was a faded yellow color with large black lettering printed on the front that spelled out World's Best Fuck.
“I'm not saying it again. This is your last warning. Get out of there, right now,” Bo said, stopping a few feet away while still holding the night stick at his side.
The man swore under his breath, climbed out of the fountain, and slipped into a pair of old filthy purple sandals. “Thought you guys were here to protect and serve. Why don't you serve me up a nice ice cold glass of beer, and maybe a dish of beef burritos?”
“If I see you in there again you will officially be arrested for polluting a public fountain and unofficially for being a sorry excuse of a human being. What’s your name, Bubba?”
“Name is Marcus, and you won't see me again. I'm heading south to a place where it’s more friendly... maybe even Cuba,” the man said sullenly while picking up a ratty looking neon blue backpack.
Bo kept watching as the man settled his backpack, gave him another dirty look, turned, and walked away. “Just keep walking and I mean it. If I see you in there again you'll be extremely sorry.”
“Blah blah blah!” the man shouted over his shoulder as he wandered leisurely away.
“Good job, Bo. I might ask the mayor to give you a medal. Heck, maybe even a parade for heroism if I can swing it,” a chuckling voice said from behind.
Bo turned and looked at Captain Lopez who was walking toward the fountain smoking a cigarette. He dug the toe of his shoe into the pavement acting melodramatically bashful. “Aw shucks, twern't nuthin. Why just this morning, I ran off a troop of Wilderness Scouts selling cookies without a permit. What do I get for that?”
“Maybe a box of thin mint cookies. Listen, if you're done running my ex-wife’s boyfriend off, I need you to take a run out to that trailer park and take Dunn with you. I've been waiting for Wyatt to report in but still haven't heard anything.
He's overdue. So, get on out there and give me a call back when you catch up with them,” Lopez said, looking at the water splashing in the fountain.
“Trouble?” Bo asked, seriously.
Lopez laughed, “I really doubt it. I've known Brett for almost twenty five years and never seen him not be able to take care of business. But his wife's been calling and annoying the piss out of me all morning. I told her I'd send one of my best men out to check up on him. And lucky you, you get to ride along with him. Maybe you can learn a thing or two.”
“So, Dunn is one of your best men?” Bo asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. “Did you hear that one of your 'best men' fucked up a toilet on purpose this morning? It's a good thing we don't arm the janitors or Earl would have shot him.”
Lopez shook his head and looked disgusted. “Just for the record, no one knows who did it. But off the record, of course I know it was Dunn. I talked with Earl and agreed to have a security camera set up covering the hallway outside the bathrooms. If Dunn leaves it again and it floods we'll fire his lazy pathetic ass. I'll show his uncle the video if he bitches about it.”
“Hidden camera?” Bo asked, smiling.
“Not that Willie ever notices much in the first place, but yes it will be well hidden. Now go play nice with him and get it done. Also have Wyatt give his wife a call. She keeps bugging me. She told me she's been having a bad feeling all morning.”
A squad car pulled up to the curb and Bo said in a grave, but slightly goofy voice, “No problemo, mi capitan,” and quickly hopped into the car's passenger seat. “Onward, Jeeves,” Bo said, after settling in and strapping down his seat belt.
“Don't call me Jeeves,” Willie answered after he finished eating a chocolate doughnut and wiped his sticky hand on his pants.
“Okay, how about if I call you the plumber? I hear you're good with toilets.”
“Shut up,” Willie said, as they drove away.
The microphone handset on his shoulder crackled, “Captain Lopez, you have a call from Dillon at ICE.”
Lopez keyed his mike, “Tell him to hang on, I'll be there in a second,” he answered before flicking the cigarette butt into the fountain and walked back to the sheriff's department.
