She stood up, and he almost fell backward over his heels, then scrambled upright.
“The fact that you’re trying to control me like this…wow.” Emily shook her head. “If you think you’re going to dictate my entire life simply because I’m pregnant with your child, then you haven’t been paying attention. Or you just don’t care. Either way, I’m not going to sit here and listen to you give me orders for the rest of my life. We’re done, Zaman.”
She stormed out of the room, heading for her suite.
Zaman followed her.
“Good night,” she said, her voice clipped and furious, and then she shut her door in his face. He heard the lock click a second later.
A strange sound came from behind the door—Emily was crying. He knocked. “Emily, come talk to me,” he said. “Please.”
He knocked three times, trying to coax her out, but she ignored him. Finally, there was only silence. He looked like an idiot, standing out there. So with the weight of the world pressing down into his spine, he went back to his own rooms.
Zaman sat down at the table, still filled with the food they hadn’t eaten. He had badly misread her feelings. He’d tried to show her how much he cared about her by making a plan that would give her everything she wanted, and she had taken that as being overbearing.
Every beat of his heart was a painful, disappointed thing, and he couldn’t think of a way to fix it. He took a bite of the food. It tasted like ash on his tongue.
Just like the ruins of what he’d had with Emily.
16
She couldn’t sleep, even though exhaustion burned a path around her eyes and bored a headache into her brain. Even the beautiful, soft bed in her rooms couldn’t lull her to sleep. Even counting to five hundred couldn’t turn off her brain. She bolted upright in bed and turned the light on with a harsh flick of her hand, then ran both of them over her hair.
What a disaster.
What a complete disaster.
And she hadn’t eaten.
After two hours, Emily called down to the kitchen and had them bring her a sandwich. She hated herself for how much she’d wanted to eat that lamb—again—and hated herself even more for being so disappointed about it. It was all wrapped up in the ache of being totally misunderstood by Zaman.
They’d spent so much time together. She thought he’d seen her for who she was—a woman who would make decisions for herself. She’d been more than capable of leadership in his stables. Why did he think that had changed because she got pregnant?
It hadn’t. It hadn’t.
The sandwich wasn’t nearly as good as the lamb would have been, but she forced it down. Ugh. This entire situation was terrible. She’d probably wasted so much food by storming out of dinner, and things with Zaman were broken. Busted, like one of her dad’s old trailers. It wrenched at her heart. What a terrible time to decide she loved him.
Because she did. She did love him, crazily and irresponsibly and in spite of everything. The scent of his skin drove her wild. The heat in his eyes felt like its own force of gravity, pulling her in and in until she was lost to it. Whenever he stepped into the stables, her pulse raced.
But she couldn’t give up her freedom for love. Real love wouldn’t ask her to.
It was awful. If she let him keep her in a cage while she was pregnant and a new mother, what chance did she have of breaking loose ever again? Slim to none. He wanted her to spend most of her time being a mother. That was—well, she hadn’t really thought about that. It was possible she’d want to spend as much time as possible with the baby. But that was a decision she wanted to make for herself. Obviously. She had made that clear. And the thought of being trapped in the palace for the rest of her life made her skin crawl.
She took a deep breath and stifled the urge to run outside, saddle up Majalun, and ride for the desert. Emily had grown up on a farm, sure, but that didn’t mean she was meant for outdoor survival over long periods of time, and especially not when she was pregnant. The meds from Dr. Salib were all that made her feel good at the moment.
She rubbed the grit from her eyes. It was late—or early, depending on how she looked at it—which meant it was evening back in the States. Charlotte should be done working with the horses. Emily started the video call before she had the chance to talk herself out of it.
Her sister greeted her with a big smile. Emily could see the blue flowered wallpaper of their living room behind her. “Hey, Em.” The smile disappeared. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
Emily lifted her chin. “Yeah.” There was no point in denying it. “And I just ate a turkey sandwich that I didn’t even want, so that’s how things are going right now.”
Charlotte burst out laughing. “It must really be bad if you’re eating food you don’t want.”
“It is.” Her voice wavered. “It’s pretty serious, actually.”
Charlotte sobered. “Did something happen?”
“A lot of things happened, but the main one…” She sucked in a breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Charlotte’s jaw dropped. “You’re pregnant? With whose baby?”
She shot her sister a look. “Zaman’s.”
A huge grin broke over Charlotte’s face. “I—Em. Oh, wow, Em. Congratulations.”
“Congratulations?”
Charlotte raised a clenched fist in front of her mouth, which didn’t hide her grin. “I’m so excited to be an aunt. You have no idea. I’m so happy for you, I can’t even—” A male voice came over the line, and Charlotte turned her face away from the phone. “Just a minute.”
A fresh curiosity replaced some of the painful heat in Emily’s mind. “Who’s that?”
Her sister gave her a sheepish look. “It’s Todd.”
“Todd the new veterinarian from town? That Todd?” Emily was astonished. Todd was laid-back and nice. Charlotte could be very standoffish with strangers. But Emily guessed he wasn’t a stranger anymore, based on her sister’s blush. “Are you together?”
“That’s not important,” Charlotte said primly. “What is important is that he’s been a huge help around the farm. Thanks to his contacts, we have several new contracts for horses and stud service.” Her smile was so bright it could have blinded Emily. “We’re back in business, Em. You don’t have to worry anymore.”
She had no words. They’d made an agreement with Zaman to save the farm. She’d left home to save the farm. Emily had carried that weight for so long that Charlotte’s announcement made her feel totally off-balance. “Back in business,” she echoed. “Everything’s all right, then?”
“By next summer, our good name will be fully restored, even if you stay in Qadir. Are you—do you think that’s what you’ll do?” Charlotte’s eyes were glued to her own phone, watching Emily. “Are you going to keep the trainer job at the palace?”
“I—no, probably not.” Anger washed up against her like a wave on sand. “Zaman proposed to me,” she bit out.
Charlotte shook her head. “Is that a bad thing? You seem really pissed about it.”
“Yes, it’s a bad thing.” Why was everyone so obtuse about this? “He doesn’t want me to work while I’m pregnant. The doctor said it was fine so long as I feel good.”
“What are you going to do, then? Have the baby here?”
“That’s exactly what I want to do.”
There was a silence, and Emily’s heart twisted and bucked against the relief and pain filling her body.
“I think I’m going to come home right away, actually.” Saying the words out loud gave her a crumbling feeling, but it was the right thing to do—it was the only thing she could do.
“What about Riah? She hasn’t foaled, has she? No. It’s too early.”
Emily took a big breath, filling her lungs with air that seemed to have cutting edges. “It’s a hard decision,” she managed. “And I’m still on the fence about it. But I’m prepared to leave without the foal if it’s necessary.” Tears welled into her eyes and she swiped them away. �
��I’ve always felt like Riah is a link to Mom. You know? But I have my own baby to think about now.”
“Doesn’t that mean you should stay in Qadir, where the baby’s dad is? You’ll have everything you need over there, I’m sure,” Charlotte said softly.
“Yeah, I’d have everything I need,” Emily said miserably. “But what would that be teaching my child? That a woman who’s pregnant has to give up her life’s work? That I’m not capable of choosing things for myself? How can I set that kind of example?”
“It wouldn’t be that kind of example if you chose it,” Charlotte mused, but she stopped short when she saw the look on Emily’s face. “I’m not saying you need to choose it. I’m saying, you can consider all your options. I’m not here to judge you.”
“It would hurt to leave Riah behind.” Emily put a hand to her chest. “It hurts now, just thinking about it. But I think it’s what I have to do.”
A montage of memories sprang into her vision. Riah as a foal on her first day in the pasture, all long-legged surprise and speed. Riah, trotting toward her, her mane flying in the wind. Riah, learning to carry her. In those moments in the saddle, Emily had felt transported back to a time when her mother was still alive, riding next to her, her laughter light and lovely on the wind. Her father had been alive then, too, his mind still whole. Life had been less of a struggle.
But she couldn’t cling to that in exchange for her freedom. What if Zaman never wanted her on a horse again? What if Zaman didn’t want their child to learn to ride? He loved it himself, but she could see him trying to eliminate all the risk from the baby’s life.
It wasn’t what she wanted for this baby.
“You okay? I think you’re lost in thought. Or else our connection is frozen. Are you still there?”
“Yes,” Emily said, so suddenly that Charlotte startled. “I’m still here. I was just…” She let out a big sigh, feeling like a deflated balloon. “I was trying to make a final decision.”
“Do me a favor,” Charlotte said. “Sleep on it.”
“What?”
“It’s late there.” Charlotte twisted around to check the time on the clock that hung in their living room. “You’re obviously tired. Don’t decide anything tonight. Get some rest and see how things look in the morning.”
“I’ve already made up my mind,” Emily insisted. “For the most part. And I won’t be able to sleep if I don’t start making plans. You know that.”
“Sleep on it,” insisted Charlotte. “It’s what Mom would want you to do.”
Emily shook her head. “That’s not fair, and you know it.”
“It might not be fair, but it’s true. And Em?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever you decide, I’m here to support you. No matter what.”
Emily’s throat tightened. “I know that. Same here.”
“Go to bed.” Charlotte blew a kiss into the phone. “It’ll be all right. You’ll see.”
17
When the sun started peeking through the windows, Zaman gave up on sleeping and got dressed. What an awful night. He lingered in the shower, taking his time to try and wash the tension in his back away. It didn’t work. The only thing that would help him feel any better was to talk to Emily, so that’s what he’d do.
The palace was still mostly asleep when he made his way to her quarters. If she didn’t answer his knock, he didn’t know what he’d do. It would likely be best to wait a few hours and try again in case she was sleeping, but he couldn’t imagine that she was. Then again, she’d been so tired lately…
That brought the pregnancy back to the front of his mind, and there he was, worry squeezing at his gut. They had to figure this out—sooner rather than later. He picked up the pace.
But when he got to Emily’s door, it was open a few inches.
Zaman pushed it open and stepped inside.
All her things were gone.
Emily hadn’t brought much with her to Qadir, but she had put a homemade quilt over the back of one chair and a picture of her family on a table by the side of the sofa. Both of those were gone.
A soft rustling sound from the bedroom gave him a flash of hope, but it was only a maid, changing the sheets. “Where did Emily go?” His heart beat out of time.
“I don’t know,” said the maid, looking flustered. “I didn’t know you’d be stopping by, Sheikh Zaman, or I would have found out.”
He gave her a nod and hurried out of the room. Had she gone in the middle of the night? Had she taken the horses with her? Zaman’s first instinct was to run to his head of security and report her missing, but that was too much, wasn’t it?
Zaman left the palace at a run, breath fast and sharp. Dew still clung to the grass on the way to the stables. The well-tended path was almost slick under his feet.
He rounded the corner of the stable at top speed and spotted her.
His breath was swept right out of his lungs again by the sight of her, the way it was every time he saw her. Her sandy hair was in a braid at the back of her neck, and she stood in a pair of jeans that hugged the curves of her hips and a button-down shirt that made him think of how soft her skin was underneath.
Then he registered what she was doing.
She had Majalun’s stall open and was saddling him to ride.
“Emily,” he said.
She turned and put on a smile that dropped into his stomach like a stone. “Good morning, Zaman.”
He went to stand at the stall door in his dew-damp shoes, his skin overheating. “What’s going on? Where did all of your things go?”
She fastened the last of the buckles on Majalun’s saddle. “I moved into stable staff housing.”
What? The stable staff was housed in a detached building on the other side of the stables. It wasn’t nearly nice enough for the mother of his child, but Zaman pinched his lips shut.
“From now on,” Emily continued, “until the foal is born and ready to travel, it’s all business between us. I’ll fulfill my contract as trainer, and then I’m heading back to the States.”
He wanted to argue with her. It was safer here in the palace than it was in Kentucky. He had access to the best doctors Qadir could offer. They’d have Dr. Salib on call at all hours of the day and night. He would have a team of people wait on her hand and foot. But what he said instead was, “All right.”
Emily’s eyes flew open wide. “All right?”
He nodded, the movement painful. “This is not how I imagined this would go, but…all right.”
Maybe if he kept his mouth shut, she’d change her mind. He’d done plenty of talking over the last few days. It hadn’t gotten him anywhere. But he couldn’t imagine putting Emily on a plane and sending her away. If keeping all of this bottled up was what he had to do to give himself a chance at convincing her to stay, then he would do it.
He cleared his throat. “Are you taking Majalun out for a session?”
“Yes,” Emily said cautiously. “That was my plan.”
“I’d like to be involved, if you don’t mind. We’re getting closer to the race, and I should be here for his training.”
Emily flicked her eyes down the length of him. “You’re not wearing your riding clothes.”
“I have a set stored here. Give me a minute to change.”
A wild hope came over him that she’d arch an eyebrow and tell him a dirty joke, and this freeze between them would crack open wide. But she only led Majalun out of his stall. “We’ll be in the training ring when you’re ready.”
“Excellent.”
And that was how training sessions went for the next two weeks. Emily was polite but brisk. She’d smile at him, but he liked it even less than when she scowled—it was the kind of smile you’d give a stranger, not a person you’d spent many nights in bed with. The pain in Zaman’s chest expanded an ache that stayed with him all the time. At first, he thought of it as the pain of caring for another person, but as time went on it grew deeper. He cared about her, and he misse
d her. He missed the give and take that they used to have. He missed when she’d push back against the things he said. Now, if he made a suggestion involving Majalun, Emily integrated it into her training immediately, or else she gave him the mildest I’m not sure that’s for the best.
It turned out that a life that went exactly to the plan he’d agreed to was boring. It would have numbed him if he didn’t miss her so much.
Riah must have felt the change in the air, because her pregnancy went long. Emily started hovering by her stall more and more, waiting for signs. It killed him a little more each time he saw her there, her expression so hopeful. Clearly, she wanted to go back to Kentucky. Emily was looking forward to the foaling, and Zaman dreaded it.
It kept him awake.
So when Korah knocked on his door in the middle of one night, he was at the door in a matter of seconds. “Is it Riah?”
“Yes, Sheikh Zaman.”
A look on the teenager’s face made him call Korah back. “Is everything all right?”
“It’s a hard labor,” admitted Korah. “Very hard.” Then he sprinted away down the hall.
Zaman changed into his worst barn clothes, heart beating fast. He had no doubt Daud had already called the vet, but he’d get his hands dirty if he needed to. Zaman had assisted in the stables more than once.
But when he got there, all the space around Riah was taken up. Daud was there, and the vet…and Emily.
Emily was in charge.
She bent over Riah, whispering in her ear, and conferenced with the vet. She put on a long pair of gloves and reached in, adjusting the foal in the way they discussed. Her face didn’t show so much as a flicker of fear.
She was in her element.
Awe filled him like a waterfall pouring into a bucket. What had he been thinking? Emily was the perfect counterbalance for him. She could go between the palace and the stables without a second thought. She was steady on her feet and courageous. Even with her favorite horse struggling through labor, she radiated calm. Her shoulders were relaxed, her expression focused. She was as much an expert as the vet was.
The Sheikh’s Stubborn Employee: Qadir Sheikhs Book Three Page 9
