“Un-fucken-believable,” he gasped when I glanced his way. My body tensed. It sounded like something Marcus would say when he was pissed off, right before he would hit me. I reached for my backpack, flight imminent. I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a snow storm. Then I forced myself to be still and watch his eyes. No anger, just something akin to wonder. “Angel, that there,” he pointed at the scattered drawings before me. “Is fucking incredible.” The tension began to recede, and I gave myself a quiet reprimand for the haste with which my body turned to fight and flight mode. As I stared at those incredible grey eyes, I realized I could easily fall for a man like Jax Carter. Eyes like his were few and far between. Such graciousness and honesty were hard to come by these days. Everyone wanted something from you and they were always willing to take it no matter the repercussions. People were obsessed over their own lives, trapped in their own bubbles with their shiny material things. It was clear to see Jaxon was one of a kind, a rose amongst thorns, and he wasn’t hard on the eyes either. Just the thought of him caused butterflies in my stomach, a feeling that had been dormant for a long time, and it scared me to feel such fanciful emotions. Being homeless didn’t make me girlfriend material and holding on to the idea of being someone’s everything would get me nowhere. I didn't do relationships, I didn't even do friendships. There was no room in my life for commitments; in fact I had never once in my life developed what one might call a close relationship, other than with my dad of course. I had some friends, before Marcus. They disappeared about the time my bad behavior reared its ugly head and then my acceptable friends were replaced with completely unacceptable ones, like my drug dealer and his stoner friends. There were boys who easily took what I offered, sex, no strings attached, simple yet unsatisfying sex. Moments where I could embrace the fact that someone wanted me, if only for a short time and it didn't involve violence or pain. Rita was the closest thing to a friend now and she was a five-minute phone call of reassurance every few months. She deserved so much more than that, after everything she had done, but it was all I could offer. Jax Carter couldn't and wouldn't be more than a man who gave me shelter and the sooner I got out of here and away from my attraction to him, the better.
Chapter 4
Jax
I couldn't take my eyes off her. There was something about this girl that just drew me in. She was beautiful, in an ethereal way. Her face was one that should have been on billboards and yet had quite possibly graced milk cartons and missing person notices. Even though her beauty was undeniable, it was more than that that attracted me. It was her spirit, that spark in her eye that dared anyone to get in her way. It reminded me of Sarah. Physically she didn't look anything like Sarah, but the fight and determination I had glimpsed burning from inside her was one and the same. Only Sarah had reached the point of no return; she had reached the bottom, and I had failed to see it. Perhaps my attraction to Ella was an unconscious attempt to make up for my mistake with Sarah, but as a man I certainly did not miss the way my body responded to her, the want and need were undeniable. If she were another girl in another place, I wouldn't hesitate in making a move on her, but here in the shelter was a completely different story. My position was clear, keep the women safe, keep them warm and fed, talk and listen and that’s what I would do for Ella, talk and listen, earn her trust.
I stared at the array of magnificent drawings before me. She had drawn Eli and Annie and a woman who I did not recognize and lastly me. Perfect, each and every one of them, such incredible detail. While she had been busy drawing I was able to admire her closely without scaring her off. She was so consumed with the sketching she didn't seem to notice anything around her. She barely acknowledged Eli heading off to bed. Her fingers were small and slender, everything about her was petite and fragile, but her eyes were fierce. At one point, her sleeve had slipped up, and I got a quick glimpse of a deep scar on her wrist. It made my stomach twist with horror at the site. Suddenly all I saw was Sarah slumped on the stark white tiles, blood oozing from deep, ugly slits in her wrists. I shook off the image that would send me into a shivering mess and focused on the little Angel before me. Ella's scars didn't look fresh, but they bothered me. She had at some time in her precious life sunk so deep she wanted to end it. To think a beauty like Ella had almost been lost bothered me far too much. In the short few hours I had known this angel, I had become a little obsessed. I couldn't get involved with one of Mercy's girls. Not only was it forbidden, but the women who came through the doors had too much baggage for romantic entanglements and to be honest, I carried too much baggage for them. Most of the girls were passing through, rarely staying in town long enough for a date let-a-lone a relationship. And I didn't do one night stands, not anymore. I couldn't really call Selena a girlfriend, what we had going was mutually beneficial, more like I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine. Then once the itch was scratched, we both went our separate ways. Not exactly a relationship but I wasn't screwing anyone else. The thing about war and death, it really fucks with your mind. For a short time, I thought losing myself in the body of a warm willing woman would fix all my problems. All it did was give me a few minutes, maybe a couple of hours if I was really lucky, of blissful oblivion. No thoughts of blood, guns, explosions or fucking hot deserts. But when it was over I was right back at the start, and the ridiculous game would begin again. When Sarah died, I realized how disrespectful my life had become. Perhaps if I hadn't been so preoccupied with getting laid I might have noticed Sarah slipping, I might have been able to save her. I had stopped with all the women right then, Selena being the only one I allowed to return to my bed.
“I’ve set up a cot and mattress for you at the far end of the hall, closest the hall and kitchen. It should be a little quieter than the other end by the bathrooms.”
She nodded, pushing the drawings to one side and grabbed her backpack from the ground by her feet. When she turned to walk away, she paused and turned back to face me.
“Thank you.” The words weren’t forced, they were genuine and heartfelt. She was thanking me for giving her a bed for the night and it pissed me off. Nobody should have to thank someone for providing them with the most simple of living requirements.
“You’re welcome,” I murmured as she scurried away.
Rubbing my tired eyes, I gave Ella one last glance. So beautiful, but I would not betray her trust, or that of any woman in Mercy's shelter. On impulse I gathered the pictures Ella had drawn and took them with me while I went to fix myself a coffee. I don't know why I took them, some primitive part of me seemed to think they were mine. As I walked by Ella’s bed, she was already curled beneath her sheets. Drawing a deep breath I caught her scent, a subtle blend of coconut and soap. Damn she smelled good, too good. I glanced at my watch. Three hours before I could wake Beth up for her shift. It was going to be a long night.
***
Even though my eyes were closed, I knew the sun was bathed across my face and I squeezed my eyes closed tighter in a futile attempt to block it out. With a blink I quickly realized the blinds were drawn open, and the sun was shining through in all its unholy glory. Mercy was hovering over her desk rummaging through paperwork.
"Shut the fucking blinds," I grumbled, rubbing my eyes. My stomach growled, acknowledging my brain was now awake and demanding food. First stop this morning would be The Pit Stop for a world famous all-day breakfast.
"No, it's after ten, time to get up." Mercy's gaze never left her desk. "You know, if this place burns down the insurance won't cover us if we're over our quota and if my memory serves me correct, last night was full house. So how did we end up with a plus one?" I rolled over to look at my mother. She still had her head buried in that damn paperwork.
"Eli and Sam put us over capacity weeks ago. And since when do you care about that shit anyway?" Finally she looked up and smiled. My mom was beautiful. She had blonde hair, her eyes tinged with a grey similar to mine but with a dash of blue thrown in too. She was tiny, like a doll, a defiant and
determined doll. Nobody crossed Mercy. The fact that her heart was bigger than Texas made her as damn near perfection as anyone could get. I threw my legs over the side of the couch. I was way too big for it, and the bed that I had dragged down from the staff quarters for Ella wasn't much better, but I rarely worked the night shifts anymore so when it came to uncomfortable sleeping arrangements, I dealt. My bed at home was a King, enormous and comfortable. I sighed just thinking about it and found myself wondering if Ella ever had a nice big comfy bed like that.
“You’ve been holding out on me Jax.” Curiosity got the better of me and I glanced over at my mother. She was holding the pictures that Ella had drawn last night. "If I had known of this talent I would have put you to work years ago. These would be hanging in galleries all over the world, and we would be rich." I couldn't help but laugh. More likely they would be stuck to the front of her fridge, along with all the other pictures the kids who crossed our threshold gave her.
“Our plus one did them, pretty impressive huh?” The need to check on Ella was all consuming as I pulled on my boots.
"Impressive is one word. She's talented, incredible. She shouldn't be in here drawing with children's crayons, that's for sure." I ran my hands through my messy hair and tried to subtly check my morning breath.
“Yeah, you stink. I can smell you from over here.”
“I should, I lost my toothbrush again.” I grabbed a warm can of coke off the desk and had a swig.
“How the hell did you lose your toothbrush, again? And that’s disgusting Jax. Go home and cook yourself a decent breakfast.” I belched loudly. Yep, I was quite the catch.
“Now that’s impressive.” Mercy grunted. I made for the door.
“Body percussion, it’s an art form. I’m thinking of taking it up as a profession and my toothbrush, beats me. One minute it’s in my locker, then it’s gone, vanished, disappeared into thin air.” Mercy scrunched up a letter and threw it in the bin.
"I know you were in my files again. Keep out or I will toss you out of here." I couldn't help but laugh. My mother, all bark but no bite. "And no point in rushing out, she's gone already." Was I that transparent? Was she really gone already?
“When?” I didn't even bother refuting the fact I was in a hurry to check on Ella. Mercy looked up and smiled, that all-knowing smile that infuriated me. I couldn't keep a damn thing from the woman.
"She was at the door ready to leave when I got here. Something about looking for a job and trying to find room share accommodation." I know the disappointment was written all over my face, and right then I didn't care who saw it. "She's beautiful," Mercy noted. My mother was far too perceptive for her own good. "She needs a bed and food Jax, not a date." Did she think I would go there? It pissed me off a little.
"I'm not a greenhorn Mercy. I know how to do my job, and I've never gone there before, I wouldn't." Mercy smiled.
"I know honey. She’s very pretty though and you would have to be blind not to see the eager look in your eyes just now." I shook my head, still incensed that she would suggest I would try something inappropriate with Ella. I left her office. I needed a greasy breakfast, a toothbrush, and a shave.
The previous night's storm had left a thick cover of snow. Thankfully Dave had already shoveled the footpath and the entrance into the parking bay out back. I headed straight for The Pit Stop for a breakfast that would contain enough oil to grease your motor, or in my case, my stomach wall. Benny was behind the counter arguing with someone about the price of milk. Benny always found someone willing to gripe about inflation to. I took a seat at the counter as a steaming mug of coffee was pushed my way. Man, I loved The Pit Stop. I didn't even have to open my mouth unless it was to eat or drink.
“Damn Jax, I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” came a familiar sultry voice behind me. For some reason today that voice rubbed me up the wrong way.
“Mornin’ Selena.” I took a long sip of my coffee, hoping to infuse some life into my bone tired body. She slipped onto the seat beside me and I chanced a quick look. As usual, she was stunning. Blonde hair in a perfect ponytail, makeup flawless, wearing a knockout dress that enhanced her assets flawlessly, but today, it didn't make my blood boil with lust.
"I caught Beth downtown, and she told me you were at home and when I couldn't find you there I went by the warehouse and Mercy said you'd just left. I saw your car out front. Pure luck I found you." She was smiling those deep red lips at me, looking through those thick lashes and seductive eyes and I realized pretty fast that right then, in this moment, I didn't want her. I hated how she referred to the shelter as a warehouse. Sure it was, in fact, a warehouse, a nicely converted warehouse that I had worked on for months. But she had no respect for what it represented or the women who took refuge there.
"I'm on my way home just stopped for some fuel." A plate of greasy bacon, sausages, eggs and hash brown's slid my way. "Supremely perfect as usual Benny," I ginned. He nodded my way as he continued his pointless argument with some old guy at the end of the counter. Stabbing some bacon, sausage, and egg on the end of my fork, I lined it up for my mouth. When a soft hand stopped my progress, I was more than a little irritated.
“Jax, that is so bad for you. It will clog your arteries and give you a heart attack.” That got Benny’s attention. How many times had Benny had the grease and heart attack argument?
"Or I could just get hit by a bus as I leave. At least if that happens, I will die a happy man with a full stomach." Nudging her hand aside I shoveled the food and grease in my mouth. Benny was back to arguing inflation and Selena pouted. It was supposed to be cute, but it just pissed me off. She had nothing to pout about. She had it good, family, money, education and a nice little job as a legal secretary. Sure, her mother and father were a little hard on her sometimes, pushed her, but she needed that push to attempt to do something with her life. She could do or be anything, and I was pretty confident that without the nudge from her family she would be a professional shop-a-holic. A fucking spoiled brat. I was in a mood today and if Selena wasn’t careful, she would be on the receiving end of some snarky man-grump.
“I thought we should catch up tonight. I could bring around some Indian, wine, maybe a movie?” This was code for I’ll bring dinner and alcohol if you fuck me senseless. And usually I would be right on board. Not today though and I hated Indian. I hated wine even more.
“I’m working tonight.” I managed between mouthfuls.
“You don’t do night shifts anymore,” she grumbled.
"Volunteers are sick, and Blue took a couple of days off." I kept shoveling food in my mouth in an attempt to not have to talk to her.
"Maybe I could stop by the warehouse?" Selena suggested. I clenched the fork with a little more gusto than needed. If she referred to Mercy's shelter as ‘the warehouse' one more time I would throw my greasy breakfast in her damned lap. Well, no I wouldn't, it tasted too good to waste like that. But I would definitely shout, then she would cry, and I would feel like shit for yelling and making her cry.
“Sorry Selena, not tonight.” This was code for fuck off and Selena didn’t get it.
“Jax, I haven’t seen you in over two weeks,” she leaned in, her whispering voice a seductive breath on my ear. Okay, maybe that stirred something, but a moment later a girl walked up to the counter with long, straight brown hair and my thoughts suddenly detoured to another girl with long dark hair and beautiful brown eyes.
"I saw you out the front of your office last week, and I can't tonight, I'm busy," I said with a little more force. Shit, now she was pouting again. I finished my breakfast; actually, I pretty much inhaled it without a thought other than this was the best greasy breakfast on the face of the earth. Throwing some money on the counter I made sure to leave a substantial tip and was surprised that I had all but forgotten Selena, who still sat by my side. She looked a little taken back, and I felt guilty.
"Sorry babe, maybe later in the week? Give me a call." This was code too. I didn't want to ca
tch up, but if she pushed, I might eventually give in. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek and left The Pit Stop. I had to drop into the office and make sure everything there was being handled and then I would go home for a couple of hours shut-eye before heading back to Mercy's. And I had to admit, my heart did some crazy lurching shit at the thought of seeing Ella again.
Chapter 5
Ella
Fight or flight was my familiar response to stress, and the stress over my unusual and growing obsession with Jaxon Carter kicked in the flight reaction. I had to get out of Mercy's. The moment I woke my eyes had darted around the room hoping to see Jax and when I hadn't been able to find him I was disappointed. Angry at myself for wanting to see him, for caring, I pulled my knitted cap low over my ears and kicked every stray stone that stood in my path as I walked along the frozen walkways. He was likely on his way home to see his wife while I was fawning over him like some naïve teenager. That was unacceptable. I needed to get my Claymont life together, and first step was losing the unnatural craving for some guy, second step was getting a job. I’d spoken to Rita a few months ago, and when she realized the direction I seemed to be headed in, she had mentioned an old friend who owned a florist in Claymont. She was apparently the type of employer who wouldn't ask questions and would pay me cash. I just hoped she was looking to employ someone. The thick snow on the street outside had already been plowed. The snowfall had been substantial last night, but this morning the sun shone brightly melting the worst of it. I navigated the unfamiliar streets with ease and my cranky mood began to lift. Claymont was a pretty town, small and nestled at the foot of some pretty impressive snowy mountains. The streets were quaint and tidy and even at this early hour there were people moving about with casual intent. A flyer at the bus depot had read that Claymont was home to a very large university, so no doubt the young faces passing me by were students getting ready for their day, filling the café's and moving about with carefree ease that made me jealous. Perhaps that would have been me in another life, planning a future, doing coffee with friends, laughing, smiling. Instead, I had my usual sullen scowl in place as I navigated the picturesque streets to the city's center searching for what I hoped would be a start for my uncertain future in Claymont.
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