“Rebecca?” a familiar voice penetrated the haze and watery tears that obstructed my vision. I leaned even harder against the door trying to force myself to calm down. “Take a deep breath, breathe with me, long deep breaths, in and out.” I found myself obeying the gentle voice at my side, and when I finally settled down enough to glance in that direction, the damn tears started all over again.
“Ella?” I sobbed when I saw Ella in front of me. Her own tears slipped free as she wrapped her arms around me.
“You should have called me, you idiot!” she cried. I laughed and sobbed at the same time. I turned when another warm hand squeezed my shoulder. Jax knelt at my other side, his gentle grey eyes full of concern. Fuck he was huge—the man was a damn giant!
“I’m gonna go in there and grab whatever you need then Ella is going to drive you to our place in your car, that way you won’t be stuck out there without transportation, in case you wanna go somewhere.”
I nodded and cried some more. Most of that sounded like a pretty damn good plan, except for one part. “If you think for one second I’m allowing Ella to drive me anywhere, you’re crazy.”
A beautiful smile broke Jax’s concerned features. Ella had only had her driver’s license for a few months. She was a contender for the worst driver in history: she drove way too fast and her roaming eyes had trouble staying on the road, front and center.
“Don’t be a bitch, I’m a good driver,” Ella demanded from beside me.
I glanced back in her direction. “You’re driving scares the shit out of me. I didn’t survive an attack from some deranged asshole only to die in a blazing inferno from Ella-lead-foot.” Ella knew I was joking—mostly. “I’ll drive, but I would be really grateful if you would go in with Jax and get some more of my stuff. I’m sure he doesn’t need to see the hot gear I wear under my fabulous clothes.” Jaxon Carter thumbing through my underwear was an uncomfortable thought.
Ella gave me a wicked grin. “Good idea since the most adventurous my underwear gets are boyshorts and sports bras.”
“I can handle underwear, just don’t make me carry out any weird plants that look like genitalia and we’re good to go.” Jax chuckled beside us.
Damn, I had missed these two.
Chapter 6
Charlie
I pummeled the bag like it was an enemy of old that required immediate decimation. There was too much anger in me, and I needed to get it out. It had been a long time since I’d felt like this, years in fact. For a time, anger had been my way of dealing with shit until I learned to control it. I never hesitated to start a fight and even joined in on those that weren’t mine. My attitude sucked, my temper stewed constantly. I hid my battle behind the happy-go-lucky Charlie most people knew. I could joke, fuck around, and tease with the best of them. While on the outside I was carefree, on the inside I felt much darker. My temper could easily flare and it took years of tedious and barely reigned control to keep myself in check. I learned to walk away, to remove myself from situations that could easily become heated battles. At Dave’s suggestion I began keeping a journal where I could pour all that negativity into the pages and be somewhat free of the burden of those thoughts. Breathing techniques and meditating helped calm any building tension and beating the shit out of a bag was a great release. Once upon a time I fought, and fought hard; however, now I worked out—lifted weights, sparred and ran. It all seemed to help release the pent up energy that fueled my body, which would make me irate and fidgety for no good reason. My temper was a scary thing when unleashed; it put lives in danger and was one of the reasons I didn’t fight inside the ring anymore. Occasionally my inner turmoil would rage and I would battle my way free from it with a brutal training regime. Right now the war inside of me was intense. I was filled with too much anger. I wanted to maim; I wanted to draw blood; I wanted to kill. And it scared the fuck out of me. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to hunt down Luke Hollywell and beat him to within an inch of his life. Frank had assured me Luke had a good alibi, but I wasn’t so easily convinced. Someone needed to be held accountable for Rebecca’s pain. She was so jumpy and fragile now, so unlike the Rebecca we all knew and loved. Loved? I shook my head in frustration. I didn’t have a clue what love was, or what it felt like. My attraction to Rebecca seemed like nothing more than raw male possessiveness and desire.
The heavy pounding and slaps on the leather bag before me were almost soothing. As soon as I finished here, I would hit the treadmill for a few miles then grab a shower. I was desperate to get back to Mercy’s house and check on Rebecca. I really fucked up last night, in typical Charlie fashion. I had a niche for fucking things up, especially where women were concerned. I had no idea how the hell Gym Girl got my number. I sure as hell didn’t give it to her. I can only assume someone here at the gym did. The last thing I wanted was for Rebecca to hear the conversation, but instead she heard every damn word of it. Then my general irritation over Gym Girl’s phone call had morphed into all out anger over Rebecca’s nonchalance. I knew I had made her uncomfortable. I had sworn to bring her smiles, but instead I scared her. Fuck it! I hit the bag a little harder and followed it up with a sweeping round house kick. I bounced around on the balls of my feet and attacked the innocent black bag of sand. Rebecca didn’t deserve me losing my temper. I just got so angry because I wanted her to care who I spent the night with. I wanted her to care about me. Damn it! I wasn’t some hormonal teenager anymore and if a woman only liked me enough for one night, than that damn sure worked for me too. Mercy’s words rang in my head though, confusing me further: Rebecca adores you. For some ridiculous reason I wanted her to, but apparently Rebecca could care less about me, and now, if anything, she was scared of me. Front kick, right hook, side kick, deep breath. Left uppercut, hook kick, punch, punch, roundhouse kick. I kept up a rigorous pace until my body was burning, and sweat was dripping down my face, chest, arms and legs. At this rate I wouldn’t be able to run, I would be too worn-out. Settling the swinging bag, I pulled off my gloves and threw them down on the bench along with my towel. I set the treadmill at a moderate pace and began to jog, which I would finish with a sprint. Slipping the buds from my headphones in my ears, I pushed the volume up high and allowed Eminem’s Lose Yourself to numb my thoughts. I had been blissfully unaware of my surroundings for no less than fifteen minutes when a tap on my arm caught my attention. I barely contained my eye roll as I pulled the buds from my ears. Fuck, I wasn’t in the mood for this shit. I told her how it was from the beginning: one night, let’s have some fun then we go our separate ways. I’d learned from Jax’s mistakes to be up front and blatantly rude to get what I wanted from a woman. No commitments, no cuddling. I wasn’t a complete asshole, I always made sure the women had a good time. But I never offered more than I was able to give. With Gym Girl, I had been completely upfront as usual. Yet now I got the feeling she hadn’t really heard me. She leaned over the front of the treadmill, her spectacular tits displayed in a tiny pink sports bra, tight black lycra pants wrapped around her long legs. Yeah, she looked good, but not good enough for me to go for seconds, and nowhere near as spectacular as Rebecca.
“Hey,” I panted, keeping my eyes front and center.
“You haven’t been around much lately, I thought I might have scared you off,” she said with a sly grin. I shook my head. It would take more than a one night stand with some girl to scare me away from my happy place. I’d been coming to Lee’s Gym since I was a teenager; since Mercy slapped me upside the head and made me see the dangerous road I was on. She found this gym and enrolled me straight away. Lee was actually General Lee, a sixty year old ex-marine. His father had owned the gym and when he passed away, General Lee automatically took it over. He ran a tight ship, and kept all fights in the ring, and most importantly, he cared about the fighters who came into his gym. He was a good guy, in fact the best, and a studious combination of the General, the gym and Mercy had set my life on a new path. So it would take a hell of a lot more than a one night st
and to scare me away from here.
“Do you think you could spot me on weights when you’re done here?” she asked.
Not a chance in hell, I thought.
“Sorry, I have to get out of here as soon as I finish up. Corey is around here somewhere, I’m sure he can help.” Her bottom lip slipped forward. Was that a pout? Rebecca never pouted. Sure she got pissy and fiery but she never pouted.
“How about we meet up later for a drink, my treat?” she suggested, undeterred by my casual attempt to palm her off onto someone else.
“Sorry, no can do. As I said, I have to get out of here as soon as I’m done. I’m busy tonight.”
“Tomorrow night then,” she said. I tried not to cringe. She was relentless, I’d give her that.
“Ji…Jenny,” I quickly corrected myself, maybe I was a complete asshole. I slowed my jog to a walk then eventually stopped.
“I know, you said one night and I’m cool with that. I just thought we could still keep it casual and make one night two, maybe even three or four. I had fun, I know you had fun, too.” Her eyes sparkled.
Yeah, I had fun, but as soon as the fun was over, I was right back to where I was before the fun began—miserable and empty. The only person who seemed capable of filling that gap didn’t want me, but that didn’t mean I was going to fall into old habits again. I needed to quit this shit and if I thought I might stand even half a chance at winning Rebecca over, I wouldn’t so much as look at another female again.
“Jenny, you’re a really beautiful woman and you deserve so much more than I can give you. I’m sorry if I led you to believe that there would be anything more than one good night, but that’s all I’ve got to give. There’s Corey if you need a spotter.” I nodded in Corey’s direction, and when she turned to see for herself, I quickly escaped.
Under the hot spray of the shower, I tried to relax. I took long deep breaths and tried to picture myself somewhere else. Specifically at my cabin up in the mountain range that was on the outskirts of Claymont. It was perfect, tucked away in quiet seclusion, surrounded with towering firs, and in the winter, a heavy layer of snow would blanket everything. It was a peaceful oasis that I retreated to when things began to get out of hand. The cabin helped me relax. My anger and frustration would bleed away to complete and utter peace. I would live up there if it wasn’t a three hour drive to civilization. I blew out a deep breath; I needed to get my shit together. I needed to rid myself of the anger that was still simmering below the surface. Not only had Rebecca seen enough anger of late, but I had a self-defense class at Mercy’s Shelter tomorrow night and those women did not need an angry alpha male leading the class. Those women had fled dominant men who had already hurt and maimed them, both physically and emotionally. I was supposed to be a beacon of safety, not a fucking reminder of the terror they had escaped.
I dried and dressed quickly, slipping out the back door of the gym to escape another run in with Gym Girl. The twenty minute drive to Mercy’s helped me settle down even further, and by the time I pulled my truck out front, I felt as close to calm as I could possibly get. I used the key Mercy had given me many years ago to enter and strolled into the place like I owned it. It was probably a bit arrogant and rude, but hell, it felt like I’d lived here my whole life. Mercy was as good as my mother and this house was as good as my family home. All was quiet, apart from the low murmuring of Mercy and Dave’s voices coming from the kitchen. I didn’t see Rebecca and the doorway to her room was wide open. As I strolled into the warm bright kitchen, I stopped and took in the awkward scene before me. Dave had his arms wrapped around Mercy, his lips firmly planted on hers, his hands sliding down her back to cup her ass. Yeah, this was not the kind of thing I wanted to walk in on, and why I probably should’ve knocked before entering. I was glad Mercy found Dave, or perhaps it was Dave who found Mercy. After the shitty hand Mercy had been dealt with Jax’s father, Dave was an angel in comparison and he clearly adored Mercy. However, I did not need to witness those sessions of adoration. They kind of made my stomach roll. I turned my head to look away and cleared my throat loudly. Their eyes swung around to take me in as I stood awkwardly, watching them from the corner of my eye, just to make sure they were decent before I looked at them straight on.
“I need to take that key from you,” Mercy scolded as she let her arms fall from Dave’s neck.
“You have such great timing,” Dave said dryly.
I gave them my best grin as I waltzed in and grabbed a Coke from the fridge. “I guess I didn’t expect the kitchen to be make-out central with Rebecca here and all.” I took a long drink then froze when I took in the look Mercy gave Dave. “What?” I demanded.
Dave put his hands up defensively and backed away. “Don’t look at me, I just got home. I’m going to take my suitcase upstairs.” He snuck out of the kitchen and I looked to Mercy for answers.
“She’s not here,” she said in that rational voice of hers that drove me nuts.
“What do you mean she’s not here?” I asked, my voice pitching like some sort of whiny girl.
“I meant exactly what I said, Charlie. She was here when I got home this morning from the shelter, but she left sometime after I went upstairs to get some sleep. She left a note.” Mercy handed me a sheet of paper with Rebecca’s elegant handwriting on it.
Mercy, sorry to run out while you are sleeping, but I think if you were awake you would have tried to stop me. I need to go home, I don’t want to be afraid of my own house. It’s the only thing I have left of my family, and I can’t lose it. I’ve already called Braiden and have the security code and my new key. Tell Charlie thanks for everything. I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden to you both over the past week. Love, Bec X
I glared at Mercy. “Burden?” I said a little too loudly.
Mercy shook her head and took the piece of paper from me. “Settle down, Charlie, don’t go getting your panties in a twist.”
Considering the seriousness of the situation I couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped my lips. Mercy didn’t swear and she most definitely did not say panties. “I don’t wear panties, I don’t even wear damn underwear.” I chuckled.
Mercy’s brow furrowed. “T.M.I., Charlie!” She took the can of Coke from me and emptied it into a glass, handing it back with a frustrated look on her pint-sized face. Why she had this obsession with people having to drink Coke from a glass rather than the can was beyond me. She had always insisted and I had never bothered to ask. As long as I got to drink my damn Coke, I could care less. “You know Rebecca, she is independent, and she hasn’t had to rely on anyone in a long time. Being here, being looked after goes against who Rebecca is. She is trying to get back what she lost a week ago, and I don’t mean her home. She wants her confidence back, her strength.”
“It’s too soon, Mercy. If she thinks she can just waltz back through that doorway like nothing ever happened, then she’s crazier than I thought!” I felt a little bad as I said the words, but I was too pissed to stop myself. “She shouldn’t have left, she should have enough damn sense to know that it takes time to heal from something like this.”
“Rebecca is stronger than you think, Charlie,” Mercy defended her.
“I don’t care how strong she is, it’s too soon. Can you seriously stand there and tell me she’s fine right now?”
Mercy shook her head and pierced me with that stare of hers that makes my lips seal shut. Not even my own mother could silence me with a look, but Mercy had it down pat. “First of all, Charlie Cole, calm down. I won’t have you throwing a temper tantrum in my house.” I went to speak and her look silenced me again. “Secondly, I know very well Rebecca isn’t all right at the moment—she is far from it—but I am also aware she can’t be forced to do something she doesn’t want to do. If she doesn’t feel comfortable here, then we shouldn’t force her to stay.”
Thoughts of my cabin started flashing through my head once more, but this time for a different reason. My anger and control wasn’t so fraye
d that I needed it, but I was wondering if Rebecca might appreciate it. The only other person to set foot in my secluded paradise was Jax and half a dozen builders from Carter Constructions. As soon as the roof was on and the front door on its hinges, I’d been the only one who had crossed the threshold. Taking Rebecca somewhere as personal as my cabin felt right. Not many people knew the extent of my struggle with anger. In fact, Mercy, Jax and Dave are the only ones that have been privy to the real Charlie. Taking Rebecca up into the mountains and showing her that part of me would mean letting someone else in, and I wanted to let Rebecca in. At that moment, Dave strolled back into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Mercy, drawing her back into his chest.
“I have to go by and check on her,” I murmured, my thoughts caught between wanting to whisk Rebecca away to safety and wanting to see that fiery spark back in her eye, that fiercely independent and stubborn spirit that was so true to her.
“She’s not there.” Mercy sighed interrupting my thoughts. Before I had a chance to become enraged, Mercy answered, “She’s with Jax and Ella. They got home this morning. When Jax called from the airport, I had just found Rebecca’s letter. I told him what had happened while they were gone, and he took Ella straight to Rebecca’s house. He called me a little while ago. Rebecca is at their place now.” The pained look on her face physically hurt me. Dave held her a little closer, obviously sensing she was upset. “She broke down on the doorstep. Apparently she couldn’t even open the front door.”
Picturing Rebecca in front of her house, broken, afraid and alone pissed me off. She shouldn’t have gone alone, she knows that she has friends that are willing to help her through this.
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