If they’re dead… If my father… If Sam…
She pushed those thoughts of her head.
The scene they arrived on was total chaos. The building was a ruin.
“What happened?” McCready asked as they walked up to Mooney. He looked worried. He was no taller than Brooke, yet she knew not to cross him.
“Whole damned building came down. We got some bad intel – that damn thing was a deathtrap waiting to happen.”
“The rest of them?”
“Crichton’s over there,” Mooney said, pointing. “He’s got the rest of the men helping with the excavation attempts.” Brooke followed his finger and saw Crichton, sitting on the edge of an ambulance, a mask to his face.
“Son of a bitch,” McCready said, walking over to the other man in an instant. “Where are they? Who’s in there?”
“The Chief, a couple of the recruits, one of the men.”
“Which one of my men?” McCready roared.
“Which recruits?” Brooke asked, unable to help herself.
“Your men?” Crichton sneered. Brooke had never hated anyone more in her life than she did Crichton at that moment. She knew Shifters were supposed to be honorable – but this man was anything but. “The Chief was in there with Haley, Smith, and Carver when the building went down. O’Brien was standing too close, he’s been injured as well,” Crichton finished, pointing towards the back of the ambulance. O’Brien was in a stretcher, upright, a red bandage wrapped tightly around his head.
McCready climbed in, pushing past Crichton with no care. “You alright, O’Brien?”
“Can’t catch a break, Sarge,” the man answered, giving a weak smile. “I waited as long as I could.”
“What happened, O’Brien?”
Brooke held her breath. She felt a strange feeling: one of such a horrible discomfort that she started to tear up.
“Don’t know, Sarge. Something held the men up. Crichton was the last man out. Then I saw them coming out of the stairwell in the back. Couldn’t see too well with the smoke. I couldn’t tell who all it was. Don’t know if they got the family they were after. But then the whole place came down and then everything went black. Forbes, Bush, and Mooney pulled me clear. That’s all I know.”
“Get some rest,” McCready ordered. He climbed out, grabbing Crichton by the shoulder as he did so. The man gave a yell of alarm as McCready lifted him, pulled him around, and slammed him into the side of the ambulance. “What the hell happened in there and how did you get out?”
“I don’t know!” Crichton hissed. “But get your hand off me.”
McCready held the man in place until Peterson pulled him off. Then the two men went to join Buckner, Forbes, and Bush, who were trying to tear apart some rubble, trying to get to the men buried inside.
My father. Sam…
She turned and felt the world spinning around her. There were worried families. Police officers. Mooney running the hose, spraying down the fire, which was now the least of their worries.
They’re dead.
Brooke felt herself dangerously close to being sick. Her eyes were blurry. She found herself back in McCready’s truck, crying her eyes out. She didn’t know how much time had passed.
After what seemed like forever, she heard yelling and there was a huge commotion where the men were excavating the building.
She opened the door and ran as fast as she could towards the area, wiping her eyes. A police officer held her back. She yelled for McCready, who turned back and yelled for her to be let through.
“We got someone!” Peterson was roaring. “Get the ambulances ready! Get the stretchers! We got someone alive!”
Even then, it was still a long process. Everything had to be done just right.
The first person out of the hole they had dug was her father. He was banged up, but he was alive. His helmet was gone and there was a long gash across his forehead. He held his left arm gingerly at his side. When he saw her, he smiled and Brooke felt herself crying in relief.
“Three more are down there,” her father said. “Get them out of there.”
She ran up to him and threw her arms around him, not caring about what anyone else saw or thought.
“I’m okay, honey,” he said.
“We need to get you to the hospital,” she said. “The others?”
She couldn’t ask specifically about Sam.
“They’re hurt – I don’t know if they’re alive,” he said. His voice was wrenched with emotion. “I tried to get to them down there – but I couldn’t. I didn’t hear anything from them.”
Brooke felt her heart drop in her chest. No sound from the men – in what? Three, four hours?
He’s dead. Sam is dead.
“Dad, please go to the hospital.”
“I won’t leave my men behind,” he said, turning and giving orders.
The next out was Smith – Brooke didn’t like the man, but she was relieved to see he was breathing. He looked in even worse shape than her father, but he managed a few movements.
Another ten minutes passed and Haley was yanked out. Someone handed him a bottle of water, which he chugged, and then his raspy voice managed, “Carver’s still down there. I tried waking him up – but…”
Brooke started to cry. She couldn’t help herself. She was sobbing uncontrollably.
They pulled Sam out of the hole finally. His body was limp. His head dangled as the men lifted him out, one on each arm and leg.
He’s dead.
Brooke’s vision was nothing but a blur. She ran back to McCready’s truck, curled up into a ball on the seat, and sobbed until she knew nothing more.
I couldn’t save them. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how long I looked… I couldn’t save them. I couldn’t even find them.
I couldn’t save them.
The thought was persistent, like a bad headache pounding through his head, and slowly, Sam realized that it was indeed, a headache.
No, that wasn’t right. Everything hurt.
It took a few moments for things to register. The first thing he noticed was an insistent beeping – it wasn’t helping his headache in the slightest. Then he realized everything was dark. After that, he realized that his eyes were closed.
They slowly fluttered open, almost on their own accord, and the room he was in began to take a blurry shape. Sam was in a hospital room. The curtains were open and he saw more sleet falling against the window, running down in rivulets, and now he could hear the sound of icy rain hitting glass. To his left, he saw someone curled up in a chair at his side.
Brooke.
It took him a few moments to realize who it was. She was sleeping, chest falling and raising slowly, a hospital blanket curled up under her head. A book lay half open on his bedside table.
Sam opened his mouth but no sound came out. His throat felt exceptionally dry. A cup of water sat on the table next to the book. He grabbed it and took a sip, feeling his stomach churn for a few moments before quieting down again.
He opened his mouth but closed it. What was he supposed to say? He had failed, and on top of that, Brooke was trying to sleep.
He wanted to tell her just how beautiful she looked. He wanted to tell her that for a few moments there, when he thought his life was over as the building came crashing down, that he was sorry he hadn’t had more time with her.
Sitting the cup down seemed to have woken Brooke because he heard a soft voice say, “You’re finally awake.”
He looked at her then, all of those things he had wanted to tell her swirling around in his mind. He said, “I couldn’t save them, Brooke.”
Her face was troubled for a few moments before she said, “Who, Sam? Who couldn’t you save? Everyone was fine because of what you did.”
“That family,” he muttered, unable to look at her. The shame was flooding through him. It was his first real act as a member of the Forest and he’d completely and utterly blown in. People had died because of him. But how did he put that into w
ords that she’d understand? She wouldn’t see it like that; she’d just be happy that he was alive, and by the sound of it, so was her father. That was good.
Brooke reached out a hand and took his own. She squeezed gently. For the briefest of moments, everything else faded away and all Sam could think about was her warm and soft skin against his own, and then it faded away.
I failed.
“Sam, they weren’t there.”
“What?” he asked. The words didn’t seem to make sense. That was impossible. She was just saying that to make him feel better.
“It was bad information,” she said, squeezing again. “The family was gone for the day. No one died.”
“But…”
“You can stop beating yourself up over it. Please. You’ve been through enough. You don’t need to worry – you need to rest and get better.”
“But…” he repeated.
“Sam,” she said, her voice more than a little stern. It sounded… just like a teacher. Despite everything, he smiled. He felt a weight lift off his shoulders, and despite the pain wracking his body, he felt good.
Of course that was part because Brooke was sitting right next to him, holding his hand. He felt like a little kid again. How could something as simple as that get him excited?
“Everyone else is okay? Your father?”
“Everyone was banged up, but they’re all okay. Even Smith. Thanks to you, Sam. You saved his life.”
“I don’t expect I’ll be getting an apology from him, though.”
Brooke laughed, then a small, lighthearted laugh that seemed to make all of his troubles melt away.
“You might be right. You’re probably right, actually. But what you did was right. That’s the important thing.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he told her, squeezing her hand. There was a pause, almost as if Brooke was considering something, and then she slowly pulled her hand from his.
“We can’t, Sam,” she said. “Remember?” She flashed him her best smile, one that he was sure was supposed to make him smile back and relax, admit she was right, and nod happily – but he couldn’t do it. He’d almost lost his life – he’d thought he’d let people die – and all he had wanted was to see Brooke again.
“Why not?” he growled. He winced in pain. His throat was still dry as dust and somehow, even breathing seemed to hurt.
“Take it easy,” Brooke cautioned. “You were hurt pretty badly.”
“That’s what happens when a building collapses on you,” he snapped. For a moment, she looked taken aback. He felt a hot flush of shame at what he had done but he couldn’t help himself.
“Sam…”
“You know the last thought I had, before everything came crashing down? As I thought my life was ending? I worried about all of those other men, your father, I worried about failing that poor family. I worried that in taking the time to save Smith, I’d doomed the others. I worried about a lot of things. But mostly – I worried about you. I worried what you would think. How you would react. How much you would care, and if you would move on and find someone else.”
“Sam, that’s really not fair…”
“It’s not?” he asked. “Before I came to the Forest, I had nothing but a dream. The dream to succeed. It was what drove me, Brooke. But when I met you, and got to know you, that all changed. I realized there’s more to life than just the Forest. There’s happiness. I realized that when I met you.”
“I won’t let you give up your dream, Sam, to be with me.”
“I don’t have to!”
She hissed, “They’ll never let this happen! Especially since you’re their poster boy! What would people say if they heard that you were sleeping with your teacher?”
“That’s never happened.”
“The point still stands!” Brooke yelled. “It would become a rumor and that’s enough!”
“I don’t care. I know what I want in life, now.”
“I won’t let you.”
“That’s not your decision to make!” he yelled. He ignored the pain and the look of surprise in her face. He grabbed her hand. “I don’t care what they say. I don’t care if they drop me. I want you.”
Brooke looked conflicted, as if her whole life was turning upside down. Sam felt the same way, but instead of being terrified, he felt exhilarated. His whole life had been building up to a moment – he’d known it his entire life. He’d known it for as long as he could remember.
And for the longest time, he thought that his purpose was to become a member of the Forest. He had wanted to join the elite. He remembered sitting up in bed, late at night, imagining just what it would be like to be part of the men he revered as heroes.
But he knew, now, after his near death experience that everything had led Sam to Brooke. He wasn’t a believer in fate, or some other divine being. But he knew that somehow, he’d made all of the right stumbles that led him to Brooke, and now, more than ever, he knew what he wanted in life.
She pulled her hand free again, this time much more harshly, and stood up. She looked down at him.
“I know you think you want me, Sam. But I’m your teacher –”
“You’re more than my teacher!” he protested.
“And I won’t let you jeopardize everything you’ve worked your entire life for. I have a responsibility.”
“The hell with your responsibility!” he yelled. “Brooke, please!”
“Sam, I’m sorry,” she said. At least she has the decency to look it, Sam thought angrily. He knew it wasn’t fair but he couldn’t help it. “I’ll see you in class when you’re feeling better.”
She walked to the doorway, looking like she wanted to say something else, but then her hand found the handle and she opened the door.
“Tell me that you don’t feel something for me, Brooke,” Sam said from the bed. “Can you at least do that?”
She glanced back at him and left the room.
Sam watched her go and had never felt so alone before in his life. He threw the covers off, wincing, and swung his legs out from the bed. He put them on the floor and went to stand up – and abruptly fell to the cold hospital floor. He looked back at his legs – there was nothing wrong with them, he was just weak, so he carefully pulled himself into a kneeling position. After a few moments of taking deep breaths, Sam got unsteadily to his feet and stood. He waited for as long as he could stand it, and then took a few hesitant steps over to the door.
He flung it open and looked down the hallway where Brooke had disappeared – he had expected to find her sitting on a chair outside, collecting her thoughts, hopefully thinking about how he was right and there was something there that was more important than a job – but she was gone. Brooke was nowhere to be seen.
“Sir,” a voice said from behind him. Sam ignored it, looking, hoping that she would come back around the corner. He needed her. Sam had never had anything in his life before, anything good, and he wasn’t about to sacrifice it now. “Sir.”
Sam turned around and found a nurse standing there, looking concerned. “What?” he asked softly. He felt strangely deflated, as if nothing else mattered anymore.
“Sir, you’re too weak – you need to go lie back down.”
“Yeah, sure,” Sam said, stumbling slowly back to his bed. He sat down heavily and gave his best smile to the nurse, who was hovering worriedly at the door. She nodded after a few moments and left him alone with his thoughts.
Sam swung his legs up and sat in silence.
Is she right?
The question kept repeating in his mind.
Is Brooke right? Am I being stupid?
He’d looked forward to this his whole entire life. He was on the cusp of his lifelong dream – and not even a potential dream shattering mistake on his test had managed to slow him down. It was within his grasp. He was there.
But I’d lose her.
You hardly know her. She’s your teacher.
That may have been true – but somehow, somewhe
re deep inside, he just knew. There was that little spark, that little bit of kindness that made Brooke such a wonderful person. She was the kind of person you could search your whole life for and never find.
And isn’t that its own sort of dream, in a way?
He knew, in that instant, an undeniable truth. He loved Brooke. He hadn’t known the instant he’d seen her, he didn’t believe in that, either – but he knew, now. He thought he knew since the night he sat up in her room and just talked. He had felt something with her. He didn’t know how to describe it, but he knew the feeling it gave him; peace and comfort, love and care, something he’d never truly experienced his whole life growing up.
I love her.
And Sam knew what he had to do.
The final few weeks leading up to the exams had been nothing but a blur. Brooke did her best to ignore Sam, though truth be told, she knew she had done a horrible job at it. Tensions were high – and not just between those two.
The other recruits were on edge, as well. Smith spared constant glances at Sam, as if he was unsure whether to thank him or fight him for what had happened. The other recruits seemed to sense that something was going to happen, so they did their best to ignore it.
And Sam.
What is he thinking?
“This practice exam should have everything you need to know on it,” she said, passing out piles of paper so thick that they could barely be stapled together. It was less of a stack of papers than a phone book and Brooke didn’t envy the men who had to take it. Judging by the looks on their faces – everyone except Sam, that is – they were thinking the same thing. “It covers everything we’ve went over in our course. If you’ve done the homework, studied, read all of the material, and most importantly, listened to me, you shouldn’t have any problems.”
There were a couple of chuckles around the classroom at her lame joke, though none came from Sam. He would barely look at her and she was doing her best to avoid looking at him. If she had to call on someone to answer a question, she always chose someone else besides Sam, even if the other recruits took notice.
Bear Heat: BBW Fireman Bear Shifter Romance (Firefighter Bears Book 1) Page 13
