by Nicola Marsh
Not if her date with the gin bottle had anything to do with it, but her mom was right. Things always seemed better in the morning.
Besides, let Manny stew over what a dufus he’d been, preferably all sleepless night.
65
Manny didn’t sleep a wink all night.
He hadn’t expected to, which is why he’d gone to the hospital straight from Harper’s last night. The loathing in her mother’s eyes . . . he should be dead from that killer glare. The kicker was, he’d deserved it too.
He’d come to the hospital because he didn’t want to be alone at home, mulling over his monumental screwup. Most people hated their workplace and saw it as a jail, time served to be endured in the name of a paycheck. But not him. Walking through the sliding glass doors, breathing in the pungent fumes of ammonia-based cleaning products, listening to the constant buzz of conversation, never failed to calm him.
Not that he’d be dumb enough to go near patients in his condition, but hiding in his office had sufficed. He always had a stack of paperwork waiting for him, so he’d stared at the computer screen for hours, reading through reports and journals until his eyes blurred from the blue light. He hadn’t absorbed a lot of it, but by the time dawn broke he’d made it through the night without picking up the phone or hightailing it back to Harper’s like he wanted to.
He had to get past this. Move on. He’d hurt her badly, and he had to live with that. Whatever that entailed: feeling like crap, constantly clamping down on great memories, taking extra shifts, submerging himself in work.
But first, he had to see Izzy.
However, as he cracked open his door just after seven, Arun stood on the other side, his fist raised to knock.
“First day back on the job, boss, so I’m checking in.”
“You know what to do, Arun. You don’t need to see me.”
His retort came out harsher than intended, and his friend reared back, hands raised.
“Hey, what’s biting your ass? Thought I’d pop in and see if you wanted to grab a coffee.”
“Sorry, haven’t slept.”
Manny swiped a hand over his face; like that would erase his fatigue.
“Were you called in for an emergency last night? Because you weren’t rostered on, and no man should have to deal with gore the night of his engagement party.”
Manny’s declaration to Harper about how much he hated lying rang in his ears but he had to do it, because no way in hell did he want to stand here and discuss his broken engagement with Arun before he’d had a chance to talk with Izzy.
“No emergency, but I’m sick of being swamped up to here.” He made a chopping motion at his neck. “Harper and I were both exhausted after the party, but I need to get ahead on my workload so I dropped her home and came here.”
Arun stared at him like he’d lost his mind. “Let me get this straight. You’ve finally taken your head out of your ass and fallen in love with a spectacular woman, you celebrate your uncharacteristic proposal to her, you’re tired, yet you choose to abandon her in favor of work?” Arun shook his head. “Man, you are such a dumbass.”
“Fuck off, Arun.”
Once again, harsher than intended, but he didn’t need one of his few friends reiterating how much of a dumbass he actually was.
“Man, you are shitty when you’re tired.” Arun backed away with exaggerated steps. “I’m off to start my shift now. You really need to get some sleep before Harper dumps your sorry ass.”
Too late for that, Manny thought, as he waited for Arun to traverse the long corridor in the direction of the ER before slipping out the side door for a confrontation with his grandmother.
66
Of all days Harper had to front up to a job and look professional, today wasn’t it. After her mom left last night, she’d taken a long, hot shower, had another two G&Ts, finished the rest of the Tim Tams, and fallen into bed without brushing her teeth. She’d slept fitfully, dozing and tossing, until her alarm went off at seven thirty.
Driving to an inner-city hospital in peak-hour traffic wasn’t fun either, but without the influx of referrals she’d expected from Nishi’s wedding and the Storr job, she needed to grab every scrap of work.
In all the excitement of the engagement, she’d forgotten to ask Manny if he’d had anything to do with her landing this job. What a joke. She’d initially been annoyed, wanting to stand on her own. She’d got her wish and then some.
At least the parking gods were on her side because she found a rare spot, fed the meter coins, grabbed her portfolio, and headed for the hospital, her steps faltering the closer she got. Crazy, because Manny didn’t work here and there was zero chance of running into him, but the sight of two guys in white coats holding takeout coffee cups and striding toward the same door she was made her heart palpitate.
She’d never seen Manny in a white coat, so her visceral reaction didn’t make any sense. And she sure as hell hoped she wouldn’t feel the same when she watched her favorite hospital dramas on TV. She may have ditched her doc, but she had no intention of breaking up with her dashing docs on-screen.
Giving herself a mental slap upside the head, she entered the hospital and approached the front desk. Elaine Legham, her contact person, was at the desk and after introductions Elaine whisked her to the function rooms buried in the admin section of the hospital, down several confusing corridors.
“I’m so glad you could do this job for us,” Elaine said, as they entered a conference room dominated by a monstrous mahogany table. “I’m one of the senior psychologists here, and I’d usually leave this to our functions coordinator, but this event is too important.” She lowered her voice. “It’s a send-off for our head of department, and I’m gunning for his job.”
“I’ll do my best.”
Elaine smiled. “Good. You come highly recommended.”
Damn Manny for his interference. The polite thing to do would be to thank him, but she wasn’t feeling so polite.
“What did Manish say?”
“Manish?” Elaine blinked, confusion clouding her eyes. “Manish Gomes?”
“Yes, my fiancé.” Damn, slip of the tongue, but Harper had no intention of correcting it and inviting a host of unwelcome questions and explanations. “I take it he referred me?”
“No,” Elaine said, staring at her with open speculation. “One of the junior psychologists on my team attended an Indian wedding recently and said the food looked amazing and took one of your cards.”
Elaine gestured to a seat. “Let’s sit and you can tell me how on earth you managed to snare the elusive Manish.”
So this woman knew Manish? Not unreasonable considering the hospital fraternity in Melbourne couldn’t be huge, but damn, now Harper would have to tell her the truth. “Well, Manny and I—”
“Excuse me for interrupting, but I have to say I’m stunned. I mean, you’re gorgeous, but Manny getting married? It’s like discovering I can get a direct line to Freud to consult with him anytime I want.” Elaine shook her head, admiration in her eyes. “He once told me I was his longest girlfriend, and I lasted a week. So what’s your secret?”
Manny had dated this glamorous woman? Elaine topped her by four inches, had expressive brown eyes, perfect features, glossy russet hair to her waist pulled back in a ponytail, and managed to make a rather staid uniform of navy shirt and skirt look elegant. Throw in her psychology degree and perfect poise, and it made a small part of Harper feel better that she’d made the cut when this woman hadn’t.
A ridiculous thought when all she’d succeeded in doing was being duped by Manny for longer. “We actually broke up last night.”
“I’m sorry.” Elaine’s hand flew to her mouth. “Let me guess, he hit the scary two-week mark with you and decided to end it.”
Harper barked out a laugh at Elaine’s droll response. “It’s actually been a bit longer than
that, but I ended it.”
Elaine did a dramatic double take worthy of an actress. “You dumped him? I think the world just tilted.”
Harper really didn’t want to discuss her private life with a potential client, but before she could steer the conversation onto work, Elaine said, “I’ve spent twenty years working as a psychologist, so you’d think I’d be able to figure out Manny, but he’s an enigma. He swans through life like it’s one big party outside of work, but he’s hurting inside.”
Against her better judgment, Harper asked, “Why?”
“I got him drunk on our second date, and he muttered something about losing everyone he loves eventually. That’s when he said I should be happy I’d made it to a second date because he usually stops at one. He also warned me I probably wouldn’t make it past the end of the week, and he was right.”
Elaine shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pining for Manny if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m a few years older than him and happily married to my job. I made a choice long ago to not have a long-term partner or kids, which is why I thought Manny and I would be suited. But I think for all his bachelor bluster, he craves a connection, and if he proposed to you, he found it.”
Harper wanted to dismiss Elaine’s babble as that of an ex surprised to be jilted in favor of someone like her. But Elaine didn’t sound jealous, merely curious, and she was a psychologist, meaning she knew what she was talking about.
“At his age, Manny wouldn’t have proposed to you for any reason other than love. And it must’ve blindsided him so hard he proposed to keep you close, then when he had you he must’ve totally freaked out because he thinks he’ll eventually lose you too.” Elaine eyed her with respect. “I don’t know you, so whatever reason you dumped him for, I’m assuming it’s legit, because you’ve played into his greatest fear.”
Harper was done. She didn’t need this woman undermining her decision to end things with Manny. She’d done it out of self-preservation. As for all that crap about Manny loving her enough to propose, Harper wanted to yell, With all due respect you’re talking out your ass, psych degree or not.
Instead, she mustered a smile, slipping into her professional persona so she could ignore the doubts whirling through her head.
“Thanks for your insights, but we really need to get on with planning this menu.”
Elaine winced. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Sometimes it’s hard to shelve the psychology degree, especially when I’m at work. Now, where should we start?”
Harper tried to focus as she presented Elaine with pictorial proof of what she could do for the hospital fundraiser. But in the back of her mind, she couldn’t dismiss what the other woman had said.
Harper believed Manny’s proposal had been driven by devotion to his grandmother, but what if there was more to it?
If someone like him couldn’t date any woman beyond a week, did they have something special and she’d dismissed it because of her own rampant insecurities?
The vitiligo and resultant dumping from Colin had seriously messed with her confidence. But now it seemed trite to label Manny as shallow and pushing her away for the same reason. He was a better man than that. He was her man. At least, he had been.
The burning question was, did she want him to be her man again?
67
The local community nurse had just finished Izzy’s morning checkup when Manny arrived. After a brief chat where the nurse reiterated Izzy was doing surprisingly well for her age and surgery, he waved the nurse off and braced for a confrontation he hoped wouldn’t affect his gran’s health.
Over the years, he’d laughed off her interference in his life, particularly his love life. They rarely argued, and when he’d lived with her she’d been surprisingly liberal in her views on his dating life. It had only been the last five years or so, as he hit his mid-thirties and showed no signs of slowing down, that she’d become less than subtle in her prods to get him married.
Both Izzy and Samira’s mom, Kushi, had been instrumental in pushing the two of them together, and when that hadn’t worked he knew Izzy had been scouring her friendship group for appropriate granddaughters to match him with. He knew she wanted to see him settled, so what had brought on her blunt discussion with Harper after the party?
It irked that Izzy had guessed his motivation behind popping the question, but his feelings for Harper ran deeper than she thought, and Izzy had no right to interfere.
Something he intended on making perfectly clear.
And then what?
Telling Izzy to butt the hell out wouldn’t change a thing. He’d still screwed up. He’d still lost Harper. He’d still end up wondering if he should’ve done things differently.
The front door swung open, and Izzy stared at him with raised eyebrows. “Are you going to come in or are you planning on standing out there all day thinking up ways to tell me off?”
“Why did you do it, Iz?” He dropped the obligatory peck on her cheek as he entered, waiting until she closed the door before offering his arm for her to lean on.
She waved him away and tottered into the lounge room.
“Still refusing to use the walker, I see.”
“You see correctly. I’m old, not immobile.”
“You’re recovering from major surgery, and the last thing you need is to have a fall and end up with a broken hip.”
“Thanks for that positive prediction.” She sighed and lowered herself into her armchair gingerly, wincing. “Now, have at it. I know why you’re here. Harper tattled.”
“What did you expect, for her not to tell me?” He paced a few steps, struggling to get his temper under control. “She confronted me, then she dumped me.”
Izzy’s eyes widened in shock. “She broke off the engagement?”
“She broke everything.” Including my heart, he wanted to say but didn’t. “That’s what happens when you tell her the only reason I proposed is because it’s your dying wish and I thought you needed the extra motivation to recover.”
Izzy shrugged, infuriatingly calm. “Well, isn’t that why you did it? The timing was very suspicious, just before my surgery, so I put two and two together.”
“It was part of it,” he admitted, dragging a hand through his hair. “But you don’t know everything.”
“Then tell me.” She pointed to a chair opposite. “And for goodness’ sake, stop that infernal pacing.”
He sank into the chair, bracing his elbows on his knees. “I proposed because we get on well together, I love spending time with her, she makes me happy and gives me a sense of peace I haven’t felt since . . .”
“Since?”
“Mom died. Losing her gutted me, and I’ve shut off from everyone but you.”
“You don’t think I know that, Manish?”
He glanced up to see anguish contort her face.
“I’ve left you alone for many years. You needed to find your own path, to make your own decisions. I always hoped you’d find the right woman, and despite my many suggestions, it never happened. Then I saw the way you looked at Harper at Arun’s wedding, and I knew this woman could be different.”
“Then why did you disparage her?”
She screwed up her nose. “Because I’m getting senile in my old age and I wanted to test you.”
“Test me?”
“That’s what last night was about. Anybody can see you two are head over heels for each other. It’s so obvious, like two magnets drawn to each other and unable to pull away. I already suspected your motivation for asking her to marry you, so I wanted to test you, to make sure you really loved her. And the fact you let her break up with you means you failed.”
She tut-tutted and shook her head. “You may have asked her to marry you for all the wrong reasons, but if you’ve fallen in love for the first time in your life, don’t you think she’s worth fig
hting for?”
“I don’t believe this,” he muttered, dropping his head into his hands.
His grandmother had done all this out of some warped plan to test his true intentions? He’d always been lousy at love; the last thing he needed was an exam he’d be destined to fail.
And he’d failed spectacularly.
Harper despised him, and he didn’t blame her. He’d treated her badly when he should’ve treated the woman he loved like a princess.
He did love her.
It had taken a mighty big wake-up call for him to see that.
“What are you going to do, Manish?”
He raised his head. “I don’t know.”
“You’re a smart man. You’ve got a medical degree to prove it. Surely you can come up with something?”
“The thing is, I don’t think groveling is going to do much. I let her down, badly. She was herself with me, she revealed so much of herself, and I still held her at arm’s length. How can I make her trust me again?”
“By doing what she did for you.” Izzy pressed a hand to her heart that had him surging to his feet. “No, no, sit, there’s nothing wrong. What I meant was, if she opened her heart to you, you owe her the same courtesy.”
Open his heart.
Why did something so simple entail a world of complicated possibilities?
68
Once Manny made his mind up, he could be an unstoppable force. Take his proposal to Harper, for example. He’d arranged it on short notice and made it happen. So after his pep talk with Izzy, he wanted to do the same. Make a grand gesture. Something Harper couldn’t shy away from. Something to show her how much she meant to him. Make it unforgettable so hopefully, if she needed time to think, she wouldn’t forget him.
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized expressing his love shouldn’t be about pomp and show. Harper had never been impressed by his job or his apartment. The best times they’d spent together had been curled up next to each other, chatting, laughing. Shared intimacy. It had been everything to him.
