by Lea Nolan
“You were too little,” Lark said.
Why weren’t they listening? Her chest heaved. “It’s true. She wasn’t paying attention to the road because she was yelling at me about something I’d done. If it weren’t for me, she’d still be alive.” She sobbed.
“Rae, no,” Wren said, softly. “Mom was very angry that last week. I don’t know why, and Dad never said when I asked. That morning, she yelled at me for not finishing my breakfast fast enough, and I’ve always felt guilty about that. But it’s just a sad, awful situation that she was stressed out and got into a car accident. That’s not your fault.”
“I was too young to remember anything about that week, except for the funeral. I barely remember her,” Lark’s voice was sorrowful.
Raven swiped her wet cheek with the back of her hand. “If I hadn’t misbehaved, she wouldn’t have died that night,” Raven said, her voice raspy. The truth of her conviction was as immutable as ever.
“You don’t know that,” Lark said.
“Raven, I looked up the police report when I was in law school. I was curious about what had happened. It was icy and raining, and the roads in Westbury were narrow. It wasn’t your fault.” Wren said.
As usual, Wren was the voice of logic. But Raven wasn’t interested. She had experience on her side.
Her eyes burned, and a headache pounded. “I’m too upset to keep talking about this. I have to go. So history doesn’t repeat itself.”
Chapter 23
Hours later, after stopping at a rest stop to gather her wits, wash her face, and medicate her headache, Raven pulled up to 127 Stonington Way and cut the engine. The house was a sleek, modern masterpiece, made of glass and steel, and surrounded by dense forest.
She exited the car and peeked into the garage. It was empty. Perfect. He wasn’t home, and would likely be gone for a while, maybe even months. He’d have no idea when she dropped it off. Raven looked around for somewhere to leave the key fob.
Just then, a black Range Rover approached on the street. Raven’s heart kicked into a gallop.
Don’t let it be him. Don’t let it be him.
The Range Rover pulled into the driveway behind the BMW.
Shit. It was him.
Her blood thrashed through her veins as she waited for him to exit the car. He didn’t move. What the hell was he waiting for?
Finally, as Raven was on the verge of an aneurysm, the driver’s front door opened, and Brilla bounded out, running straight for her.
Raven melted and crouched on the driveway to accept Brilla’s kisses. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed this little kook.
“Who’s a good girl, huh?” Raven asked the fuzzy-headed dog. Her black-gray coat was glossy and thicker now and had been professionally groomed. “You look so pretty, and you smell good, too.”
Brilla’s bug eyes shone brightly from the compliment, and her crooked smile lifted around her lolling tongue. She pawed at Raven’s chest and nuzzled against her neck. Dogs didn’t need to talk to communicate, and Raven got the message loud and clear.
“She missed you.” Jack’s voice pulled Raven from her moment of zen.
“I hadn’t expected to run into you,” Raven said without looking away from Brilla. “I thought you didn’t come to this house often.”
“I didn’t use to, but now that I’ve got the dog, I bring her each weekend.”
The idea of Jack taking Brilla on long walks in the country made Raven’s heart swell with happiness. She tipped her chin toward him. A thrill zipped up her spine when she laid eyes on him. Damn, he looked good in his black jacket, jeans, dark blue sweater, and boots. She smiled. “You kept the beard.”
He leaned against the BMW. “Someone said she liked it.”
She uttered a small laugh. “I bet a lot of women do.”
“Only one matters.” The corner of his mouth curled up.
She turned back to the dog who was licking her hand. “Brilla looks good. I think she’s gained weight.”
“Vet says she’s right on target.”
“I like what the groomer’s done to her coat.”
“Did you drive all the way up here to talk about the dog?” he asked.
She met his gaze. “I came to return the car.”
His eyes lowered with sadness. “Why? It was a gift.”
“I can’t accept it.”
He scraped his fingers over his scalp. “Why won’t you let me make anything right? You won’t take any of the jobs you’ve been offered—”
She rose to her feet. “How do you know about that?”
“Forget I said anything.”
“No. How do you know about Executive Placements?” She crossed her arms.
“I referred you to them.”
“Okay, but how would you know if I took a placement or not?”
He shut his eyes.
She could tell she’d caught him. “It’s a subsidiary of WFG.” Of course, it was. “Is there anything you don’t own?”
“Come on, don’t be like that.”
“No, I’m serious. You think you can buy your way through life, claiming what you want, and that makes everything okay.” Brilla coiled around Raven’s legs.
“How else can I show you that I care about you? That I’m sorry?”
“Not by buying a car and delivering it to my house.”
“Why? Don’t women like grand gestures?”
She blurted out a laugh. “Not if we can’t tell if it’s for real or to buy forgiveness.”
Jack threw his hands up in the air. “Can’t it be both? If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have been on that island.”
“If it weren’t for you, a lot of things wouldn’t have happened,” she shot back.
The buy-out, firings, and benefits cuts. The best orgasms she’d ever had. A sense of calm and security she’d never felt before. The first timid opening of her scared heart.
“I did my job. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. What do you want from me?” His expression was pained.
To change the part of himself that she couldn’t accept. But that wasn’t her right to ask. And she didn’t even know if he could. So instead, she focused on what was possible.
She held out the key fob. “I want you to take this car back so I can take the train home.”
With defeated eyes, he took it and shoved it into his pocket. “Will you at least let me drive you to the station?”
She nodded. “Yes.” Only because it was faster than a car service. Definitely not because she wanted to spend more time with him, close to his body, smelling his warm, sandalwood and citrus scent, or basking for a few last moments in his smile.
They climbed into the Range Rover with Brilla and set out. Brilla popped her head between the two front seats and leaned her chin on the center console.
Raven rubbed her head. “There’s something I should’ve told you the last time we were together, but, well, you know how that ended.” She gave a small laugh.
He shot her a nervous look. “Should I be scared?”
“No. I didn’t spy on your company. Mari and the other disgruntled workers did that on their own. She’d called to tell me she’d gotten caught and fired. That’s what you overheard.”
Raven hadn’t planned to tell Jack she was innocent. For weeks, she’d been fine with him thinking she’d betrayed him. But seeing him now made her want to tell him the truth.
A grateful smile bent his lips. “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“So . . . how are things at Paulson Diagnostics?” she asked.
He laughed. “Am I supposed to answer that?”
She shrugged. “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know. Is the game ready to launch?”
“We just approved the TouchDown marketing campaign.”
“Touch what?”
“It’s what we’re calling the device and game system. You know, you touch it, blood sugar goes down.”
Damn. It was catchy and better than what she’d had in mind
—the PD Glucose Ultra Meter. But she’d be damned if she’d admit that. “It’s not terrible.”
He grinned. “It’s great, and you know it.”
She shrugged. “Okay, it’s good. Gimmicky, but memorable.”
“Which is why it’ll sell like hotcakes.”
“Anything else happening?”
“Tiffany’s only allowed to come into the office on Friday afternoons.”
“Most of the headquarters staff works at home on Fridays.”
“Exactly.”
Impressive. He was protecting the staff from Tiffany. “I’m sure she loves that.”
“I don’t care what she thinks. If she’s rude to my employees again, I’m banning her outright. She thinks being an executive means she can scream at people. That’s not the way it works.”
Raven’s chest warmed. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For looking out for the ones that are left.”
“It’s the only thing I can do for them . . . for now. Things will change when I’m in charge of WFG.”
“Sure.” Whenever that was. Raven doubted it’d ever come to pass. Beckett Winthrop was in his seventies but was in tip-top shape. And he obviously loved running the company. Otherwise he’d have been long gone.
“Kiara’s doing a great job at Paulson Diagnostics. She’ll be taking over so I can move on to other things.”
“Like new acquisitions?” Levering them with burdensome debt, cutting their employees and benefits, squeezing out as much profit as possible for investors, then selling them off.
He shrugged. “It’s what I do.”
“Right.” Which is why she and Jack could never be a thing. A bitter taste coated her mouth as she turned toward the passenger window and watched the Connecticut countryside roll by.
“So what have you been up to?” Jack asked.
“Not much.”
“Scouting new cities?”
“Nope.”
“Have you seen your sisters?”
“On FaceTime.”
“How’s Lark?”
“Fine. Still a big fan of yours. I heard about the loan you gave her.”
“It was nothing.”
Raven turned to look at him finally with her brow arched. “No, it wasn’t.”
“Is there a reason you’re being so short with me?”
“I’m not,” she answered, much too quickly. It was a lie. Accepting this ride had been a mistake. She’d thought she was ready to be around him and not fall sway to his alluring smile and incredible scent. She was wrong.
Seeing him now reminded her of their weekend, the feelings he’d awakened in her, and the possibilities she’d allowed herself to imagine. She’d wanted to be with him and had been ready to take that leap. And then it’d all gone to shit because she’d discovered who he really was. His career choice, and absolute acceptance of all it entailed, made it impossible for them to be together.
And that pissed her off. They could have been good together. Instead, she was alone. As ever.
He shook his head. “Oh-kay.”
She simmered silently and stared at the road ahead. They approached a green highway sign listing the distance to nearby towns. One name stood out. It’d been emblazoned in Raven’s brain for more than two decades. She gasped, and her hands flew to her mouth.
“What?” Jack said.
Raven’s hands shook. “Oh, shit.” Westbury, Connecticut, was just three miles away.
“What is it?” His voice was raised and filled with concern.
“Oh, my God. Why the hell did I come up here?” Her heart rate sped, and the sound of her blood throbbed in her ears. How much more could she take today?
“Raven, you’re scaring me.”
She turned on him. “Fuck you for making me drive up here,” her voice trembled.
“I made you?” His jaw hung open, incredulous.
“Yes and fuck you for living so close to where my mother died.”
His left hand clasped his chest. “Oh, Jesus.”
“Damn Westbury.” Her stomach lurched, and there was a real possibility she’d vomit the chicken sandwich she’d gotten at the rest stop. “Oh God, I have to get out of here. It’s too hot. I can’t breathe.”
Jack opened the window.
She lifted her head and sucked for air. The cold December wind braced her skin but did nothing for her lungs.
She grabbed at her chest. “I think . . . I’m having . . . a heart . . . attack.”
He reached over and gently held her hand. “It’s a panic attack, babe.” His voice was slow and soothing. “Close your eyes and breathe in for one, two, three, four. And hold it for one, two, three, four.” He breathed with her like that for what felt like forever. When her heart and breath came back to normal, she opened her eyes and saw they were parked in a small, wooded clearing on the side of the road.
“Where are we?”
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
She lifted a brow. “That’s a loaded question.” She felt wrung out like an old, tattered dishcloth.
He smiled. “Granted. Let’s try it this way: Please trust me.”
“With what?”
“The accident . . . it happened in Westbury?”
Raven nodded. “Yes. I didn’t realize it was this close to New York City. I’d always assumed it was nearer to Massachusetts.”
“When you told me about the accident, you said you saw a covered bridge.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“There’s only one covered bridge in Westbury, and it’s right behind us.”
Raven tensed and shook her head. “I don’t want to see it. I can’t go back there.”
He clasped her hand. “Raven, maybe you need to.”
She gave him a long, cold stare.
He stared back, unmoved. Finally, he offered, “I’ll come with you if you want.”
No one could do this with her. She shook her head. “I’d rather go alone.”
He clicked the leash to Brilla’s collar, and Raven exited the car, guiding Brilla across the small clearing to the road’s edge. Across the street was a small lake and a red covered bridge in the distance. It looked so different in the daylight. In her memory, it glowed with a luminous halo from the street lamps on either end of the bridge.
She looked down both sides of the narrow, winding road. It was an asphalt “S” that hugged the stream that fed the lake beyond.
The hair on the back of Raven’s neck rose. This was the place.
When there was a break in the cars whizzing by, she and Brilla crossed the street. As she walked, her feet registered the roadbed’s steep grade that angled toward the stream.
She and Brilla stepped off the road, onto the shoulder, and looked down at an almost sheer drop littered with boulders that ended in the stream. She hadn’t remembered the rocks being so big. A shudder ran through her. This was where their minivan had careened off the road, and her mother had lost her life. Raven knelt and ran her hands over the rocks. It wouldn’t bring her mother back, but it made Raven feel just a little closer to her.
A tidal wave of emotion crashed over her as the truth of this place became clear.
The roads were curved and narrow, difficult to navigate in the best circumstances, let alone on a wet and icy night. Once her mother’s car had started to hydroplane, the road’s angle guaranteed they’d slide down the embankment and smash into the boulders.
The question wasn’t how her mother had died; it was how she’d survived.
Rising to her feet, Raven assessed the road anew with adult eyes. Jack and her sisters were right. The accident wasn’t all her fault. This road was an accident waiting to happen. Their only mistake was driving on it during a rain and ice storm.
Tears she’d held back began to flow. With each sob, years of self-reproach started to wash away.
Fuck. Raven was crying again. He shouldn’t have brought her here, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have let her go alone. What the
fuck was wrong with him?
He waited for a break in traffic, then dashed across the road. Stepping up behind her, he spoke. “Are you okay?”
Raven turned around. “I didn’t kill my mother.” She sobbed again, but these were happy, relieved tears.
His heart leaped. For once, he’d done something right. He wrapped her in his arms and held her close. “No, babe, you didn’t.”
She closed her hands around his waist, then dropped her head against his chest, and wept some more, exorcising decades of pain and misplaced guilt. Through it all, he held her close, offering the shoulder she needed and never had.
God, she felt good. He’d missed this. The feel of her. Her smell. He wished he could lift her in his arms, carry her back to his house, and show her just how much he still cared. How much she still mattered to him. Tilting his head down, he cupped the back of her head in his hands. “Do you forgive me for bringing you here?”
Her bright eyes flicked to his. “I’m so glad you did. Thank you.”
Jack’s hand brushed the side of her cheek. “You deserve to be happy.”
“I want to be happy.” Her voice broke.
Raven looked so beautiful and sad he couldn’t help himself. His mouth closed on hers, and she responded with a soft, sweet moan that shot right through his core. The kiss was soft at first. Tender presses and gentle parting, until his tongue swept into her mouth, and he was so hungry for her taste, he couldn’t hold back. His fingers fisted the hair at the nape of her neck and kissed her deeper, nipping at her bottom lip and sucking on her tongue. A low, needy groan rolled in her throat as she clutched at his sweater and arched against him. They stood there, enveloped in each other for what seemed like hours until Brilla started barking.
Raven pulled away, her lips plump and red. “What’s wrong, Brilla?”
The dog had coiled her leash around Jack and Raven’s legs and gotten stuck.
Jack eyed his cock-blocking, furry friend. “She can be so dumb sometimes.”
“Oh, I think she knew exactly what she’s doing.”
Together, Raven and Jack unfurled themselves, then stepped awkwardly apart.
“Well,” Raven said as she wiped her eyes with her fingertips.
“Well,” Jack answered, gazing at her. Her loveliness broke his heart.
