I wanted to help her, but I wasn’t sure what to do or say. After what we’d been through, we all probably needed professional counseling. It wasn’t the first time I’d witnessed such death and destruction. Chances were, it wouldn’t be the last. But for Eilidh? Well, I didn’t know enough about her to know whether she’d experienced anything like that before.
In the silence, the memories of the evening played in my mind like a movie reel. My gut tightened into knots. My hands trembled. I might’ve cried if I knew how. To have survived all of that, I was a lucky son of a bitch. We all were.
After some time, I finally said, “It’s best not to get too lost in your head. You’re better off to get some rest.”
For a time, I thought she didn’t hear me. Finally, though, she said, “Not sure I’ll be able to sleep tonight. Maybe never again.”
“You will,” I replied with as much confidence as I could muster. “I won’t bullshit you. It might be hard at first. You’ll almost certainly have nightmares. At some point, though, you’ll learn to live with it.”
“Will I?” she asked, finally looking up at me. “How can you know that?”
“I don’t,” I admitted. “I can only speak from my own experience.”
“And that’s what it’s been for you? Eventually you just get used to it? How many times have you been in a situation like this?”
“Not enough to be cold to it,” I said, spreading my hands. “I’ve had some similar experiences, yes. But each time is different. They’re imprinted on my brain. These crazy moments I’ll never forget. And yeah, sometimes I have nightmares. Sometimes I still wake up trembling.”
“What do you do?”
I shook my head. “Probably not the best person to ask. I do what every immature idiot does. I bottle it up and try to forget about it. I wait for the day it becomes too much and I lose it.”
“Do you think that’s what happened to them? The dark mages. Do you think they’re just folks like us who saw too much darkness and were corrupted?”
“I suppose it’s possible,” I said, shrugging. “There’s no shortage of people out there who have been corrupted by power. Or by the dark things in the shadows. I’m no therapist, Eilidh. I don’t have those kinds of answers. My best guess is that they’re just a bunch of power hungry assholes.”
“All that slaughter,” she said, looking away again. “It seems so senseless.”
“Yeah.”
“How could they do that?”
“I don’t know,” I said. That was a lie. I knew it was a lie because I could feel the darkness stirring in my own heart. After what those mages did, I wanted nothing more than to hunt them down, kick open their doors, and kill every last one of them. I suppose there’s an argument that such an action wouldn’t make me any better than they were. I didn’t care. And I guess that’s why it was lie.
“They killed my sisters. Right in front of everyone.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything.
“Sister Betran,” Eilidh said, then paused to wipe a stray tear from her cheek. “We had our differences, but...”
“But she was like family,” I finished for her.
“Yeah,” she replied. “They were better than me. All of them. They were all better at being a witch. Better at following the rules. Better at helping other people. I didn’t deserve to be among their ranks. And now they’re gone and I’m still here.”
“Don’t do that,” I said, staring right at her. “Don’t let yourself walk into the trap of survivor’s guilt. That’s the easiest way to end up somewhere you don’t want to be. It isn’t your fault. You can trust me on that.”
“It’s true, though, isn’t it? The dark mages weren’t interested in me at all. They must have thought I was harmless compared to the others.”
“And you showed them they were wrong. If you hadn’t stepped in to help me when you did, we would’ve lost. I would be dead. Uriah would be dead. Hell, everyone else at the party might’ve ended up dead. You did good, Eilidh. Remember that.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.”
“It never does,” I replied, shaking my head. “To tell you the truth, I have the same thoughts running through my own head. It’s in my nature. I want to blame myself for everything that happened tonight. I’m critiquing every moment, trying to find one where I can point my finger and lay the blame on my own shoulders. It’s easy enough to do.”
“Why do you think that is? Why do we do that?”
“I don’t rightly know,” I admitted. “I like to think it’s the mark of a good person. But I suppose it’s really just human nature. Some foolish need to blame ourselves for failures that aren’t ours to bear. Hell, I have enough I can beat myself up about that are my own fault.”
“Do you?” she asked, looking at me.
“Yeah,” I said. “Or at least I think so.”
“Can you tell me about them?”
“I’d rather not.”
“Okay.”
We sat in silence for a few moments. Finally, I sighed and said, “There was this woman. A witch, actually. Not quite like you, but I guess that was the right term. She was a beautiful person. I only knew her for a short time, but in that time, I saw her for who she was. A truly beautiful soul. She sacrificed herself to save my life.”
“And it was your fault?”
“No, I suppose it was the Obayifo’s fault, but I still think about it. What could I have done to save her? In all the moments that led up to her death, what could I have done differently that might have saved her life? That’s what I think about over and over. And what kind of life she would’ve had if she’d lived. Those are the questions that weigh on my soul. My burden to bear.”
A silence filled the air between us.
“Some years ago, just before my father died, my team was called in to help him with a mission. We hunted a Clown Goblin in the middle of a Halloween festival. I was the first one to make contact. You have to understand that he was more powerful than anything I’d ever faced to that point. I was all but helpless against him. So were most the other mages. He killed a few of them. No one I knew personally, but they were all members of the Cabal. I think about them sometimes too. Was there something else I could’ve done? Could I have realized the bastard was turning back sooner? Could I have found a way through his defenses?”
“And more recently, A woman came to me. She couldn’t remember who she was, but she was sure she was being chased. I thought she was nuts right up until the shadow creatures appeared. My friend Axel and I tried to protect her. Tried to save her from the shadows. And from the others who were hunting her.”
“Did you?”
“Sort of,” I said, sighing. “We ended up getting stuck in a pitched battle against the shadow monsters. Creatures like you couldn’t imagine.”
“Worse than the demons we faced tonight?”
“Yes. No...just different. The shadow creatures weren’t alive. Not in a traditional sense. But they came in every shape, size, and variety you could possibly imagine. We even fought a shadow dragon, believe it or not. There was me, and a few friends I dragged along with me. Also, the Blade Mage from the Southern Circle was there with a group of mages and warriors. And there was another group of assholes who were also after the woman. We had to align ourselves with the bad guys to survive, but a lot of the folks from the Southern Circle didn’t make it. I think about them, too. In the end, the Revenant came and restored her memories. Turns out she was his lover. They left together.”
Eilidh didn’t reply.
“So, no, I guess I didn’t save her,” I said quietly. “The person she was before... She was a lot like the other woman I mentioned. Both were tough and vibrant. Beautiful souls. I failed them both miserably. One is dead and the other is serving the darkness once again. Maybe the same darkness we’re facing now. And Maybe I could’ve done something to stop it then. See what I mean? It’s an endless fucking loop of self-blame. I tell myself I did the best I co
uld. I try to highlight the successes, but it doesn’t matter, it all catches back up to me and I just blame myself again.”
A long silence passed between us.
Perhaps I’d said too much. Perhaps Eilidh agreed with my own take on my shortcomings. In the past day, I heard a lot about my reputation. Mr. Love had spoken like I was some legend from folklore. In truth, I was just a lucky idiot. And a failure. I didn’t deserve to carry Drynwyn. I wasn’t worthy of the Blade Mage title.
Eilidh’s voice cut through the negativity slithering through my brain. She said, “Thank you.”
I glanced over at her and realized she was watching me. I nodded slightly. “You’re welcome.”
We held each other’s gaze for a few moments, and she said, “I think, maybe, you’re too hard on yourself, Wyatt Draven. I think there’s more to your story than you’re telling. Pieces you’re forgetting.”
“Is that right?” I asked, forcing a smile.
“Like the part about how you faced down your own Cabal to save your best friend. Or how you faced the Obayifo. Tell me, would that woman have faced the Obayifo alone without you? Did you force her there? Or did she fight of her own volition?”
I didn’t reply.
“Well?” she asked.
“She went to fight the Obayifo alone,” I admitted.
“Then she’s a hero,” Eilidh said. “And you are too. You didn’t have to fight her, did you? You chose too.”
Again, I kept my silence.
“And the other woman... You didn’t convince her to slap uglies with the Revenant. I bet you did everything you could to save her from him, didn’t you?”
I nodded slowly.
Eilidh was quiet for a moment, then asked, “When you think about those times, do you wonder if it would’ve made a difference if you were a stronger mage? If you’d practiced just a little harder, maybe it would’ve been different?”
“Of course. Is that what you’re thinking?”
It was her turn to nod. “I keep thinking that. I keep thinking if I was more dedicated to my craft maybe I could’ve done something. If I was a better witch, maybe I could’ve saved Sister Betran. Maybe I could’ve stopped them before they killed her. Set her free somehow.”
“Yeah,” I replied with a sigh. “That’s the trap.”
“Maybe we’re both fools,” Eilidh said.
“Maybe so,” I agreed.
“But you’re the bigger fool,” she said with a brief scowl.
There was no malice when she said it and I felt an honest chuckle escape from my lips. “Is that right?”
“Yeah,” she said, meeting my gaze again. “I think you believe that the Blade Mage is supposed to be a powerful magus. Some kind of war mage or great wise man.”
“The thought has occurred to me.”
“But it doesn’t,” she said. “There’s no rule that says that. The sword didn’t choose you because of your skill with the arcane.”
“Well, obviously,” I replied. “I kind of figure it’s miss-wired or something. Blew a fuse, maybe.”
“No, it hasn’t,” she said, shaking her head. “Don’t you get it, Wyatt? It wasn’t looking for a wise man or a powerful mage, it was looking for the type of person who would risk their life to face down an Obayifo. It was looking for the type of mage who would try to save a woman hunted by shadows. The type of wizard who would stand with a bunch of strangers against demons and dark mages. They type of person who would sit up late to try to console a stupid girl for the ridiculous guilt she felt over things out of her control.”
I felt a lump in my throat and I couldn’t manage to slip any words passed it.
“Do you know what I think?” she asked as she rose from her seat. She started for the hallway.
“What?” I asked.
She stopped and glanced back me. “I think the sword chose well.”
We stared at each other for a few seconds.
Finally, I said, “Thank you, Eilidh. Good night.”
“Good night, Blade Mage.”
Chapter 31
I awoke to the sounded of a mumbled voice.
For a moment, I couldn’t remember where the hell I was. The darkness didn’t help.
Finally, I remembered I was in the safe house. And the voice I heard was Uriah’s. He was speaking quietly, and I couldn’t quite make out the words. At first, I thought he was praying, but as my brain drudged toward reality, I realized he was speaking to someone. Only there wasn’t another voice to reply.
I sat up on the couch and glanced up at a clock on the wall. Best I could tell through my dreary eyes, it was around five. Well, at least I’d gotten a few hours of sleep.
I glanced toward the kitchen area and noticed a dark form pacing, and, I’m ashamed to admit, I finally realized that he was on the phone. It was his body language that woke me the rest of the way up. I can’t say what it was exactly. Perhaps something in his pace. A sort of rigid excitement.
“Okay,” he said. “I’ll be there shortly.”
There was a pause.
“Count on it.”
There was a flash of light from the phone as he ended the call.
“Everything all right?” I asked with a yawn.
There was a nervous trimmer in his voice. “Allistair found where the dark wizards are hiding.”
“What?” I asked, trying to dislodge the tired from my mind. “How?”
“I don’t know, but he has eyes on them. We have to hurry.”
“Slow down,” I said, rising from the couch. “How could he have found them?”
“There wasn’t time to explain. He gave me a location. If you’re coming, I suggest you get dressed. We leave in five minutes.”
“Hold on, Uriah,” I said, rubbing my eyes. “Just stop for a second. Let’s think about this.”
“What’s to think about?”
“Uh, the fact we don’t know if Allistair might be the traitor?”
“Allistair was with me the night my father was murdered,” Uriah said. “He’s Victor’s son but he’s been one of my best friends. If he says he’s found something, then he has. I trust him, Wyatt.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding at him. “We’ll go, but we need to be careful. It could be a trap of some kind.”
Uriah shrugged. “Well it if is, then that just makes our enemies easier to find, doesn’t it?”
I couldn’t argue with his logic.
A sleepy eyed Eilidh stumbled out into the living room. Hamish was just behind her.
“What’s going on?” Eilidh asked.
“And why are you two making so much damned noise?” Hamish asked.
“We’ve got a line on the dark wizards,” Uriah said, moving past them toward the room he was staying in. “We’re about to go say hello.”
“We’re about to walk into a trap,” I replied after him.
Hamish yelled back to Uriah. “Do you want me to come along?”
“No,” Uriah replied. “You stay here with the old man. If this falls through, he still may be our best chance. And our very negative Blade Mage thinks this may be a trap. If there’s demons, it’s best we take Knights and mages.”
“Doesn’t hurt my feelings,” Hamish said, turning back down the hall. “Feel free to take my Jeep. Keys are in the ignition. I’m going back to bed. Best of luck. Try not to get killed. Don’t fuck up my ride.”
Eilidh glanced at me. “If you think it’s a trap, why are you going?”
“We don’t have any other leads,” I replied, shrugging. “And as Uriah just pointed out to me, if it is a trap, then it’s easiest way to find the bastards.”
Eilidh sighed. “I’ll get dressed.”
***
Five minutes later, I was dressed in a new pair of jeans, a clean black t-shirt, and black zip up hoodie. Uriah even had a box of random travel sized deodorants. I had a choice between smelling like an Irish river or a fresh sport. I grabbed a new pair of socks, as well. Last, I slid on my blood-stained Chucks and followed
the others out the door.
Given the discretionary nature of our mission, Uriah decided it was best to leave his bike behind. We all rode in the Jeep and he drove.
Outside there was only the faintest hint of daylight creeping over the horizon. For the first time since I’d arrived in Memphis, which felt like ages ago, the city felt calm. A quiet beast slumbering after a hard day of living. We shared in its serene silence. I can’t speak for the others, but I kept my tired eyes focused on the world outside and tried to keep my mind on how much I wanted a cup of coffee instead of what was coming next.
Our path led us into an industrial part of town. Several factories were alive with activity, even in the dying night. The one Uriah stopped in front of wasn’t, though. It was dead. A petrified fossil of Capitalism with broken windows and a shadowed interior. I had little doubt this was the place and I felt my stomach tighten into knots as Uriah pulled into the overgrown vacant lot across the street.
A black van was parked a little further back in a small copse of trees. Four men got out as we approached. Through the headlights I saw their colors and knew they were Knights. Allistair was the only one I recognized, though.
Uriah hopped out first and approached his brothers.
Eilidh and I shared a look. I suspected she had the same trepidation as me. Where were the rest of the Knights? Did Allistair really have the dark mages cornered in this discarded exoskeleton of manufacturing?
I shrugged and we both got out.
Allistair nodded in our direction as we approached, then turned back to Uriah. “You have the wizards with you. Good. My old man was furious when they didn’t show up at the compound last night.”
“I didn’t show up either,” Uriah said.
“Yeah, and he wasn’t happy about that either,” Allistair said with a grin. “Still, I’m glad you’ve brought them. If our source is good, we’ll need them.”
“What’s the story?” Uriah asked. “What have you found?”
“Last night when we got back to the compound, Dad put out the word to all our allies in the city. Every contact we have in Memphis got the message. The Knights are hunting a group of dark wizards in gray cloaks.” There was a measure of pride in his voice as he spoke. He pointed toward the abandoned factory. “You remember Jan?”
The Memphis Knights Page 22
