I swatted at her. “Grandma.”
Mischief sparkled in her eyes. “What?” she defended as if I was crazy. “Have you seen him lately? Whoo-ee. Now that’s one fine-looking boy.”
On all things holy.
How did I stumble down this rabbit hole?
“Grandma,” I scolded again. “That’s my friend you’re talking about like he’s a piece of meat.”
As if I hadn’t ogled him like he was every time I watched him slinging drinks behind his bar.
So sexy.
Powerful.
Beautiful.
Hell, I’d straight told Lillith I wanted to eat him up at least ten-thousand times.
But this was my grandma we were talking about.
“Besides, he’s not a boy.”
Memories from last night flashed behind my eyes. Hitting me hard and fast and hot. Heat gathered in my belly, pulsing low.
I inhaled a sharp breath.
He was all man.
Grandma grinned like she’d just won the lottery. “That’s what I thought. And the fact he’s no longer a boy just means it’s time to make him your man.”
“I don’t need a man to make me happy, Grandma.”
I just . . . wanted this one.
To fall into his safety and care because I knew I’d always belonged there.
She waved me off as if I was silly. “I know, I know, you modern women livin’ it up by yourselves. Bet that gets lonely after a bit,” she said, eyeing me from the corner of her eye, knowing she was hitting it just right.
Dishes clinked as my mama picked up the tray and set it on the desk by the window. “Now, now, Mama, think our Nikki here knows what she needs. Don’t give her too hard of a time.”
A huff left Grandma’s mouth. “Is it too much to ask for another great grandbaby before this old girl rides off into the sunset? That sweet Penelope could use a cousin to run around and get in trouble with. Nothing would make me happier than seeing a new generation taking over before this one blinks out.”
I brushed my fingers through her hair. “Don’t talk like that.”
“You know it’s true . . . not gonna be around forever.”
Somberness moved through the room, and Grandma patted my hand. Not the teasing way she’d done my cheek. But with such tenderness it brought moisture to my eyes.
“I’m just playin’ with you, girl. Not about to pressure you into something you don’t want. But I sure would be happy to kick your tail in the direction that you actually want to go.”
Sydney’s voice moved through my mind like the softest breeze.
“I think it’s the things that hurt the worst that mean the most, don’t you? Good or bad. That’s what’s gonna shape us. Make us into who we are. Guide us on the path to what we want the most. I think we’ll know it when there’s no other direction we can go. And I’m not going to be afraid of walking it anymore.”
“Some things are just worth the wait, Grandma.”
I felt compelled to at least give her that.
She smiled. “Mm-hmm . . . just don’t let him drag his feet too long.”
I wondered if she could possibly know how complicated our lives had been. What the tragedy of losing Sydney had done to both of us.
She sighed and settled deeper into the pillows, and I adjusted the blanket higher on her chest. “So, Grandma, I wanted to ask you . . . did you sell Grandpa’s old Bel Air?
A small smile lit at the corner of her mouth. “Yeah. Todd came back to take care of me the way your mama has been doing. He’s cleaning up this place, getting it back into shape. Lord knows, I’ve let it go to rot these last few years. Gave him the go ahead to sell whatever he wanted since he dropped his job to come out here and fix up the house.”
I smiled at her. “It’s good he’s here. How long’s he gonna be staying?”
Her lids drifted closed. “Probably as long as I last. As long as it takes him and your mom to get rid of this place.”
Grief.
Stark and quiet and resounding.
It echoed through the room, from the clench of my heart to the flinch of my mama where she fiddled with something across the room, her back to us as if she was giving us privacy.
“Did you go through that box with your sister yet?” Grandma asked, her words starting to jumble, her pain medicine surely kicking in. “Wasn’t ever rich, but everything I’ve ever had worth anything I put in there where I kept it in the attic.”
I cringed, unable to confess someone had taken it. I didn’t know what would be worse. Admitting that or the fact my apartment had been broken into in the first place.
I smiled softly. “Not yet. We will soon.”
The lie fell so easily.
I just didn’t know what else to say.
“Want you and your sister to do it soon. See what you might like.”
She peeked an eye open at me. “As long as it doesn’t lead to the two of you getting in one of those fist fights like you used to have over those dolls. No hair pullin’, now.”
A light chuckle rippled free. “Nah, I’m pretty sure we can handle ourselves. Unless you have something extra awesome in there.”
I winked at her, and she laughed, the sound hitching when she began to cough.
“You two . . . find the important stuff. Keep it. That would make me happier than you know.”
I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Instead, I eased forward and kissed her cheek. I pulled back a fraction. “I’ll let you rest.”
She gave a small nod before she was already drifting off.
Reluctantly, I stood, watching over her as she got swept away into a deep sleep. I turned to face my mama who was watching me. Slowly, I approached her and wrapped my arms around her.
She stuttered through a deep breath, doing her best to quiet a sob that clawed at her throat. I just . . . held her while she cried, knowing there were no words that would make it better.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered in my ear after a minute.
My head shook. “Nothing to be sorry for, Mama.”
She nodded, and I held her out by the arms, voice serious. “If you need to rest, call me. I’ll be happy to sit with her.”
Regretfully, she looked at her mother before turning back to me. “I think I’ll take all the minutes I have. They’ll be plenty of time for rest later.”
Quiet sorrow moved between us. “Okay,” I said, wiping the tear that escaped my eye. “Just . . . promise you’ll call if you need me.”
“I will.”
“I’ll be back soon.”
My worry for my sister was right there, hovering in my spirit, wanting to be released.
No matter how heavily it weighed, I wouldn’t break my sister’s trust that way. I had to let her come to me—to us—on her own time.
“I love you, Sunshine,” she said, and I almost blushed at the way Ollie’s nickname for me had spilled over and clung to the rest of my family.
“I love you more,” I told her, backing away.
“Not a chance.”
We smiled at each other as I edged across the groaning planks before I turned in the doorway and bounded back downstairs.
I shrieked when the door suddenly burst open just as I was reaching for the latch, my hand flying up to cover the thunder that was suddenly pounding my heart. I stepped back, still rattled. “Uncle Todd,” I said, trying to force down the nerves that spiked in my body.
I hated that I was still on edge after everything that had happened.
“Well, if it isn’t Nikki Lou.”
He stood there, years older than I remembered, looking so much different. Lines creased his face, and a few more pounds were around his middle.
But the oil and grease staining his hands wasn’t new.
“It’s nice to see you,” I said.
“Good to see you, too. It’s been way too long.”
“It has.”
Awkwardness spun around us, and I hesitated before I said, “I just wanted you to
know my friend bought that old Bel Air. I’m glad it’s going to someone we know.”
A frown pulled across his brow. “The Bel Air?”
I smiled at him. “It’s fine. Grandma told me she is having you sell off some stuff since you left your job to come here and help out. It’s good you’re here for her.”
Unease moved around him, and he nodded, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to take the praise. “It’s not a problem.”
I gestured for the door. “Well, I was just leaving. We’ll have to catch up more soon.”
I sidestepped around him.
From behind, I could feel him swivel around to look at me. “Which friend was that?” he asked.
I peeked back at him. “Ollie.”
He grimaced and then gave a tight nod. Without another word, I ducked out into the night, wondering why it was that I felt so off-kilter.
22
Ollie
Seventeen Years Old
A pebble pinged against the window. When it got no response, he picked up another and did it again, feeling impatient and antsy as he stood outside of Nikki’s grandma’s house in the middle of the night.
Heart in his throat, he picked up another and did it again. This time the pebble he picked up was a whole lot closer to being a rock. He cringed when it clanged against the glass, then breathed out in relief when Nikki’s face appeared in front of the drape.
There was confusion in her expression before a smile pulled to her face when she saw him standing beneath a big tree. She ducked away, and he was sure it was his pulse that would wake the entire house with the way it boomed, excitement and want filling him so full he thought he just might burst.
Not pretty.
But it was the truth.
This girl drove him right out of his mind.
He was already moving her direction by the time she slipped out the front door and silently snapped it shut behind her. She padded across the porch and down the stairs as he jogged her way.
They met in the middle, and he lifted her a couple of inches from the ground so he could feel her weight, spinning her around as he buried his face in the sweetness of her skin.
Honey and light.
She giggled and clung to him, her voice quieted to a whisper. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you.”
“And what if it had been your sister you woke up instead of me?”
He shrugged a little and settled Nikki back on her feet. “Then I’d tell her I was here to check on you two. Pretty much the truth, anyway.”
Nikki stepped back and bit her bottom lip. She took his hand in hers, swaying lightly, spinning around, peeking back at him as she danced them off into the secluded cover of the towering trees. “Is that all you’re here for, Oliver Preston? To check on us?”
There was a tease to her voice, and every inch of his body reacted.
He followed.
Where else was he going to go?
He was enraptured.
Enchanted.
This girl magic.
He rushed her, scooping her up from behind. Her feet kicked into the air as she squealed quietly, her back to his chest and his mouth at her ear. “You know why I’m here.”
“And why’s that?” she played along when he set her back down. She swung back around to face him.
He rushed his fingers through the softness of her hair. “For you.”
“And now that you’re here, what are you going to do with me?”
In a second flat, he had her pressed against the old car her grandpa still drove where it was parked behind a shed at least a hundred yards from the house. Where no one could see them. “First off, I’m going to kiss you.”
He did. He took her face in his hands and he kissed her. Slow and long. He felt like he was standing in the middle of the river, taken by the current, unable to stand.
She sighed, and he hummed as he dropped his forehead to hers. “I was going nuts not getting to do that all day.”
Rex and Sydney were around the whole time, and he hadn’t gotten to sneak a second alone with Nikki.
Hiding this was getting harder and harder, but somehow, finally telling everyone after all this time felt harder to do, too. They’d been doing it for so long, it was beginning to feel like a lie.
A sin.
“You’re driving me crazy, Nik,” he whispered at her mouth. “Don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The second I’m away from you, all I can think about is the next time I get to be with you. You’ve got me so spun up inside.”
Her hands fisted in his shirt. “And the second you walk away, I feel a piece of myself go missing.”
A breath left him, and he ran his lips up her cheek and whispered at her temple, “Sunshine.”
“Beast,” she teased quietly.
He fumbled with the door latch behind her, and Nikki was giggling as he angled her around to open the door. He fell into the seat and took her with him. She was quick to straddle his lap, hands on his shoulders, rocking against him.
If he didn’t get to feel all of her soon, he might die.
He was sure of it.
Because her rubbing on him like that was nothing but torture.
The best kind of torture.
He just didn’t know how much more of it he could take.
His hands went to her waist. “What if we stole the keys to this car and just drove away?”
She was kissing him, murmuring at his mouth, “Where would we go?”
“Anywhere . . . everywhere . . .” he rumbled. “Just so long as we’re together. Can’t wait until it’s just us. You and me . . . my girl riding at my side in my badass car.”
She giggled. The sound of it vibrated right through the center of him. “Mmm . . . you want an old car like this?”
Their hands were everywhere. Touching and exploring.
He groaned. “Hell, yes.”
“Hot rod, huh?” she whispered.
“You know it. Nothing cooler than that. Gonna have one by the time I’m eighteen. Just wait. Then it’s just you and me. No more hiding.”
“Are you going to wait that long to take me?”
He stilled at her question. Because her voice had gone different. Something needy. No longer a tease.
He pulled back and looked at her through the milky light of the moon. Trusting eyes and freckled skin and heated body. “You want that?”
Didn’t matter it was dark, he could feel the warmth rise to her cheeks. “Yes.”
He swallowed around the lump that almost strangled him.
Nerves and excitement and lust.
He stared up at her, watching her expression when he said, “Next weekend . . . there’s a big bonfire at the lake. Supposed to camp with a bunch of people from school. Tell your mom you’re spending the night with Sydney.”
Her head angled to the side, that same worry they had over his sister taking over her features. “And what am I supposed to tell Sydney?”
A sigh pilfered free. He didn’t want to be annoyed. Irritated that they were sneaking around because they were afraid they might offend her or hurt her.
“We’ll . . . figure it out, okay? We’ll make it work. I just want to be with you.”
She wound her arms around his neck. “I just want to be with you, too.”
23
Ollie
Traditions.
It was hard to pinpoint exactly how they were formed. How they came into existence. It was like a slow slide of habits that gathered and merged until they stuck. Most people viewed them as a good thing.
Holidays and family and celebration.
Cherished memories repeated again and again.
This tradition?
It was nothing less than masochistic.
Hot blades cutting into my skin.
Needlessly, considering the scars were already there. Etched in me so deeply they could never be erased.
Kale and Rex both inclined back on different pieces of furniture in the bac
k office at Olive’s, Rex with the bottle this year, pouring it into the shooters. “Seems crazy this date has come up again. Years going by faster than I can make sense of them.”
A sorrowful, wistful sound filtered from Kale. “Yeah. Time just keeps rolling, things changing so quickly, and still I can close my eyes, and I swear, I’m back there at the lake that night.”
Shivers scraped across the surface of my skin.
Agony.
Rex peered over at me. “You sure you want to do this again?”
“What’s changed?” My voice was grit, even though the words were feeling more and more like a lie.
The first time we’d gathered on the anniversary of this night? We’d been eighteen. They’d found me at the lake.
Alone.
Looking at the water like it might conjure her existence on the glassy, darkened surface.
They’d climbed down on either side of me.
Kale with all his quiet understanding and support. Rex wearing some sort of unfathomable grief on his face.
He’d pulled out this massive bottle of cheap whiskey, twisted the cap, and handed it to me.
I’d chugged what had to have been half of it until I’d choked on the burning liquid that’d pooled in my empty gut, then the three of us had sat there for hours, passing it back and forth until it was empty and the sun was coming up.
Two of them swimming in my loss. Keeping me from drowning.
I’d pushed Nikki away. Hadn’t seen more of her that unbearable year than stolen glances which had damned near destroyed the last bit of me.
Cutting her out of my life had hurt like a fucking bitch. But how could I have her when the cost of wanting her was my sister?
I couldn’t.
And I’d hated and hated and hated, and that feeling had built for so many years until it suffocated me. Until I could no longer see straight, which was how I’d ended up at Nikki’s door a year ago tonight.
Nothing but a selfish bastard.
Taking her.
Of course, I couldn’t even remember how I’d gotten there since I’d been so messed up that my rational mind could no longer convince my spirit that I wasn’t allowed to have her.
Fight for Me: The Complete Collection Page 90
