by Sarina Dorie
Thatch’s hand slipped down my back again.
I twisted my face away. “Elric, please, help me. Why aren’t you making him stop?”
Did Elric truly intend to take away Thatch’s will and punish us both out of spite? I had only seen hints of Elric’s cruelty before, but now panic flooded through me at the realization of how indifferent he could be to the suffering of mortals.
“It might not be such a bad idea, for you and him to do this. If the two of you are sexually intimate, you’ll know what it will be like. I’m afraid you’ll be terribly disappointed, but at least you’ll see what an unsatisfying lover he is.” Elric strode around him, calm and collected. “I imagine he’ll enjoy it—and hate it—and be so humiliated he’ll never speak with you again. Afterward, you’ll know that your feelings for him were lust, and your infatuation will end. The only thing that ever holds you back from consummating your feelings for him is me.”
“No. It isn’t just that. I don’t want to be with him.” The lie tasted wrong on my lips.
I struggled to push myself from Thatch, but I couldn’t use pain to hurt him. And pleasure wasn’t going to help me in this situation either.
“I give you my permission,” Elric said.
“I don’t care about your damned permission. I don’t want this. Please, make him stop.”
Thatch grunted and stopped kissing me. His arm shot away from me and smacked against the stone wall. His leg shifted away from mine. His body shook with effort, trying to fight Elric’s spell. I stumbled back from him.
Elric held his hand out to me. I took it.
He stroked my hand, the gesture calming me. “If it would make it easier for you, I could restrain him like this. That way he wouldn’t touch you or hold you. He wouldn’t activate your affinity. You would be completely in control. And I would be right here with you to make sure he didn’t break free or hurt you in any way.”
“No.” That was just weird and creepy. It was wrong on so many different levels.
“The venom isn’t going to last forever. If you’re going to take advantage of it, you’d have to do it in the next couple hours.” Elric approached Thatch. He ran a finger down Thatch’s chest.
Thatch closed his eyes, panting. I couldn’t tell if he liked it or didn’t. Perhaps he didn’t either. “Touch me again, and I’ll break that finger off.”
Elric laughed. He sounded so tickled. If I had heard that laugh at any other time, I wouldn’t have guessed he was torturing someone. Was this Elric’s true nature?
He wanted to be human. He wanted to love and be loved, but he still didn’t understand Witchkin. For all his efforts, he was still biologically Fae.
I tugged Elric away from Thatch. “Don’t you get it? It’s just wrong. It’s nonconsensual. It’s like rape.”
“You’re right. It is wrong. It’s what he does to you. Over and over, and you let him get away with it. Each time he always claims he has a good reason.” Elric placed his hands on my shoulders. “And every time he does it, regardless of the excuse, it’s still wrong.”
His words sank in like anchors weighing down my soul. I stared as Thatch struggled and hyperventilated.
Thatch glowered at me. “You want me. I’ll make you want me.”
Elric circled his arms around me and kissed my temple. “I’m tired of being second, Clarissa. I need you to choose. Me or him.”
How could I resist the warmth of his arms? He made the worries of the world melt away. Elric had his flaws, but no one was perfect. He loved me and showed me. He would never drain me or try to hurt me. That was what mattered. He knew how to show he cared about me.
I leaned into him. “I choose you.”
“Do you? You’re going to stop listening to all the lies he tells you about me? You’ll stop allowing him to convince you Fae semen is toxic or that I’m going to enslave you and make you my captive? You’ll believe me when I say he’s poisoning you against me?”
I swallowed, suddenly nervous. Thatch had drilled those fears into me. It was hard to give them up. Yet I couldn’t blame Elric for being resentful. If Thatch hadn’t told me to use protection, I wouldn’t have made Elric use a condom, and he wouldn’t have gotten burned. Thatch told me all those stories about what Fae did with their slaves, but I had just met a former student from my school who had told me about Elric’s kindness. He hadn’t enslaved her. He’d saved her.
I tore my gaze away from Thatch, staring at the floor instead. “I will stop listening to him.”
“Promise?”
I nodded.
He turned me to face him. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He adjusted my collar and smoothed out my blouse, which had become wrinkled and twisted when I’d been in Thatch’s arms. “Will you please allow me to make love to you now?”
Thatch let out a guttural growl. “You do not love him. Haven’t you caught on? You only love him when he’s touching you. Drink the elixir I made for you.”
He was referring to the one to neutralize my powers and all magics.
Elric waved a hand in his direction. He silenced. When I risked a glance, I found Thatch’s face was mottled. He continued to scream, but no voice came out. The chains rattled, and his body thudded against the wall as he fought to make himself heard. It was a horrible thing to see anyone suffer like that, even someone I didn’t like. He could be cruel and arrogant and self-righteous. But he was still human. He deserved to be treated with dignity. Even Thatch had the nobility to treat Elric decently in the hour of his greatest suffering.
Elric turned my chin back to him.
“Will you let him go?” I asked.
He shrugged noncommittally. “He doesn’t deserve your charity or generosity, but then again, neither do I.”
I touched a hand to the smooth silk of his cheek, so perfect and otherworldly. “If I promise not to learn magic from Thatch, and I stop excusing his behavior every time he’s a jerk, will you let him go after this?”
“This sounds like a Fae bargain.” He tilted his head to the side. “Only this is one I am not compelled to make, because you haven’t been able to follow through with this in the past. You will find a reason to associate with him, and you will allow him to use you again. When you fail, you will risk a consequence, which will make you resent me. We will both lose in the end. You cannot prove your love to me with a drawn-out promise that is so easy to break.”
He was right. It was better not to become trapped in deals that were difficult to measure like the one I had made to give him my heart.
“If I go upstairs with you, and we make love, then you’ll know I love you? Then you’ll release him?” I asked.
He hesitated. “You’re making physical intimacy with me conditional on whether I release Thatch.”
My heart dropped down to my stomach. Did that make me manipulative like a Fae? Or like my mother?
“Is that what you truly want? A bargain?” Elric’s silver eyebrows rose.
“That wasn’t my intention. I just . . . it would be easier for me to concentrate on us if I didn’t have to worry about him.”
“I could say the same thing. I would fret about you so much less if he was locked away forever.”
Did he truly mean that? Was this the same man who rescued Witchkin teenagers from slavers and came to the rescue of mermaids with hooks in their mouths. Or was it a bluff?
“If that is your price, I won’t refuse you. I can’t,” Elric said, a wry smile on his face.
“Does it have to be a bargain? Can it be a favor?”
“A favor, a barter, a deal. It’s all the same.” He lifted his hand so that his palm faced me. Magic glittered around his fingers.
I wouldn’t be able to get out of this if magic was involved. “Can’t we just agree like two civilized, normal people? Does everything have to be a magical bargain or pact?”
His eyes were so mournful, I believed he regretted what he’d d
one. “I will release Thatch once the venom has worn off in a few hours. That way he isn’t at risk of hurting anyone—or being seduced by anyone in the Fae court. No one will be put in any situations in which they aren’t able to fully consent to any sexual activities. In exchange for my charity, you will prove to me your love is true by giving Thatch up and allowing me to love you completely. Starting now. In my bed.”
If I did this, was there anything in this bargain that could possibly go wrong?
I nodded. He lifted his palm, golden light glowing from his fingers like the last time I’d seen an oath made. I lifted my hand. Unlike the last time, the light faded the moment my palm touched his. Perhaps this was a different kind of magic.
“Did it work?” I asked.
“Yes, and no.” He hugged me to him. “I decided not to use magic. You agreed. I will trust your word and hope you will trust mine. I don’t want you to feel magically coerced.”
I fought the urge to thank him. I hugged him more tightly and said the words he’d taught me to say, “You are very good to me.”
He leaned in to kiss me but paused. “You smell like him. Would you mind washing his saliva off you?”
I laughed at the expression on his face. “What? You don’t want to prove to me you love me so much you’re willing to kiss me with someone else’s saliva on my face?”
“Ha ha. Aren’t you hilarious? You’d fit right in with my family, interrogating Witchkin and trying to damn their souls.” He poked me in the ribs. “Don’t you know? Some Witchkin saliva can be toxic.”
I laughed harder. As I did so, the dungeon brightened. I turned away from the light, blinking. The solid walls and dank chamber faded away. We were upstairs in one of his chambers again. A hot spring trickled water into a steaming bath.
Elric took my hand and led me over to the bath. He undressed me slowly, sensually. I savored every stroke of his hands against my naked skin. He lifted me off my feet and carried me to the water. He stepped in, cradling me in his arms. Fabric shifted under my hands, and he was naked.
“Hey, not fair,” I said. “You were supposed to let me undress you.”
“Next time.”
The heat of the water was perfect. He sat down, holding me on his lap. I stared into his eyes.
“We don’t want you to say I coerced you later,” he said. “I should probably do something to make you uncomfortable so you’ll know you really wanted me to caress you and kiss you.”
“Unnecessary.”
He splashed me in the face.
I sputtered. “You’re mischievous.”
He laughed. “I never claimed not to be. You knew that going into this.”
I scooted off his lap and sat on the bench. His crotch shimmered with magic. I wondered whether he was using some kind of glamour on himself or it was a healing magic. Considering how sensitive he surely would be after his injury, I decided not to mention it.
I scrubbed my hands against my face and tried to wash Thatch off me. My thoughts flickered back to him, and I pushed him away. I wouldn’t think of him. I was done with him. He had tried to drain me.
I dipped my head in the water and stood up, whipping my head out of the water so my hair spun back and splattered Elric.
“That’s no less than I deserve.”
Goosebumps prickled my chest and arms. My nipples puckered in the cold. It took all of my courage not to sink into the water and hide.
“You are truly beautiful.” Elric gazed so admiringly at me my head felt giddy with delight.
He tugged me back onto his knee. “Will you allow me to show you how much I love you right now?”
“Can you? I mean, well, there’s your injury. I don’t want to make things worse.”
I glanced again at the wavering magic making it difficult to focus on his genitals.
He shifted me in his arms so that I was more firmly situated on his lap. From the firmness of his erection, I suspected he wasn’t as injured as I’d thought.
He stroked my back, staring adoringly into my eyes. “Clarissa Lawrence, do you consent to kissing me even though it might put you under my spell?”
More like put me under my own spell, but I was glad he hadn’t said it out loud.
“I consent. It’s kind of you to ask.”
He pressed his lips to mine. “In that case, I’m going to kiss you and make love to you until tomorrow.”
I moaned against his mouth, desire consuming me.
“Will you become my wife and the mother of my children?” he asked.
He stroked me between the legs. I would have agreed to anything about then.
I had never felt more happy in my life than I was in Elric’s arms.
It was hours later while we were cuddling in bed that something clattered to the wooden boards underneath. Elric craned his neck, gazing at something rolling across the floor.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I don’t know. It looked like some kind of bottle. Perfume perhaps.” He shrugged indifferently.
A bottle. A vial.
I had promised Thatch I would drink the potion when my contract was finished. I had thought he meant for me to use it the night before to keep myself safe from him. But he had never specified the exact moment I should drink it. He’d simply insisted I use it to neutralize my magic.
Now Thatch was locked up. Or perhaps he’d been released by this point.
I’d given him my word I would drink it. Doubt nudged me this might be a bad idea. He might have lied about what it did. Then again, if he was my friend and he had been speaking the truth, the worst it would do was make my affinity not overwhelm me when I made love with Elric. I would feel the same desire a Morty felt, and for once I wouldn’t be a slave to my affinity.
I slipped out of bed and retrieved the vial. The liquid inside was colorless, but it sparkled as though it contained glitter.
“What is that?” Elric asked.
“It’s a potion.” I uncorked it. The aroma of butterscotch wafted toward me. Anxiety fluttered in my belly.
I had promised.
Elric sat up, fear in his eyes. “No. Don’t. Who—”
Before he could snatch it away, I brought the bottle to my lips and swallowed the mouthful of potion. The liquid burned going down. Warmth flushed to my limbs before cooling. I shivered in the sudden chill of air. Or perhaps it was the potion that chilled me.
Elric smacked the bottle from my hands, and it toppled to the floor and rolled away. “What did you just drink?” Elric asked sharply.
“It was a kind of elixir to help me . . . control my affinity.” It wasn’t a complete lie.
He tugged me back into his arms, wrapping blankets around me. “No more secrets, Clarissa. What did you just drink?”
“Okay,” I said. I tried to think of a truthful answer that wouldn’t hurt his feelings.
The potion warmed my belly, spreading outward from my core.
Elric stroked my hair and kissed me. My affinity didn’t flutter. His lips parted mine, tasting me. As expertly as his hands stroked me, I wasn’t aroused. I felt nothing. More than nothing. There was something . . . icky about this.
“Tell me what that potion was for. Who made it? It was from him, wasn’t it?” He murmured against my cheek. He nibbled his way down my neck and between my breasts.
Kissing me like this should have distracted me. Normally it would have made my brain foggy and my will weak. I would have become complacent without realizing it and succumbed to his questioning. I could see the difference now that I was immune to it. His thumb brushing across my nipple didn’t make me wet for him, nor did my affinity hunger for him.
All I felt was disgust at being touched by him as he tried to manipulate me. I flinched away from him.
“Clarissa, what’s wrong?” His brows furrowed.
He resembled a flawless marble sculpture, too perfect to be real. His toned muscles and pretty face might have aroused so
me women.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked.
He was perfect in so many ways. But he was entitled, sneaky, and cruel—even if he wasn’t to me. He was a liar and married—to two other women. He coerced me through kisses and touch, and he was trying to do so now with his caresses. Even if he did love me, I didn’t want to be with him.
“I’m sorry.” My heart was heavy as I realized the truth. “I don’t love you.”
As I sat there, cut off from my affinity, I wasn’t certain I loved Felix Thatch either. My affinity had made me lust for touch. Both of them were manipulative, self-righteous jerks.
Thatch had always been careful not to touch me, and when he had, it had been purposeful—to heal, to use my magic to bend me to his will, or to prove a point to me about how my touch affinity had worked. More than once he’d tried to spell it out for me. Only I hadn’t listened, even as he’d demonstrated how easy it was to use me.
Elric had respected my desire not to be touched—for a time. Had he known each time he held my hand or stroked my hair it would temper my emotions and cause me to melt into a puddle in his hands? Julian had known. I wasn’t certain if Elric intentionally had taken away my will or not.
Without my affinity, I could see the truth. They had both used me, though perhaps for different reasons.
Love had nothing to do with my sexuality and my affinity. Even Derrick had unwittingly made me love him through his touch. Unwittingly—until he’d intentionally used my affinity against me in our last moments together to drain me.
I would never be able to trust anyone to touch me again. Not sexually anyway. I didn’t know if I would ever love any man again, knowing this. How could I ever lead a normal life?
There was only one love I had ever been certain of, one person whose touch had never been used to manipulate me.
I held my head as high as one could who realized she’d been bested. “I would like you to take me home now. I need to recuperate with my family. I want to see my mom.”
THE END
