The Healer’s Mantle

by Leigh Roberts

  * * *

  The next morning, Acaraho brought Honovi back to the Healer’s Quarters, this time to meet Oh’Dar. Honovi had a natural love for children and was looking forward to meeting the little boy.

  Adia and Nadiwani were sitting on the floor playing with Oh’Dar when Honovi arrived. Adia picked him up and turned him around, pointing him in the direction of his new teacher, who was coming over to meet him.

  Oh’Dar looked up at Honovi and started screaming hysterically, then turned back to Adia and buried his face against her, wailing.

  They all instinctively reached out to comfort Oh’Dar, including Honovi, which only scared him all the more and made him cry even harder.

  “Oh, I was not thinking!” exclaimed Adia. “Oh’Dar has never seen one of the Brothers, and he has no memory of his parents. He has only been around the People. He has no idea he looks far more like you than he does us!”

  I may look as foreign to him as Acaraho looked to me when I first saw him bursting down the hill a few days ago, thought Honovi.

  “We are going to have to take this more slowly,” said Adia.

  Oh’Dar would need more time to adjust to Honovi’s frightening appearance.

  * * *

  While Adia was feeling greatly relieved now that Acaraho had found a teacher for Oh’Dar, Khon’Tor’s mate, Hakani, was not in so pleasant a state of mind.

  Chapter 2

  Khon’Tor could not put it out of his mind that one of the males—males he trusted and believed in—had lain with his mate and seeded her. Someone who was not Khon’Tor’s offspring would, therefore, be heir to the People’s leadership. But the Leader had to let everyone think it was his own. He hated it, but he hated, even more, the idea of his people knowing that Hakani had betrayed him, so he could not evict his mate from his quarters as he wished. Going back there to her presence was agonizing. And now that more eyes were on them both, he could no longer overnight in the meeting room he had taken over before, without creating talk and inciting her anger.

  * * *

  Hakani knew that, as Khon’Tor’s mate, she was living on borrowed time. Her mind was working feverishly, trying to figure out how to gain leverage over him once she ‘lost’ the offspring she was pretending to be carrying.

  She had been enjoying the attention showered on her by the other females since Khon’Tor’s announcement that she was with offspring. Not too long before that, she had felt shunned by the community—powerless and invisible—but time had softened their attitudes toward her. The advent of any new life was always an occasion of great joy, and rumors she and Khon’Tor were estranged, that he had evicted her from their shared bed, faded away.

  At least, she thought, everyone assumes it is his. Khon’Tor never stated it was his offspring. But I am not going to be able to keep this up much longer.

  She was going to have to fake a miscarriage. It may get me some sympathy for a while, but after it wears off, there will not be anything keeping Khon’Tor from going to the High Council and replacing me with another mate—someone to give him his precious offspring. Oh, it might be a while before he can, but in time, that is precisely what he will do. If I do not produce an heir for him, he will find a way to get rid of me.

  For Hakani, her greatest pleasure had become getting back at Khon’Tor for the slight of not being his First Choice, followed closely by making trouble for Adia.

  She knew it would be driving Khon’Tor mad trying to figure out who the father of the pretend offspring was. It will eat at him for the rest of our lives. Until I can think of another way to make him pay, I will have to be satisfied with that.

  Hakani had heard that Khon’Tor had found someone to teach Whitespeak to the Waschini offspring. She still resented that Khon’Tor had welcomed it into their community and asked for everyone’s support at the same time he had announced she was with offspring. She was sick of hearing about the Waschini and the Healer everywhere she went. Somehow, despite my efforts, the Healer has won back the favor of our people.

  * * *

  Eventually, Oh’Dar got over his fear of Honovi. When he crawled up onto her lap, he would stare at her, fascinated by her long straight coal-black hair. She used his curiosity about everything to tell him the Whitespeak words for each object he picked up, dropped, or turned over. Coupling the Handspeak words he knew with the corresponding Whitespeak words made it that much clearer. Though he could not yet form the Whitespeak words, she knew his mind was taking it all in and storing it for later.

  She found Oh’Dar to be incredibly bright. He was also a naturally happy offspring, as Adia and Nadiwani had said. Oh’Dar used the same sign for Mama for both Adia and Nadiwani. Honovi taught him a different word to use for Nadiwani, something akin to Auntie Mama. She knew Nadiwani would not mind, much as she loved Oh’Dar, because it was she who had suggested Adia deserved the title of Mama. It was Adia who had taken the risk and suffered for it in saving his life.

  So far, Honovi had spent her time in either the Healer’s Quarters or her own, but word quickly spread that Acaraho had found a teacher for Oh’Dar. The People kept watch, hoping to learn something about her. There were mixed feelings about his learning the Waschini language, though, if he were going to learn Whitespeak, the mothers understood better that the time was while he was young and absorbing everything easily.

  * * *

  Adia lay on her sleeping mat in the early hours before dawn, reflecting on the past few months. I would do it all over again for Oh’Dar, but I am also glad it is behind me; I need some peace and predictability. I do not even remember how long it’s been since Khon’Tor attacked me. I should have marked it on my Keeping Stone, but that would have made it all the more real. There are two things it is best I not dwell on. One is what Khon’Tor did to me, and the other is Acaraho.

  Adia sighed and rolled over, wanting very much to go back to sleep.

  Though she did not know the exact date it happened, Adia knew it had been a while, and she thought she should be feeling better as time went on, not worse. She was tired most mornings, even when she’d had a long rest, which was not like her. She knew Nadiwani had also noticed.

  A few hours later, as Honovi was working with Oh’Dar, Nadiwani and Adia were standing at the worktable when a wave of dizziness hit Adia. She caught herself on the edge of the rock slab.

  “Are you alright?” asked Nadiwani, clearly seeing she was not.

  “Yes, just a little dizzy, that’s all, and I have a headache,” she answered, holding her palm up to her forehead. Then all of a sudden, Adia rushed over to one of the empty baskets by the wall and threw up violently.

  Nadiwani did not think much of it until it happened again the next day. Once was understandable, but two days in a row?

  Tiredness, headaches, nausea, Nadiwani checked Adia’s symptoms off in her mind.

  Suddenly, her mouth hung open. Oh no, she thought to herself. No, no, it’s not possible, she told herself again. The symptoms are all there; only it is truly not possible. Adia is the Healer, a maiden. There is no one more dedicated to being a Healer. Adia has even been called the Healer’s Healer. Her reputation is renowned. She is above reproach. There is no way she could be, would ever let herself become—seeded?

  It was if Adia’s seventh sense had heard the exact words Nadiwani was thinking. Adia looked up directly into Nadiwani’s eyes, then looked away.

  The Healer took some fresh water, and after cleaning up, finally looked back at Nadiwani who was still staring at her, wide-eyed in disbelief.

  By now, Honovi had noticed what was going on. Realizing that the teacher was watching them, Nadiwani took the Healer’s arm and led her a little way off.

  “Adia. It cannot be— But everything you have told me— There’s no way, you cannot possibly be—” stammered Nadiwani.

  The look in Adia’s eyes confirmed Nadiwani’s fears. Nadiwani’s hands flew up to cover her mouth as if she could keep it from being true by holding back the words.

 
* * *

  Adia finally had to face what had been lingering in the back of her mind. She had not wanted to consider it either. She wanted peace, and she needed things to get back to normal. Listening to Nadiwani struggling with the thought of it herself, Adia finally had to admit it. Yes, she absolutely could be—and was—with offspring.

  She closed her eyes. I do not want to face this. I do not want to talk about it. I know Nadiwani’s first question is going to be who and how. I’ve never had any secrets from her until now. This is one I cannot reveal, but oh how I need her friendship to help me through this.

  Adia braced herself for the next question—the question she could never and would never answer. She turned, held her hand up to Nadiwani, and said, “Do not ask. Do not ask, Nadiwani, I am begging you. I cannot tell. I cannot nor will I ever tell you or anyone.”

  Nadiwani lowered her eyes, then in the next moment they flew wide open. She turned back to Adia and signed, “Acaraho.”

  “Acaraho? How could you possibly think Acaraho—”

  Adia knew Acaraho had never treated her or any female with anything but the utmost respect. Nadiwani thinks this was a consensual mistake I made. So, no wonder, it makes sense she would think of Acaraho. Perhaps she has caught me looking at him when I thought no one was watching? And maybe the other way round, too.

  “No Nadiwani. Stop. Please stop. No, why would you think of Acaraho?”

  “I have seen how you look at each other, Adia. It is not so much of a jump to a conclusion, is it, considering when you were so ill he lay with you and held you against his body to keep you warm,” she continued

  “What?” asked Adia. “What are you talking about?” She quickly stepped forward to get Nadiwani’s attention, “What are you talking about?”

  “After you were brought in—after Is’Taqa found you—you were so sick. You were sick, and your body temperature was too low. It was the only way to bring your core temperature up. I needed body heat, and Acaraho is the largest, most muscular male. It was the only way to save you. And he was already assigned to protect you— It is a proven clinical approach—you know that yourself” she stammered.

  * * *

  Adia thought she was going to pass out—this time not from the dizziness, but from the thought that she and Acaraho had shared a sleeping place. That she had lain, propped up against him while he warmed her with his natural heat. He had saved her life, and she had never known it. Then she remembered the feeling of comfort and safety that had come with her when she woke from the fog. She had thought it was from when Acaraho had carried her back to the cave. She realized now it was probably some vapor of a memory she had retained of feeling safe, warm, and secure lying up against him for that time. Oh, how she wondered what Acaraho had thought of that experience.

  Is Nadiwani insinuating that Acaraho took advantage of me sometime during that period? No, not Acaraho. Anyone but Acaraho; he has too much honor. He has too much respect for females; he would never take advantage of anyone. Nadiwani should know he is not capable of such a thing!

  But at least this tells me it was Ithua who tended to my intimate injuries, as I thought. If it had been Nadiwani, she would have known I was brought in already violated.

  “Nadiwani. This is the last thing I am going to say on the topic. Do not ask me anything else. But hear me very clearly. Acaraho had nothing to do with this. Nothing. And I will not tolerate his reputation being tainted with any insinuation to that effect either. You will put the thought out of your mind completely. I have never lied to you, and I am telling you the truth now. Acaraho did not seed this offspring,” she said sternly and slowly. Her eyes were fixed on Nadiwani.

  “Alright,” said her friend. Silence took its place between the two females for some time. Now that Adia was confident she had made it clear there could be no thought of Acaraho’s involvement here, her thoughts turned to her predicament.

  * * *

  As they stood there in silence, everything began hitting Adia at once. It was all so overwhelming. Suddenly, she needed to be alone, where she could have some privacy with her thoughts. But where to go when Nadiwani and Honovi were here with Oh’Dar? She desperately needed to get away, so she excused herself, left the Healer’s Quarters, and started walking.

  The array of tunnels in their underground home was extensive. If you needed to walk, you could do so mindlessly for some time without having to give a thought to where you were going. Adia had not grown up at Kthama as the others had, but she had learned much, and she knew how to read the markings on the intersections, so she was at no risk of getting lost.

  As she was walking, Adia realized she was heading toward a special place about which she had forgotten. So many years had passed since she first discovered it. Tucked far away in the back tunnels, through a small opening that most would never notice, was a charming little cave enclosing a small, shallow pool. Adia had found it when she first arrived to become the Healer for the People of the High Rocks; when she was grieving the loss of the People of the Deep Valley—her community and the life she had known there growing up.

  This pool was not like the Gnoaii, the shallow underground pool formed by the Mother Stream. The Gnoaii was always stocked with fish before the first snow, providing an easy source of protein for the winter months if the hunting groups came up short. However, this was a place which possibly no one other than she even knew existed.

  It had not been in her mind to come here when she started walking, but now she realized it was exactly what she needed. She negotiated the opening and sat down by the clear little pool, leaning back against the cool smooth rock wall. She put her feet in the cool water, and as she had done years ago, she let the tears fall and sobbed out all the pain and despair locked inside her. She had never felt so alone in her life, and she had no one to turn to for help.

  Adia stayed there for a very long time. Finally, she was ready to return to her quarters, expecting that by now Honovi would have returned to hers and Nadiwani would have put Oh’Dar to bed.

  She tried to enter as quietly as possible, carefully slipping onto her sleeping mat, beside Nadiwani’s. The Helper had taken to staying with her more often since Oh’Dar’s arrival and the work it entailed. Adia curled up on her side and tucked her hands under her chin. As she tried to drift off into sleep, silent tears streamed down her face and disappeared into the soft bedding, their brief existence witnessed only by her and the Great Mother.

  * * *

  The next morning, Nadiwani was as quiet as she could be. She knew her friend was hurting. After Adia had left the previous evening, Nadiwani realized her own insensitivity. So stunned by this turn of events and so obsessed with who the father might be, and how this could even have happened, she had not stopped to think of the position Adia was in. Nadiwani felt ashamed she had focused on the drama of the situation and had questioned Acaraho’s honor rather than consoling her friend. The High Protector was above reproach, and that was precisely why she had pressed him into service to help warm Adia. What was I thinking? Besides, I, or someone else, was in the room the whole time.

  And Nadiwani had plenty of time to think about Adia during the rest of the evening. She could not fully grasp what her friend was going through, but she did know this was pretty much the worst possible situation a Healer could be in. Not allowed to mate because of the dangers of carrying and delivering an offspring; now, she was facing all those risks.

  Not to mention the reaction of the community. Regardless of Adia’s dedication to her vocation, she has crossed a line sacred to the Healer’s calling. People will demand to know who the father is; they will not be able to let it go. It all boils down to a terrible situation for Adia and one with no solution other than to bear up under it and try to survive. Well, almost—

  Adia woke, realizing Nadiwani was already up. Even though she could not confide in her Helper, Nadiwani was still her closest friend, and her presence alone was comforting.

  Eventually, she joined Nadiwani at the
work table. They often leaned over the table while talking or drinking brewed herbs. Nadiwani did not say a word, only putting her arm across her friend’s back and drawing her over in a hug.

  “I am so sorry,” she said. Adia just closed her eyes and nodded.

  Nadiwani knew Adia had been crying. In all the years she had known her, she had only known her to cry twice before—the first was when she first joined the People and was grieving the loss of her own family and community. The second was when her father returned to the Great Spirit. She could only imagine the loneliness Adia had felt during those times and knew she must be feeling very lonely now.

  A few more moments of silence passed between them, this time not uncomfortable silence, just a natural and respectful quiet shared between close friends.

  “Adia,” said Nadiwani softly. “There are ways. You know there are ways,” she offered quietly.

  Adia looked over at her friend with tears welling in her eyes. Yes, there are ways.

  There were ways to end a pregnancy using any number of herbs. Parsley, Cotton Root Bark, Blue Cohosh, Black Cohosh. The People’s Healers knew about these methods and would choose whatever was available in their location—but they had to be used early, within the first season, before the little life inside had taken hold firmly.

  In her solace in the little cave next to the pond, Adia’s thoughts had also turned to that solution.

  Oh, how I wish I could avoid this path. I do not want to face the long road ahead of me: the judgment, the talk, the sideways glances. And Khon’Tor—I do not want to think about him yet. I cannot fathom what he will do to me when he finds out I am carrying his offspring. How easy it would be to make it all go away. A few days of some carefully prepared brews and my body would expel the little life growing within me. No one but Nadiwani and I would ever know of its tiny, brief existence.