by T. S. Joyce
Kong sighed and nodded. “As he should. Keeping that kind of grit inside will kill a man. Or a woman.” He cocked an eyebrow and rocked up out of the booth. “Don’t hurt my boy, Haydan, yeah?”
He clapped Matt on the shoulder as he passed. Cassie hadn’t even noticed him standing there.
“Let me guess,” she said as her brother sat down across from her. “You called Kong to keep me out of trouble until you could get here.”
“Yep. Haydan called me, but I was out a ways. He sounded like shit, by the way. Impressive that you demolished a dominant grizzly shifter in two days. I’d pat you on the back if I weren’t so pissed.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t need to send Kong because I wasn’t going after anyone. I just needed some time to think. Matt?”
“Yeah?”
“Did you know? Did you know you were sending me to a crew with the two boys who released us from the Menagerie?”
Matt swallowed audibly and dropped his gaze to her folded hands on the table. “I did. I recognized them the first time I saw them, but I don’t think they knew me. They killed Reynolds, you know? I was there. IESA came after their crew, and we all came together and ended them. And then Brighton and Denison dragged Reynolds off into the trees. They took an ax to him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I tried, Cassie. You shut me down anytime I tried to talk about any of that stuff. You’ve never once let me even mention the Menagerie. When I did, you hung up the phone on me.”
“Why did you want Haydan for me? I know you said for safety, but Carl won’t ever be any threat—not really. Why the Ashe Crew, and why him?”
“Because I know how broken you are, and the only way you’re going to get better is if you stop your spiral. And to do that, you need motivation. Haydan’s good. I mean, down to his bones good. He’s strong and able to protect a mate, yeah, but you need more than that. You need someone to call you on your shit.”
Cas huffed a laugh and ripped up the corner of her drink napkin. “Well, he’s plenty capable of that.”
“I watched the women in the Ashe Crew join their mates, one by one, and you know what I saw? Strong women being made into stronger women. The Red Claws were idiots. They didn’t know how to treat you, and they fucked it all up. Jake especially. I thought he’d be good for you because he knew where you came from, but he wasn’t. He was poison, and I hated that I couldn’t pull you away from that crew sooner. When I heard Carl had killed him in that challenge, I was so relieved, Cas. Relieved. And scared I wouldn’t be able to get to you before you gave into Carl. I knew if you had any shot at being okay, it would be with the Ashe Crew, and with Haydan.”
“And what about you, Matt. Are you going to be okay?”
His smile didn’t reach his piercing blue eyes. He shook his head slightly. “Out of the two of us, you have the best shot. I’ve been on a bender, looking for a mate, but my bear doesn’t choose anyone. I know it’s because of what happened in the Menagerie, and I was afraid you would end up the same as me, but you haven’t.” He lifted his chin. “You bonded to Haydan, didn’t you?”
Cassie brushed her damp lashes on her shoulder. “Yeah, I think so. I just didn’t know what it was until I got here tonight and realized betraying him would be like taking a knife and gutting myself. I can’t do it. And I get all these fuzzy, fluttery feelings when I’m around him, and when he hugs me I feel…okay. Like I’m going to be okay.”
An emotional smile took Matt’s face as he relaxed back into his seat. “You will be. You stick with your crew, and you do right by Haydan, and you will be. You’ll see.”
Chapter Nine
As Cassie passed under the Asheland Mobile Park sign, the Jeep’s high beams ghosted over Haydan who sat on the stairs in front of his trailer, his head down and hands linked behind his neck. When he looked up, the worry and hurt in his blazing silver eyes curdled her stomach.
She’d done that.
He stood slowly while she parked the Jeep.
“I know why you didn’t come after me,” she said out of the open window.
“Because you took my fuckin’ Jeep.” He sounded exhausted, but there was a tiny smile in his voice.
She opened the door and slid out, then approached him carefully since his bear was riled up and had her arm hair standing on end.
“No, you didn’t come after me because you were giving me the choice. Did I want to get better or not? Sink or swim. Save myself or dig my hole deeper. That’s why you stayed here, isn’t it?”
“I wanted to come after you. Dammit, Cas, I had to Change just to keep from taking Drew’s truck and peeling out of here to chase you. I’ve done this with my dad, though, coddled him, and it didn’t help.”
“Drugs?”
“Alcohol. I know what I can and can’t take because I grew up like this, always worried, always wishing I could do something, wishing I was better, but I learned something at the end of his life. His actions were because he made those decisions. It had nothing to do with me.”
“But my decision has everything to do with you.”
Haydan swallowed hard, as if he expected a blow. “And what decision is that?”
“That you’re it for me. I was so focused on keeping things the way they were. On keeping emotion out of our relationship so I wouldn’t ever have to talk about my past or deal with anything I’d been through. But you deserve more than that.”
“Are you leaving me?”
“No.” She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his taut waist, resting her cheek against his drumming heart, the sound that had become so precious to her. “I’m telling you I’m in this. I’m going to put in the work to become the woman I see reflected in your eyes. You look at me like I’m beautiful. I’m not there yet, but someday, I will be.” Her voice dipped to a whisper. “I didn’t mess up after I left here. I couldn’t. All I could think about was you, and our kiss, and the way you said you love me.”
A slow, hopeful smile took his face. “Really?”
“Yeah. Recognizing Brighton and Denison threw me for a loop.”
Haydan snorted. “I could tell.”
Screwing up her face, she said, “About that. I’m really sorry for earlier in the woods. I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“You were panicking and hurt. Don’t waste an apology on something like that. Do you want to take a walk?”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“And I want to get to know you. Brighton has struggled with what happened at that place…that Menagerie…for a long time. He didn’t start dealing with it at all until he met Everly. He was in that place for a few days. How long were you there for?”
It was scary admitting the depth of what had happened, especially to Haydan. She wanted him to continue to care for her, not pity her. But if she was going to commit to this—to healing and becoming the mate he deserved—she needed to be honest with him.
“Six years.”
“Shit,” Haydan said on a sigh. He pulled her against his side and led them toward a gate in the rickety fence that surrounded the trailer park. “I know it hurts to talk about, Cas. But I want to know everything.”
“Everything?” Her voice came out an octave too high and fearful.
Haydan leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. It was a soft kiss, a healing one. One that settled her panic and dumped warmth into her system. One that stilled her fidgeting and made her feel adored and taken care of. His mouth moved languidly against hers.
With a sigh, she wrapped her arms around his neck and melted against him. She’d always thought affection like this was for the weak, but she’d been wrong. Haydan was making her feel stronger.
He pulled away, but lifted his chin and sipped her lips again, and again. “I want to know you,” he murmured low. “Tell me everything.”
And so she did.
She told him about the Menagerie. Of how she’d been picked up when she was four and had grown up in an oversize cage, used
for testing along with an array of other shifters. She told him of her frustration that she couldn’t remember her parents, and that’s why she was so attached to her last name, Belle. Her name was the only thing Reynolds let her keep from her old life.
She told him about how proud she was of her scars because Matt had always instilled in her that their scars were a reminder they were survivors. And then she’d told him about the day Brighton and Denison had come in. It was always saddest when new shifters were added to the Menagerie. More lives ruined and futureless. But Brighton and Denison had done something Matt, the only grizzly shifter in there, had been trying to for years. They Changed despite the medicines to subdue them and tore that place down one staff member at a time.
She told Haydan about the day they’d escaped with the others. How Matt, as the oldest, had raised them in an old abandoned RV out in the wilderness. He’d lied about his age, got a few jobs in town, and worked day and night to keep them fed. He’d even ordered homeschool books and made sure she and the eight other shifter kids continued their studies they’d begun in the Menagerie. And when they’d grown old enough, they started drifting away looking for groups of shifters with the same animals as them. She and Jake were both black bears, so it had been natural to go with him and find a safe place. A year after she’d joined the Red Claws, however, Matt had called and told her Tim was dead—Reynolds had tracked him down. Martin and Glen were next, and then Brady. One by one, her friends had been hunted until there was only her, Jake, and Matt remaining.
She’d waited for IESA to find her, but then the killing had stopped a couple years ago. That must’ve been when Brighton and Denison had killed Reynolds. They’d saved her a second time and hadn’t even known it.
Cassie told Haydan about her time with the Red Claws, the unfair rules, and her desperation to keep steady enough not to feel anything. Not the fear of being hunted or the memories of the tests that were run on her at the Menagerie. She didn’t even want to feel how much Jake had grown to resent her. He hadn’t loved her when he’d claimed her. It was just the natural way of things. He was broken, like Cassie and Matt were, and the only suitable mate would be someone who wouldn’t dig too deep and rile up his inner animal. Survival meant looking normal on the outside and keeping the inside as numb as possible.
“I wanted to hate you,” she said as the breeze lifted her long hair. “I wanted to feel nothing but disdain for you when Matt chose you for me, because that’s what had kept me even with Jake. I wanted the same claim I had with him. But then you became the most important part of my life instead.”
Haydan had been quiet the entire time she’d poured out her soul. It had taken hours, and now gray streaks of the coming dawn were peeking over the mountains.
“And how do you feel now?” he asked in a hoarse voice.
“Now, I feel everything. And it hurts, and I’m scared every minute, and I second guess every decision and every emotion, but maybe that’s okay. It’s better than feeling nothing at all.” She turned to him, stopping their walk along the deer path they’d found. “I could never hate you like I’d planned. You made me love you instead.”
“Say it again.”
She laughed thickly and looked him in the eyes so he could see the honesty of her words. “I love you, Haydan Walker.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
A smile had transformed his face, and the inhuman silver color had faded from his eyes, leaving them a soft chocolate brown. The way he looked at her made her feel coveted and precious. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that.” He nodded his chin as a wicked glint sparked in his eyes. “Take your shirt off.”
Her eyes went round as she laughed. “What?”
“I’m gonna reward you with some boring-ass sex, princess. Now take that shirt off so I can admire those scars you earned.”
A soft squeal left her lips as she pulled her sweater over her hair. Oh, she knew it looked rough. Zebra stripe scars all over her body. Brighton’s, at least, were evenly marked and looked like body art down his one side, but her tissue samples had been done over six years, and now there wasn’t an un-marred strip of flesh left on her torso.
A soft rumble emanated from Haydan’s chest as he dropped to his knees in front of her. Even like this, his head was still to her chest. His hands slid around her waist as he studied her pale skin, crisscrossed with silver, aged scars. He didn’t look at her with pity or disdain, so she didn’t spare a blush for her mate who saw for the first time the history that had been etched into her skin.
“No one in the world looks like you,” he said on a breath. Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against a long stripe that covered her middle. “You’re beautiful.”
She inhaled deeply and raked her fingertips through his short, thick hair. “So are you.”
He reached around and unfastened her bra with a quiet snap. And now her nerves were kicking in, because she’d never actually invited someone to enjoy her intimate parts. She’d only wanted to be ravaged in the dark and then left alone. But Haydan was different, and feeling vulnerable in front of him felt right. He wouldn’t hurt her. He loved her.
She shrugged out of her bra and tossed it to the ground by her shirt. Without missing a beat, Haydan pulled one of her nipples into his mouth and sucked until her bud had tightened. Warmth flooded her middle, pooling between her legs as he moved to the other. Tongue laving, he adored her slowly, savoring her and taking his time to get to know her body.
Desperate to touch his skin, she pulled his sweater over his head and traced the curving shapes of his tattoo with her fingers as he trailed kisses over her scars.
Hot AF Haydan, but he was so much more than that.
A long, shaky breath left her as he pulled her boots off, then her jeans, then her panties, but never rushing, never taking his eyes off her skin.
The breeze was cold, and he ran his hands over the gooseflesh that appeared on her arms. Without a word, he wrapped his oversize sweater around her shoulders and pulled her down. Hooking her knees on each side of his hips, she kissed him. Feeling bold, she brushed her tongue past his lips and tasted him. The soft growl in his throat came back. God, he was perfect.
Hugging his neck, she pressed her chest against his, relishing in the feel of his warm skin touching hers. Haydan’s hips jerked under her, as if his control had slipped momentarily.
With a grin, she kissed him again and snuggled closer. His hips rolled slowly, the seam of his jeans brushing against her sex. “I want to feel you,” she said.
Haydan nodded and gripped the back of her neck with one hand as he kissed her deeply. With his other hand, he unfastened his jeans and shifted his weight, then pushed them down, unsheathing his long, thick erection.
Flooded with the need to be closer to him, she brushed up his length with her slick folds until the swollen head of his cock brushed her clit. Haydan’s breath came out in a quick pant, and his heart pounded against the palm of her hand when she placed it on his chest to see if he was as affected as she was. Rolling against him again, a soft moan escaped her lips. How could this feel so good? He wasn’t even inside of her yet.
Lifting off his lap, she pulled the head of his shaft to her entrance and settled down an inch, then lifted off him.
“Fuuck, princess,” he gritted out in a helpless voice.
Damn, this man empowered her. He didn’t care about her scars or her past. He didn’t care she’d wept for the last several hours as she’d opened up. None of that was a deal breaker for him.
He cared about her. She wasn’t just some hole to stick his dick in. She was his mate, and he wanted her because of the connection they shared. Because of their immovable bond that they’d somehow formed despite her many faults.
She slid onto him and groaned with how good he felt inside of her. She twitched up fast, then took him slow again. She loved not rushing. Sex with Haydan wasn’t something to get through so she could feel okay at the end. It was beautiful right now.
Every moment with him held meaning.
Haydan grasped her waist and pulled her down harder, rolling his hips with the motion. His abs flexed as his powerful core worked to fill her over and over again.
Pressure expanded in her as the pleasure increased. “Haydan, Haydan,” she chanted in a whisper as she buried her face against his neck. She was so close.
“No,” he gritted out. “Look at me, Cas. I want you to see what you’re doing to me.” He lifted her and settled her on her back against the soft earth, covering her body with his as he drove into her again.
Bowing back against the leaves, she looked into his eyes. He was straining, muscles tensed like hers, close to release.
“Come with me,” he growled as his hips bucked faster.
He was so big, filling her, stretching her, hitting her sensitive spot just right. Unable to speak, she nodded and fought the urge to throw her head back and scream his name. So close. He slid into her again. Pressure, pressure, pressure. Tingling. Out of her, then back in. So good.
He gasped her name as he swelled inside of her. The first hot jet he shot into her toppled her over the edge. She gripped the back of his neck, holding on as they crashed together. Orgasm exploded through her, bringing sparks to the edges of her vision. She watched her mate as he came hard, pulsing in quick rhythm with her own release and gritting his teeth as if the pleasure was too much.
And if she’d had any question of their bond before this moment, it was demolished now. Her heart reached out to him, flooding her with tingling warmth as their souls met. She was drawn to him, and just at the edge of her consciousness, she could almost feel how proud he was of her.
It was scary giving herself to a man so completely.
But it was deeply satisfying to give her heart so completely to Haydan.
Aftershocks pulsed on and on, but she didn’t pull away from him. Instead, she kissed him gently until the last of her orgasm had faded. And when she was sated and relaxed, she snuggled against him, in no rush to sever the connection they’d both worked for.
He wrapped her tightly in his sweater and rolled gently until they lay on their sides, facing one another and holding each other close. And as minutes drifted by, they watched the sun rise over the mountains together, all tangled up and happy.
