Usually Daddy would be the one to go out and shoot something. All my brothers done had to do it at least once coming up. So whenever the time came on they own land with they own family, they’d be ready. I remember how sad Daddy use to look coming in after putting down a horse or a cow. I spect I feel how he felt all them times right now.
I keep looking at ‘a, trying to find a reason to keep ‘a round. All the while knowing, if I don’t do it, she’ll be suffering. Might even make the other cows sick, depending on what it is she got. I stoop down looking in ‘a eyes for some other option. I hear the heels of people walking round me, and they silent cause they all know what’s got to be done.
“Where the rifle at?” Orville ask, looking down at the cow, too, who seems to be looking up at him and then at me for mercy.
“I’ll do it. I gotta go back to the house and get a gun,” I say staring in Betsy eyes. “She looks tired.”
“You gone shoot this cow?” he asking with disbelief, more than asking surprised, so I look at him seriously.
Men always be offering to do things for me round here, like it’s some kind of honor to be viewed and treated like I’m weaker than they is. For some reason, it makes me feel like they talking down to me. Some women like when men do what they call ‘man’ jobs. My sisters and family always expected me to do ‘man’ jobs, so it’s hard not to see what’s flattering to most women as being smart with me. Feel like I got something to prove all the time, and they be surprised what I take on, and what I do.
Anyhow, I jump on Anastasia, and look back at the house and cain’t believe Coley done walked way back up there. She don’t never walk too far pass the front yard. She scared of everything. All the animals after her, she swears.
“Are you really going to shoot that cow?” She follow me in the house, then watch me looking at the rifles, deciding which one be best.
“Ain’t got no choice.”
“You couldn’t just wait, and see what happens after a few more days?” She seem to be pleading with me.
“It’s been weeks and she getting worse.”
“Can I?” she ask and step up as I’m walking back out.
“No. Ain’t no place for you.”
My body feel heavy as I ride back, and the rifle cool to touch, warming in my hands. I load it while I’m riding, I don’t ride fast. We trot, I’m thinking, listening to how the bullets and the metal click into place. When I get back, all the men are waiting, to see, if I will do it, how I do it. I think it be true to say, they ain never seen a woman kill no cow, or nothing this big.
I been deer hunting with Daddy nem a thousand times, but that’s different. Deer wild, you don’t feel no closeness to them. You don’t think about the life you taking, you think about the meal afterwards, and the stories your daddy will tell about how good you handled that rifle. My daddy has great stories about me, laying silent and getting me one. He be proud that I’m a girl that can shoot. Still, today I feel like this the first time I done handled a gun.
Every day for years I’ve gotten up and milked this cow even before taking my own breakfast. We have an understanding, a trust. She been keeping my secrets, I talk to ‘a while I’m milking ‘a. I say good morning to ‘a, and even though I milk other cows, I grew up with this one.
The rifle heavy, and I worry cause Iain shot this one in almost a year and half. I lift it silently, breathe and brace myself to hit ‘a between the eyes. I’m so sad I got to do this my eyes blur.
I remember being out with Zay and him shooting a horse we’d had forever. The horse didn’t die right away, cause Zay was so nervous he closed his eyes to shoot, and didn’t get it between the eyes. Daddy made him shoot it again, and again. If I miss, I’ll have to shoot Betsy again.
Bang! My whole body jerk, but I stand stern. This gun is louder than I remember, and my ears are ringing. When the smoke clear, she jerk a little, her eyes open but then she go silent.
When I turn around, I see the dust rising all up the road to the house, like somebody coming fast. Then I see Zay coming for me. “They got ’em!”
“Who got who?”
“Did you tell your real daddy what Uncle Vick nem did?” Zay demand to know and look at me like he trying to feel if I’m lying.
“Diamond Beaumont already knew somehow.”
“Well, they done went over to Uncle Victor’s land and took him and all his sons down to Beaumont jail.”
“What’s the charge?”
“They saying he stole from yo store and attacked you. They saying, if they’ll steal from they own kin and kind, ain’t no telling what they’ll do to white folks.”
My heart start to drum fast, I try to catch my breath; I know what this mean, what’s gone happen.
“You know that “Birth of a Nation” movie got them all up in arms bout niggas trying to take over. You know the Klan growing, and they been hanging folks left and right.” Shaking his head looking at me, he say, “It’s been a long time since they hung somebody from Zion, out of one of the council family slaves. Been a long time since they made an example out of somebody. This look real bad.”
I turn the rifle to the ground, make sure it ain’t gone discharge, then start towards the house.
“We both know ain’t gone be no trial. They might not even make it til the morning if we let the sun go down and don’t do nothing.”
“I got to fix this.” I breathe heavy, starting towards the porch.
“What you gone do? Iain never seen a nigga actually done nothing to git that noose off nobody’s neck.”
“I ain’t neither.” I look over at Coley. Some of her words done this.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
AN APPEAL
“Good evening,” I offer Mrs. Silvia, Grover’s wife and the Beaumont’s maid since before I was born, when she opens the Beaumont’s back door.
I expect ‘a to tell me something about Mr. Beaumont’s mood, or just about Mr. Beaumont himself. Maybe even tell me what to say, or how to say it. She just look at me from head to toe then breathe hard and heavy, waiting for me to speak. “I need to see Mr. Beaumont.”
Without a word, she look out at Reverend Patrick, waiting by his automobile, then back at me again. I wonder if she know they done took my uncles. Grover and his wife don’t even speak to us folks in Zion. Don’t even come to our church even though they from Zion. They regarded with fear cause people say they got the ear of The council. Seem to me, the council might have they eye on them more. If the council ever got wind a word of what they saying here found its way back to Zion’s committee, Grover nem be sure as dead.
“Wait here,” Mrs. Silvia instruct, closing the door leaving it propped open just enough for me to hear ‘a walking away from the screen.
Mrs. Harper, Ella, Grit, Mrs. Clara and Coley got me wearing a dress, with my hair pulled back, pinned and tucked under one of these little dress hats like white women wear. The kind like Coley had pinned on ‘a head when she came to Zion.
All the women I’m close to came to get me ready. We all knew I had to come. Almost every nigga woman I know at some point done had to go speak on behalf of ‘a man, son or somebody. Sometimes they listen to us, cause one of us done raised one of them, maybe even nursed ’em. Iain raised nobody, and Mr. Beaumont ain never said two words to me make me think he care bout what’s happening with me. For all I know, they was just looking for somebody to hang to make an example.
Most of the folks that make it to jail and the work camps, ain’t really did nothing. The people they actually thinking guilty of something don’t get no judge or jury. The Klan the judge and jury down here. That whip and noose be the sentence every time.
“He’ll see you now. Follow me.” Mrs. Silvia open the door, turn around and start walking, leaving me to close the door and catch up. We pass through the kitchen where she cleaning up from the supper she done served. I look at everything, the big wood table in the kitchen, and then the cherry wood one in the dining room.
This time when
I step in the council’s room, I’m alone. It feels different, it’s later, and darker in here. Mrs. Silvia leave me there, closing the sliding wooden doors. I don’t hear ‘a footsteps going away. I look at the ground and hold my hands together. I’m trying to think of what to say, how to say it, what to ask.
“What do you want there, girl?” Mr. Hunter Beaumont come in the doors behind me. I turn around collecting my words. “Come on now, Iain got all day.”
“I was wondering if,” I breathe and remember what Mrs. Harper told me to say. “If you could spare my uncles, sir? I don’t know who told Ms. Beaumont what happened in the store. I’m glad she came to check on me, but we already got everything worked out.”
“Them boys stole from you, and assaulted you in yah own store didn’t they?”
“Yes, sir,” I say just above a whisper.
“Well, what happens if we just let you niggas do whatever you want to each other over there? You Ernest and Victor’s niece, aren’t you?”
“Yes, sir. But if something was to happen to them, the whole town’ll turn their back on me. They’ll be saying it’s my fault. They’ll be saying Iain one of them. My own family wouldn’t have nothing to do with me.”
He take me in from head to toe, don’t never sit hisself down. When I catch a glimpse of ’im, he got his shirt undone, and he bare footed. I’m thinking he was laying down or something.
“Well, I’ll see what I can do,” he say, his voice softer, full of thoughts.
“Thank you, sir, that’s all I’m asking. Thank you.” I bow the way I been taught you do when serving white people. I’m about to get out of here-
“How’s yah filling station doing over there in Zion, girl?” He seem to be smiling, but Ion never look ’im in his face.
“It’s doing fine sir, just fine. More folks getting they selves automobiles.”
“Shoot, yall keep on, and enough folks come through, there‘ll be a paved road laid clear through to Savannah and Atlanta even. That’d be some more work for the men. They’ll come around and be glad for you.”
They’ll come around and be glad for you. I repeat his words again in my head and get sick. Does that mean he expect I can work my way back into everybody’s good graces after he done hung ’em? Feel like he telling me he gone hang them anyway. Iain got no way of pushing him to change his mind, but I got to try. My breathing get deep, I’m trying to control it, my mind racing, thinking of something else to say.
“Please, don’t hang my uncles,” come firm. I look him in the eyes, and he look back at me. Feel like my whole life in my throat. I’m scared the words putting me on the back of a horse, beneath a old tree, with my neck roped to one of its strong limbs. Still, I cain’t stop them.
“If my uncle nem be hung, you might as well lynch me, too. My family will be done with me. My own mama already say I’m a curse and cain’t stand to look at me. Cash Remington be the only daddy I know. I want to make him happy and he already disappointed in me.
“Things messed up so bad, with Miemay leaving me ‘a things. Daddy already thinking this mostly my fault. Now if he feel I got his uncles hung he’ll be agreeing with Mama, they’ll both be saying I’m cursed. And you know us niggas don’t want to bother with nothing cursed.”
“You call for me, sir?” Reverend Patrick voice make me jump. He come in the room, sliding the doors back closed loud, staring at me, and I drop my head again. Then he come stand next to me, taking his hat off and looking at the ground now, too.
“Boy, you know anything bout why so many niggas leaving Zion? Lots of planters saying they hands moving to St. Louis, E. St. Louis and Chicago for jobs. Now folks been sending for they whole family. You know anything bout that?”
“No, suh. Cain’t say I do.”
“Boy, how are niggers in yah church leaving, and you don’t know nothing about it?”
“I mean, I know they leaving, suh, but not all the particulars, suh.”
“Well, the nigger Clinton Harper ain’t got no money. He barely able to pay his own land taxes. Now I hear he done settled the money he owed, and his whole family moving.”
“Yes, suh, I heard the lord blessed him with a better job.”
“Is it the Lord, you say?” Mr. Beaumont get in Reverend’s face.
Feel like my heart skip a few beats.
“Yes, suh,” Reverend answer, after turning his head to the side to keep from eyeballing Mr. Beaumont.
“Boy, I’m gone tell you this, and you better hear me good.” Mr. Beaumont poke him while he talking. “It better be the Lord Jesus Christ down there taking our field niggas. Cause if not, even Jesus ain’t gone be able to save you. And I bet not find out it’s a work recruiter down in Zion hiring our hands, or it’s gone be me and you.
“If I find out you was standing here lying to me, I’m gone take that real personal. You can shuck and jive, and Jim Crow all you want, but I know how you niggers work. The hands leaving Zion ain’t got nothing, and all of a sudden they got train fair, a place to stay and jobs. I been knowing every nigger here for as long as they been born. I can smell a job recruiter a mile away.
“Let me say this, too, Patrick. You and yo family make a good bit off them niggers in that church. If everybody working move somewhere else, what are you gone do? Having niggers in Zion don’t just help planters, it helps you, yo family and Linny here. Who gone buy what she selling or pay tithes if they all go somewhere else? You think about that.”
“Yes, suh,” Reverend Patrick keep saying, over and over.
All while Reverend Patrick shaking his head and agreeing with Mr. Beaumont, I’m thinking on my uncles, whether they be lynched or not? I’m thinking on all the people’s families be torn apart, heartbroken, and disappointed with me.
I’m thinking bout Daddy not ever speaking to me again. I’m wishing Miemay was here to help me fix this. I keep thinking bout how Mr. Beaumont don’t never say whether he gone let them go or not. I think about how I cain’t ask ’im again, not here in front of Reverend Patrick, not now. I’m thinking on how folks tell you one thing but don’t never answer what you ask them bout. I think about how I asked Coley about Anson, and she said she ain worried bout Anson, so I shouldn’t be neither.
“Maybe it’s that school teacher from up north?” Mr. Beaumont break my train of thought.
“Oh no, sir, ain’t her,” I defend Coley fore I can think and I even look up again, then back down.
“How you know that, girl?”
“She ain even from no St. Louis, E. St. Louis or Chicago sir. She from New York, D.C. or something like that, sir. Iain never even heard ‘a talk about none of them places you mentioned. All she talk about is New York, sir.”
“Humph,” he study me rather than get me bout sassing him.
It surprise me and Reverend Patrick he even let me talk that much, cause I done step twenty feet out of my place.
“We gone be extra vigilante around Zion. Yall niggers better stay off the streets at night. And we ain never been too kindly towards strangers, specially not no niggers. I spect I be finding me a recruiter down there somewhere. And when I do-,”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
FEAR
When we pull up in front of the church, there are automobiles, buggies and horses everywhere. I take note of the men there by what’s outside. Seem like everybody there, more than normal. Looks like a small service going on, but it’s so quiet. If it what’n for the light coming from inside, you wouldn’t know people were here.
“Still gone have a meeting tonight?” I’m getting out Reverend’s auto slow and confused. When he don’t answer I keep talking. “I was expecting to go back home. Even though Ion know what I was gone say to everybody waiting there. Mr. Beaumont ain’t said one way or the other.”
“What’n no time to cancel the meeting,” he finally say, seem to be avoiding my eyes, and talking under his breath as we climb the few steps to the front door.
Soon as I open the door, the whole room of Zion’s men stand. Mr
s. Clara ain’t here, I’m the only woman. My father is here, and all my uncles that ain’t in jail, and my brothers. They staring at me with they hats off like they waiting for someone important.
Reverend and me walk to the front pews. Reverend moving faster so he can get to the podium. Still, the men are silent staring at me. I don’t look away, I look at them all as I walk slowly to the front. One by one they lower their eyes. I wonder what that’s all about. It’s the first time I’ve seen all the men at one meeting. It’s the first time they all standing like this. Even the older ones with they canes.
“Have a seat,” Reverend Patrick says, but no one obeys, and no one turns to face him. They just keep staring at the ground, most of ’em holding they hats at they chest, facing the door like they waiting to go.
“Reverend,” my daddy, calls looking at me angry, “we need you to speak with ‘a on our behalf.”
My heart drops, and I realize he’s asking that I be treated like I’m white. Daddy speaking cause they must of decided he the only one safe. I’m being cast out.
“Wait, Daddy, why?” I walk up to him, and he looks hurt and disappointed. He stare in my eyes, at my soul, and the way he looking at me break my heart.
“It ain’t safe for us to have her at our meetings no more,” he say, never taking his eyes off of me. “We done talked about it, and we think this here committee was started to keep us all informed, to help each other, and to keep us all safe. I mean, she got the ear of the council.” He say it like he teasing, or I’m thinking I’m better, when it ain’t even like that. “We won’t even be able to say what’s on our heart without knowing if she gone be going back telling town business. Who’s next? What if somebody else makes ‘a mad? If she do this to ‘a own kin, ain’t no telling what she’ll do to somebody else, or the rest of the town.”
“That’s not true.” I’m shaking my head ‘no’ and fighting the tears coming. My heart sinking, and I cain’t believe all this happening. “I wasn’t the one who told Diamond Beaumont what happened. Somehow, she already knew,” I argue.
Descendants of Hagar Page 31
