by Holly Ice
‘Exactly.’ Sabine gestured to my stance for the benefit of the other pairs crowded around. ‘You rely on routine. You must learn to stay on guard, or at least drop into it quicker.’
I pursed my lips but nodded. I’d take the feedback, yell about her in private, and do better tomorrow.
‘Errai, you’ll work on that in your training sessions. The rest of you, make sure I don’t see this in your work or you’ll be the ones with a pounding headache. Understood?’
The class mumbled their acceptance.
Sabine’s lips curved into a smile. ‘After two tumbles, I think Errai’s had enough for one day. Your normal shifts are cancelled while you train, but you should continue to assist navigation if you volunteered. We’ll meet again after breakfast tomorrow. Make sure you drink your nanites before bed, and practice your form.’ She raised her voice so it rang through the room, far louder than the shuffle of departing applicants. ‘In case any of you get cold feet, I will be checking you took your medicine, so no dodging the nanites!’
Her words fell around me as I glared at the floor. I’d faced one of the most skilled fighters in the room and lasted far longer than I’d expected, but I had to do better. I couldn’t be just another kin kid on the edges of this team. I had to show my worth, or I’d be cut.
Chapter 6
I woke early and rubbed the raised and tender lump on my head on the way to simulation. The mild pain sharpened my motivation. Yara’s face was going to meet my fist. Sabine had said to prepare for the unexpected, but that didn’t mean I had to be the punching bag, and after practising for hours in the gym, I was ready for her. I stepped through the simulation door and stopped.
Siti was the only occupant. She waved and headed over, but why? She didn’t associate with me. Why interact today? Had my mother talked to hers, or was Yara waiting to smack me for being off guard?
I dropped into my stance and rechecked the room, but we were alone. Slowly, I rose to a more normal position. ‘Were you told to talk to me?’
She twisted her hands, eyes flicking from my stance to my face and back. ‘No, I wanted to.’
‘Why?’
‘I want to apologise, for Yara.’
Memories flashed through my mind from when we had been friends, and the four and a half years she’d ignored me since. ‘I didn’t think you cared.’
She winced. ‘I shouldn’t have helped them, back then.’
I licked my lips and wondered how to phrase my thoughts. I didn’t want to assume she meant well. This could be a trick… but I still missed her, sometimes. ‘Why now?’
Footsteps clanged through the stairwell, and Siti’s gaze jumped to the door. ‘I tried to make it right. I told your dad where to find you, but when I saw you, after…’
Dad had never told me that. I’d check with him, but still. She could have talked to me if she’d wanted to make things right. She’d had years.
‘I’m sorry, Errai.’ She’d choked the words out as if they’d clawed her throat on the way up. ‘Now that we’re working together, I’d hoped…’
The footsteps were louder now, and Siti shook her head, withdrawing as the rowdy crowd filled the room. Perhaps I should have said something more, but we were training together. I had time.
Sabine yelled over everyone until they quieted. ‘Finally. I need baseline fitness figures before the nanites kick in. Line up by the stairs, single file.’
Not what I’d expected. I held back to bring up the rear, but Sabine grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front. The way she looked up the stairs worried me.
‘We need you to set the pace, kin kid.’
Up front, I was sure to be tripped, or pushed, or otherwise yelled at for the whole of this exercise. But I didn’t have a choice. Sabine wrote our progress reports for the committee. I needed her approval.
I set my focus on the next deck. If this was a race, it should be easier than a mismatched sparring bout. If I moved fast enough and held my lead, I could avoid the worst. A difficult prospect, but not impossible.
Shuffling and quick whispers made me twist around. Siti had pushed in, placing herself between Yara and me.
‘Good luck,’ she mouthed.
Was it genuine? And if it was, what should I say?
‘Enough talking. Get moving. Now! Up these next four floors, down to the bottom of the ship, and back here. Go!’ Sabine shoved my shoulder. I righted myself on the run and shot up the stairs.
This was where my stamina worked for me. I pulled in deep breaths as I ran the first flight, turned, the second flight, turned. My thighs burned, but I heard Siti close behind me, and the others, so I picked up the pace. My legs numbed, my breath found its rhythm, and I kept going until my airway was sore with the scrape of my breath, my mouth chokingly dry. As my calves seized up, shortening my stride, I hated myself for every extra hour in the gym. I should have known better. After berating me for predictability, Sabine would never give us the same exercise the next day.
‘Don’t. Slow. Down,’ Siti said, breathy.
‘Why?’ I glanced back and saw Yara half a flight behind. ‘Oh.’
I pumped my weary legs faster until I reached C-1 and relished the change of pace as I jostled past the other runners, past the research labs on C-5, and down to C-9, turning… was that Ludis?
I tripped over a step and smashed onto the floor, scraping my knees through my leggings. They stung enough to have broken the skin. Siti placed her hand on my shoulder, but I waved her off.
‘I’m fine. Don’t stop for me.’
She hovered but sighed and moved to the stairs.
Ludis nodded at me and followed an older crew member into an empty cabin, continuing his usual spiel about this particular deck’s merits as the door shut. Guilt hit me hard. I should have commed him. I almost had after I’d been selected for the team, and again after my sparring wipeout, but he hadn’t contacted me after my room was trashed, and I hadn’t known whether I should apologise or start an argument. Could his smiles suggest a thaw? Ugh, I couldn’t agonise over this now. I had a race to run.
‘Look at you. I didn’t think people prayed anymore, even kin kids.’
Case in point. ‘Yara. You caught up.’ I hadn’t been down long, which meant she’d kept close to our tail. The others wouldn’t be far behind. I pushed to my feet and settled into a defensive stance. My knees pulled and warm blood trickled down my shins. An injury. Just what I needed.
Yara whipped past and tackled the next steps at top speed. ‘Hard not to when you’re stationary!’
I pulled in a deep breath and rejoined the race. Each step flung new pain into my stiff knees, but my mind refused to focus on the run. Instead, I debated what I might say to Ludis. I should check on him, make sure everything was okay with us, and with his mum, but where did I start?
* * *
By the time I reached C-5, I’d lost count of how many people had passed me. My legs were quivering hunks of meat and my brain was a scrambled mess of questions for Ludis, Siti, and myself. It would be easy to crawl into my cabin and go back to the kitchen, but my heart squeezed and I pulled in shallower breaths. I’d hate myself if I quit, and that was what got me through the simulation doors.
Conversation stopped and we looked at each other for a full minute before a smile broke across Sabine’s face.
‘You’re the last back, with a head start? Even with an injury, that’s poor form.’ She shook her head and faced the other applicants. ‘Back to what to expect. Nanites will be replicating fast. This can have side effects.’
She’d shrugged me off. I’d let Ludis and Siti distract me, and swaying her opinion now would be next to impossible.
‘How extreme are these side effects?’ Ratan asked.
‘Temperatures or chills as your body grows used to the foreign bodies. You may be uncomfortable during the transition, but I don’t want to hear anyone wasted health time. Understood?’
‘What if we get other side effects?’ Ashoka asked.
Sabine sighed and looked as if she were struggling to reply diplomatically. ‘Raise issues with me first, if you must.’ She glanced at the door. ‘We’re done for the day. You need to eat, hydrate, and rest so your bodies can adjust. Tomorrow we’ll train in small teams. Bring energy, and your brains.’
Teams. Joy. I’d be left alone if we picked for ourselves, or those I was placed with would grouch. I loitered, waiting for the others to leave.
Once I was sure the stairs would be clear, I headed out.
Movement rushed my left side and Yara’s arm smacked into my neck, choking my airway. My back hit the wall before I could mount a defence. I clawed at her arm but she didn’t even flinch.
‘Still slow. Sabine will be… displeased.’ She released me.
I rubbed the abused skin, but she’d already turned on her heel and left, no doubt to report my lack of progress. Further lectures were in my future. I sighed and stretched my stiff muscles until a creak made me look up. I squinted into the shadows of the stairs.
‘Quinn?’
He smiled and pointed to the stairs. ‘Sorry, I stayed when I saw Yara hide behind the door.’
I groaned. ‘You saw?’
He nodded. ‘She’s smug about it, but she’s right. Sabine’s keen to send a strong, physical force. You can’t afford to be surprised, in training or out.’ He lowered his eyes. ‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’
I was right. He was worried about me. My heart melted, but I tried to ignore the molten mess in my rib cage. He didn’t deserve it. ‘I’ll be okay. Yara likes a show, but she wouldn’t risk her spot.’
‘She’s not the only one who might corner you.’
I waved him off. ‘I’m a food applicant. What do they have to worry about?’
‘You scored well across multiple sectors. That makes people nervous.’
‘Over an expert from each field?’ I scoffed. ‘I’m not a threat.’
‘Rumour is, a small team is preferred.’
‘Are you sure?’ Skills across multiple sectors would save people, though I highly doubted I was top of anyone’s list after meeting the deck twice during sparring and failing at the run.
‘I don’t know, but it makes sense if they want to limit casualties.’
Casualties? I hadn’t put much thought into it. The air was safe, there was an atmosphere, gravity… but the words from our welcome meeting came back to me. We didn’t really know what was down there. We could face hostile animals, sub-zero temperatures, acid rain, volcanic eruptions, or even a crash landing.
‘Will fewer people really help?’ I’d want as much knowledge on the ground as possible.
Quinn shrugged. ‘They’d travel faster and come to decisions quicker.’
‘Depends on the people.’ I stepped away from the wall, but my stiff knees gave out and hit the floor, reopening the cuts.
‘Shit.’ I gritted my teeth as the pain died down, back to the quiet ache from before.
Quinn hurried over and helped me to my feet. ‘Are you all right?’
I pulled in a deep breath, savouring his spicy scent, and pulled away. ‘I’ll live.’ I met his amber eyes and sighed. ‘Why are you here, Quinn?’
‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’
Not a flicker of a smile. He meant it, which meant he still cared. My chest burned like a welding torch was attacking my sternum. I licked my dry lips and scrambled for something to say, but nothing felt right.
I dropped my gaze. ‘I should go.’
Whatever was going on with Quinn and me, Ludis’s friendship was the more pressing concern. I could cobble together a response for Quinn later.
‘That’s okay, I’ll back off, but at least take the elevator.’ He smiled, his dimples showing. ‘Save your knees.’ He pressed the button and backed up.
It was supposed to be reserved for those no longer able to use the stairs, the seriously injured, and tool and supplies movements. The crew hated people using it just for the sake of it. But he’d already pushed the button, and my knees were killing me.
‘Comm me when you’re ready to talk,’ Quinn said, his smooth voice sinking right into me, damn him.
The elevator opened, the lights inside flickering to life, and I imagined an icy cube around my heart.
* * *
Even if Ludis was ignoring me, the door buzzer should have brought him out. No one sat through that many dings.
‘He won’t be in.’
‘Sorry?’ I turned. ‘Oh, hi, Aina. Did he pick up another nav shift?’
‘He’s with Ashoka.’
‘Oh, okay.’ Had everyone known about his new man but me?
‘Ludis seems happier for the company.’
‘When did they get close?’ I tried to make the question seem innocent, but a waver snuck into the words. Not knowing hurt.
Aina shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but Ashoka has been a fantastic support while you trained. I’m not questioning a good thing after Ryan.’
‘Support?’ Sounded like more than a straightforward relationship… ‘For what?’
‘I’ll let him tell you.’ Aina smiled with the deep pride of a mother.
Ludis was coming up the stairs, his arm slung around Ashoka’s shoulders. His grin faded fast.
That didn’t bode well. ‘Did I interrupt something?’
Ludis pulled Ashoka into a one-armed hug. ‘We dropped by to visit Mum.’ He pointed to the torn knees of my workout leggings. ‘Looks bad, worse than I thought. Have you cleaned the cuts?’
‘I’ll ice them later.’
Aina looked between us. ‘I’m going to go read something.’ She retreated to her cabin, two doors down.
Anger bubbled in my throat. I tried to swallow it, but it simmered. Small talk, after days of silence, and not a word about why he’d shunned me. It couldn’t all be down to Aina. ‘You’ve been quiet for days.’
‘You were busy. I didn’t want to get in your way.’
‘So was Ashoka!’
Ashoka put his hands up in surrender. ‘I’m neutral in this dispute.’ He kissed Ludis’s cheek. ‘I’ll see you later. I feel clammy.’ He wiped the back of his neck and grimaced. ‘Yep, that’s sweat.’
Ludis frowned. ‘You’re ill? Maybe you should go to health?’
‘Can’t. Sabine told us not to waste health time with nanite side effects.’
Ludis paled. ‘You didn’t say anything about nanites!’ He looked Ashoka’s arms over on both sides, as if he might spot them running through his veins.
I winced. He’d never been a fan of their use. Him knowing they were in his boyfriend and his best friend wouldn’t do either of us any good.
Ashoka shrugged. ‘It’s fine. I’m sweaty, not dying.’
‘Still, we should be monitoring side effects. Nanites aren’t something to brush off.’
Ashoka rolled his eyes with a smile. ‘I’ll go to health if I feel like death.’
‘You’d better.’ Ludis pulled Ashoka into a lengthy goodbye kiss. I spotted tongue before Ashoka broke off and disappeared downstairs.
His concern didn’t extend to me. Ludis crossed his arms and stared me down.
One of us had to break the standoff. ‘I’m sorry I pushed you,’ I said.
‘And?’
‘And I’m sorry I assumed you’d go to Ryan. I acted like my mum, pushing you to do what I thought was best. I should have listened.’
Ludis inclined his head.
I cringed. I’d hoped he’d let that one slide, especially with how he’d treated me. ‘Did you want to talk about the video, or Ashoka? I’m happy to listen.’
‘That’s okay, I discussed the video with him. He gave good advice, having seen his own.’
‘Oh. Did you make a decision?’
‘Yes.’ He uncrossed his arms. ‘I’m going to watch it. Tomorrow, with Mum.’
‘With her, really?’
He frowned, but I stopped him.
‘No, you’re right. I’m listening. I’m glad she’s open to that.
’
‘Me too. I’ll feel better with her there.’
He didn’t offer anything else. He wasn’t as angry as I’d feared, and yet he hadn’t apologised for abandoning me when he knew I needed his support. It was as if the warmth had been sucked out of our friendship.
‘Why did you avoid me, Ludis?’
‘I wanted to spend time with Ashoka. Between that and the extra nav shifts…’
‘You were busy, I get it, but you could have commed. You saw how bad it got.’
‘I didn’t want to make things worse.’
‘For you and Ashoka, or for me?’
‘You, you idiot.’
I shoved my hands in my pockets and avoided his steady gaze. ‘I really needed you.’
‘You held together okay.’
‘You didn’t ask how I was, you didn’t visit, and you knew about the break-in. I wasn’t okay.’ I looked for a flinch, a twitch. However busy he was and however much my assumptions hurt him, I hadn’t deserved silence when my home had been invaded and vandalised. He knew what that private space meant to me.
‘I didn’t think I could help. You never want my advice anyway.’
‘You didn’t think I’d want support? Space me into the sun, Ludis. My pushy advice got you an apology. Don’t I at least get that?’
‘I’m sorry.’
He didn’t look it.
He edged toward his door. ‘I’m watching the video tomorrow. I need to unwind, get my head in the right place.’
‘Perfect.’
He frowned. ‘I love you, but I need to focus on my problems right now, and you need to focus on your training. I’ve heard it’s tough.’
In other words, he’d heard about my poor performance and was too busy to help. ‘Yeah, sure. I’ll go ice my knees. Let me know how the video goes.’
‘I will.’ He let himself into his room and shut the door.
How had that gone so wrong? I stood for a moment, staring at tiny scratches in the metal, before I found my own cabin. For once, even the wonders of Earth couldn’t tempt me into reading.
