by James Frey
That is the way of this land.
Amberton breaks down, starts crying, sobbing into his hands. Kurchenko takes Amberton’s phone, which is in the center console, and tosses it on the floor. He speaks.
I no want to hear you blubber. Call your wife. Blubber to her.
Amberton sobs. There are tears running down his face, snot running from his nose, drool running from the sides of his mouth. All of it is gathering in his fake beard. He picks up the phone, looks at it, pushes a couple buttons, reads a text message. He looks up at Kurchenko, looks slightly more composed, speaks.
You know where my agency is?
Yes, I do. It is my dream to have agent there.
Get me there as soon as you can.
Can I come in with you?
No.
Then I drop you at hotel.
I’ll take you another time. I promise.
And our other deal is sealed.
Yes. Fine. Just get me there. As fast as you can.
Kurchenko starts driving towards the agency. Amberton gets off the floor and sits in the seat. He makes a call tells someone he’s on his way, hangs up. He opens the visor mirror and starts taking off his disguise. As he pulls off the beard, he winces, and there are splotches on his face where the glue holding it onto his skin resisted removal. He runs his fingers through his hair, smiles, polishes his teeth with the tip of one of his fingers. Twenty minutes later, they’re in Beverly Hills, as they approach the agency building, Kurchenko speaks.
It is the most beautiful place in the world.
Amberton looks over at him.
How do I look?
Kurchenko looks at him.
Your face is red.
Red, really red, or just sort of red?
Kurchenko looks back at the building.
I like to get married in that building.
Please tell me, red or really red or just sort of red?
They pull up to the entrance.
I heard all the girl secretaries wear short skirts and no underwear.
Amberton opens the door, steps out. As he walks towards the doors, Kurchenko lowers the window, yells.
Good luck to you, my friend. See you on the set!
Amberton walks inside. He walks past the receptionists, who stare at him, and goes directly to Gordon’s office. He walks past Gordon’s assistants and opens the door and goes inside and closes the door behind him. Gordon is on the phone, he motions for Amberton to sit, Amberton does. Gordon says he needs to go to whomever he is speaking to, hangs up the phone, looks at Amberton, speaks.
You gain some weight?
No. I’m wearing a prosthetic stomach.
Jesus fucking Christ. Is it that bad this time?
I don’t know.
Why is your face red?
How red is it?
It’s really fucking red.
I was wearing a fake beard and the glue was stickier than I thought.
Goddamnit, Amberton.
What do you want to do?
Your attorneys are in the conference room waiting for us.
They got here quick.
You pay them a lot of money. For something like this, they better get here fucking quick.
Let’s go see them.
I need to talk to you, the agency’s attorneys are in there with them.
Why?
Because Kevin fucking works here. He’s going after us as well.
Can he do that?
Yes, he can fucking do that.
Oh.
Gordon stares at Amberton for a moment. Amberton looks at the picture, a million-dollar painting of three women having sex, hanging on the wall behind him. A moment, two. Amberton speaks.
That painting is kind of hot. Not hot, you know, in my way, but Casey would probably like it.
Gordon speaks.
You need to focus, Amberton. It’s bad this time.
I know.
We need to deal with this immediately before it becomes something we do not want.
I know.
Go to the bathroom and wash your face and take off your stomach and put on the spare suit in the closet in there.
What kind of suit is it?
It’s nice, okay? It’s a nice fucking suit.
Great.
Amberton stands walks to the bathroom, goes in closes the door. He looks at himself in the mirror. He has what appears to be the outline of a beard, except that instead of being dark brown, which is the natural color of his facial hair, it is red. He opens the medicine cabinet a toothbrush, toothpaste, a second toothbrush still in its packaging, deodorant, six types of cologne. He takes each of the colognes out, opens them one at a time and smells them, he likes one called Hong Kong Silent Thunder, he applies it liberally to his wrists and neck. He closes the medicine cabinet, looks at his face, it’s still red, he turns on the cold water and starts splashing it on, it feels good but doesn’t change the way he looks. He runs some water through his hair, it always looks better slightly wet, takes off his clothes looks at himself in the mirror from one angle he thinks he looks perfect, from another he thinks he looks awful. He puts on the suit it is a nice suit lightweight gray gabardine with subtle white pinstripes it fits surprisingly well. He tries to decide tie or no tie he puts it on, takes it off, puts it back on, there’s a knock on the door, Gordon speaks.
We need to get going, Amberton.
Amberton speaks.
Almost ready.
He looks in the mirror. For the first time since he walked into the agency, he thinks about why he’s here, what he has to go deal with, he puts his hands on either side of the sink looks into his own eyes, speaks.
You dumbfuck. You stupid piece of shit motherfucker. I fucking hate you, you spineless pervert son of a bitch, you fat dumb ugly cowardly fuck. I hate you, I fucking hate you.
He stares at himself for another moment, takes a deep breath, looks down, shakes his head. He stands and turns and opens the door and walks out of the bathroom.
Gordon is sitting on a sofa reading a daily entertainment business magazine, he sets it down, speaks.
You look good, much better.
Amberton speaks.
I know.
They walk out of the office down a long hall lined with agents’ offices and the cubicles of their assistants they walk into a conference room Gordon holds the door for Amberton. Five attorneys sit at the table they all stand when Gordon and Amberton enter, everyone shakes hands, sits back down. An assistant enters the room asks if anyone needs anything, no one does so the assistant leaves. Daniel, who is Amberton’s primary attorney, speaks.
Tell me what you know, Amberton?
I know there’s a lawsuit.
Yes there is. Do you know what it alleges?
I can imagine.
Normally I would ask if it’s true, but because the agency has also been named, I would prefer that you not speak at all in relation to any of the allegations.
Okay.
Daniel, the agency attorney, speaks.
I’m not going to coddle you, Amberton. For years we’ve protected you, covered for you, lied for you, backed you up. Now we may be fucked because of you. He has pictures, audio and video. He had a PI follow you while you were following members of his family. He says you raped him multiple times, and threatened him on multiple occasions. Add the fact that he’s African American, and he says you used racial slurs while raping him, and we’ve got a massive, massive shitstorm on our hands. It’s really fucked this time.
None of that is true. We were in love. We were lovers.
Daniel speaks.
Please don’t say anything else, Amberton.
David speaks.
The evidence seems to indicate otherwise.
Amberton.
We really were in love.
Daniel.
Please, Amberton.
Gordon.
He has video, Amberton, he has proof that you were following his family around. Whether you thought you were in l
ove is irrelevant. If this gets out you’re done. Absolutely, completely and totally done forever.
Amberton stares at the table, takes a deep breath. No one says a word, they just wait for him. He looks up, speaks.
We were in love. It’s true, and I will say it until the day I die, we were in love. I understand the situation though, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it go away, and I’m willing to pay whatever he wants to keep his mouth shut. A reporter approached me a couple hours ago and asked me about this, so I think whatever we need to do, we should do it quickly.
Everyone exchanges concerned looks. One of the other attorneys, a distinguished older man, who looks like a kindly grandfather but is actually a pit-bull libel attorney, speaks.
Who was the reporter?
I don’t know.
Who did he work for?
He didn’t say.
Fuck.
Yeah.
Fuck.
Yeah.
David speaks.
The suit, which his attorney has shown us but hasn’t filed, asks for fifty million dollars. They have told us he’ll settle for twenty. The only way to stop this is to pay it. We want you to cover the entire sum.
Daniel speaks.
No fucking way.
Amberton speaks.
It’s okay.
Daniel speaks.
That’s a huge amount of money, Amberton. Far more than we’ve ever paid before. We can do better.
Amberton speaks.
I make more than that on every movie. I don’t care about it. If that’s what he wants, give it to him. I hope it makes him happy.
The lawyers exchange looks. Amberton stares at the table, takes a deep breath.
Can you leave me alone now, please.
They look at each other again. Amberton looks up.
I love him. I’m upset. Can you go do whatever it is you do and leave me alone, please?
They look at Gordon, who nods. They stand up and leave. Once they’re gone, Amberton starts to cry.
On September 4, 1981, Los Angeles celebrates its two hundredth anniversary. There are no riots, no deaths attributable to racial tension, no earthquakes, no floods, no mudslides.
Esperanza gets a job working at an office supply superstore. She starts as a clerk on the evening shift she rings up customers buying pens, tape, paper, printer cartridges, occasionally a shredder or a cordless phone, file cabinets, coffee machines, wastepaper baskets and envelopes. She works from 4:00 PM until midnight she makes minimum wage, after taxes it’s less than she made cleaning Mrs. Campbell’s house. She is, however, much happier. She likes working behind the counter, interacting with people, some of them speak English some Spanish she smiles, rings them up, asks them how they’re doing some of them could care less, but enough are friendly so that the shift goes by quickly. A few men ask her name she always smiles and points to her name tag one of them comes in four times over two days and on the fourth visit asks for her number she smiles and says no, but maybe at some point down the line. He smiles and says I’ll be back once a week until you say yes.
She goes to a lawyer’s office with her parents they sign the appropriate forms the house is now in her name. They go to a bank and fill out the appropriate forms she now has funds at her disposal so she can go back to school. The day the bank forms are processed and approved and the family receives notice they have a party at the house, the entire extended family is there, they cook a huge meal and drink and listen to music and dance. When Esperanza is ready for bed she asks her mother and father to come to her room. When they’re there she thanks them and hugs them and tells them she will do everything she can to make them proud of her and as she hugs them she starts crying which makes them start to cry.
They stand in the middle of her room and hold each other and cry with joy this time cry with joy.
After six weeks at work, she gets promoted to assistant night manager.
There are two other assistant night managers, one stocks the shelves, one runs the copy department, her job is to oversee the other cashiers.
She never yells at anyone, if they’re upset she talks to them about why and tries to help them, she’s flexible with scheduling issues. At first she is slightly overwhelmed but two or three weeks later she gets used to the job, enjoys the responsibility. She becomes friends with her coworkers she becomes closest to a Mexican-American single mother with three children under six whose boyfriend is in jail for twelve years for manslaughter, and a nineteen-year-old African-American woman who is saving up for college. When the store is slow, as it often is after eight or nine o’clock, they read gossip magazines, talk about their favorite stars, talk about their coworkers, talk about men. Neither can understand why Esperanza is single she tells them she’s shy. They both tell her she’s hot, that she should go out with some of the men who are always flirting with her, she tells them that they probably wouldn’t flirt with her if they could see her legs, they both laugh say she has great beautiful thick legs, that some men prefer a woman with some meat on her bones, Esperanza laughs and says she hasn’t met any, but thinks of Doug, she doesn’t want to but she thinks of Doug.
She tries to decide on schools. There are two community colleges nearby where she could go and a four-year university in Pasadena tells her they would accept her on short notice based on her high school grades and test scores. She goes to each of the campuses with her mother and father walks around meets with admissions directors speaks to professors. She doesn’t know what she wants to do yet or what she wants to major in so she decides to go to one of the community colleges and get some of her basic college requirements out of the way and then transfer into a four-year school when she feels she’s ready. She fills out the registration forms signs up for classes they start in a couple months she works out her schedule so she can still work. Her parents tell everyone they know how proud of her they are she will be the first person in their extended family ever to go to college.
She goes to a Talk and Tequila event held by the Young Mexican Professionals of East Los Angeles. The event is on a Saturday night she spends most of the morning trying on outfits with her mother and cousins. She doesn’t like anything she has so she asks her mother to go shopping with her. They drive to a mall with designer outlets. They walk through the stores both are intimidated by them. They avoid ones with the names of fancy designers from the East Coast, they find a few others that sell nice clothing at discount prices. At an outlet for a large department store, Esperanza finds a black business suit with a skirt and a jacket. She tries it on it fits well the skirt stops just above her knees when she looks in the mirror she’s terrified. Her mother steps behind her and smiles, Esperanza looks at her in the mirror, speaks.
What do you think, Mommy?
Beautiful.
Are you sure?
Yes.
What about them?
They are part of you, and you are beautiful, and you are the only one who doesn’t know it.
Esperanza smiles, looks at herself, runs her hands down the front of her suit. She looks at herself for a moment, two, smiles and turns around and hugs her mother.
Thank you, Mommy.
I love you, Esperanza.
They check out. Graciella tries to pay Esperanza doesn’t let her. They go home Esperanza takes a shower does her hair puts on her outfit. When she walks into the living room her entire family, all seventeen of them, are waiting for her. When they see, they burst into spontaneous, raucous applause, whistling and cheering, giving her a standing ovation. Her father, who is wearing his best and only suit, stands at the door waiting for her, smiling ear-to-ear, holding a flower that he pins on the front of her jacket. As they walk out, the family follows, and continues cheering as they drive away.
They go to the event, which is in a banquet room at a local hotel.
Jorge walks in with Esperanza, stands with her as she signs in at the registration desk, tries to go into the event with her, she asks him to leave she’ll
call when she’s ready to come home, he tells her that he’ll wait for her in the parking lot. He kisses her goodbye, she walks into the room.
There are bars at both ends, a banquet along the wall with chips, salsa, guacamole, taquitos. There are tables spread throughout, a DJ at a table in the corner. There are thirty or forty people in the room, slightly more men than women. Esperanza is nervous and scared her hands are shaking slightly her heart is pounding she wonders if she looks okay if anyone is staring at her legs. She doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t know how she’s going to meet anyone, isn’t sure where to go or what to do. A man approaches her, introduces himself, she starts talking to him, he introduces her to a few of his friends they go to a table she has a lemon-lime soda, they all drink beer, people come and go she meets more men, more women, she gets a few business cards, one man asks her to lunch, she asks for his number and tells him she’ll call him. When she leaves she finds her father standing just outside the door he is peeking in to watch her he smiles and hugs her and says you did great, and I’m very proud of you. She hugs him says thank you, Daddy, thank you.
She gets promoted again to shift manager she is in charge of the store when the general manager isn’t there. He offers to switch her to the day shift she says no she doesn’t want work to interfere with school.
School starts she takes economics, English literature, biology, American history. She never misses a class she’s never late never misses an assignment. In her first semester she gets straight A’s, makes the dean’s list.
She goes out to lunch with the man he’s an accountant for a clothing manufacturer. He’s nice enough but there’s nothing more. She goes out with him again, again, waits to see if something comes there’s nothing.
She goes out with an attorney nothing, a computer programmer nothing, an elementary school principal twice, the third time she knows, nothing.
She keeps going to Talk and Tequila events. Before each she goes to the outlets with her mom and buys a new outfit. Her father always takes her, watches her from the door if he can, waits for her. She becomes part of a group who always meet at the events, a woman who works as an immigration attorney, a woman studying to be a veterinarian, two men who are partners in a video game company, a man who is a journalist for the newspaper downtown, a woman who teaches math at a local high school. She is younger than them but mature enough to fit in they all want the same thing success, stability and love, at some point children.
