“I think we should go stay with Orlando,” I tell him as we walk.
“What? Why? You don’t even know that man, Gideon.”
“And why is that?” He doesn’t answer, just glares down at his feet as he crunches over the gravel drive. “Right. Well. I think I’ll go stay with him… with or without you. He’s family and I’d like to get to know him.”
“Gideon,” he says my name as a reprimand, but I’ve made up my mind and no amount of scolding will change it.
“No. I’m going. Mom is gone, and he’s a connection to her I never knew existed. I don’t want to sit around mourning her for the rest of my life. I want to learn about her life before I was born. Before she was sick. Memories Orlando can share with me. I’m nineteen, Dad, I can make my own decisions. I have nothing keeping me here, and neither do you. I want you to come with me, but I can’t make you.”
“You don’t know him, Gideon.”
“I know, but I want to.”
I turn on my heel and run to where Orlando is climbing into his car.
“Everything okay?” he asks when I stop beside him to catch my breath.
“Yes. I need your address.”
“Has he agreed to come stay with me?”
I shake my head. “No. He’s not coming. He’s stubborn and a fool. Give him time and I think he’ll come around, but for now you just get me.”
“And me.”
I turn at my father’s voice to find him standing behind me. Determination has him standing tall and I’m hopeful he’ll see that this decision is for the best. Mom would have wanted it this way.
“Are you sure, Bish? You don’t have to. Phee suggested it and I want to rebuild what we’ve lost, but I don’t want to force you into it,” Orlando tells him.
“Gideon is right, I’m a fool. If Phee thought it was time to move forward, and Gideon wants to as well, then I can at least try. Besides, like he said, I have nothing left here. Ophelia is gone. If I stay I’ll only end up pushing myself into the open grave beside her.”
Orlando nods and pulls out his phone. I wait patiently as he exchanges numbers with my father, then texts him the address. Today is the end of one chapter in my life, one I’ll never forget. Tomorrow is the beginning of the next, one where new memories await.
Chapter Two
Bishop
Gideon and I spend the week moving the furniture and other items from the house into storage. We’re bringing only what’s necessary with us to Orlando’s cabin. The Merrick family cabin. I throw the last of my bags into the trunk of the car, dismissing the memories that threaten to resurface. There’ll be plenty of them ready to assault me once we arrive later tonight.
“You ready?” Gideon asks me as he tosses a duffle into the backseat.
“Yeah.” No. “Is that everything?”
“That’s it. Nothing left in that house to hold us here. I know it’s hard, Dad, but Mom wouldn’t want us to live in a place where almost all of our memories are of her illness. Even if Uncle Orlando hadn’t shown up offering us a place to stay, moving was the only option we had. The bank foreclosing just made it easier to make the choice now instead of later.”
He’s right, but I wish Orlando wasn’t our only option. I’ve just lost Ophelia. I’m not sure I’m ready to face the past with him so soon after. Phee must have really wanted us to reconcile or she wouldn’t have contacted him, and Gideon wants to know him too, so for them I’ll try.
“I know, Gid. I just… there’s a lot that happened between us and I’m not sure I can face it yet.” I slam the trunk closed, then climb in the driver’s seat. Once Gideon is seated and has his belt done up, I insert the key and start the ignition. Before I put the car in gear, I turn to Gideon. “I’m going to try, Gid. I really am.”
“I know, Dad. That’s all I ask.”
Gideon reaches over and squeezes my hand before he puts his ear buds in. I pull out of the drive and can’t stop from taking a glance in the rearview mirror. Gideon has a point, all the memories in that house are tinged with Ophelia’s cancer. But as I continue to steal peeks until I turn the corner and the house disappears from sight, my heart breaks. It feels as if I boxed up Ophelia and our life together and left it behind in storage with the rest of our memories.
Orlando’s cabin is a five hour drive away, and Gideon falls asleep halfway through the journey. It’s dark when we arrive, and my headlights illuminate Orlando where he’s sitting on the porch waiting. Gideon must have texted him to let him know we were on our way. They’ve sent messages back and forth all week while Gideon and I packed our things. A connection is already forming between them and I know I should encourage it, but the past won’t let me.
I park the car and quietly open and close the door, not wanting to wake Gideon just yet. I need a moment alone with Orlando to let him know where he and I stand. Orlando moves to stand at the edge of the wraparound porch and I stop below the first step. I stare at him, unable to voice the warning I had carefully worded in my head over and over on the drive. He’s older, as am I, but Orlando still looks like a man used to getting what, and who, he wants. It’s one reason I’ve fought to keep the distance between us all these years. Ophelia had tried several times to get me and Orlando in the same room in hopes of reconciliation. I regret that it took her death for it to happen, and that Orlando was the one to cede to her wishes.
“You look good, Bish. I know you don’t want to hear that, especially from me, but it’s true.”
“Fuck you, Lando. I’m still mourning my wife, your sister. I’m not in the mood for your advances.”
“For fuck’s sake, Bish. I’m not hitting on you. I’m stating a fact. You look good. I know life hasn’t been good to you, what with Phee’s illness and her death, but you’ve still grown into a handsome man. And Gideon is following in your footsteps. That boy will be beating them off with a stick soon, if he isn’t already.”
“Keep your hands off my son.”
“Whatever, Bish. I’m just trying to be friendly. There was a time when you would return my banter. We were friends once, remember? I’m sorry I ruined that.”
Fuck. This is harder than I thought it would be. Maybe because you don’t blame him for what happened. I curse the voice in my head for reminding me that I never considered any of it to be Orlando’s fault. It’s easier to let him think so, though. Truthfully, I blame myself for letting it happen and for enjoying it as much as I did. Afterwards, I was scared about what it meant for all of us, so I asked Ophelia to marry me and ran as far from Orlando as I could get. It’s not every day that you realize you’re in love with your girlfriend and her brother.
“I remember,” I whisper and turn away, unable to look at him anymore, and I use the excuse of waking Gideon to end our conversation.
“Hey, Gid, we’re here,” I gently shake him awake. I ruffle his hair and place a kiss to his temple before moving around to the back of the car to start unloading our bags. I keep an eye on both Gideon and Orlando as I pretend to busy myself with our luggage. When Orlando wraps his arms around Gideon in welcome, a surge of jealousy shoots through me. I shake it off. Am I jealous because Orlando is becoming close with Gideon, who has been the center of my world since before Ophelia’s passing? Or is it that I want to be close to Orlando again without compromising my relationship with my son? Is it possible to move beyond our past and have them both in my life?
No. I can’t allow myself to give in to the emotions and the wants being around Orlando brings out. The man makes me crave things that are forbidden and unnatural. He’d convinced me I could have anything I wanted as long as I was in his arms. But that was a lie I won’t let him fool me into believing again.
Chapter Three
Orlando
In the week that Gideon and Bishop have been staying with me, Bishop has avoided me as much as possible. Gideon tries to get him to see reason, but I know it will take time before Bishop is ready to face our past and what that means for the future of all of us.
/> I’ve always blamed myself for ruining our friendship and the closeness I had with Ophelia. I think if it had just been me and Bishop, things would’ve turned out different. But Ophelia was the anchor point for both of us. Without her there would never have been an us. And that’s where I went wrong. I believed that because he wanted it and gave in to what all three of us desired, everything would end with a happy ever after. I thought Bishop, Ophelia, and I could be a true family together. Then the morning came and he ran, taking my sister with him.
I gather my dirty laundry. Bishop and Gideon left for the grocer a little while ago and catching up on chores seems to be a good way to occupy my time until they get back. I toss a pair of boxers into the basket, then check that I haven’t missed any stray socks before making my way down to the basement.
I notice an empty laundry basket and after loading my laundry into the washing machine and setting the cycle, I grab the basket and begin to empty the contents from the dryer into it. Gideon did his wash yesterday and must have left it.
An item falls out during the transfer from the dryer to the basket. I reach to pick it up and the silky feel to the material piques my curiosity. Holding the black garment up for closer inspection I realize it’s a garter belt. There’s probably a rational explanation for the lingerie being in with Gideon’s things, but my mind conjures up a vision of him in nothing but the belt and a pair of matching thigh highs. Gideon is lean and his body would be perfectly fit for wearing such an article of clothing.
A car door slams and I am jerked from my immoral thoughts. I place the garter belt back in the basket and cover it with a shirt, so it’s not obvious that I saw it. I head back up the stairs and meet Gideon and Bishop in the kitchen where they are unloading the groceries they purchased.
“Gideon, you left your laundry downstairs. I brought it up for you.”
A blush tinges Gideon’s cheeks and he mutters a thanks before taking the basket from me and rushing off to his room. Bishop continues to unload the groceries, but I see the longing in his gaze as he surreptitiously watches Gideon leave the room. I don’t call him on it as he’s not ready. Instead, I grab the sack of canned goods and place them in their proper spots within the pantry.
Once I’ve finished, I watch Bishop and admire the way the muscles of his back flex beneath his tight t-shirt. Gideon is much smaller in comparison to his father. Bish has always been a big man, and though time has lessened his size a bit, he is still the same in many ways, including his looks.
“Quit staring at me. How many times do I have to tell you that it’s never going to happen?”
“I think you’re obsessed with me, Bish. One glance in your direction and you have me trying to get into your pants. Is that what’s on your mind whenever you think about me? If that’s a yes, then maybe you need to stop denying what you want.”
I walk away from him and down the hall to my bedroom. If I stay in his presence any longer I’ll do something I’ll regret, though not likely while I’m doing it.
Gideon exits his room as I’m passing and we collide with each other. I grab him by the shoulders to keep him upright and he shakes me off once he’s steady on his feet.
“You okay?” I ask him and he nods, then backs away until his back is against the wall.
“Those weren’t mine,” he blurts out.
“Umm, okay. What wasn’t yours?”
Gideon looks incredulous at my question, and honestly, I would be too. We both know what he’s talking about.
“You know,” Gideon gestures to his room, alluding to his laundry and more specifically the garter belt. “It’s my girlfriend’s. Well, ex-girlfriend. She left it at the house and I must have grabbed it by accident.”
“Okay.”
I don’t call him out on his obvious lie or ask how it ended up in his dirty laundry. If he wants to pretend it’s not his I’ll let him… for now.
“Yeah. Okay. I’m going to go help Dad.”
Gideon walks off and my gaze snags on the way his ass fills out his jeans. I wonder if he is wearing a belt and hose now. My cock throbs at the thought and I mentally strip him down to nothing but the garter and thigh highs from my earlier fantasy.
Fuck. I press my palm against my cock and the pressure adds to the lust filling me. With a groan I hurry into my bedroom, slam the door closed, quickly undo my pants and shove them down my thighs. I’m swimming in a sea of lust and can’t be bothered to move farther than where I’m standing, so I lean my back on the hard wood of the door as I take my cock in hand. I’m still imagining Gideon and my fantasy from earlier, but somehow Bishop intrudes into my mind, taking control of me and Gideon.
I jack myself hard and fast to the images filling my mind, spreading precum over my hard length. If I thought picturing Gideon was hot, it’s nothing compared to adding Bishop into the mix. It doesn’t take long before I’m coming all over my hand with a moan.
As I come down from the lust-fueled high of my orgasm, I slam my head against the door. I thought I was doing the right thing by fulfilling Opehlia’s last wish, but I don’t know if I can take being around Bishop and Gideon much longer before I give in to my want for one, or both of them.
Chapter Four
Gideon
I run away from Orlando. Well, technically I just walk very fast, but it feels like I’m running. My mother was the only one who knew about my love of lingerie. It was our secret. Not because she didn’t approve or thought my father wouldn’t, but because it was ours, our thing. I want to keep it as ours alone for as long as I can. I’m not naïve enough to think I can keep it to myself forever, just for now. I even kept some of her hose and garters, and I really don’t want my father to know I’ve been wearing his dead wife’s lingerie.
It’s super weird and fucked up, I know it is, but it’s not the only weird and fucked up thing about me. If anyone ever found out my thoughts, I’d be institutionalized. When I realized I was gay, it was no big deal. Both my mother and father were supportive and happy to let me be who I am. I don’t know if that would have still been true if they knew how I came to that realization. My father is such an uptight and strict man, I know he would’ve flipped.
I was thirteen when I saw another man’s cock in a sexual way for the first time. The sight drew my full attention and I couldn’t help but stare. And when he started to stroke himself, I couldn’t look away. I watched until he climaxed and spurts of cum decorated his chest, hand, and dick. I immediately ran off to do the same with the mental image of him in my mind. I came hard that day. And every day since, all my fantasies have starred my father. Lately, Orlando has been added into the scenes my mind conjures. The two of them together while I watch. All of us together, fucking and sucking. In my mind, we’re just three men who want and love each other. It’s wrong. I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop fantasizing about what it would be like.
I shake away those thoughts as I enter the kitchen. My father is finished putting away the groceries and when he sees me a bright smile lights up his face.
“Want to help me with dinner?”
“Sure. What are we having?”
“Roast with vegetables,” he says as he sets the potatoes in front of me. “You chop while I season the roast and get it ready.”
I dice the potatoes, then I slice some carrots and an onion, mindlessly watching as my father prepares the meat. The way his hands massage the spices and oils into the meat for flavor has me salivating and wishing he was rubbing his hands over my body instead of a slab of beef. I’m so entranced with watching the way his hands manipulate the meat that I miss Orlando coming into the room.
“Mmm. That smells good, Bish.”
“It’s not even in the oven yet.” My father grunts at Orlando like he does after any interaction they have and pointedly ignores him as he asks me to bring the vegetables over.
“Well, whatever spices you’re using smells amazing. I can’t wait to eat. Maybe we can watch a movie together while we wait.”
Orla
ndo looks at me with a smile, then turns back to my father. It’s been like this every day since we moved in. Orlando tries to get us to do something together, then waits patiently for my father to deny him and his suggestions with a flimsy excuse.
“I need to…”
“Dad, come on. You can’t make excuses forever. It’s just a movie. What do you think is going to happen?”
He flicks a nervous gaze toward Orlando. They have a stare down and I let out an exasperated sigh. Dad will never give up this grudge or whatever he’s holding onto from their past. It seems pointless to even try to coerce him into letting it go.
“Come on, I’ll watch with you, and then Dad can do whatever it is he finds more interesting than spending time with us.”
I grab Orlando by the arm and walk him to the family room. He has a nice set up with a theater-like atmosphere that makes watching films and gaming comfortable and fun. I push him to go sit on the sofa while I choose a Blu-ray to watch. I just want to zone out and relax, to forget about earlier and the tension between my father and Orlando, so I pick some action movie I won’t have to think through to enjoy.
I take my seat at the opposite end of the sofa and prop my feet on Orlando’s lap. He instantly picks up a foot and begins to massage my instep. It feels amazing and I close my eyes to enjoy the way his fingers press into my skin.
“I’m sorry,” he says after a few minutes.
“Huh?” I open my eyes to better gauge what he’s talking about, but I don’t see anything that would require an apology.
“For earlier in the hall, and for not trying harder with your father. I want to reconnect with him and make this work, but I can’t help my reaction when he acts as though I am the reason for every bad thing to ever happen to him.”
Another Family Affair Page 23
