“Some of those home truths hit me hard as I remembered some of the things my grandfather had said to me. The gospel according to my grandpa was never let a woman get the upper hand. You’re the man. Be a man. Never let a woman tell you what to do.
“You’re the man. Be a man. Never give in to a woman. You’re the man. Be a man. It was all garbage ingrained in me by the narrow-minded prejudices of my grandfather. I arrogantly believed you would be waiting for me. I was the man. What crap!”
“You weren’t like that. You never made me feel that way.”
He looked at her then and had to tell her the truth. “I never thought of you the morning I left. I was eager to leave and that was all that was on my mind. I never thought of your feelings and that makes me just like my grandfather.”
She blinked. “You never thought of me that morning?” Her voice held a tinge of hope that she’d heard him wrong.
He exhaled deeply. “No.” He wanted to say he was sorry, but that word was just an excuse for his behavior and it couldn’t heal wounds or mend her broken heart. The only thing he could do was to prove he wasn’t that arrogant, misguided teenager anymore and to be there for her now.
She got to her feet, her shoulders squared. “I was right across the street, crying my eyes out, and you never thought of me, the person you professed to love.” She gulped a breath. “It’s over and done and we can’t go back and change a thing. Right now, my focus is on Luci.”
“Mine, too.”
“Yeah.” She pleated the hem of her T-shirt in a nervous gesture. He had a feeling she wanted to say a lot more and was holding her breath.
“What do we do about Luci?”
Her eyes narrowed. “She’s my daughter.”
“I’m well aware of that, but I can’t just walk away, if that’s what you’re expecting me to do.”
“That’s exactly what I’m expecting you to do.”
“What about her speech?”
Becky bit her lip and he knew that gesture well. She was upset. “You can still see Luci when I’m not here. She likes you and I won’t keep her from seeing you. That doesn’t mean I have to see you. I’d just as soon we kept our distance.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“I do, and now I want you to leave.”
He dragged his sweat-coated body from the sofa with a heavy heart and walked to the door without a backward glance. He’d walk over hot coals for her if she wanted him to. He owed her that.
CHAPTER TEN
BECKY CLOSED THE door and wanted to sink to her knees and cry like she had when she was six years old and a friend had broken her favorite doll. The head had been ripped right off and tonight Bo had ripped her heart out. But she wasn’t going to shed one tear. She walked into the kitchen and turned the light out, then did the same thing in the living room. She went to bed, stopping only to check on Luci.
Curling beneath the sheets, Becky tried to block his words from her mind, but she couldn’t. He never thought of me. How could she be in love with someone who hadn’t cared enough about her to say one last goodbye? He’d be away for months and she hadn’t been his top priority. She never had been. It was so clear now.
When she’d first met him, he and Cole were always together. They’d become a trio. Eventually, they’d made time for themselves apart from Cole. Bo had pushed her for sex, but she hadn’t been ready. He’d hung in there until she decided she wanted it, too. And she’d paid for that with a shattered heart that could never be put back together again.
With his close connection to Luci, Becky had hesitated about adoption. But the baby had stolen her heart and Becky couldn’t walk away. Still, Bo and Luci had that connection and the nurses told Becky about it every day. They told her how Bo would sit by her incubator with his hand on her chest, talking to her. They were in awe. So was she. There were times she’d wanted to talk when he’d asked her. She was glad now she never had. She was strong enough now to hear it without breaking down. He never thought of me.
That’s when the tears she’d sworn not to shed came, rolling down her cheeks, soaking her T-shirt. Some things she just couldn’t stop.
She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she heard was a tiny voice calling, “Mom-my. Mom-my.” And it was close. She reached down and pulled Luci into the bed on top of her.
“What’s the matter, baby?”
“Sleep. Mom-my.”
Usually Becky would take her back to her bed, but tonight she settled Luci beside her and snuggled close. “Go to sleep, baby.” She brushed the hair from her child’s face and kissed her forehead.
There were times she questioned her interest in Luci as an infant. Was it because of Bo and what the nurses had said about him? It had shown her a different side of him and she’d liked it. But her interest in Luci had been all about the baby from the first moment Becky had seen her. It was love, a pure mother’s love.
She kissed Luci one more time. “I love you.” And because of that love she would allow Bo to see Luci and help with her speech. Beyond that, she would put Bo Goodnight in her rearview mirror.
* * *
BO TOOK A shower and lay across his bed in his underwear, feeling depleted. He’d always thought that talking to Becky would solve all their problems. Wrong! Talking to Becky had highlighted his problem, his personality, his way of thinking. And it had all been wrong.
His stomach cramped as he closed his eyes and saw the hurt in hers. He had hurt her one more time, but he’d wanted to be honest. He’d wanted her to know and now…he had nothing. Not even hope.
He got up and turned off the light, flipped on the ceiling fan and crashed, shutting out everything. He stirred when he heard his mom in the kitchen. He glanced at the clock and saw it wasn’t even five yet. Slipping on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, he prepared to go through another agonizing conversation.
“Bo.” His mom jumped back from the coffee maker and held a hand to her chest. “You startled me. I thought you were sleeping.”
Bo poured a cup of coffee and leaned against the kitchen counter. “I had a talk with Bubba yesterday.” Since they both had been through this before, he didn’t beat around the bush. He just wanted her to know it didn’t matter to him anymore.
She poured coffee into an insulated container and screwed the top on. “What does that mean?”
“It means you’re seeing Mason again and trying to hide it. I talked to Kelsey about him and we both decided that you both need to do what you want and leave us out of it. We’re grown and you can make your own decisions. I’m done. Kelsey’s done.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“I think it is. This house is in my name so you’ll have a place to live when he leaves you for another woman again. But that’s your choice. I’ll probably go back to Austin today.” He walked toward his bedroom.
“He’s dying.”
Bo stopped in his tracks and swung around to face his mother. “He pulled that on you and you fell for it? Mom… I have no words.”
“He has stage IV lung cancer and they gave him six months to live. That was three months ago. He just wanted to talk about his kids and I couldn’t do that here because of you. Yes, he’s done a lot of bad things, but I wanted him to know about his children and how good they turned out in spite of us.”
“In spite of him.”
“Let it go, son. He doesn’t have much longer and if you have anything to say to him, I’d advise you to say it now.”
“You just took his word for it?”
She shook her head. “I went with Mason to tell your grandmother. She’s pretty torn up. You might want to visit her if you can keep your temper in check.”
My father is dying. Bo couldn’t wrap his head around that. For years he’d just wanted Mason to disappear and not come back, but now…now Bo realized he didn’t want that. He wante
d Mason to stay and be a man. Be a man. The words resounded in his head and he realized again they were his grandfather’s words. Be a man! He wondered how many times Mason had heard those words. Dammit. How wrong could he be about so many things?
His mother put her arms around him and held him tight. The coffee cup shook in his hand and he held on to her like he had when he was twelve years old. After a moment, he stepped back.
“I’m okay, Mom.”
“No, you’re not. You need time to digest this. Your father wants to talk to you and it’s up to you if you want to do that. Just think about it. I’m not pressuring you and neither is your father.”
“I need to think about this.”
“Sure.” She touched his hair. “You need a haircut. I have to go to work, but I’ll try to be back by noon.”
“I don’t know where I’ll be at noon. I have to do a lot of thinking.”
Bo sat on his bed staring out the window toward Becky’s house. His mind was blank as he tried to absorb everything he’d learned in the past twenty-four hours. He watched as Becky came out dressed in her blue scrubs, got into her car and left. A little later Craig appeared, carrying Luci. He put her into the car seat and they drove away. For the first time in a long time, loneliness pierced Bo’s heart and he wasn’t sure what to do next. Thinking was too hard and he couldn’t relive all the years of anger toward his father. He had to go forward, just as he had to with Becky.
He pulled out his phone and called his sister.
“Hey, I was just going to call you,” Kelsey responded.
“I guess you heard, then.”
“Yeah. I was just thinking about what I was going to do, but before I made that decision I wanted to talk to you.”
Bo squeezed his eyes shut and tried to leave the anger behind. “I don’t know, sis. I’m taking this slow.”
“I’m going to see him,” Kelsey announced. “I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. He’s my father and I want to say goodbye, and I hope you do the same thing for your own piece of mind.”
“Okay.”
“Bo…”
“I’ll think about it, Kel.”
“I’ll give you a couple of days and maybe we can do it together.”
“Okay.”
He leaned back on the bed and watched the ceiling fan go round and round until it lulled him into sleep. He woke up with a start and wondered what time it was. His phone was on his chest and he quickly glanced at it. It was after one. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night and his body and brain had been tired. As he walked by his bedroom window he saw Luci sitting on the step across the street with the ball in her lap and the cat and dog beside her. In her pink glasses and pigtails she was about the cutest thing he’d ever seen.
Through all the heartache, this little girl was a blessing and he wasn’t going to run out on her. He wasn’t going to hide and try to leave his past behind. He had to face it head-on, all of it, the pain, the sadness and the tears. The only way to go forward was to admit he’d been wrong.
As soon as he opened his front door and started toward her, Luci got up and ran to the curb. Of course, she tripped and he grabbed her and threw her up into the air. She giggled. He lifted her onto his shoulders and they went to her backyard to play. They did the same things they had done the previous day and later sat under the oak tree reading a book. The temperature was in the nineties and stifling at times, but with their wet clothes and the breeze they were cool.
Luci sat in his lap as he read to her. She repeated everything without pausing, as he’d asked her. They’d made so much progress in a few days and he knew he had to keep helping her. He couldn’t run back to Austin to soothe his injured male pride.
He left before Becky got home, not leaving her a tape this time. He felt it was best that way. At his house he called his lieutenant. If he was going to help Luci, he needed more time. And he needed time to face whatever he had to do about his father.
“Hey, Lieutenant.”
“Goodnight? Don’t ask to come back to work.”
“I’m not. I’d like an extra week off.”
“What?”
“I have vacation time coming and I’d like to take it now.”
“This is a little startling, coming from you, but take the time.”
“Thank you.”
It was the last thing Bo had thought he would ever want, but things changed and now he had to be the man he wanted to be—not the one his grandfather had created.
He quickly changed into jeans and shirt and went to see his grandma.
* * *
BECKY WAS BUSY and she didn’t have much time to think about Bo. They had a patient, Kathy Purcell, who was twenty-eight years old and four months pregnant. The doctors had just discovered she had stage I breast cancer and Mrs. Purcell had an appointment to discuss her options.
It was an emotional meeting, as Kathy’s top priority was her baby. The cancer had to come out before it spread. It wasn’t in the lymph nodes and that was good. Dr. Eames felt once they removed the cancerous tumor that Kathy could have a healthy baby. Kathy wanted time to think about it.
All Becky wanted to do at the end of the day was to go home and hold her own baby. Life was so precious, and too many times she had taken it for granted, but today she was well aware of how valuable every moment was.
She went into the house through the garage and the first thing she heard was screeching. Then a flash of color dashed down the hall and away again. Had that been Luci?
Walking into the kitchen, she saw her dad fixing supper. She placed her briefcase and purse on the counter. “Is that Luci running around screaming?”
“Yes. She has a lot more energy these days, running around and babbling. All because of Bo. He has a way with her. She wanted me to tie a towel around her neck and she said something about super.”
“She has a book about that and I guess Bo read to her today. He was here, right?”
Her dad wiped his hands on a dishtowel. “Yep. He was here and played all afternoon out there in the yard.”
“Did he say anything about how she did?”
“No. He didn’t say a thing, but from Luci’s actions I think it went very well.”
Luci ran into the kitchen, out of breath. “Mom-my. ’atch. Me.”
Luci ran off, fell down, got back up without a whimper and took off down the hall into her room and back again. “Me. Super.”
Becky swung her up into her arms and kissed her. “Yes, you are.”
Luci wiggled down and was off again.
Becky gazed after her. “She has an appointment tomorrow with the doctor and the therapist. I hate to tell her because she always cries and doesn’t want to go.”
Her dad pointed across the street. “Get Bo to take her. She’ll do anything he asks and he’s not doing anything.”
“Dad, I can’t dump my problems on Bo.”
Her dad hugged her around the shoulders. “It’ll give you a reason to talk away from the house. It could be a good thing.”
“I’ve already talked to Bo and it was a disaster.” She told him about the conversation and what Bo had said.
Her dad shrugged. “So he didn’t think about you at that precise moment. You spent half the night with him and were late getting home, and I allowed it because he was leaving.
“He didn’t run over here the next morning and you were upset about it. That’s a little self-centered and I didn’t raise you that way. The boy had a tortured life and he was eager to get away and make something of himself, and I admire that. So should you. I would advise you to stop wearing those eggshell feelings. They don’t become you.”
The rebuke startled her. Her dad was always on her side. She stood there with words tripping over themselves to be heard, and none of them soothed her bruised ego because deep down she knew her fathe
r was right. She had been selfish. She squeezed her eyes shut and knew what she needed to do. Her life was about Luci and she had to do what was best for her. As her dad had said, she needed to stop with the eggshell feelings.
“That was a little strong,” she mumbled.
“Think about it and you’ll see your old dad is right.”
“I’d rather you pamper me.” She shot him a sly grin.
“Hmmph.” He turned back to the stove.
“Dad, can you bring Luci into Austin tomorrow around three?” She wasn’t quite ready to give in and see Bo again.
“You know I hate driving in traffic now. I’d rather not, especially since you have someone who can easily do it.”
“You’re aggravating, do you know that?”
“Bo has gotten more out of Luci than we have, and in just a few days. Sink your pride and do the right thing. He needs to know what’s going on with Luci, health-wise.”
“What are you cooking?” she asked, to change the subject.
“Spaghetti, of course. My granddaughter’s favorite.”
Becky thought about it and wondered if her life was always going to be tangled up in Bo’s. She thought about Kathy and her unborn baby, and Becky knew she would do anything to help Luci, even if that meant spending time with Bo.
* * *
BO KNOCKED ON his grandmother’s door but there was no response. He turned the doorknob and, of course, it was unlocked. He heard music. It was his dad’s voice singing “Rock of Ages.” He stepped into the apartment and saw his grandmother sitting in her recliner, listening to a CD of his father’s. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and he took a deep breath and walked closer.
“Grandma…”
She turned around, her eyes red. Someone must’ve cut her hair because it was short. She turned off the CD player. “Beauregard. Have you heard?”
He swallowed to speak. “Yes, I heard.” He squatted by her chair and she put her arm around him and hugged him. He hugged her back. “I’m sorry, Grandma.”
She wiped at her eyes and he took a seat on the sofa facing her.
Harlequin Heartwarming December 2020 Box Set Page 34
