Additionally, Taryn noticed as she moved through the office and navigated toward her desk, her anxiety had subsided when speaking with Alex. The woman had a calming effect on her. She wasn’t anything like the kind of people Taryn was used to interacting with, not in her work life or in her social life. Alex didn’t seem high strung or competitive at all. Rather, she was a composed woman who knew herself well. Or that’s the story Taryn told herself about her, at least.
Taryn put her jacket over the back of her chair and sat down at her desk. She could sense the anxiety beginning to foment once again. As she rolled up closer to her computer, Taryn removed a small bottle of water and a pill container from her bag. She opened up the container and removed a little round blue pill from it. Taking a swig of water, she swallowed the pill. Then Taryn jiggled her mouse to wake her computer up, she typed in her password, and she began loading up all her programs to prepare for the swiftly approaching day of work.
Taryn couldn’t stop thinking about Alex. There was something different about her, something that Taryn didn’t have much experience with. Alex had a contentedness in her aura. She exuded positivity and grace. The woman appeared like she actually had her life together. Taryn knew that she herself was just pretending to have things figured out. It was required in her world. When someone asked you how you were doing, you’d tell them you were crushing it—even if you felt crushed inside. You could show them your big house and your luxury car and they would know you were winning. But it never felt like winning. It felt like insatiable lust.
What Alex conveyed with her laid back expression and her kind eyes, that’s what Taryn wanted. She just didn’t know how to get it.
Whenever Taryn was at work, she felt a vague sense that she didn’t want to exist. There was very little meaning in what she did—apart from the money, of course—and that lack of meaning made her feel like nothing really mattered. She hadn’t had a relationship in a long time. She had friends, of course, but everybody was off in their own little world and they didn’t have the time they once had to be social. People were marrying, having children, and leaving Taryn behind. She had her job in high finance, an enviable position from the outside, and that had become her life. And it didn’t feel good.
If her brain went on with this train of thought for too long, Taryn would pop a pill and the existential worry would subside. Well, not really subside. It would just feel more dull. Or not feel like much at all.
Sitting at her desk, Taryn’s eyes darted around her monitor. She followed the fluctuating market, looking for patterns, looking for anything out of the ordinary. A few key stocks were dropping simultaneously. Tech stocks. Taryn furrowed her brow and watched. The five big companies in the tech world were all trending downward together.
“Turn up your volume,” Ethan said. The three traders all raised the volume on their desk televisions together.
“The President’s talks with China on trade have broken down,” said the newscaster. “New tariffs on exports are expected to be announced soon, focusing on Chinese manufacturers of American tech goods. This is in effort to stymie Chinese IP theft of American technology.”
“That’s not going to work,” mumbled Ethan.
“Let’s change our position on these stocks,” said Taryn. “Sell puts.”
“And buy calls,” said Ethan. “They’ll go back up when this fails.”
The three of them began clicking into the keyboards, eyes glued to their screens, as their televisions all continued describing the situation at a low volume. Despite the relative calm throughout the office, the traders were going to work as they quickly went through client lists and made the appropriate trades. They each knew what to do as though it were second nature. As Taryn exercised the options for her various clients, she could feel herself misfiring just a bit. Her brain’s exhaustion was catching up with her and it made it harder to see her screen clearly.
But she pushed through the pain and did what she had to do. Once Taryn had made all the moves required of her, she sat back in her chair and blinked a few times absently. She felt as though she had been beaten up. She felt like she might just puke.
“I think we’re going to make some big money off of this,” Ethan mused with his hands behind his head. “What do you think, Huang?”
“Yeah, I think,” said Huang.
“Taryn, what do you think?” Ethan asked.
“I don’t know,” said Taryn, rubbing her temple and blinking furiously. “Maybe. Probably.”
“You all right?” said Ethan.
“Yeah,” said Taryn. “I’m fine. I’m going to get a coffee.”
Taryn intended to stand up from her chair, but she just couldn’t do it. The walls felt like they were closing in on her. She was frozen there. Looking around the room, looking at Ethan next to her, looking out of the window in front of her, Taryn felt trapped. She felt stuck and cornered and it was causing her to begin panicking. It was just internal, though. Her mind raced and hummed and maneuvered through all these dark scenarios of fear and pain. But her body couldn’t do a thing. It was like she was fully awake on the inside, but on the outside her limbs were paralyzed and asleep.
Both Ethan and Huang looked at her curiously. Ethan said something to Taryn, but she couldn’t hear it. His lips just moved. There was concern on his face, but it translated as something different to Taryn. She didn’t know what to make of it. He looked sort of like a demon. Or maybe Taryn was looking into a mirror and it was her who looked like a demon. She had no idea.
Then she blacked out.
When Taryn regained consciousness, she was still sitting in her own desk chair but now she was off in some empty office. The desk in front of her was empty but for a glass of water and her cell phone. The light was off in the office, the air was cool. The shades were mostly closed, and the room appeared blue. Everything was quiet. Taryn reached for the glass of water and drank.
Clutching her phone in one hand, Taryn walked back toward her desk through the office. A handful of people looked up from their desks at her, trying not to stare. It was an awkward walk for Taryn, her eyes darting around to the people she passed. She knew that something had happened, but she wasn’t sure what. It was obvious they all knew, though. It made Taryn feel immensely embarrassed. It made her feel powerless.
As she approached her desk, her chair back where she left it in the empty office, Ethan spun around in his chair and looked at Taryn. Huang gave her a quick look before returning to his computer. Taryn was tense. She was scared.
“What happened?” Taryn asked.
“I don’t know,” said Ethan. “One minute you were here, the next you were gone. Like you passed out or something.”
“Passed out?” repeated Taryn.
“You weren’t responding,” said Ethan. “You were breathing. It didn’t look like you were having a stroke or anything.”
“So… what?” said Taryn. “You just wheeled me through the office and dropped me off at an empty desk?”
“Yeah,” said Ethan. “We figured you needed some space.”
“You didn’t think to call an ambulance or something?” asked Taryn. “It didn’t seem like an emergency?”
“Not really,” said Ethan. “We all know you’ve been tired lately. Figured it was just exhaustion.”
“Did I do anything weird?” said Taryn. “Did I say anything?”
“You mumbled a little bit about demons,” admitted Ethan. “It was a bit weird.”
“Demons?” repeated Taryn with a confused expression.
“Yeah,” said Ethan. “Demons.”
“Wow,” said Taryn, putting her hand on her head. “I’ve got like a migraine now or something.”
“You need something?” Ethan asked, reaching out for a bottle of pills he had sitting on his desk.
“No,” said Taryn. “No, I don’t want anything.”
“Okay,” said Ethan. He put his bottle back.
“Did anyone see this?” Taryn continued. “People aroun
d the office?”
“Yeah,” said Ethan. “They saw me and Huang push you in your chair.”
“And nobody was concerned?”
“I think they were,” said Ethan. “But we had it under control.”
“You did,” Taryn replied solemnly. She wasn’t buying it. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but the whole ordeal made her feel sick. Not only was she embarrassed, but now she felt abused. She felt like whatever episode she just had could have been serious, yet it wasn’t treated as such. It was a very disheartening revelation.
“Well, you didn’t miss anything,” Ethan said after a moment, motioning toward his screen.
“That’s good, I guess.”
“It’s almost end of day,” said Ethan. “We’ve got a few things to take care of yet, if you want to go grab your chair and sit down. Then you could take off and maybe get a drink to help chill yourself out.”
“Right,” said Taryn. Ethan’s advice felt so superficial. But what else could she do? “I’m going to go grab my chair.”
“You going to be okay to walk?”
“Yeah,” Taryn replied. “I’ll be okay.”
Taryn turned from Ethan and began her walk of shame back the way she had just come, through the support staff area and over to the client relations area of the office where she had been originally placed. Again, people looked at her but she just tried to ignore it. Even though she was with it again, even though the panic attack—or whatever it was—had mostly subsided, Taryn felt so out of place and so distant that this just didn’t feel like her life. That was the only way she could describe it to herself. This was a life, but it didn’t feel like hers.
It felt like she was hovering outside of herself and wondering how she ever got to this place.
After finishing up her work week, Taryn went home Friday evening and crashed hard. She went to bed early and she didn’t wake up on Saturday until after ten. When she did wake up, she still felt groggy and lost, but the sleep provided enough of a recharge that she had her mind back and she could think straight. It had been a rough week.
Taryn’s home was large—over three thousand square feet—in a community of similar homes of similar sizes occupied by professionals similar to her. There were five bedrooms and three bathrooms, but Taryn was just one woman. Most of the rooms were never used. Sure, they had been decorated and designed, but rarely did Taryn set foot in most of them. She had always considered the house a good investment. It was preparation for the day that she did find a forever partner, and maybe start a family even though she’d always felt pretty indifferent to kids. At thirty-seven, though, the road to these dreams was seeming rather bumpy.
After making herself a cup of coffee, Taryn carried her beverage over to her dining room table and sat down. Splayed out on the table were various work things. She had a laptop there, a leather folder with paperwork in it, her satchel hung from one of the chairs. Reaching out, Taryn took up her phone and she checked it. The battery was half gone, and there were no missed calls. She took a drink of coffee and she sighed.
Taryn opened up her folder with the intention of studying a print out Jens had given her about a new algorithm he was working on with the asset managers and developers. Pulling out this paperwork, Taryn noticed a business card spill out with it and fall to the table. She tossed the paper aside and she reached for the card. Looking down into it, Taryn smiled. It was Alex’s card. She stared at it for a while before she parted her lips.
“Alexandra Maris,” Taryn said. “Verdant Bloom Farms.”
Alex’s number was listed there, along with the address of the farm. Taryn retrieved her phone once more and she brought up the maps app. With one hand, she deftly typed in the address and she mapped the route from her own home out to the farm. It really wasn’t that far at all, just a bit of a drive west on I-94. Taryn imagined what it might be like at Verdant Bloom. Her mind conjured up stereotypical pictures of what farm life entailed, but she wasn’t sure if it was all that accurate or if it was just a reflection of what she’d seen in movies and on television. But she did see Alex there, kneeling down in a field of flowers, wearing an oversized sun hat and gloves, clipping the stems and collecting her harvest.
Sure, it was romanticized. But it made Taryn feel good to think about.
It took Taryn a few moments of consideration, cradling her phone in one hand and Alex’s business card in the other, before she made up her mind. Looking at the card, she dialed the number into her phone, she tapped the call button, and then she brought the phone up to her ear. She could feel her heart flutter as the phone rang. Taryn waited five or six rings before the call was answered.
“Hello?” said the voice on the other end.
“Hi,” said Taryn. “I’m looking for Alex. This is Verdant Bloom Farms, correct?”
“Yes,” said the voice happily. “This is she.”
“Alex, this is Taryn Donaghy,” said Taryn. “We met in my office about a week ago, you were delivering our flower feature. Do you remember me?”
“Yes,” said Alex, her voice peppered with positivity and promise. “I do remember you, Taryn. How are you?”
“I’m well,” said Taryn. “So I was thinking about hiring you to do a floral arrangement for me. I’m considering having a party and am in need of a nice feature.”
“Oh, that’s great,” said Alex. “What’s the party for?”
“What’s it for?” repeated Taryn. “It’s for, um… it’s for my brother’s wedding anniversary.”
“Wonderful,” Alex replied. “How many years have they been together?”
“It’s ten,” said Taryn quickly. “Ten year anniversary.”
“The traditional ten year anniversary gift is tin,” Alex said. “And I have a very lovely way of communicating that with a feature’s base. You can choose rustic, or more classy. I would figure someone like you would opt for classy.”
“Right,” said Taryn, rubbing her temples as she tried to continue this ruse. “Yes, I think my brother and sister-in-law would prefer something more classy.”
“Of course,” said Alex. “I’m writing all this down. Does your sister-in-law have any preference in flowers? What does she like?”
“Purple hyacinths,” said Taryn.
“Love them,” Alex beamed. “I’m already getting a great picture in my mind of what we can do with this, Taryn. I think you’re going to adore what I put together for you.”
Taryn had dug herself into a hole. While it was true that her brother and sister-in-law had been married almost ten years, and it was also true that her sister-in-law liked hyacinths, their wedding anniversary wasn’t until the early fall and there was no party yet planned for them. Taryn couldn’t believe she’d constructed such a lie just to talk to Alex. But she was already in deep, and she couldn’t back down now.
“You know,” began Taryn. “I was thinking maybe I could come out to your farm and see some examples of what you’re working with. Maybe pick something in person or give a yes or no to things. Does that make sense?”
“Sure,” said Alex. “All right, yeah. Why not?”
“I can give you more specifics then,” said Taryn. “About the party. I mean, I’m still figuring it out, so I might not be able to be too specific.”
“Okay,” Alex replied, just a hint of confusion in her voice. “Um, when would work for you?”
“How about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?” said Alex. “Sure… Of course, let’s do tomorrow.”
“That’s great,” said Taryn. “How about mid-morning?”
“Mid-morning it is,” Alex replied with a laugh. “You’re very scheduled out.”
“I suppose I am,” said Taryn. She smiled.
“All right, well, you should have my address,” said Alex. “I’ll just see you tomorrow.”
“Indeed,” said Taryn. “Thanks a lot, Alex. I appreciate it.”
“No problem,” said Alex. “You have a great day.”
“You do the same.”
“Thank you,” Alex said. “Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”
Taryn dropped her phone to the table and took a deep breath. She didn’t expect the conversation to play out the way it had, but that’s just how it went. It made her feel slightly bad that she lied to Alex, that the meeting was predicated on a party that didn’t exist, but Taryn had felt some sort of deep urge to see this farm and to see Alex again. The woman intrigued her, she made her envious even. And Taryn was undeniably attracted to her. Alex had taken a completely different path than Taryn, she seemed to be successful, and that was very alluring.
Meanwhile, back on the farm, Alex stood inside one of the greenhouses tapping a pencil to her lip. In her other hand, she held a small scrap of paper she had used to jot notes down about Taryn’s potential order. Looking down into it, Alex went over the conversation they’d just had on the phone in her mind. Something about it felt off, but she wasn’t positive. She remembered when she met Taryn, and she thought her to be someone who was in need of help. What kind of help, Alex wasn’t sure. But Taryn seemed to her to be a lost woman—Alex’s intuition was screaming at her about this—and the conversation they’d just had only made her feel more confident about this diagnosis.
Alex meandered out of the greenhouse and into the yard. To one side, there were rows and rows of raised beds created with wooden planks, all filled with various vegetables and herbs and flowers. There was a woman leaning over one of the garden beds, dressed in rolled jeans and sandals, a baggy t-shirt and a baseball cap. She was plucking weeds from the dirt and tossing them into a bucket.
“Hey Penny,” called Alex as she approached her.
“Yeah?” replied Penny, turning to face Alex. She was pregnant.
“I just got off the phone with a customer,” said Alex. “She’s actually this woman I met at one of the offices we deliver to in Ann Arbor.”
Flower Power Page 2
