George Hartmann Box Set

by Kelly Utt

  "Would you tell me what's going on?" Mom asks.

  I'm almost too overwhelmed to speak.

  "Shall I?" Roddy asks as he looks at me with a smile.

  "Go right ahead," I say.

  Roddy looks around the room at the faces of our kiddos, Mom, and Joe one by one. He’s getting a kick out of this.

  "Dr. Wong told us last night,” Roddy says. "Ali is pregnant."

  I smile big, even though I've been told not to get my hopes up. I can't help it.

  Mom and Joe look very surprised. Ethan, on the other hand, doesn't look phased. He didn't doubt what he already knew to be true. That's quite a remarkable thing about kids his age. When they have intuition, if that's what you want to call it, they trust. It's only as we grow older and people tell us we're crazy and that we don't have a firm grip on reality that we begin to doubt ourselves. I can't help but wonder what the world would be like if we all had the self-assurance of preschoolers.

  Leo looks like he isn't quite sure what is going on. And Will, of course, isn’t able to articulate it even if he does. Hopefully, all three of my boys feel the excitement and the happiness in the room.

  "That's good news. I think," Mom says. "Of course it's good news. I just mean…"

  "I know," I say. "Dr. Wong told us not to get our hopes up because the pregnancy may not be able to survive after everything Ali’s body has been through.”

  "Do you mean Mommy's body might be too broken for the baby to stay in it?" Ethan asks, summarizing the situation.

  "Yes," I confirm. "You understand then."

  "I hope they both come through okay,” Mom says.

  Joe stands up, then walks over and shakes my hand.

  "Congratulations, George Hartmann," he says.

  It's a kind gesture. Maybe it will help him have more sympathy when I ask him to hypnotize me.

  "Your old Papa Roddy is very impressed by you, Ethan," my father-in-law says to his grandson. "You are wise beyond your years."

  I'm not sure Ethan knows exactly what the word wise means, but he gets the idea and is proud.

  "Before I was born,” Ethan begins to tell me. "We were all together. Me, Leo, Will, and the baby. We saw you and Mommy before I was even in her belly. We picked you to be our parents and we decided we would be brothers together."

  "Really?” I say.

  "Yeah, Daddy," he continues. "I had the future map so I came first. We agreed."

  "Where were you when this was happening?" I ask.

  "We were floating. We didn't have bodies then," he then tells me as if I'm foolish for not already knowing the answers.

  "So, do you think that means this baby in Mommy's belly right now belongs with our family?"

  "Yes," Ethan says, sounding very sure. "But if he can't stay, he'll have to find another mommy. He wants to be born."

  That's an unsettling thought. I feel protective of my babies. The idea that one will find another mommy like it isn’t a big deal doesn't sit well with me. But I guess I understand. From everything I've learned so far about past lives, we tend to reincarnate with the same group of loved ones. However, that doesn't mean we're all together all the time. I decide to ask some more questions.

  "You said him,” I prompt Ethan. "Does that mean you think it's a boy?"

  "I know it's a boy," he replies without hesitation.

  "How do you know?” Roddy asks.

  "I just do. It's in my thinking. I told you already."

  Ethan seems to be getting a little irritated with us, which I find comical. It's as if he's trying to explain how the universe works and he's frustrated that we just don't get it. Maybe he's right. Who are we to say we know better?

  "This is very interesting to me, son," I continue. "Maybe you can tell me a little about how these things work. I think sometimes us grownups forget things that we might have known when we were your age."

  "What do you want to know, Daddy?"

  "For starters, do you think spirits are boys or girls? Like, when you were watching me and Mommy before you got into her belly, how did you know you would be boys?"

  "We picked."

  “So spirits can pick before they're born? They can pick boy or girl?"

  "Yes.”

  "I guess I have a hard time understanding how that happens, "I say.

  Ethan is definitely getting frustrated with my lack of understanding now. He rumples up his little face as he thinks about how to explain it in a way I'll understand.

  "It's kind of like putting on clothes," he says.

  I raise my eyebrows and form my lips into a soft smile. Pretty smart, this kid of mine. I honestly don't think Clive is smart enough to have fathered such an intelligent boy.

  "So, when you are born into a body, the body you put on is like putting on clothes. Right?"

  "Yes," Ethan answers. "And you may wear special clothes to do different things. Like when it's cold outside and you wear winter clothes."

  "Wow," I say. "Does this spirit who wants to join our family have a name?”

  "Spirits don't really have names. They don't need them. That's up to you and Mommy."

  All of a sudden, it seems like Ethan has had enough. He climbs down from my lap and goes to the other side of the room to resume coloring. He's nearly halfway through the coloring book Joe got him now and it seems like he wants to keep working on it. Another trait that he, no doubt, inherited from me. I'm a diligent worker and like to finish what I start. Somehow I don't get that impression about Clive."

  We hang out together a while longer. The topics of conversation are less intense. I suppose we can only take so much intensity at one time before we have to recover for a bit. When the conversation slows, I decide it's time to go ahead and make my proposition to Joe. It's nearly six o'clock and Miss Tessa will be leaving soon. I want to make sure we can use her room for the hypnosis session if Joe agrees.

  I must admit I'm having second thoughts about Roddy and Liam taking Clive to Ithaca. I could still call it off. But I'm not sure what else to do with him. I decide not to mention it again in the hopes that Roddy will make the decision for me. I realize that predators don't ask others to make decisions for them, but I'm still getting used to my new role. It may take me some time to adjust.

  "Joe,” I say, feeling like I should be calling him Dr. Epstein when discussing this topic. "Would you mind stepping outside with me? I'd like to get your feedback on the few things."

  Joe glances over at Mom before he answers me. I know it's a tricky situation for him to be in, what with his obligations to her and his professional ethics. He might even think I'm mad at him and am going to yell at him like I did Mom earlier. That would be understandable.

  Mom tilts her head to one side and doesn't say anything, but I can tell Joe takes that as permission. Maybe they have an arrangement like me and Ali, where no comment means to go on ahead. It’s kind of nice to see the dynamic between the two of them.

  "Sure, George,” Joe replies. "I could use a change of scenery."

  "Linette," Roddy says. "I'm happy to stay here with the boys if you want to go take a walk or something while Joe's out. I figure you could use a break by now.”

  “That would be lovely,” Mom says. “Thank you, Roddy."

  Joe follows me out of the room while Mom begins to stand and collect her things. She won't be long behind us, so I make sure to take Joe far enough away before stopping to talk to him so Mom won't want to get in on our conversation.

  "Come with me," I say. "I want to talk someplace private.”

  “Alright, George," Joe says.

  As we walk, his slow, deliberate footsteps remind me of the first time I heard them at his office back in January. The pattern makes his gait distinctive. It's interesting how it matches up with his personality.

  When we reach the double doors outside the unit where Miss Tessa's room is housed, I stop in the hallway. Joe follows my lead. He turns towards me and laces his fingers together in front of him as if he's assuming the listening posit
ion, same as he does in his chair in his office.

  "I have a favor to ask you,” I say. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't very important."

  He leans his chin down and looks at me skeptically.

  “I'm going to get right to the point here,” I continue. "You know I remember having lived in Ancient Greece in a past life. And I realize that sounds crazy and that some people would think me mentally ill for even considering it. But hear me out."

  "Okay."

  "I've had more memories since the ones in your office that day. At this point, I'm fairly certain there's a connection between what happened in that lifetime and what's happening to my family now."

  I put one hand on his shoulder and lean in so I can lower my voice. It occurs to me that surveillance cameras might be picking up on this.

  "There was an arrest this morning. I guess you heard," I say.

  "I did,” he answers.

  “I want to untangle this. I want to find out if the guy who chased my family the other day and the guys who broke into our house in Ithaca were with us in Greece."

  "What are you asking?" he prompts.

  "I want you to hypnotize me again."

  His eyes open wide, but the expression seems more for dramatic affect. He doesn't look entirely surprised.

  "Now, George,” he begins. "That…"

  “I know, I know,” I say. "I know there are professional ethics that you have to consider. And I know we're not at your office with your equipment. And I know you're not even working now. And I know your relationship with my mom changes things between us."

  "All of that and more," he says. "This isn’t a Vegas stage show. Hypnosis, real hypnosis, is something that must be taken very seriously. I can't put you through more than you can handle."

  I'm beginning to get frustrated now. I don't have time to reassure Joe and dispel all of his fears. I just need his help. And I need it fast.

  "You know, I was worried about you,” Joe says, his voice escalating. "I called you, several times, and you never called me back. I tried to give you the proper care and make sure you were able to absorb everything you had experienced. You cut that off. Not me."

  "I know. And I'm sorry. It was the questions you asked me at the end of our last session. It was pretty clear you thought I might be mentally ill. What am I supposed to say to that?"

  Joe exhales, frustrated. He steps closer to the wall and leans one arm up against it. I can't help but think of him is Dr. Epstein in this moment. He almost seems like an entirely different personality than the Joe who is dating my mom.

  "Are you familiar with schizophrenia?" he asks.

  "Somewhat, yes," I reply. "Is that what you think I have?"

  "Do you know the symptoms of schizophrenia?" he asks.

  "I get the feeling you're going to tell them to me," I say, probably sounding sarcastic.

  "No, sir," he says, crossing both arms across his chest now. "If you don't take this seriously, there's no need. I think we should stick to being cordial to each other now that I'm dating your mom. I can refer you to another psychologist."

  This isn't working. He's getting even more frustrated than I am. I was hoping he would agree to help and we could go right into Miss Tess's room and get started with hypnosis. I wanted answers tonight. I wanted answers that would help me figure out what to do with Clive. If there's an angle I can take to get Joe to help in time, I don't know what that is.

  "So, did you tell my mom you think I have schizophrenia?" I ask.

  "What? the doc replies. "No, of course not. I am bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. I would never do something like that. I would never breach that trust."

  “Okay," I say. "I guess that much is good."

  I stand and look at the floor as I try and think about what I can say to convince him. There’s such a gulf between us right now. I'm trying to learn what happened in order to save my family and he thinks it's all a delusion. I wonder how I can make him believe that it's real.

  I have an idea. Marjorie. She mentioned research on past life memories that's happening in multiple locations. She and I haven't had a chance to discuss the specifics, but she knows about those studies. Maybe if I can get her to sit down with me and Joe, she can tell him the details and then he can verify for himself that there's some scientific basis for past life memories being real.

  "Look," I say. "This is very important to me. I get where you’re coming from and I understand your hesitation. I think I know something that will make you feel better about the whole subject. Will you come with me? It won't take long, I promise."

  Joe doesn't answer right away. I can tell he's thinking about it. I get the idea he likes me and probably thinks I'm a pretty good guy. Plus, he seems to truly care about Mom. He may want to give me a chance for no other reason then to do right by her.

  "Alright," he says. "This is against my better judgment, but I’ll go along with it for now. Where are we going?"

  "We're going to talk to Marjorie."

  "Marjorie?" he asks. "What is she going to say that's relevant to this discussion?"

  "Trust me," I say. "You’ll see."

  I pull out my phone and send my mother-in-law a text, although I don't expect her to receive it right away. She doesn't stay tied to her mobile phone like most of the rest of us. She says she likes to live in the moment. Plus, I saw signs all over the ICU about turning cellular devices off. I'm probably going to need to just go and find her.

  I follow the same path down to the ICU that Roddy and I did earlier. I explain to Joe that I don't want to risk being seen by the news crew and so I'm avoiding the main elevators and ground-floor corredor. I tell him how Miss Tessa has shown me around and helped me avoid detection all day. He seems at least mildly impressed.

  When we reach the cafeteria, Wilma is still there right where we left her. I ask her if we can use the same table in the side room she showed us to earlier in order to have a private discussion. She agrees, so I tell Joe to wait there while I go and get Marjorie. Wilma gives him a newspaper to read while he waits. She's apparently good at knowing how to please her audience.

  When I reach the ICU and approach the door to Ali's room, things seem calm. Marjorie and Nicky are there, sitting on either side of Ali and chatting quietly with each other. It feels like Ali is still far away while her body is resting. It seems like a good time to ask Marjorie to step away and speak with Dr. Epstein on my behalf, so I do. She agrees without asking questions and Nicky promises to stay by his sister’s side. Marjorie follows me back to the cafeteria and sits down, eager to share her knowledge in the hopes that it will help me on my quest for answers. I sit down as well and Joe closes his newspaper, ready for our conversation.

  It feels like I've had so many serious conversations lately. If I had my way, I would have spread these out. But the situation we’re in warrants them. I have to forge ahead.

  Marjorie and Joe both look at me, wondering why I've asked them here and what I'm going to say.

  “Marjorie,” I begin. "I've made a request of Joe which he's reluctant to honor. I believe you have some information that may help him feel comfortable with it.”

  "What information is that, exactly?" Marjorie asks.

  "I'd like you to share with him details about the scientific research on past life memories."

  Marjorie smiles like she's proud. This probably does her hippie heart good to see her serious, straight and narrow son-in-law asking about the research on past life memories.

  "I think it will help,” I continue. "If you can reference specific studies or researchers from reputable institutions, maybe Joe will agreed to hypnotize me again."

  Marjorie looks at Joe. It seems like she finds this amusing.

  "Are you a skeptic?" she asks him.

  "I don't know if I'm a skeptic so much as I have reservations," he replies. "When someone tells you they remember having lived before in an ancient time, surely you know how that sounds."

  "Sounds like that person is delusio
nal," she confirms.

  "Indeed, "Joe adds. "And using hypnosis in my practice to help people break troublesome habits or to uncover repressed memories from childhood or trumatic experiences is serious business."

  "So when George claimed to have gone back further and remembered a past life, you thought that was outside the realm of possibility and therefore George must be delusional."

  "Yes," Joe confirms. "I'm quite certain that any other psychologist would have thought the same. I've never encountered anything like that before. It's not in any of the education or training I received. I have no frame of reference for what forces may have been at work, other than to conclude that George was having some sort of delusion or psychotic break."

  "I hear you,” Marjorie confirms.

  "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude,” Joe says. "What is your profession again, Marjorie?"

  “I'm a professional musician,” she replies. "I play viola in the New York Philharmonic."

  "Forgive me," Joe continues. "But how do you know about scientific studies on past life memories? Is this a hobby of yours?”

  "It's an interest,” Marjorie says. "I don't limit my learning to what I was taught in school. When I'm interested in something, I research it on my own time. I've had personal experiences with past life memories and those experiences led me to dig into the research. There's more of it happening then you probably imagine.”

  I can tell Joe is sizing Marjorie up. He only just met her yesterday and I don't think they've had much time to talk. But I think he'll find her credible. My mother-in-law is a bright lady. She could've chosen any career and been phenomenal at it. Just because she's a professional musician doesn't mean she isn't highly intelligent. In fact, she's one of the smartest people I know.

  "Maybe I'm old-school,” Joe says. "Back in my day, there was talk of this kind of thing in new age fringe groups, but there wasn't any serious research happening. But I'll listen. Give me the highlights."

  “Understood," Marjorie reassures. "Although I must admit, I've been in those new age fringe groups you speak of... for most of my life.”