by Kelly Utt
He picks up the walkie-talkie on his belt.
"Code pink," he says, careful to articulate clearly. "We've got a code pink. Initiate lockdown procedures immediately."
He swivels his chair to one side and leans forward into what looks like a control board of some sort. He flips a few switches and alarms begin to go off.
At the very same moment, I see a familiar face walking in the double doors at the front of the hospital. It’s Liam. He looks whipped, but okay. I sure am glad to see him.
"I'm sorry, sir,” Jeremy yells. "I can't let you enter right now."
"It's okay,” I say. "He's with me. I need him in here. He’s family."
Jeremy nods his head reluctantly and motions for Liam to come on in.
"There are three other men here with me, and we will be canvassing the building looking for my son. One of them is a police officer from New York who has been working with the South Lake Tahoe police department on this investigation. He's already called his colleagues for back up they'll be arriving shortly. All five of us have tactical training and experience. I can assure you we’re equipped to handle this situation efficiently. Don’t get in our way."
I turn and walk away without waiting on Jeremy to respond. Liam falls in step right beside me.
"You have a weapon?" I ask my uncle.
"Negative," he says. "Clive got it in the scuffle. I'm sorry, George. This is my fault. If I had been able to control him, this wouldn't be happening right now."
"Don't give it another thought," I say. "We never should have left you alone with him. It's too much for one person. If this is anyone's fault, it's mine. Roddy let me take the lead and I botched it."
"It isn’t over yet,” Liam says. “You’ll redeem yourself.”
My uncle slaps me on the back. It's good to feel that old, familiar pat on the back. For a while there, I thought I might never feel it again.
"Stick with me," I say.
We walk back towards the emergency department, opening every closet door and looking in every nook and cranny along our way. It's quiet in the hospital. I have a sense that it's the calm before the storm. I'm stopped more than once and asked what I'm doing. When I say code pink is for my son, I’m allowed to go through. Every moment counts right now. It feels like finding Ethan will be like finding a needle in a haystack.
This is a much bigger challenge than I've ever faced before. I’ll need whatever supernatural aid I can get. From Dad. From John Wendell. From God. I say a silent prayer to each, pleading for help.
We skirt the edge of the first floor until we catch back up to Duke in the middle. Roddy and Taye join us at almost exactly the same time. They say a few quick words of welcome to Liam as the five of us race up the stairs to the second floor.
Roddy moves well. He seems as fit and healthy as ever. It's hard to believe what he told me about the colon cancer diagnosis. I'll be watching over him more closely now. I can't help myself. I need to protect him and be sure he doesn't overexert himself.
We systematically comb through the second floor just like we did the first, looking in every room. Every nook and cranny. When we're finished, we move up to the third-floor and do the same thing. We don't find any sign of Ethan, Clive, or the man who posed as a nurse. I begin to get really concerned as we move up to the fourth floor because it’s the top floor in the building. If we don't find them here, we're going to have to reassess our strategy.
Lord, I hope they're still in the building. If they’ve gotten away, our chances of finding them are slim. I feel sick just thinking about it.
We split into two groups again to canvas the fourth floor. Roddy and Liam stick with me while Duke and Taye go to the other side of the building.
When we walk by my boys’ hospital room, I glance in the door. Mom and Joe have it barricaded just like I asked them to. I can see that they've moved the dresser up against the door as well as a recliner and a side chair. I don't know how long that might hold someone off, but it's a start. I'm glad they did as I asked.
We continue down the long haul, just like I did this morning when I stumbled upon Jaz and Miss Tessa. We turn a corner and suddenly, Miss Tessa herself is standing at the end of a long hall. She smiles and motions for us to follow her, then disappears out of sight around the corner.
“That's Miss Tessa,” I say to Liam. "She's the nice grandmotherly lady who helped get me out of the building when you picked me up this morning. Roddy met her earlier when she helped us get back into the building. She's been helping me out and providing me much needed comfort all day.”
"She's the one who called to say George's boy was in danger,” Roddy adds. “George was on the phone with her while I was talking to you.”
"Oh?" Liam asks.
"I don't know what I would've done without her today," I say. “She's been like the glue that has held me together, always showing up when I need her. When this is all over, I hope you can meet her."
"I'd like that too, buddy,” Liam says.
Hearing him call me buddy in his familiar voice is music to my ears.
We reach a central area in the building which breaks off into several different directions. We decide to split up further in order to cover the most ground. We're running out of time and we have to find Ethan. Failure is not an option today. I don’t know how we’re going to find him, but we must.
Liam and Roddy each take a turn down different halls and I continue on straight.
"Are you sure you want to go by yourself without a weapon?" I ask my uncle.
"I've got two weapons right here,” Liam says with a smile, holding his fists in the air.
I smile back, then continue on my way.
The alarms which have been initiated along with the lockdown come with flashing red lights that move in a circular motion, casting their hue in the hallway around me. I figure Ethan is scared now if he wasn’t in the beginning. He's a smart kid. He has probably figured out by now that the guy he's with is not actually a nurse. Hopefully, he's also figured out that these alarms are for him and that people are coming to help. I hope he knows I'm coming to help and that I’d give my own life before I’d allow him to be harmed.
I continue down the hall, looking into rooms and closets like on the previous floors. When I reach the end of the hall where I saw Miss Tessa a few minutes ago, I take a turn the same way she did. This time, there’s no Miss Tessa in sight. I follow this hall, continuing to search as I go. When I'm part way down it, Miss Tessa appears again. She's at the end of this hallway, just like the last one. She's motioning for me to come that way and follow her. Miss Tessa is leading me.
"Miss Tessa!" I say. "I'm looking for my son. Do you know anything?"
Before I can even get the words out, she’s gone from sight again. This time, I follow her without looking into every room and closet between here and there. I pick up my pace and jog to the spot where she was standing. Again, I turn the corner into another hall. And again, she appears at the end of it motioning for me to follow her. This time, she leads me through a set of double doors.
I'm beginning to wonder what the hell is going on with her. Why doesn't she stop and tell me what she knows? She seems to be guiding me though, and I don't want to ignore it. I don't have any other guidance, so I might as well follow hers.
When I finally reach the set of double doors, I open them and step into what looks like a self-contained unit complete with its own small waiting area. As I stand at the edge of the waiting area debating what to do next, I suddenly hear the unmistakable sound of a helicopter. This hospital does have a life-flight helicopter which brings in critical patients, but the landing pad is located on the far end of the building from where I am now. This helicopter sounds much closer and seems to be hovering nearby.
I walk over near the windows and look outside. It's completely dark now, but luckily, the illumination from the full moon provides enough light for me to see. I don't find it right away, but sure enough, there's a helicopter out there hovering overhea
d. It’s shining bright spotlights against the side of the hospital building just a little way down from where I'm standing. I can't read anything on the body of the helicopter because of the way the lights are shining back at me, but I hope it's a police copter. We need all the help we can get.
Police helicopters are equipped with loudspeakers so they can broadcast information down below. I decide to stand for a moment and wait to hear what they say. Perhaps their announcement will give me a clue as to where to search. Maybe what they say will let me know whether or not they think Clive and his accomplice are still in the building.
Adrenaline is pumping hard throughout my body and my muscles are primed for action. My senses are on high alert, scanning my environment for clues. I feel strong and ready. I feel like a predator. I'm prepared to do anything necessary to save my boy. I feel an even greater obligation and drive to rescue him than I did the night of the break-in at our house. I didn't think it could be possible, but the fact that Ali is lying unconscious and can't do anything to save our boy makes me even more determined to do it for both of us. I feel connected to Ali right now. I feel like she's compelling me to keep moving and to do what needs to be done. It's as if her spirit is right here beside me instead of in the bed downstairs.
While I'm absorbing that feeling, I also get a sense of my dad being near me. It feels odd. Or maybe I should say, it feels new. I don't think I've ever felt his spirit so close and present before. No sooner do I process that feeling then I feel John Wendell. My grandfather is also right by me. His presence feels so close that I could reach out and touch it. Then the same with Grandma. I suddenly get a sense that a crowd of my ancestors is rallying behind me, right here in this little waiting room. I sense the people who raised Dad and Liam, Grandad and Grandmother Marks. And their son Benny Marks. I even I begin to sense more distant people I've known who have passed on before me, including Cody Hebert from my stint as a drone pilot at Nellis Air Force Base and Idris, the little girl I watched in Afghanistan.
A flash of panic moves through me. If all of these people from the other side are here right now, what does that mean? Are they here to help one or more of us cross over? Is someone going to die today?
John Wendell saw deceased loved ones in his room in the days before his death. And we learned from Gloria at the hospice house how that's a common experience when people are about to die.
Am I going to die today? If I can save Ethan before I go, I’m okay with that. I told whatever God was listening this morning that I would lay down my life for my family in a minute. I begged God to take me instead and to let my wife live.
I look up to the heavens and I make the same offer right here and now for Ethan.
"Dear God,” I say. "I pleaded with you this morning and I'm here to do it again. Please save my wife and my son. They're both in danger and I'm not sure what I can do to help either one of them."
I drop to my knees on the floor in the waiting room and clasp my hands in prayer. Even though I'm not religious, the pose feels right in this moment. I want whatever higher power that exists to know I am humbled before it. I know I can't do this on my own.
"Please, God," I continue. "If you have to take someone, take me. I offer my life to you here and now. I will gladly trade my life for theirs."
Tears stream down my face as fast as the words are coming out.
"If there's anything at all that I can do or anything you want me to do, use me as your instrument. I'm ready and willing to do whatever you ask. I'm ready to turn my life over in service of whatever you need from me. Save my son and my wife. Please, I'm begging you."
The waiting room had been empty, but out of my peripheral vision, I notice a young nurse enter the room. When I open my eyes fully and turn to look at her, she has a remote control pointed at a wall-mounted TV in the corner of the room. She's queuing up local news.
I get back on my feet as I see what's on the television. The nurse turns the volume up and I hear it, too. Everything becomes clear. The helicopter out there isn’t a police helicopter. It's a news helicopter. To my horror, I see what they're filming. It’s Clive. He has Ethan in his arms and he's dangling him out of a fourth story window. A piercing hum begins in my mind as my ears ring. My body tries to absorb the shock and kick itself into action.
I consider my options.
I don't know which room they're in. Searching each one would take some time. I also suspect they have the door barricaded. They won't want to make it easy for someone to come in and interrupt them. I look out the window to see if there's a place for me to stand. There is. There’s a narrow ledge. It's the only way. There's no time to call for help or back up.
I stand up as fast as I can and I spring into action. I grab a chair and begin to hurl it towards the window. It doesn't break. I pick it up again and I bang repeatedly, lifting it high over my head and using my full force to come down on the glass. The glass seems to be losing some strength, but it isn’t breaking yet.
I throw the chair down and scan the room for something else I can use to break the window. There's a metal desk in one corner. I run over to it, then grab it and lift it high over my head. I run top speed towards the window and stop just short of pushing through it. I heave the heavy metal desk with all my might. Finally, the window cracks and the desk meets it and then falls hard to the floor. But it doesn't shatter. I pick the desk up again and step back a few paces, then run and heave again. This time the window breaks and the desk falls to the ground four stories below. Success.
I look down towards the ground before I climb out the window. Fortunately, the desk has fallen into a landscaped area and didn’t endanger anyone below. a crowd is beginning to gather out front now. Maybe they were there before and I didn’t notice, but I think they’re new. They're watching what's taking place with bated breath. I tune them out. I don't have time to worry about them or the cameras.
I look to my left and I see Ethan's little legs dangling out from a window about twenty feet away. It doesn't look like he's sitting on the ledge, but rather that he's being held there. He's kicking and thrashing against his captor. I turn and look back at the television to confirm that it is Clive holding him. It's him alright. My blood boils as I think about what he's doing to my child right now and what might happen if I don't get over there and stop it immediately.
I've always wondered how heroes on the front lines of life and death situations feel. When things turn out well, we praise their courage. But I've always wondered how they feel as it's happening. I once heard someone say that courage is feeling scared but moving forward anyway. In this moment, I'd say that's accurate. I'm terrified. I’m terrified for my boy. I'm terrified for my wife because, if she does survive her injuries, she could lose both of us. I'm not terribly comfortable with heights like this. And I don't have any experience with rock climbing or anything that would prepare me to scale the side of the building and hang with little to nothing to hold onto and a narrow ledge to stand on. But none of that matters, because I'm doing this anyway.
I take a deep breath and I step out onto the ledge. I position myself with my back against the building so I can lean my weight on it. That seems like the best way to keep my balance.
When the news chopper sees me, the pilot shines a bright light right in my face. In a flash, it feels like I'm blinded by the light. I lift one hand in front of my eyes to try and block the light so I can focus and continue on my way. I really shouldn't be taking one hand off the building right now and I immediately resent the news station for impeding my progress.
I close my eyes and center myself. I regain my focus quickly and place my hand back against the wall as I continue my trek across the side of the building. I can feel the breeze whipping by me as I make my way towards my boy. It's fairly cool this evening, but I don't remember it being windy. This must be breeze caused by the blades of the helicopter. That pisses me off, too. I'm still wearing a hooded sweatshirt and the hood is bunched up around the back of my neck. It feels like it m
ight snag against the building and cause me to fall. I consider pulling it up over my head, but then my visibility wouldn't be as good. I decide to leave where it is and to work around it.
The crowd gathering below is beginning to murmur and yell things. I think they're yelling at me. I tune in and try to listen for a moment and I can pick out a few words of encouragement they’re shouting my way. Their support buoys me as I forge onward.
Suddenly, I hear a collective gasp from the crowd. I look over towards Ethan and he's dangling further now. It looks as if he slipped. His legs are turned the opposite direction and I can see his entire torso dangling out of the window. I've still got at least fifteen feet to go and I can't move too fast or I'll fall.
I hear Liam's voice from the direction I came. I glance back and see him leaning out the broken window.
"Find the room!" I yell.
He disappears without taking the time to respond.
I continue onward, focusing on the task in front of me. I shuffle along with my weight against the building, step-by-step. Getting slowly closer.
For the second time, I hear a big, collective gasp from the crowd below. I look over at Ethan and to my great surprise, Clive is climbing out the window while holding Ethan in his arms.
I can't imagine what he's thinking. I don't know what he hopes to accomplish here. Does he think he's going to be able to flee the scene and get away with Ethan? I wonder how he plans to get down from the fourth floor. Police haven’t arrived yet, so maybe there's some chance of him getting away. But they ought to be here any minute. My primary concern is getting Ethan before he's injured. There's no way he'd survive a fall from the fourth floor.
Clive climbs all the way out the window and places his back against the wall in the same position as me. He's holding Ethan out in front of him and he begins working his way the other direction, moving away from me. Ethan is terrified. The lights from the helicopter and being out on the ledge seem to frighten him even more. I see him kick and thrash in Clive's arms, struggling to break free.
