“Well, nice of you to ask.” He puts his hand on Angel’s knee and she covers his hand with hers. “Looks like I’m a dad.”
Spike gives a long, low whistle. “So, you didn’t fuck her?”
“Eww!” Angel pops to her feet. “You’re all fixated on sex.”
“Sex is fun, baby girl,” Spike teases.
“Don’t baby girl me.” Her indignant snort brings a grin to Bash’s face.
“Or what?” Spike shakes his head. “What exactly are you going to do about it?”
Angel’s cheeks turn dark crimson. She spins away with an indignant huff.
“Baby girl is your daughter?” Spike asks. He joins Bash on the couch and adjusts how Bash holds the ice to his face. “Well, fuck me.”
“Looks like,” Bash says.
Forest clears his throat. “Before you do anything…we need to verify…”
Ash takes a seat opposite Bash and looks between Bash and Angel. “Valerie?”
“Yup.”
Ash leans back. “Well, shit, didn’t see that coming.”
“Who’s Valerie?” Bent leans against the bar.
“This for real?” Ash leans forward and props his elbows on his knees.
Bash gives a nod. “Yeah, it’s real.”
“What are you going to do now?” Ash asks.
“Who the fuck is Valerie?” Spike repeats Bent’s question.
Bash looks at the time. “I’m going to be late.”
Ash shakes his head. “This kind of changes things, don’t you think? You can’t get married now.”
But he’s not listening. He’s up and marching for the shower. As he heads into the bedroom, Noodles speaks.
“She’s his ghost,” Spike says. “This Valerie? The one he’s been pining for all these years?”
“Yeah,” Ash replies.
Valerie is much more than a ghost. She’s a sharp pang in the chest, a clenching in his gut, and a past which doesn’t belong in his present. She’s everything he always thought he wanted, until Holly walked in on his life.
38
Holly
“Is he here yet?” Holly smooths the white silk of her dress over her hips, turning in the mirror to check out the low scooped back. Sebastian likes to run his fingers down her back, an intimate gesture he’s barely aware of most times and is precisely why she bought this dress.
Ranger sits near her feet, curious about all the activity in the dressing room, but content to snooze while it all happens around him. A white bowtie adorns his collar. Duke plops down on top of Ranger and tries to get the black bowtie on his collar in his mouth for the hundredth time. He gives up and licks his balls instead. The two of them are practically inseparable, with Ranger tolerating the younger dog better than she thought possible. Unlike Ranger, Duke is beside himself with all the pre-wedding activity, spending more time underfoot than anywhere else.
“Not yet.” Piper answers her question with a high-pitched squeak. “Don’t worry. He’ll be here. Things may have run late with the concert. You know how crazy it gets backstage.”
“I never really understood,” she admits, “but I thought Forest said they made it to the hotel. That was over an hour ago.”
Skye gives a low laugh. “He’s probably lost in the shower, and believe me, you want him to take that shower. I don’t know about the rest of you, but Ash reeks after concerts.” She lifts her flute of apple juice. “Nothing worse than rock star funk!”
Piper giggles and lifts her champagne in salute. Holly grabs her flute and clinks glasses with her friends. This is new, having female friends, but these women welcome her with open arms.
“Guess I’m just nervous.” She sips from her glass. “Was it like this for you? The nerves?”
Piper lets out a deep laugh. “You’re kidding, right?”
Skye nearly spits out her apple juice. “The only thing I remember about my wedding is drinking too much champagne. The actual wedding is kind of foggy. You might want to limit yourself to one glass if you want good memories of tonight.”
There’s no way this evening will end with anything other than the best of memories, but she understands. Tipping her glass, she empties it, then reaches out to Piper who guards the bottle of champagne.
“One more, please. Then I’ll quit.” She shakes out her hands while Piper takes her glass. “I’m so nervous!”
“Last glass!” Piper grabs a refill. “Any more apple juice for the pregnant one?”
“Ugh, I’ve had enough fake champagne. I’m switching to water.”
“Gotcha!” Piper grabs Skye’s glass and heads down the hall in search of water, leaving Skye and Holly alone.
“You look amazing, Holly.” Skye stands and gives Holly a hug. “You’re gorgeous and Bash is lucky to have you.”
“I guess it’s just pre-wedding jitters.”
“He’s head over heels in love with you. I’ve never seen him like this. He’s almost tolerable.”
Holly gives a grin. It’s no secret Skye’s relationship with Sebastian got off to a rocky start. Between her literally taking him down at an airport, to him accusing her of being a money-grubbing whore, they remain reluctant friends.
“Thank you.” Holly returns Skye’s hug, feeling part of a family for the first time in her life.
The door to the dressing room opens. Skye gives a screech when Sebastian pokes his head in.
“Bash! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”
There’s a pause while they both take in his face.
Skye finds her words before Holly. “What the hell happened to your face?” She releases Holly and runs to Sebastian, presses her fingers to a cut over his cheekbone and peers into his eye which is nearly swollen shut. Holly watches everything in slow motion, horrified at the destruction of Sebastian’s face.
He pulls back from Skye with a frown creasing his brow. “I need to talk to Holly.” When Skye doesn’t move, he clears his throat. “Alone.”
That word causes Holly’s stomach to sink like lead. It isn’t something a groom says before the wedding unless accompanied by bad news. Dizziness overcomes her, and the rapid beat of her heart punctuates every sound in the room: Skye’s gasp, Sebastian’s sigh, and Piper’s squeak from behind the door.
Ash’s low voice registers from the other side of the door. “Come.” His voice is insistent and full of undertones which confirm what Holly already knows. Something isn’t right. “Let’s give them a moment.”
Ranger’s head snaps up, sensing her distress. He knocks Duke off him in his rush to get to her side where he nuzzles her hand and whimpers as she struggles to focus on the bloodied face of the man she loves. Her ears ring and a slow moan struggles free itself from her throat. Her hand flies to her neck. That low, agonized moan catches on the lump in her throat, and she makes a strangled sound.
Ash pulls Skye through the doorway and Sebastian squeezes through. Piper peers inside and mouths I love you! before Ash pulls the door shut, sealing her inside with a man who needs to talk on the night of her wedding.
“Hey.” Sebastian tucks his head.
“Hey.” The word falls flat and is wholly inadequate for what’s flying around inside her head. More colorful expletives are ready to burst from her lips, but she remains silent, catatonic.
“It looks worse than it is.” He touches the cut on his cheek.
She backs up to the mirror, heart thudding, pulse racing, as the bottom drops out of her world. He’s going to call it off. The truth stirs between them. Her hands fly from her throat to cover her ears. If she doesn’t hear the rejection, maybe it won’t hurt as bad? But it won’t work. There’s no way to avoid the pain. She allows her arms to hang limply by her sides. Bracing for the worst, she takes in a deep breath…and waits.
He doesn’t move. It’s their wedding night, and instead of drawing her into his arms and proclaiming his love and joy for tonight, he stands by the door running a hand over the top of his head. Silence stretches between th
em. The only sound in the room is Ranger’s soft whimper as he bumps his snout against her leg and licks her fingers, showing her there is at least one creature in this world who loves her without conditions. She reaches out and pats his head, then runs her fingers down his neck, pulling at the hairs as she does her best to remain calm.
“Are you okay?” Sebastian asks.
What kind of question is that? Am I okay? Her brows pinch together.
“Holly?” He closes the distance, arms outstretched to pull her into a hug, but she flinches and he pulls up short. “What’s wrong?”
Her voice is difficult to find, but she manages to whisper. “You tell me?”
His mouth gapes and he reaches down to rub Duke who is on his feet demanding the attention of his master.
“Well?” Now that she’s spoken, words fly out of her mouth. “What is it? What’s the excuse going to be? You know what? I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it.”
She twists at her ring, trying to pull off the entwined lovers’ knots, but the ring sticks on her finger. Her eyes prick with heat, a prelude to tears, but she’ll be damned if she cries. He doesn’t deserve her tears. No matter how hard she pulls or twists, the damn ring refuses to budge.
He reaches out and takes her hands in his. When she yanks out of his grip, he takes hold of her shoulders and gives a light shake.
“Stop.”
Damn if tears aren’t spilling down her cheeks. She sniffs and tries to get the ring free.
“What are you doing?” The deep bass of his voice rolls over her, calming her, but it’s false. He’s going to ruin everything.
“I’m giving you back your damn ring.” She gives an exasperated sigh and stomps her feet. “You know what? I’ll mail it to you.” A slight bend at the knees and she gathers the fabric of her dress in her hand, ready to storm out before any more tears fall.
“Why would you do that?” His brows pinch together with confusion.
Her head snaps up and she meets the unwavering gaze of one eye. “Because you’re calling off the wedding.”
“For the love of God!” He grabs her, wrapping his powerful arms around her waist and pulls her to him, locking her tight within his embrace. “Why the fuck would I do that?”
“You said…” She sniffs. Snot runs out of her nose and mingles with her tears. She makes a mess of his shirt.
“Never said I wanted to call anything off.” His grip tightens and he kisses the top of her head. “Forever and always. You’re my forever and always with all the sunsets and sunrises in between. I love you.” He pulls back and forces her to look into his eye. “I will always love you.”
She doesn’t understand why he’s smiling, not when her heart is bleeding out. “But you said we needed to talk.”
“Yeah, we need to talk, but not because I don’t want to marry you. I can’t wait to marry you, silly. We need to talk because I don’t know if you’ll still want to marry me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Hun, a fucking grenade just went off in my life. It’s huge. Major. And might be a game changer. I need to tell you before you walk down that aisle because you may walk away from me after you hear what I have to say.”
“Why would I walk out on you?”
None of this makes sense, but he seems sincere…and scared. There’s an uncertainty lurking in the one eye she can see. His normally composed exterior is cracking, revealing insecurity. Something big must have happened, but what? He said grenade. But what could be that damaging?
“So, you’re not calling this off?” Her voice shakes. Her entire body sways and she nearly topples. Sebastian catches her and steadies her on her feet.
“Can we talk?”
“What happened to your face?” She should let him speak, but if she holds off by asking about his face maybe she can delay the imminent destruction this grenade is going to do to her life.
“Ash happened.” The corner of his lips quirks up.
“Ash did this?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, shit-head likes to speak with his fists.”
She reaches to touch the swelling of his eye. “This looks really bad. Shouldn’t you have ice on it?”
“I’ll deal with that later. Do you mind if we sit?”
Whatever he’s going to say isn’t something she wants to hear, but there’s nowhere to run. He’s blocking the exit. His friends are most likely in the hall, waiting for the fallout. She takes one last look at his face and braces for the inevitable heartbreak.
39
Bash
Minutes pass while Bash delivers his news.
Holly is silent, but he knows exactly what she’s thinking. It’s evident in the way she pets her dog. She pulls at Ranger’s hair when Bash mentions a daughter. The twisting grip tightens when he explains Valerie and what she meant to him. The soothing strokes along Ranger’s back deepen when he describes how Valerie kept the birth of his daughter a secret. Tears fall from her cheeks and land on Ranger’s head with each punishing word.
She bends down, placing her forehead on the ridge over Ranger’s eyes when Bash reveals his shock, anger, and then joy. Her silence speaks volumes even if she says nothing. Ranger crawls into her lap, nudging her chin with his snout. A gut-wrenching sob escapes her as she wraps her arms around him and holds Ranger tight to her chest.
Bash tries to hold her hand. She yanks it away. He tries to pull her into a hug, but she twists around. Ranger gives a low growl, warning Bash to stay away. He falls back on his ass, hitting the floor hard with a thud. Knees bent, he braces himself with his arms and stares at the woman he loves as she falls apart.
Holly rocks Ranger and buries her face against his neck. Duke looks between Holly, Ranger, and Bash, uncertain what to do, where his loyalties lie, and who needs him most. He settles for leaning beside Bash, but stretches out his nose to prop his chin on Holly’s foot. Unlike Bash, she doesn’t pull away from Duke.
“Holly, please,” he begs, “say something.” They’re supposed to be walking down the aisle right now, newly married and facing the world together. He’s not sure what’s happening, or where they stand. Will she leave him like he fears?
Holly gives a sniff and wipes her nose. Bleary red eyes blink slowly and more tears roll down her cheeks. “You really didn’t know?”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t have to change anything.”
Her head tilts to the side and she begins a long slow assessment, beginning at his toes and ending at the top of his head. “You can’t marry me, not when…”
“Please don’t say that. This doesn’t change how I feel. I want our forever.” He needs it. “Please, don’t give that up.”
“A forever haunted by the ghost of your first love?” She gives an empty laugh. “That’s not possible.”
“It is.” He wants to leap to his feet and shake sense into Holly. “It changes nothing.”
“You found out you have a daughter with the love of your life. Come on, Sebastian,” she gives an emphatic sigh. “This, changes everything. Don’t you see? You have a family now.”
“I have a daughter.”
“Who you know nothing about. But that’s not what’s changed. You said Valerie left you.”
“Yes.”
“You never left her. You’ve been pining for her your entire life and now she’s back.”
“Women pine. Rock stars get over shit.”
She arches a brow. “Bash bangs redheads. That’s what the groupies say, you know. You weren’t getting over shit. You were obsessing.”
“Holly…” He hates it because it’s true.
“It’s my turn to talk. You want me to say something, well I listened to you. It’s your turn to listen to me.”
He wraps an arm around Duke and gives his puppy a hug. Duke perks up and twists around to lick his hand. “You’re right. I’m listening.” He doesn’t want to, not when all he can think about is holding her in his arms and easing her pain with his touch, his lips…his soul.
“You have a type,” she begins.
“Everyone has a type,” he says with a grump.
“But you’re obsessed. I thought I was different, that what we had went beyond your obsession, but when it comes down to it, how different am I really? I’m just another cheap copy of Valerie.”
“Not a copy. Goddammit woman, you’re worlds different from Valerie. Don’t you get it? Everything about you is different.”
“I thought so, or wanted to believe it.” She takes in a deep breath, steeling herself. “Maybe I am, but maybe I’m not. I’m not denying what we shared was the most epic thing in history. I’ll always cherish that.”
No. No. No! She’s using the past tense. This isn’t done. Not by a long shot, but before he can respond, she’s speaking again.
“You can’t deny what you had with Valerie or the feelings you’ve carried around for her your entire life. She left her mark on you and you’ve been trying to replace her. You may not accept it, but there’s a reason for your redhead obsession.”
“But you’re different. I love you.”
“Maybe I’m just another obsession.” She shrugs. “We can’t get married until you know.”
“I. Want. To. Marry. You.” He enunciates each word, determined she hears the truth. “I know.”
“But I don’t. I can’t marry you.” She holds up a hand when he flinches. That cut deep. “At least not until you know.”
This was always a possibility. He knew it while taking a shower, felt it while driving to the chapel, and feared it while walking to the door. All he wants is to watch Holly walk down the aisle, exchange vows, and walk into forever with her as his wife; Holly not Valerie.
“I know what I want,” he says. “Who I want.” He forces her to look at him and hopefully to feel the truth.
“I wish I believed. I really wish I did, but you need to do this; if not for you, then for me. Talk to Valerie, find out what happened, and if things change…” She’s crying. “If things change…that’s okay.” She tugs at her ring finger and slips off the engagement ring. “I will always love you. Sometimes that means walking away.”
Hearts Divided Page 25
